And just like I seem to be doing recently…here's the Extra Scene that so many people wanted me to write (and that I had in my head to make me happy)

First written on an LJ post/journal (err, like everything else I seem to be writing now-a-days), so it isn't beta'd yet, but I'm doing that now. (though if anyone sees something glaringly bad, feel free to tell me via review. I'd appreciate it XD)

Song Inspiration: Break Myself by Something Corporate (hence the chapter name)

Other than that? ENJOY! (And thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! *hugs everyone* I really appreciate it!)

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"Brother," Komui looked up from the stacks of paper littering his desk, to a familiar sight--Lenalee standing there, as she had so many times before, tray in her hands with his favorite mug placed dead-center, filled with piping hot coffee, as always. Except she wasn't smiling--her smile had gone wane these past few weeks, and really, he couldn't blame her.

Because she noticed.

"Yes?" He pushed back from his desk and stood as always, giving her the needed cue to say she could come closer. This time, though, she didn't. She stood resolutely by the door, eyes flaring with some emotion he didn't want to put a name to, "What's...wrong?"

"You know what's wrong." She stepped in enough so that she could kick the door shut with her foot, and instead of walking to the desk, she set the tray down on the small side table by the couch.

"What....?" But he could pretend, couldn't he? Just to see how much she knew. He didn't want to say too much, after all, not to his precious Lenalee. He didn't know--

"Lavi," she murmured, eyes downcast, "and Kanda-kun," Eyes snapped up, "What happened?"

He swallowed, of course, "Well, they just got back from a Mission."

"That was three weeks ago, brother," she took two steps forward, heels clicking against the tiled flooring, "Two weeks--and--and Lavi's still not out of the infirmary, Bookman goes to see him every day--every day! And usually I can drag Kanda there once, but--" she exhaled and breathed in again, in attempts to calm herself, but she didn't continue.

And her eyes--they held a threat.

"But?"

"Can you guess how Lavi reacted to his name?" Steel cold. It made him flinch for the first time. His Lenalee--his dear little sister was definitely growing up. But not in the way he wanted, "You already know, don't you?"

He jolted and quickly shifted his glasses, the motion was left with a watery laugh, "I--"

"What did Kanda do?"

Unlike everyone else, she didn't blame Lavi first. She didn't. But--but--

"I...Lenalee," he maneuvered around the desk, towards her, extending his arms, but she backed away.

Like a needle to the chest. Sharp, acute, pain--he dropped his arms to his side, "Lenalee," he repeated, bowing his head, "I'm....sorry but, I don't think..."

"I should know?" She sounded horrified, hurt, disgusted, "Why brother? Why?"

The smile he gave wasn't one he was entirely too proud of, "It's not something you can fix, Lenalee."

And he couldn't necessarily blame her for running--for the door that slammed--that muffled an already choked sob--

But he could do nothing, except walk to the stand, to the coffee, and pick it up.

Though he knew he wouldn't drink it.

Kanda was fed up. Fed up with the hushed rumors, and scathing looks shot at him from across the room, of harsh footsteps and crying Lenalee's--asking him, in a fit of tears, and sobs, What happened. He hated that he choked. He hated that she would probably run to Allen next, maybe. Get him involved, when stupid Moyashi's didn't need to be. He didn't need another round of scathing looks because no matter--no matter how naive the man acted, he would know. He would see it.

And Kanda hated it.

He just--he just wanted--what did he want?

His chest to stop hurting, for one. It hadn't hurt this much since thosememorieshewouldn'tbringupagain, and this...this was just--another thing. Another thing he didn't want.

Kanda Yuu was fed up.

But he didn't know if he could fix this.

Because he--he...had...screwed up. He could still see Lavi, and the river, wet--soaking wet, and lone green eye, distant but still focused--and it hurt that he wanted to know who it was that the man had remembered that time. Even if he didn't have the right; even if in the long run he knew he would never know.

It was almost laughable, really, except he wasn't laughing. This was no time for laughing, as he made his way down a slightly-more-familiar hallway, to the Medical Wing.

He knew he was pushing his luck, too, that the Matron would even let him see Lavi. Because she had figured it out, as well, just like Allen inevitably would.

What he had done.

It made his stomach roll, and his steps come in halting intervals.

But he needed to fix this.

He needed to resolve this. To make it--to attach the pieces a little firmer.

He--because--he was sorry. But he doubted the man had heard him the first time. And that hurt a little more than it should. Just as the man flinched away from his touch, but then Kanda hadn't been one for physical contact before, so that--

He grit his teeth and quickened his pace. He was getting closer to the Medic wing--to the room Lavi was being kept in and--immediately his feet slowed, as another fit of--no he was not...not...was it stupid? Did he really think...?

He got his unasked questions answer when the Matron stormed out of the very room he had been wanting to enter, face a perfect mask of acute panic. Her eyes fell on him immediately, and before he could turn around and pretend that he hadn't been going to visit Lavi--she had already grabbed him in a grip much stronger than she should have.

"You," she hissed but there was more worry in it than scathing reprimand, "Have you--have you seen Lavi?" He blinked, wait, what?

But before he could answer, a nurse came out of one of the rooms down the hall, "He isn't there either, Matron." Her eyes fell on him and she didn't stifle the gasp.

Of course. What had he been expecting?

"Wonderful." The Matron groaned out, loosening her grip on his wrist for just a moment, "I can't believe he--he can't even walk that well!" She shot him a look, "Well?"

"Che, like he'd--" he paused no he didn't want to say that, "no, I didn't see...him."

"That doesn't help." She responded flatly, before turning to the nurse and whispering something in a hushed voice. Immediately the nurse dashed past him, down the hall as if Lavi really could have gone that way. As if they thought he was lying. It made him sick that he couldn't entirely blame them, either.

"What are you doing here anyway?" The Matron asked a moment later, curious but cold, "You didn't want to...see him, did you?"

Kanda would not freeze up at that, "Che, and if I did?" He waited for the 'No' or 'As if I'd let you'--the normal response she would have given him.

Except this time she didn't give him.

She just sighed, and shook her head, giving him a look over her shoulder that meant so much--as if she knew so much--"You're really sorry?" Her voice was quiet.

He felt like choking. Almost. But he gave a nod anyway.

"Then will you help us find him?" He couldn't stop his eyes from widening at that, "Well--you were his friend, weren't you? It makes sense that you would know where he might be hiding." She gave him a once over, before sighing again, "And...if you so happen to find him...before we do...then you may...speak with him. If he lets you."

...Of course.

He didn't reply, simply walked by her. She was expecting too much, really, what made her think he knew where the redhead hid? As far as he knew, he had never shown any noncompliance (except the occasional sneaking out with the Moyashi to the cafeteria) before, so whatever made him sneak out this time, it had to be for a very good reason. Maybe. Possibly.

It did something annoying to his chest, though, something that he had been feeling more and more lately, especially whenever he caught a glimpse of the redhead. So when his feet carried him, with more purpose, to one of the many doors leading outside the new Order, he allowed them. He allowed them to lead him to that place he had only been once--with the redhead--

To that place he was thinking of before, the place that--

He ignored the slight chill in the air, and the fact that it had just rained, and the leaves (on the branches he had to constantly move or duck under) were wet, and dripping.

He ignored it, and continued walking, walking, missing a tree root, noticing how the sun was still shining, though through the clouds, and the world took a slight misty quality to it, like some dream he didn't have. Didn't want to have. But that didn't matter, it didn't--he continue to walk forward, until the trees began to thin, to a small clearing.

There.

And there. He was.

Standing with his back facing him, one hand against the tree trunk of that one large tree. It almost reminded him of that other time, when the sun was shining for once--except not.

Because the sun wasn't shining now.

...Kanda wondered when he started missing the sunshine.

He shook that thought violently away, as with all the rest, taking a single step forward, then another, closing the distance--but he didn't get too far, before the man noticed.

Noticed, and turned his head.

He wished he could see the smile again. No matter how over-exaggerated it had seemed before. It was better than the pitiful excuse for turned up lips--the pitifully wide grin that seemed ready to break at any moment.

His feet weren't stopping, though. He was still closing the distance. Closing it until he stood in front of the man, and the smile wavered.

"Hiya Kanda!" His voice cracked, slightly, as well, "What're you doing out here?"

"Looking for you."

The man blinked, looking slightly shocked, and maybe it hurt just a little when the man pressed his back a little firmly against the tree. Like he was afraid.

"Neh, really? Why?"

Because the Matron is looking for you.

Because you snuck out when you shouldn't have

Because I--

Because I want--

to talk...to you...

"Che, the Matron."

"Ah," He shifted, nervously, "Really ? I coulda sworn I told her I was goin' for a walk."

"Apparently not." The man wasn't even looking him in the eye. It was frustrating. It made him care, just a little more. It made him worry just a little more.

"B-But I'm sure--"

"Che--apparently not."

The man flinched.

"Neh...I-I guess...I should go back, then, r-right?" He hated the stutter, too. So unbelievable. So hurt. So--so--

"You should." He agreed, but didn't budge. He knew Lavi wouldn't move if he didn't. He knew the man didn't want to touch him either, and that--that hurt maybe more than anything else.

"Um, but, you're...kinda...blockin' the way, Kanda." His eyes narrowed at the use of his surname, something Lavi seemed to be using a lot of, lately, "I--can't exactly go in if ya, y'know, don't...let me?" it was so feeble of an excuse. They both knew. They both--so it made perfect sense that he would force the man farther back into the tree, effectively pinning him there and--

Dammit...the man was shaking now.

"K-Kanda...?"

"Don't call me that." The man's mouth snapped shut, "Che, you don't think anything of it, do you?" One green eye, impossibly wide, looking at him, "You...don't...I-" He sighed, why were the words so hard to form? He had the man right there. He could finally talk to him after nearly a month of avoiding.

He had to set this right.

So he opened his eyes once more and looked deep--deep into that lone eye and let the words fall, "I wanted to talk to you."

The man remained silent, but the quaking--goddammit the man was that afraid of him? Was he--really? His hand clenched into a fist and he dropped it to his side, backing away from the redhead, giving him ample room to breathe...

To not look at him, if he didn't want to.

He ignored how much it hurt, and continued speaking, "I'm--" except, of course, he had to choke up again. Now, with the man fully conscious, full at attention--he couldn't apologize. Suddenly it seemed so stupid...so incredibly idiotic--how could the man--forgive him? How?

"You're?" he snapped to attention when that one eye focused on him again, almost sympathetic--like the man understood. But if he really understood, then why the hell was he here--what the hell had this past month meant?

"Che, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Like the man didn't know!

Their eyes met and caught--for seconds, breathless seconds--shit, of course he did. But he--he wasn't expecting...if he knew then--then why...?

Lavi let out a sigh, shaky and just as nervous as his body was, "Do...Do you...mean it?"

"Yes." It was all he could force out.

Too Cold. His mind told him, and his heart squeezed uncomfortably in his chest. But before he could open his mouth to add onto that statement, Lavi cut him off, resting his head against the tree and laughing--except, it was dry, and coarse and--

"You really suck at this, Yuu-chan."

He never thought he'd be glad to hear that nickname again. Or that smile --twisted as it was because of the laughter--stretched across his lips.

Their eyes met again.

"You really, really suck at that, y'know?" The laughter had died down somewhat, and though the man was still shaking, pressing his palms flat against the wet bark, and scraping it just to give them something to do, he continued on, "or maybe I do, I dunno. Maybe I'm an idiot too. Y'never know with something like this."

Kanda didn't want to guess at what the man was getting at. His heart was beating much too fast for his liking, and his stomach--well, he didn't want to think about that right now.

But he seemed to already know. Despite everything, and that smile was back in full force, with the next words that slipped out, "Cuz I forgive you."

Kanda stared. What?

"Fucking insane, idn't it?" The man brought one hand up to cover his uncovered eye, "Yeah--isn't it? This wouldn't be the first time either, y'know. Y'know, right?" He looked at him through his hand, and let out another choked laugh, "I forgave you right when you--you did that--that...when you...but I know I shouldn't cuz it rem--"

Suddenly Kanda wanted the man to stop talking.

Because he saw those tears. Big, and sad, and truthful in more ways that words could ever be.

He ignored the tear that slid down the covered eye as well, and reached out, dragging the man's hand down, to touch those tears. This might be the first time he ever saw the man cry. Maybe. Or at least--it was the first time he cared enough.

...He had forgiven him.

He had forgiven him.

"Jiji tried to keep me away from y-you," His hands were shaking so badly in his own, even worse than without the touch, "Cuz he knew th-this would happen, y'know? I-I can't...stop my heart f-from...feeling this. An' I know it's wrong! I know it is!" Kanda wasn't sure if the man wanted to push him away, or pull him closer, but he let the nails dig into his palm. It was so small in comparison, and it wasn't like they would be there in the morning.

Even if he (maybe) wanted them to be.

"And the others t-too--they know this kind of thing is b-bad, but--but--it's not to me. It's...better th-than..." he choked again, on the words, and pushed full away now, tears streaming down his cheeks, eye puffy red, but squeezed shut a moment later, "I jus' don't get it, do I? I jus--I jus don't."

Then--despite the tears--despite the shaking--despite how cold it was outside, and how imperfect the situation was--

The man smiled, and whispered into the clearing--to the sky that was still cloudy and rainy, and generally unpleasant--"I love Yuu-chan. So--so--we can start over, right?"

And Kanda felt his own lips twitch, but he didn't move towards the man. He didn't, for all the world he didn't. But--well, he was glad. He was glad and his heart was beating just a little faster than normal.

The man forgave him. They could...start...over--whatever that meant. He could be glad for once, couldn't he?

And that's it. No I won't be continuing this one anymore (have far too many requests I have yet to complete/fill out), but yeah, I like the way this turned out.

Review if you'd like!