Yep, you read right. I've made yet another fanfic. Crazy? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Genius? Eh, that's for you to decide :P
This fanfic is primarily based off of the movie plot of the 2009 movie He's Just Not That Into You, in case you didn't notice the title, bolded prologue line, or the summary. I've never watched the movie (I've actually just read the movie plot on Wikipedia :D Kill me now, oh great movie gods!) but I thought the overall concept (which, to my knowing, has never been introduced to the Twilight fanfiction community before) was enthralling and overall great :) Thank you, Drew Barrymore XD
So, without further adieu, here is the first chapter of He's Just Not That Into You, Twilight style!
~Geneth
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters (they're Stephenie Meyer's property), some of their personality and the plot (they're Drew Barrymore and the other directors of He's Just Not That Into You property). But, I do own how this story will play out, the character's inner thoughts, some of the added on events, and the classy but wonderful names of the bars, restaurants, and whatnot...Enjoy :)
The restaurant was too classy, too uptight, and way too elegant for Bella Swan's taste. A bit tacky, actually, she thought to herself as she shifted her leather seat uncomfortably. Large portions of the restaurant's walls were missing, replaced by Plexiglas coverings of exotic, and completely hideous, plants. The color scheme of the entire place was so wrong, orange mixed with cream white and brown. Bella shook her head as she mentally marked down another note about her blind date, who had suggested they meet here. Likes to show that he can spend money, but has horrible tastes in restaurants…
The left strap of Bella's borrowed dress was bothering the crap out of her, and she was tempted to scratch it, but how impolite would it be to shift the strap and scratch her bare skin when her date could walk in at any moment? Bella had grown up a small-town girl, and the manners of most of the city people shocked her the first year she moved here. At least Bella had her dignity…But, apparently, she didn't have resisting temptation.
Damn you, Alice, Bella thought to herself as she again shifted in her seat and tried to focus on her margarita. The light texture of the drink relaxed her, and she twirled the swizzle stick in it absently, keeping one eye on the restaurant door. Alice had always been a meddling person, and when she had gotten married and realized she couldn't meddle as freely as she could before, she started to focus more on tackling each of her friend's problems, one at a time.
Bella's biggest problems? "You're such a hermit!" Alice often exclaimed, whether they were in Alice's cozy new home that her hubby had purchased or were in Bloomingdales', browsing racks. "You need to date more people, be more outgoing, and who knows? You might find your Mr. Bella Swan…"
Thus, the date with Alice's friend, who was "a looker, a joker, a hottie, and a single boy just waiting to be picked up". God, how Bella hated Alice's little schemes…
"Honey, can I get you another one?" The sweet waitress was hovering at her elbow again, and Bella nodded, thanking her sincerely. "Blind date?" the waitress guessed.
"Yeah," Bella laughed nervously.
"Don't worry honey; I think he just came…" The waitress motioned towards the door, winking before she sashayed through the maze of tables and back into the kitchen. Bella snapped her head towards the door, and sure enough, a statuesque human being was talking to the hostess.
Godly was the first word that popped into Bella's head as she stared, awestruck, at all six-feet-something of him in the crowded front area. He wore a crisp button-up white shirt and a dark sports jacket, with the collar popped up, nearly hiding his smooth features. Jet-black hair hung in front of his glistening amber eyes, and his skin, a russet-brown the color of bronze, was something out of an artist's painting of the first Native Americans, exotically beautiful and insanely talented.
And, with the hostess pointing in her direction and the beautiful man walking towards her, Bella looked at the glass display on her right, pretending to have not noticed him approaching. He stopped in front of her table, hands shoved shyly in his coat pockets, and she looked up through her lashes in the practiced, flirtatious way that Alice had taught her.
"Are you Bella Swan?" His voice was husky, velvet at the edges, and actually nervous.
Bella smiled. "That's me. And you are…?"
"Jacob Black," he replied, holding his hand out formally.
They shook, and Bella felt the surprising softness of the inside of his warm palms. He had the firm handshake of an entrepreneur or a powerful businessman, but with the natural welcome of a homemaker. His scent, with Bella sitting just a few feet from where he stood, was amazing, like that of cologne but better, more subtle.
"I'm sorry I'm late," he said, slipping into the seat across from her. "The owners of the house I was showcasing were really bummed out that they didn't get a decent bidder, so I suggested we keep the place open for another hour. A buyer walked in five minutes later, and they sold the place right there…" Hmm, generous and talkative…Are they a good match?
"Oh, Alice said you're in real estate," Bella said vaguely, remembering the snippet of information that Alice had provided just two hours ago.
"Yep," he said with a smile. "Did she tell you that I wanted to become a veterinarian, but didn't want to stick my hand up a dog's ass and gave up that major?"
Bella laughed. "Actually, yes, she did. She also told me your address, your license plate number, your credit card number, the amount of cash you carry around with you on a typical date, and your Social Security number."
"Ah, a girl with humor," he said with another smile, this one wider and more breathtaking than the first, complete with a super sexy crinkle near the corner of his eye.
"Who said I was being humorous? Alice actually gave me all of those things…"
Jacob chuckled loudly, and Bella joined in quietly as the waitress reappeared, setting Bella's margarita on the table and looking once over at Jacob. "Oh, Mr. Black, it's so good to see you again!" Again?! "Would you like the usual?" The usual?!
"Yes, thank you, Jessica," Jacob said, flashing the waitress a blinding smile. "But please, tell Chef Mike to go easy on the Wasabi sauce this time, okay?"
"Of course, Mr. Black," the waitress murmured before hurrying back to the kitchen.
Jacob turned back to Bella and, seeing her slightly taken back expression, he chuckled again. "I take clients here a lot, especially the ones that are new to town. Although the decoration isn't great, the food here is really good; you'll see." At least he acknowledges that the design here is crappy…
One appetizer tray, two entrees, and three drinks later, Bella was beginning to see why Alice had decided to match them up. Normally, Bella didn't have that much in common with rich real estate agents who went to upscale sushi restaurants with clients and potential girlfriends, but she shocked herself with the progress of their talking and interactions. Both shared tragic stores that involved the one friend they had in common –Alice, of course – and that led to more questions, more laughter, and the occasional glance from another table.
"Oh God, I haven't laughed this hard in weeks," Jacob admitted as they both nursed another drink and split a fried ice cream desert.
"Me too," Bella giggled as she lightly speared a piece of the desert. "I wonder why Alice never introduced us before…"
Before Jacob could chorus in agreement, the waitress Jessica appeared, holding a tray of dirty dishes at her hip. "You guys want another round? The last one's on us," she added, the offer tempting both of the dinner patrons.
"You want another round, Bella?" Jacob asked.
"Oh, um…" Bella stared hesitantly at her own empty glass. "If you want to go all the way, I'm there," she blurted out, and froze, staring at Jacob to see his reaction. She had wanted to come on as a sweet girl, not some drunken party freak!
Jacob paused, considering this as he stared back at her. Finally, he smiled and turned to the waitress. "One more round, Jessica. And we're going to take you up on that free drink offer."
Bella sighed to herself as she handed her glass over to the waitress. She had diverted a bullet, the biggest bullet that could shoot into the heart of any date and cause it to die. Don't act like someone you're not, and if you do, don't let your act slip, even for a second.
The last drink finally out of the way, Bella walked slowly by Jacob's side as they made their way to the parking lot. She had learned from previous experience that taking his hand after the first dinner was a no-no, but walking dangerously close so that he could feel your touch against his skin wasn't bad. And, if he occasionally glanced sideways towards you, and then looked away with an embarrassed glance if you caught him, that was an even better sign.
They stopped walking when they approached Bella's car. Bella would normally be ashamed by her slightly beat-up Honda Civic, and she should've felt more flustered because her companion drove a very pretty Jaguar, but she instead focused on Jacob, turning slightly to face him.
"Well, Jacob, I had a really nice time," she started.
"Me too," he replied shyly, hands disappearing into his jacket pockets like they had three times before. "It was nice meeting you, Bella," he added, taking her hands and leaning forward, giving her a delicate peck on the cheek.
Bella's face warmed, but not from the sudden wind that blew across the lot. When he pulled back, she managed a shaky smile before lightly releasing her hands and walking away, like Alice had trained her before. "Walk away like the strong woman you are, and show you have restraint."
When she had made it to the door of her car, Bella looked through her peripheral vision to see Jacob approaching his own car across the lot. He reached into his pocket as the door was rising upwards, pulling out his phone and punching in a few buttons before climbing into his car and allowing the automatic door to close after him.
Bella squealed under her breath, opening the door and starting the engine of her car. As the car slowly awakened, Bella reached into her purse, pulling out her phone and dialing a few numbers of her own.
"Alice? Hey, it's me…Listen, I know I was being a pain the ass about you setting me up with Jacob, but now, I owe you a million! Hmm mmh…Yeah, he's so gorgeous that when he came in, I almost cried…It went so well…Hmm mmh…In fact, I think he's leaving me a voice message right now! Okay, I'll call you back when I get home, and I'll dish on all of the details…Love you, bye!"
In the Jaguar across the lot, Jacob Black was waiting at the dial tone of the phone, a smile across his face as he waited. The other line picked up as Jacob was starting the car's engine, and Jacob threw his bangs out of his eyes to concentrate.
"Hey, sweetie, it's me. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you…again. Cliché, I know, but still. You want to catch a late night bite? Dinner's on me, movie's on you, as usual."
On the other end of the phone, Leah Clearwater –not Bella's answering machine– was half-heartedly listening to him speak, giving more attention to her small purchases than her close friend…A friend with benefits, a little voice in her head added, and Leah winced at the words. Jacob was a friend, a good friend who understood her, but she would never think of him as any more than that. God, why couldn't he see that?
"Tonight? Actually, Jake, I'm doing my shopping for the week, and I'm so bummed out from all of my interviews…God, I feel like I might collapse right now, in this damn supermarket aisle."
"Any of the interviews go well, Le?"
Leah smiled at his little nickname for her, and adjusted the basket on her arm, counting them again to make sure she had enough for the express line. "I don't think so," she said honestly. "They fed me the same old crap. 'Don't worry, we'll call you. This résumé is very impressive, Ms. Clearwater, but it's not what we're looking for right now…' And then, the one time I think I made a good impression, my phone rang at the end of the interview and my tasteless Lady Gaga ring tone went off…"
"Ouch," Jacob teased lightly. "Don't worry, Le. Worse come to worse, you can take the intern spot at the real estate company."
Leah smiled, feeling better. The express line at this time of night was abandoned, except for a lone man mulling over the gum counter. His head was bowed as he examined the candy rack, meaning he might not even be on the line, but she stood behind him as she chatted aimlessly to Jacob.
"Whatever happened to that guy you liked…Emmett or something?"
"Screw them; I'd rather help out my girl than hire another dude."
Leah giggled, adjusting the basket on her arm when she felt someone lightly touch her wrist. She looked up from her phone and saw that the lone man in front of her was staring intently at her with honey brown eyes. Leah was slightly taken back, and she blinked at him.
"You want to go ahead?" the man asked, a hint of a Southern accent drawling his words.
"Um," was all Leah could say as she looked down at her basket of eight items and she looked at the man's purchases of a case of beer and a roll of paper towels. God, he's gorgeous, she thought to herself before turning back to him. "No, it's fine," she finally came up with, covering the mouthpiece of the phone so Jacob wouldn't get confused, "you have like two items anyways…"
"Actually, I have seven," he corrected, flashing a brilliant smile and motioning towards his case of beer, "and I'm still thinking about what gum I want…So, I really think you should go ahead." Matching golden-brown hair framed his face, and he was tall, much taller than Leah, in an alluring way. He wore a flannel shirt unbuttoned over a white tee, and Leah had to stop herself from staring at his well-developed chest.
"Oh, okay," she replied dumbly, "thanks, I guess."
"Who was that?" Jacob asked curiously, as she wordlessly handed over her basket to the cashier.
"Nighttime supermarket people," she said calmly. The cashier tapped the screen on the customer's side of the line, showing that she had to pay now. "Listen, I have to go. Can I call you right back?"
"Sure thing, Le. Talk to you later."
Leah clicked her phone shut, stuffing it into her bag while she reached in and fumbled for her wallet. Oh no, she said with sudden realization, oh crap, crap, crap…
"Something wrong?" the cashier asked.
"Oh um…" Dear God, where the hell is it?! Leah closed her bag, and tapped her nails against the metal top of the aisle. "I know this is going to sound really bad, but I actually left my wallet at home…"
"We can't check you out then, ma'am," the cashier sighed as she began taking Leah's purchases out of their plastic bags and setting them on a hidden table behind the register.
"Oh my God, but you see, this place is going to close in like ten minutes, and this is my only night to shop," Leah stammered to explain, twisting a lock of her short black hair with her spare hand nervously.
"Sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to come back next week and bring your wallet…" Before Leah could protest further, she saw Tall-Blond-Gorgeous reach into his pocket and pull out a crisp ten dollar bill, handing it wordlessly over the counter. The cashier glanced at him, annoyed. "Sir, you're going to have to wait your turn…"
"Actually, I'm paying for her," he explained and both cashier and customer looked at him in shock. "If you don't mind," he added, and waved the bill under the cashier's nose. The annoyed cashier snatched the bill with a sneer, and began repacking Leah's purchases, while she stared with shock at the man.
"W-w-why did you do that?" she blurted out.
He smiled casually at her. "Because I'm a good Samaritan, you obviously need to purchase stuff much more than I need beer, and besides, I'm trying to stick to light stuff like wine…"
"B-b-but…Oh my God, thank you," she finally gasped out as she leaned forward without thinking, pulling his neck down so that she could wrap her arms around his neck in a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh my…And who do I owe this great gratitude?"
"Jasper Whitlock at your service…"
Jacob Black was ninety percent certain that his loft had just been broken into. When he had walked in through the main lobby, the receptionist said that someone had gone up to his room about two hours ago and sill hadn't come down. When he opened the front door of his loft, he heard inaudible yelling coming from his living room. A very familiar voice…He walked slowly to the living room, and saw a figure lounging on his leather sofa, with his feet propped up on the cherry wood table, and the large flat-screen television turned on and blaring
"Oh come on!" the figure was screaming, the fading British accent in his voice slowly creeping back to the surface. "Where is your defense? Where is your defense?!"
"Obviously, it's not here," Jacob commented, crossing his arms against his chest and standing in the doorway.
Instantly, the figure took his feet off the table, lowered the volume, and turned around. "Oh, hey Jake," he said with a sheepish grin, "how did the date go?"
"Fine, fine…The usual; pretty, smart, but not a spark in sight whatsoever…Why do we let Alice talk us into crap like this, Edward?"
Edward smirked. "No, Jacob, why do you let Alice talk you into doing crap. Me, I can refuse."
"Well duh, Edward," Jacob replied, annoyed as he threw off his coat, and walked into his kitchen. "You're her unfortunate cousin…How did you get in here, anyways?"
"My cable died on me," Edward answered cheerfully as he took a swig from his bottle, "and dude, the key in the fake rock only works if you ether live in an actual house, or have a bunch of real rocks near it."
Jacob reappeared, beer in hand. "Hey, if no one's broken into my house yet but you, I think the rock is pretty damn effective…Say, did anyone call while you were here?"
"Um, no, I don't think so." Edward ran his fingers through his bronze hair, thinking. "Actually, a telemarketer with an impressive pitch on foot cream did…What, were you expecting a call from your date?"
"Hell no. That girl was sweet, but not my type," Jacob said with a roll of his eyes as he sat on the arm of the sofa. "Leah just gave me the old, 'Can I call you right back?' gig."
"Really?" Edward twisted around to face his best friend, cocking his head inquiringly before turning back to the game on the television. "Well, that always stings in the middle of a conversation…"
"Yeah…Do you think I should call her back now?"
Edward glared at Jacob. "Should you call back her, the girl who hung up on you? Hell no! Are you trying to seem like a desperate moron, man?"
Jacob flinched, but sighed as he acknowledged Edward's truthful advice. "God, I got to take a piss," Jacob said, getting up from his seat.
"Sure, sure, whatever," Edward replied. "I'm drinking your beer!"
Jacob ignored him, walking into his bathroom and locking the door behind him. He reached into his pocket, pulling at his phone and hitting the first speed dial on his phone. "Pick up, Leah, please pick up…"
"I'm going insane…Do you hear Lady Gaga or is it just me?
Leah flushed a delicate pink as she looked around the front of the supermarket, before finally realizing that indeed, it was her own phone. She opened her bag, hitting the silence button before she even glanced at the caller ID. "Sorry, I have a soft spot for crazy ladies in awkward costumes with repetitive singing voices."
Jasper chuckled, flashing his white teeth again. "And it seems I have a hidden soft spot for helping out strangers at the supermarket. Sexy strangers, I might add."
Leah smiled timidly as she zipped her bag shut, shuffling her feet. "Oh um…God, I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?"
"You were saying that you were going to pay me back as soon as you can land a job in the dance industry," he said helpfully, "and how you don't want to end up a failure like your father's newest girlfriend, who's actually quite nice but a bit chatty."
Leah laughed nervously. "That's a little…heavy for a post-grocery-shopping talk…You must think I'm some psychotic idiot…"
"No, it's fine, I actually think it's sweet," he said, the adorable smile that he had given her before reappearing on his face. "You know, I might actually know someone in ballet business…Maybe I can put a good word about you in, give him your résumé or something...?"
"Oh my God, you'd do that?" Leah gasped. "Dear Lord…You're like my freakin' guardian angel. God, I don't know what to say…Can I, um, give you my number and you can arrange something, or we can talk about it over coffee…Anything?"
"Sure, sure."
Leah reached into her bag, pulling out a pen and taking Jasper's spare hand, the other one holding her groceries for her. Delicately, she began to press the pen against his tender palm, and for a moment, the only sounds came from Leah's sudden heavy breathing and Jasper's light puffs of air.
Just as she was finishing up the second set of digits, Jasper gently pulled his palm out from under her hold, causing the pen to make a line from the center of his hand to his wrist. "Look, Leah, you're sweet and all," he started carefully, "but I'm sorry…I…I'm married this wonderful girl and…I-I can't do this…"
Leah was confused, furrowing one of her brows. "You…you don't do the Good Samaritan act or something? What, what don't you do?" He glanced at her intently with his golden eyes and eyes and Leah paused, realization slowly shooting through her. "Oh…Oh! But…But, that's not what this is…is it? I mean…"
"No, I guess that's not what this is, I guess," Jasper laughed breathlessly. "Me being paranoid, as usual. But hey, instead of making you possibly give me ink poisoning or something, why don't I give you my card, and you can call me?"
"Why didn't we think of that before?" Leah teased, glad the awkward moment had passed. "That was a much better option…You could've saved me some ink from my favorite pen."
Jasper chuckled, handing her the bag of groceries he had purchased for her at the store and reaching into his back pocket, pulling out a small slit of plastic barely bigger than his palm. He pulled out an engraved business card. "There you go," he said, flipping it towards her.
"Wow, thank you…Thank you so much, Mr. Whitlock," she smiled, tucking into the front pocket of her jacket. "Well…I guess I'll be seeing you later then. It was very nice to meet you, Jasper."
"Nice to meet you too, Miss Leah," he replied, giving his voice a sexy Southern drawl before saluting her and walking away towards a parked car in the side of the supermarket. Leah stared after him, letting out a soft sigh under her breath before walking away up the block towards her apartment.
Jasper entered the car, and for a moment, was stunned by the loud music within. How obnoxious, he thought with a roll of his eyes as he climbed in from the passenger's side and shut the door.
"Dude," he said, buckling his seat, "turn the music down. Good God, I could hear you from inside the supermarket."
The driver, a burly man with curly black hair, obediently turned the volume down, but glared at his companion with dark eyes. "Dude, where's my on-sale beer? I gave you ten freakin' dollars!"
"Oh um, it was…I-I used it to help a lady out…"
A smile grew on the driver's face, and he turned slightly, examining the departing figure of Leah Clearwater. "That chick? Jasper Whitlock, I'd never thought I'd see the day when I'd say this but…You dog!"
"Emmett, shut up!" Jasper hissed. "It's not what you think; she's a potential client! What, can I not talk to any woman I meet from now on, just because I'm married?"
"Sure, you can talk to them, but no, you're not supposed to pay for their groceries, or give them your card, or let them write their phone numbers on your freakin' palm!" Emmett took Jasper's hand in his own monstrous paws and waved the smeared number in his face. "This is the type of stuff that's going to kill Alice and your relationship, and you know it." Emmett released his hand and took the car out of its stalling mode. "See, this is why I don't get married…"
"Shut up, Emmett…Don't let Rose hear you say that," Jasper added, in a taunting matter, as the car started to pull out of the lot. "You got any hand sanitizer, dude?"
So, you know the drill, my sweeties :D You want to see/read more? Then please review, review, review! Inspire me to read more, and continue with what's in store for our eight main characters (Bella, Edward, Jacob, Leah, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie!) By the way, that's one less than the movie He's Just Not That Into You, but the additional ninth character will be playing a more minor part :)
Watching the first fifteen minutes of this two hour long movie should be paying off, shouldn't it? So come on, give a writer a break :P Review, review, review!
~Geneth