Authors Note- So, I'm actually kind of proud of this chapter. I really put a lot into it, I hope you all like it. Let me know what you think. I'll try and update soon! Love you, Di.
Chapter 5: Lay Me Down
"I hate you."
"You say that far too often to really mean it Maxie Jones."
"I have to, you're too dumb to get a clue the first time." Came the drunk's snappy reply. Even in her intoxicated state, Maxie was a firecracker. Through and through. She pushed herself off the ground, clutching the edge of the cement wall dangerously. She paused her stumbling to glare viciously at Logan. Yes, Maxie was still quick witted when she was drunk. The only real difference was that she became more biting and mean. If that was at all possible. The claws, so to speak, came out.
"I'm the dumb one? Who's sitting on a roof in a snow storm just begging to catch her death?" He questioned, purposefully using the 'D' word. Death was Maxie's comfort. Knowing that it was waiting for her in the end seamed to ease her mind in a sick kind of way. Logan had slowly put some of the pieces together and he was learning more and more about the new Maxie. Because the truth was, he barley knew how to deal with Maxie before Georgie's death. The girl she was slowly becoming was only filled with more layers of confusion. The brave soldier began advancing towards her. She was close to the edge of the building and that scared him, subconsciously of course.
"Oh, I'm sooo scared." She replied sarcastically. And, then, before he could stop her, she climbed the thin ledge and virtually placed herself in limbo. One step to the right and she was gone. Gone for good. A step to the left? She'd be in Logan's arms, a place that had been feeling more and more lonely with Lulu occupying them.
"Maxie. Get the hell down!" He yelled with more worry lacing his words that he would have liked. The blonde began to take tiny steps with her arms out like she was walking the wire at the circus. Logan found himself caught in one of those situations that stopped you in your tracks. He couldn't think, not with his brain anyway. That left his heart to do the dirty work.
"Do you think god is like, laughing down on us? I do. I mean, he must think it's just the funniest thing, the funniest thing ever. Me up here and you trying to get me down. Are you sure you don't want to push me Logan?" She smiled brokenly.
"And, get sent to jail to become someone's bitch? No thanks. Get down, seriously." He commanded walking towards her.
"You step forward again, I'll step back. Whoops." She muttered at the end as she slipped a bit. She caught herself enough to regain balance. But, the initial scared had made Logan's heart expand and contract at rates that were, in his opinion, unhealthy.
"Quit messing around Maxie!" He warned sneaking a step forward.
"If I just..." She mused putting one foot over the edge.
"Jesus! Just, stop!" He yelled not knowing how to handle the situation. The snow continued to fall around them, though it had become lighter. With her right foot dangling over the building, it was as if time had stopped. Logan couldn't help but think that if Maxie did just 'let' herself drop off and die, it would be fitting for him to watch. He had seen her at her worst. Seen her all but crumble into a thousand pieces. The night of Georgie's death he could have sworn she's hit her rock bottom. But, now? Now he saw the floor giving out again.
"I wish you really cared." Came her emotional reply after what seamed like and eternity. She had fully turned her back to him now but, she looked over her shoulder to show him those eyes. He had stopped breathing at this point. So, much so that he briefly wondered if he would die before her. An odd sense of comfort followed that thought.
"I care." He managed in a strangled voice. And, he did. More than he had realized until that very moment. He didn't want to live in a world with out Maxie Jones. With out crazy schemes and blunt truths. With out her small warm hands and endless eyes. With out her transplanted heart, bigger than anyone could imagine.
"You don't care..." She sang eerily. In the back of his mind Logan could hear violins and harps setting the tone to the emotion filled occurrence. Maxie made him hear violins. He didn't even like violins but, if she were gone he would miss hearing them.
"Don't tell me how I feel." He whispered. At this point he was close enough to reach out and touch the blonde. Her soft hair was wet by now, and she was still looking at him from over her shoulder. Watching, as if she were detecting a lie.
"How do you feel?" She asked. And, for some reason, Logan felt as if this just may be the most important answer he'd ever have to give. It could and most likely would, change everything"Cold." He finally answered. It was one word. It wasn't even all that clear of an answer. But, it was how he felt. Inside.
"Me too." She nodded as tears finally began to fall from those eyes. Those eyes. Logan held out a hand and she hesitantly took it. If they had been in a romantic chick flick, he would have gently eased her into his arms and cradled her body against him as she wept. But, they weren't. He was Logan and she was Maxie. He wrapped her hand in his own tightly and pulled her down to him fast and hard. Her body slammed against his painfully and she let out a yelp of pain before shoving him away.
"Damn it." He let out trying not to cry with relief. This was real. She there, safe, not falling dozens of feet from a building. She was alive. He could breath. And, before he knew what he was doing, his hand made it's way to her face. It shook as his fingers flutters over her nose, lips, and eyes. He continued to breath in quick tear ridden intervals.
"Damn it." He repeated cupping her cheek and drawing her closer. She didn't fight him. He brought her chattering lips to his own. They kissed. It was then, while kissing Maxie, that Logan realized he truly started to breath. Tongues mingled and lips slid together perfectly. The two misguided young adults were weighed down with imperfections. Especially when it came to one another. But, when they were kissing, they were perfect. The kind of perfect that makes you push someone away the first time you feel it. But, not this time. This time they clung to every inch of each other. It was as if they were yet again, on the edge of the building. And, with his hand caught in her hair, Logan knew that he would follow Maxie off the edge. No question.
"Oh." Maxie gasped as they parted, still tangled in the others limbs. She made no move to back away. Slowly, she rested her head against his chin and tightened her grasp on his arms. Before she could say another thing Logan swooped back in and lifted her mouth to his. He captured her lips possessively. He needed to feel her breath, he needed every part of him to know she was alive. And, as long as he held her in his arms, she wasn't going anywhere. They stayed like that, kissing, breathing one another in, for a long time. And, suddenly a sharp bite to Maxie's lower lip startled her from the moment and caused her to shove Logan away. Their kisses ended with a shove far too often for either of their likings.
"You bit me!" She exclaimed bringing a hand to her lips. It was bleeding a bit, not enough to cause worry. But, enough to show up in the dim light. Another reassurance to Logan that she was alive.
"You don't care." He said latching onto her hand. His placement was deliberate. His fingers moved along her wrist, hovering over her pulse point. He felt it beat steadily, and his own heart began to thump in synch with it.
"I want you." She admitted stepping close to him. His heart soared with her admission and his grin showed as much.
"I know." Came his cocky reply. And, that right there took Maxie back. Back to when she first met him and thought she'd never known anyone so full of himself. Back to when he was chasing after Lulu...
"Your blonde." She flatly uttered. It was a fact that she was all too familiar with. Maxie was the girl that guys wanted to have sex with. Get a little rough, maybe even kinky with. The girl that would do the things their girlfriends wouldn't do. The girl who might even be turned on by blood. She touched her lip gingerly and shook her head. She wouldn't be that girl with Logan, she felt too much for him. Although she hated to admit it, he got to her in a way no other guy was capable of.
"I'm... what?" He asked getting confused. There the two of them were, in this moment. This perfectly horrible moment that just screamed Logan and Maxie. But, of course she ruined it. One of them always had to ruin it.
"Lulu." Was her only reply. With that, everything came crashing down around them. Logan was a lot of things. But, a serial cheater was not one of them. He'd never even considered himself a cheater at all, until Maxie. Maybe the first part of that thought had a lot more to do with the second then he would like to admit. Never the less, he didn't want to hurt Lulu like that twice.
"Damn it." He sighed bringing her hand to his heart, unaware of what he was doing. She felt the organ beat hard and fast. He felt the memory hit him. Hard. And, fast.
Less than an hour ago he had been involved in a battle of words. "Please." Whined the current blonde in front of Logan Hayes. It had been far to long of a day for the restless bodyguard to argue with his girlfriend.
"Honestly Lulu, I can't do this with you right now." He signed in frustration. Quirking her eyebrow, the youngest Spencer reformed from pleading to demanding.
"What is that supposed to mean? You can't go to Kelly's for one stupid meal with me?" She questioned.
"No! I'm tired, I've worked all day with two of the biggest brats in Port Charles, and I want to go to sleep!" He informed her truthfully.
"Your apartment is in Kelly's, it's not exactly an effort to sit down for a quick bite." She argued. And, she was right. Logan should be able to spare a few minutes to eat dinner with Lulu. But, he was just SO tired. More than that, he was tired of the fighting. The pair would inevitably end up in some kind of scuffle during dinner and he just wasn't in the mood. Then again, it's not like he was avoiding one now.
"I just spent 2 hours with you here and I really just want to hit the sack. Look, I'm sorry Lulu but, I'm not good company right now." He said softening his words. Maybe if he was really nice and pretended to be sorry she would just let him leave.
"So, you can't sit with me while my father is in the hospital with out complaining. But, you can spend time listening to Maxie cry and you're perfectly content." She shot out shocking him a little. Yes, Logan had spent a little time with Maxie lately. But, he really didn't think it was enough time to attract any attention. Had people known of the intimate talks they had, then maybe it would be a bit of a surprise. But, people didn't know. Those talks and those moments were just for them.
"For god sakes Lulu, she lost her sister. Excuse me for trying to be a decent human being. This isn't about Maxie anyway. And, I've tried with you, I really have. But, you only want me there when Johnny's not around. I just can't be that guy." He snapped back, finally having enough. He was walking out of the hospital with in the next minute and that was that.
"You know that's not true. Johnny and I just understand each other. That's all." She replied stonily.
"Yeah? Well, maybe Maxie and I understand each other too. You ever think of that?" He threw back before even thinking. Angering him even further, Lulu laughed. She actually had the nerve to laugh.
"Riiight. The only person Maxie understands is herself." Lulu said. Logan shook his head thinking how wrong his girlfriend, by label only, was about his...whatever Maxie was to him. And, as if her ears had been burning, the blonde in question stepped into the waiting area and parted from Robin, clanking on the floor with her expensive high heals. Her hair was messy in that super model sort of way. The light sweater adorning her body clung in a classy but, sexy manor. Her hand of course was freshly bandaged after her stitches had been checked. She was so completely flawed. And yet, Logan wouldn't have her any other way.
"Lulu, your father wants to see you." Bobbie interrupted their talk. Well, Lulu was talking anyway. Logan was enthralled by Maxie, who was now hurrying down a mysterious hallway. Though her check up was over, she was not moving towards the exit. Curiosity rose in Logan's gut.
"Guess you win this one." Lulu muttered before taking off with out another word. Bobbie sent him a sympathetic look before making her way behind the nurses desk and filing some papers. Not even checking to see if Lulu was gone, the exhausted mob employee took off in the direction of the girl he just couldn't seam to forget. Then again, who could ever forget Maxie Jones.
"Not me." He muttered to himself as he rushed through the hallway. He noticed a nurse standing outside one of the doors and figured it was better to ask a quick question then search aimlessly. Though his whole body was aware of the blondes presence in the building and a part of him thought he'd be able to locate her just on instinct.
"The blonde that walked by a second ago, did you see where she went?" Logan questioned the attractive brunette nurse. Not bothering to look her up and down like he normally would, he waited impatiently for the answer. His favorite blonde hurricane was headed to do something completely, and utterly reckless.
"She took off up those stairs. Is there anything I can do?" The nurse questioned eyeing him like a piece if meat. Again, Logan didn't bother to react normally as she eyed his hard muscles appreciatively.
"Sorry, I don't have time to find out." Came his eyebrow raising reply. Even in a crisis, that Hayes humor was in full swing. Leaping up the stairs, two or three at once, Logan reached the door to the roof in record time. With out pausing to open the heavy barrier, the Texas native took a dive right into hell. Maxie Jone's personal hell. Just the shadow of her perfectly proportioned figure gave him the incentive to try and pull her out of the figurative flames. And, as he found himself closer and closer he realized that this, this thing he was feeling towards Maxie, must have been the cause for that treacherous snow. Because Logan felt worry, sympathy, understanding and most of all... he felt need. Something that he'd vowed not to feel for a woman other than his mother a long, long time ago. But, he needed Maxie. He'd take her anyway he could. Broken, battered, and bitchy. He just needed her. So, as the snow fell steadily and the slick ice shone in the city lights, as Logan admitted that he truly needed Maxie Jones, hell froze over.
"Stop saying that." She whispered breaking through his thoughts. What she really wanted to say was 'Stop doing that'. She wanted him to stop making her all jumpy inside. To stop flooring her completely and making her think that there could be more there. More than what they'd even ventured to find.
"It's your fault." He accused, pinning her with his foggy eyes.
"You have to leave now?" She questioned, ignoring his previous statement.
"I can't ..." He trailed off. He wasn't sure if he was going to say 'I can't do this'. Or, if he was going to say 'I can't leave'. Both were equally true. Well, maybe the first one was a little less true. He was still an all around flawed guy.
"If I promise not to kiss you again, will you stay?" She asked, looking vulnerable and raw. There was no way, in that hell they were located in, that he would leave her after that. He knew what it took for Maxie to ask something like that. Let alone to ask him that.
"It's not you I'm worried about." He admitted, smiling a bit. She returned the smile and pulled away. Putting a foot or so between them. He felt cold again. So, so cold. Before he could protest, Maxie dropped to the snow covered ground with a delighted smile.
"What are you doing?" He asked, almost afraid of the answer. He was no idiot. He knew this woman was crazy. And, god help he loved her for it.
"Making a snow angel. Duh." She responded laying back and going through the motions. Shaking his head in wonder, Logan squatted next to her. Hating himself for following her yet again, hating himself for caring.
"Lay down! You know, Georgie and I would make snow angels after the first snow fall every single year. Even this year. She'd sit by the window, waiting for there to be enough snow. Of course I would be way to impatient and rush right out there." She laughed sadly at the memory. He didn't respond, he didn't know how to. It was just as well, she need someone to just listen.
"When we were finished, we'd sit there and look at them. Take picture, the whole bit. My angles was always a big glob. Like, when I'd get up, I would just wreck it completely. But, Georgie. Georgie's would always be perfect. Not, even a single shoe print. I just, don't know how she did it." Maxie finished quietly. Logan turned his head and looked at her with understanding. She smiled through her tears and continued to look up at the dark sky.
"When we get up Logan," She turned to him, letting him know she was aware of his presence. "I'm afraid to look at them. They'll both be ruined." She told him sound more scared of snow angels then anyone would imagine possible. With that, they lay there for a while. Just thinking, feeling. Logan slowly got up.
"Wait." He commanded Maxie when she looked as if she were ready to follow. Careful to avoid stepping too close to her imprints, Logan positioned himself next to Maxie.
"Grab my neck." He told her. She followed orders and clung to him in a way that made both of them feel more alive. Again, making sure to be careful, Logan's arms found their way under Maxie's legs and he lifted her off of the ground. Cradling her body to his own, he took a few steps until they were in front of the angels. Her head was buried in his shoulder.
"It's okay, you can look." He promised. With just the security of his words, Maxie gazed at their imprints. The bigger of the two was mushed and messy. Next to it, was a perfect, flawless snow angle. Not even a shoe print. Not knowing how to react or what to say Maxie began to sob. Full, thick tears fell down her face and she dug her face into Logan's neck. Feeling his pulse against her lips, tasting him. For the first time since Georgie's death, Maxie Jones felt like maybe, just maybe she would make it. Gripping the crying girl in his arms, Logan headed back inside. All through the hospital, all the way to Bobbie where he left Maxie, he carried her. He didn't let go.
Authors Note- There you go! Comment please!