With Darkness as our Blanket
- by BiSciFiGuy -
Pairing: Harry P. & Draco M.
Genre: Dram/Romance
Rating: M (Violence and Gay themes)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or character histories or places or anything except my own plot. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This is only my first HP fic but I think it might turn into something really weird, and there's quite a few character deaths, so it's just a head's up… feel free to use the Cruciatus on me if I go to far.
Chapter 1: Memories
Harry was sitting at the high table overlooking the Great Hall at Hogwarts, his friends were on the floor below, dancing, laughing, collected together in small groups. Harry was listening to something Headmistress McGonagall was saying. He looked up when the doors opened to let in the most gorgeous sight, the most beautiful of all his friends. The blonde walked into the room, he looked around for a moment, spotting Harry at the high table, he smiled. Harry felt himself smile back.
Harry was walking around the hall, chatting with his friends, he was a little drunk so he avoided staying close to Draco for too long, their relationship too important to him to spoil it by acting like the slutty drunk he usually was. The door's opened again and Harry looked up from his conversation with Seamus to notice the hooded figure stepping into the room. Seamus said something that drew his attention and he promptly forgot the figure.
The figure stood behind Harry, Seamus noticed him first and nodded to Harry, Harry sighed and turned around. The man's face was hidden behind a hood.
"Yes", Harry asked.
"A present for you Mr. Potter". The figure held out a box for Harry to take, it took Harry a moment to realise what it was, he felt himself shocked sober and he opened his mouth to yell just as the figure threw it's head back, the hood falling away as the hand holding the box flipped open the lid. Harry's yell caught in his throat and he jumped back against Seamus, reflexively covering his friend with his body on as they crashed to the ground.
Dust drifted around them. Screams were echoing through the room, large chunks of something crashed around the room. Harry saw a movement near the high table a second before the earth beneath his feet shook and a wave of bright blue light washed through the room, the little box snapped shut and silence fell.
There was screaming again, there was a dark frame around his vision as he stared at the room, everything appeared fuzzy, he stood shakily, staring around him. He heard a familiar yell and whirled around. Spotting the screamer instantly, he rushed toward the dust covered figure.
"Oh god, oh god". The figure whispered, rocking back and forth in front of the prostrate body on the floor. Harry crashed to his knees next to the kneeling figure and took the dead body into his arms. "No!". he yelled.
Harry woke with a start, his whole body shivering uncontrollably. He stared around the room. His shaking hands reached out and felt the sheets on the bed, the right one moved off the bed and felt the bedside cabinet, touching the alarm clock that stood there. Both hands flew up and he traced the shape of the wooden headboard above his head.
'Calm down, you're in your own bed', he though to himself, trying to calm his shaking body down. His heart was beating everywhere in his body, his head, his eyes, his legs, all felt the throbbing of fear and adrenaline. Harry reached up to his face and touched his cheek, tears had stained them and he softly wiped away their residue. The room was still dark, and he sighed. There was no use for him to stay in bed, he'd never get back to sleep. It had been like that ever since the "incident" as the prophet had started calling it. Sighing again Harry slipped out of bed and pulled himself into the bathroom. The mirror on the wall clicked shut like and eye blinking closed as he passed by it, as he stepped into the shower the mirror there did the same, blinking out of existence the moment the door slid open. He sighed again as he felt a strange feeling of longing settle over him.
The warm water worked wonders on Harry's tired body, he couldn't remember when the last night had been that he had slept through the night without waking up shivering and weak. His muscles ached and he breathed a sigh as the hot spray eased the muscles in his back, his neck. He felt a headache forming behind his eyes. As he stepped from the shower, standing in front of the sink to brush his teeth. The toothpaste tasted sharp in his mouth, it was almost painful as the bristles brushed over his teeth.
He walked down the short hallway in his tiny apartment., he stepped into the kitchen and flipped on the coffee machine. As the full aroma of the coffee flooded his senses Harry sighed again. He poured himself a cup of black, bitter coffee. He swirled it in his mouth before swallowing it, it stung his throat. He had never liked his coffee like this but in the last few months he had started drinking it like that, realising that it had a better kick, it could keep him awake longer if it was strong and pure.
Harry spent the day lounging around the apartment, on days after nightmares like the one that morning he relished the fact that he didn't have to struggle to make a living like the muggles around him. He could live comfortably, even much better than he did now if he wanted to, but he was content with his small apartment. There were only two flats in the building, his being the only occupied one. A small Japanese restaurant sat right next to his building. Harry smelled the food as he opened the window of his apartment near dusk. The smell settled in his nose and he suddenly realised that he hadn't eaten all day.
He rushed to his room to get dressed, he hadn't been there since the beginning of the week, he loved Japanese food. Harry dug in his closet for a shirt, his hand brushed against one of his robes as he pulled the shirt out and he felt a shudder go through his body, his eyes immediately shooting up to stare at the long silver box on the shelf above his head. For a moment he felt the pang of longing again and he almost reached for it, he remembered the screams and his hand froze in mid air. He felt himself get lost and shook his head violently to clear the thoughts and quickly dressed. He stepped into the night and briskly walked to the restaurant. As he drew closer he could hear Madame Kobayashi yelling at her son, Taichi. He stormed out of the restaurant, yelling back at her, his eyes caught Harry standing close to him and he shut his mouth immediately, his cheeks turning bright red. Harry couldn't help but smile. Tai was sixteen years old and head over heals infatuated with Harry, Harry knew this because Madame Kobayashi had been desperately trying to get Harry to hook up with her son for quite ever since Harry had started frequenting the establishment. Harry looked Taichi over. The boy was in fact very attractive, he was slightly overweight. His hair was jet black and hung down over his forehead, his lips were beautifully full, his eyes dark brown, almost as black as his hair. He was quite short, shorter than Harry but he had a very self assured presence.
"Hi Harry". He said, his blush glowing even brighter.
"Hi Tai, You're mother giving you grief again?" Harry asked politely, being with the Kobayashi's always seemed to cheer him up, even if he had the worst day ever.
"Geez, Yeah. She's incessant today, I can't do anything right". He blushed again, this time not because of Harry but because he had insulted his mother. Harry smiled, the boy may have lost his eastern accent and acted like any other teenager, he still had the inherent respect for his parents that Harry was always fascinated with. He reached out and patted the boy's shoulder, making him pull in his breath sharply.
"Are you going in?". Tai asked.
"Yeah, I haven't eaten all day". Tai brightened at Harry's words.
"Great, my mother will cheer up when she sees you". Harry smiled again, recognising the pleading in the boy's voice.
"I'll talk to her, don't worry".
"Thank you Harry, just don't…".
"I know, don't let her notice that I'm on your side". Harry smiled again and brushed passed the kid, stepping into the small restaurant. Madame Kobayashi was behind the counter.
"You had better be ready to…", She grumbled as she turned around but stopped when she saw Harry, a smile spreading across her lips.
"Harry, my boy!". She bellowed happily.
"Madame Kobayashi". Harry greeted with a smile of his own as he sat down on one of the stools beside the counter, ordering his usual Salmon and Cream cheese California rolls. Madame Kobayashi barked the order at the kitchen staff and after grabbing a bottle from the shelf behind her she dropped down in front of Harry.
"So, tell me my boy, how have you been". She asked as she poured the sake into the little cups, Harry took one and sighed.
"I'm doing okay, Madame Kobayashi".
"Sleeping well?". She asked again, genuine concern in her voice. Harry remembered that first time he had been in the restaurant, it had been only a few weeks after the "incident", he was still suffering from the effects of the curse he had been hit with. He had come to the restaurant long before opening time, stopping in front of the door he knocked. Tai had opened the door and told him they were closed. Madame Kobayashi had been right behind him.
For some reason being denied access to the establishment had nearly brought tears exploding out of Harry, he turned to leave but Madame Kobayashi had pushed her son out of the way and called him inside. He had sat down in the very seat he was sitting in now and after asking him where he lived she had nearly drowned him with various kinds of alcohol until he broke down and cried, weeping hysterically in a tiny office at the back of the kitchen. The next morning he had woken up in his own bed, Madame Kobayashi in the kitchen cooking him breakfast. As he had stood in his kitchen he had felt anger towards the woman but it soon ebbed as she greeted him warmly, asking how he felt and placing the meal in front of him. They had become instant friends. And he had shared everything that had happened to him in the time before he came to live so close to them (leaving out the magic buts of course). She had been sympathetic, horrified and caring. Soon she had pretty much become a surrogate mother to Harry.
"Not great but it's getting better". Harry said, only half sure that it was the truth. They shared pleasantries for several minutes, Tai sneaking into the kitchen behind Harry, knowing his mother would let him pass.
"I saw Tai outside". Harry mumbled near opening time.
"That boy is very difficult today". Madame Kobayashi mumbled, trying to sound grumpy but still smiling at her son's name.
"You know, he got so many A's this semester, it's shocking". She proclaimed.
"Yes, he is very smart, and he's such a good guy Madame Kobayashi". Harry said, sounding proud, knowing it would spread like disease to her mood.
"Yes". She sighed, pride glowing on her face, Harry feeling proud himself as he knew he had once again defused an argument between his two new friends.
"Yes, such a good boy… why don't you ask him out Harry?". Harry knew the question was coming, she always asked whenever Harry mentioned her son.
"Madame Kobayashi, you know I like Tai but I'm not ready". He mumbled, he had had the conversation with her so many times that he knew it by heart.
"You were in love with someone else before your "incident" and you can't forget him". It was both a question and a statement. Harry's head shot up, it was completely out of routine, she had never asked that particular question. Harry gulped.
"Yes, Madame Kobayashi". Harry felt like he was talking to Dumbledore, she had the same presence as the old man had once had.
"I see, did he die?". The words stung but Harry continued to admire Madame Kobayashi's honest, straightforward manner of speaking. She asked what she wanted to know without running in circles before coming to a point.
"No, he is just gone. I know he's still alive but I haven't seen him for so long".
"It has been nearly a year has it not?".
"Yes, it'll be a year ago in four weeks".
"I understand, When Taichi talks about you next time I shall inform him".
"Please, Madame Kobayashi, I'm never going to see Dr… him again".
"My dear child, you cannot be with someone simply because he wants to be with you".
"I know, but I do love your son, just he isn't… Him. I have never wanted anyone but him and if I can't have him I don't know if I want to have anyone". Harry made to stand, the first customers would be arriving soon. Madame Kobayashi leaned forward and touched his arm.
"Harry, you must find this boy, find the boy who filled your heart". She walked Harry through to the kitchen, he always left through the back door, he liked the busy nature of the place just before stepping out into the silence outside the door.
"I don't know if I want to find him Madame Kobayashi, he is part of a world I decided to leave behind". They moved through the kitchen, Harry greeting many of the staff on his way out.
"Boy, you can't give up, love is there for a reason, you need it".
"I know, I know". He stepped into the night and she kissed him gently, her lips close to his scar. She was so short that she stood on the top step outside the door while he stood on street level and Harry smiled.
"Goodbye Madame Kobayashi". He said and turned away as the door swung closed. He had barely walked ten steps when Tai appeared out of the darkness.
"Harry". He said as he came closer.
"Tai, I looked for you, were you out here the whole time?".
"Yes".
"I smoothed things over with your mother…". Harry never got further for the younger guy stepped forward and planter his lips against Harry's, embracing him at the same time. Harry gasped and almost pulled back but the intimacy felt so good, he hadn't been with anyone in so long. He sighed and leaned into the kiss, opening his mouth to accept the prodding tongue. They kissed tenderly until Harry felt Tai's hands slipping into his shirt, for a moment he felt pleased, loving the feel of another's hands on his body, then he felt the fingers tracing his scar, a finger found it quite by accident, it felt the scar for a second then started to follow it up his back. Harry gasped, took Tai by the shoulders and pushed him away.
"Harry, what?". No one knew about the scars, he hadn't told any of his new friends. The only person who knew about them was the only friend he still had left from his previous life.
"Tai, I'm sorry, I can't do this". Harry looked the Japanese boy in the eyes.
"Yes", the boy said, shocking Harry, who had not expected that to be the answer. He had expected anger, or at least resentment or a tear. Then he realised how selfish he was being, why would Tai cry over him, he was nothing special, just a lost wreck of the man he once was.
"What?". Harry stammered, still holing Tai by the shoulders.
"I heard what you said to my mother". Harry felt immediately guilty.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to hear that, I wanted to tell…". Harry began.
"You wanted to tell me yourself, I know. I didn't want to intrude, I just heard it while I was getting the tables ready".
"I'm sorry". Harry said.
"It's fine, I've always known you had another, I just had to feel it for myself".
"You're okay then?".
"Yes, I will be, rejection is still hard to accept but I… I just needed to feel that your kisses weren't meant for me". This was supposed to make Harry feel better but he felt only worse.
"I hope you come back soon Harry". Tai whispered and slipped off into the night. Harry heard the boy disappear into the kitchen behind him and he walked back home.
As he walked back up the stairs to his apartment Harry suddenly felt very lonely. He had lost so much, had left so much behind. The familiar emptiness settled in his stomach and he felt his limbs grow heavy, as though they were slowly filling with lead. The trek upstairs became longer with every step, he felt as though he would never reach his door. But reach it he did, as he slipped the key into the lock he felt tears welling up in his eyes, he never cried anymore, the stinging, burning sensation in his eyes just came and went periodically. As Harry stepped into the small entrance room the mirror shut with a 'swoosh'.
He heard a sound in the kitchen, with a heavy heart he walked towards it, he knew exactly what it was. He pushed open the door and found the owl sitting on his table. A large snowy owl, it looked at him then dropped it's head to pull at the letter tied to it's leg. He felt a pang of sadness as he thought of Hedwig. Harry cursed at himself as he look the letter, the owl looked up at him expectantly.
"Oh yeah". Harry mumbled and pulled a piece of meat from his fridge, is was frozen and he dropped it into warm water. The owl hooted.
"Okay, I'm just defrosting it". He grumbled at the owl, soon the meat was thawed and he cut a piece from the steak and fed her a few pieces, finally satisfied she took off out the window he had left open before going to Madame Kobayashi's. He hadn't gotten any magical letters for a while since he almost never replied. He was about to drop the parchment into the drawer he used to store all the letters when he noticed the insignia on it. He ripped it open quickly and read the contents.
He gulped and turned immediately to the fireplace, letting the letter flutter to the ground. He grabbed a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the fireplace. He stepped into the green flames and announced his destination. The world swirled and he closed his eyes before he stepped out of the fireplace at his destination. He looked around for a second to orient himself and then set off to find her. She was easy to find and he dropped down onto the soft ground beside her. Sighing as he settled himself, pulling at his clothes and turning towards her.
"Hi Hermione".
"Harry, how are you?".
"I had the strangest day, I had a nightmare again".
"Oh no, are you okay, was it the same one?"
"Yeah, I woke up terrified again. And I spent the day just laying around the house".
"You shouldn't do that Harry, it's not healthy. You need to find something to occupy your mind".
"I know, I know. I did go to that little restaurant again, and that cute boy kissed me".
"Really, and…how was it?"
"It was okay, but I still want him back". Harry swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought about him.
"You should find him then Harry, he was the love of your life, you told me that yourself".
"I know, Hermione. It's just after what happened, all those people".
"All those people are dead Harry, and punishing yourself with loneliness can't ever fix it, it can never bring them back. You're going to kill yourself with longing".
"I know that too, we lost so much that night. And you're right I am so very lonely…". Harry's voice trailed off and he stared up at the sky.
"I got a letter from my medi-witch today".
"What did it say?"
"It said that I have it too".
"Oh no, Harry I'm so sorry. How long?".
"About a month, maybe more. I knew when I started feeling the tingling in my stomach it was the Creeping Curse. I was afraid to go for the test because I was afraid it would be this". Harry trembled. The Creeping Curse was old magic, terrible old magic.
"A month!, that's such a short time".
"I know, I…", Harry sighed again, "Do you miss Ron?".
"Yes, everyday, and I know what you're thinking Harry. You just came here to hear me say it. You should spent the time you have left with Draco". Harry shuddered when he heard the name, his body, his mind, his heart longing to touch the other man again.
"If it were me I'd spent it with Ron, I'd be happy for the little time I have, I'd love with all my heart". Harry thought for a moment, still staring into the sky.
"I don't know where to find him".
"Fate will help you, Harry, you need him and he will find you".
"Thank you Hermione". Harry said as he stood up and practically ran to the fireplace, tossing in the floo and calling out. He appeared in his living room, ash dropping off him onto the red carpet. He felt better, Hermione always had the best advice, ever since school he could always count on her. Harry was about to drop onto the couch when he heard another sound in the kitchen. Sighing heavily he walked into the room to find a cat sitting on the kitchen table, almost exactly where the owl had been.
"Good evening Headmistress". Harry mumbled as he put on the kettle. When he turned around the professor had changed into her human form.
"Mister Potter", She smiled, "How are you?". Everybody seemed to be asking him that today, and he didn't really know, so he just mumbled something and she nodded as he made and handed her, her tea. He sat down at the kitchen table staring at her until she too sat down.
"What can I do for you Headmistress?" Harry asked. She took a sip of her tea and smiled.
"Well, I have come to make you an offer". Harry's eyebrows lifted and he nodded.
"As you know, Hogwarts hasn't had the best of luck with Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, and it seems that, even after everything that has happened in the last few years, we still have the same kind of luck".
"Yes, what happened to the last one?".
"He fell victim to the Creeping Curse". Her voice was matter of fact and it stung Harry like a snake bite.
"Who was it?".
"Blaise Zabini". Harry cringed, the Slytherin head of house and DADA professor had died two weeks previous, the Creeping Curse finally taking over his body.
'Oh", Harry mumbled, he hadn't even known Blaise had it, "But he wasn't at…".
"No, he wasn't, after the first attack at Hogwarts, after which you left, there were two more attacks against large wizard gatherings, using the same method, many other wizards and witches were affected". Harry swallowed thickly, he had hidden himself away so well from the wizarding world that he had missed out on both events.
"We lost Madame Hooch and Professor Sprout in the second attack, and then of course Blaise and several other former students in the third". Harry's mind was reeling at the news, he had though that what had happened had only happened once, but no, it seemed the death eaters were strong long after he was gone.
"And now?".
"Now the ministry has caught all the death eaters, there has been peace for almost six months, the school however has had so many problems in the past year, us teachers have had to settle for teaching two, three different classes just so the children can have something that resembles an education".
"But why?".
"It seems that with all the damage caused during the war, people are setting aside things such as education in order to rebuild our world before getting back on track. We have so few students mister Potter, we…". She stopped and drank another gulp of tea, Harry was afraid she would break down and cry right there in his kitchen. She composed herself and looked him in the eyes.
"Since we are so short handed and times are so hard, we have decided to suspend classes for the rest of the year, we are going to start fresh, a new way of thinking about education in January. We are also now running the school year from January". Harry frowned.
'Furthermore I have been travelling the country, the world actually, to find people who will be willing to take up teaching positions at the school". Harry nodded.
"I found mister Longbottom in New York and he has accepted the position of Herbology teacher, now all I need is Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions professors".
"Neville is alive? And Luna?". Harry asked.
"Oh yes, they are both quite fine. Luna is expecting". Harry's heart swelled, he almost cried as he though about Luna and Neville, Luna was pregnant, he thought. He hadn't heard good news in such a long time that he almost didn't know how to process what the Headmistress had said.
The Headmistress was looking at Harry expectantly, it took him a moment to realise what she expected.
"You want me to teach?". He asked, shocked.
"Yes mister Potter". Harry shook his head, he swore he would never return to the magical world for more than a doctor's visit or a visit to Hermione. He couldn't fathom going back to the school.
"I don't know Headmistress".
"Mister Potter, it's still almost six months before the new year starts, we are still rebuilding large parts of the school, there is no need to decide right now". Harry considered telling her that he probably didn't even have six weeks to live, let alone six months to decide whether or not he wanted to teach, but instead decided that he wanted to keep it his secret, he didn't want her or anyone for that matter to know what was wrong with him, for he feared they would pity him.
"Very well Headmistress, I will think about it and let you know".
"Yes, please do". She stood and walked to the window.
"Headmistress?". She turned and looked at him.
"Who are you considering for the Potions position". She smiled slowly and Harry remembered that she had been the only one who had known.
"Why Draco Malfoy of course". Harry gasped internally, just thinking about the blonde made his heart skip a beat.
"And you know where he is?".
"Yes, I am on my way to see him right now". Harry felt his heart trying to claw it's way out of his chest through his throat. His breathing became shallow and he asked McGonagall not to leave as he scrambled to find a piece of parchment. He quickly wrote a note and folded it in four. He took a deep breath and handed it to her.
"Please give this to him". Harry felt himself smile at the thought of making contact with Draco again and realised that he truly missed his old flame. Headmistress McGonagall looked at him sceptically, her eyebrow arched.
"I am not an owl mister Potter".
"I know, I'm sorry but you know where he is and I don't want to send an owl, it's been so long since we…".
"Very well, I will give him the letter, just don't make a habit of using me as your personal mail delivery system", and with than she turned into her animal form and jumped out the window in one smooth movement. Vanishing down the street. Leaving Harry to stare after her.
Hermione had been right, fate had indeed provided him with access to Draco. Harry felt positively light hearted as he sat down at his desk in the spare bedroom, preparing to write a letter to Seamus, the only person besides Hermione, he still had contact with from the magical world. Unable to contain the joy he felt at the prospect of maybe hearing from and perhaps even seeing Draco again. Harry hadn't been this excited and happy for such a long time.
A/N: Okay, so that wasn't the most exciting chapter in the world, sorry about that… It'll get less depressing as we go on, I promise.
A/N 2: This chapter has been edited slightly thanks to the input of keshia-515. I really do appreciate your help. ;-) If you have already read this part there is no real need to do so again. I merely changed the nationality of the owner of the Restaurant since it seemed to have slipped by both me and my Beta that I had Chinese and Japanes cultures mixed up in one large screw up. But it has been fixed now and I promise you it will not Happen again). Hugs.