Ch 9: Strange memories can hurt
Nicky passes the age of seven with few hiccups, at least physically. There is just one thing. This is the age when Nicholas Wolfwood first killed a man. For this new child, who is the product of a loving family, this memory is disturbing. It's very hard to mesh the hard unforgiving memories of hatred, loneliness and determined violence with his current situation. And suddenly Nicky has memories of shooting a man. But he knows, he just knows that it wasn't merely a nightmare. What should he do? Nicky gets up and washes his face and gets dressed like usual.
But when he gets to the kitchen where Milly is preparing breakfast it all falls down. She's smiling and humming as she cracks eggs. When she looks up and notices him, tears are streaming from his eyes, and he runs over to hug her leg, still not quite tall enough to properly reach her waist.
"What's wrong little Nicky? Bad dream?" He sniffles. "No, bad memories."
She crouches down to get a better look at him, rubbing his back gently. "Memories? That's a very unusual. Not a bad dream?"
"... maybe" Nicky suddenly knows that telling Milly would be worse than not telling her. This isn't the same as other people's dreams. This is one of those things that have to wait. He is very resentful of this other self he has, that tells him things that he shouldn't know, and it's not fair, because he's just a kid. But this other self that thinks of Milly in a very different way doesn't leave. He sniffles and changes the subject.
"Auntie Milly."
"Yes Nicky?"
"Can I call you just Milly?"
Milly searches Nicky's face in surprise, wondering where that came from. "You don't want me to be your Auntie Milly anymore?"
"It's not that." Nicky draws in a breath, holds it and then blows it out tensely. Milly reaches out and rubs his shoulder. Nicky looks at her seriously. "Can you promise to always hug me, no matter .. no matter what?"
Milly pushes Nicky's hair back from his face scans Nicky's anxious expression with concern. "Of course. You know that."
"What's happened to make you ask this, sweetie?"
But Nicky just shakes his head, so Milly holds Nicky in a close embrace until he's quiet and calm, comforting this child who is so wistful and quiet sometimes. She kisses his forehead and he smiles at her.
"That's my little angel. You know I love you to pieces right?"
Nicky's 'yeah' is muffled against her.
"You ok to run along until breakfast's ready? She smiles as he runs off out of the kitchen.
Vash listens to the scene in silence from the verandah, where he's been sitting the whole time. He sits, leaning on the wall and thinking. When Nicky comes trotting out he looks over at him. Nicky hesitates momentarily before coming to sit beside Vash.
Something about his posture let's Vash know that Nicky's memories of Wolfwood are still strong in him.
"You're that old already huh?"
Nicky nods. Neither needs to say what memory brought this on.
"I'm surprised."
"Why am I so surprising? You know that I share three lifetimes." And he adds quietly, almost to himself "..including the sorrows of three lifetimes."
"I had hoped it wouldn't be this way. I'm surprised that you don't blame me for any of this."
Nicky glances up at him. "I do, but I don't want to waste any time being angry at my family. So I try to let it go."
"Thanks. It means a lot to me."
"Yeah."
"Are there going to be any more like this?"
"I don't know. Wolfwood didn't have much of childhood."
"I think that's the worst for some time to come though."
TBC.