The Prince
Chapter 18
He was standing next to T'Pau in Spock's mindscape- that much he knew. It took him a moment to understand what they saw. Ah, yes. They were at the primary school. But… why were they here? Sarek looked upon the darkened room illuminated only by the glow of the learning pods. He focused on a pod in the far corner as a group of older boys assembled around it, and a smaller, younger boy step out.
Sarek watched as the taunts began:
'Your father is a traitor for marrying that human whore…'
'Oh look…he's getting all emotional.'
'What, are you going to cry, Spock?'
'You are a freak, you know. There is no logical reason for your existence here. Everyone knows your father's habits; humans are only good for lying on their backs.'
Sarek felt a deep dread descend upon him as he watched his son's face slowly change, from sadness, to…anger…he immediately knew what was coming next. "Spock, no!" He rushed towards the children, but went through them…no…he could not be party. He could only be witness…
He saw Spock attack his main taunter, both boys tumbling down into the learning bowl. He watched Spock begin to cry, as he slammed his fists repeatedly into the older boy's face...
Sarek felt T'Pau's hand on his arm. He pulled back as the scene changed…
He was child-Spock, awaiting his father in the academy and he felt…fear. My child feared me? He watched himself approach, sit next to him. He looked up at himself and saw…disappointment in his own eyes.
'They called mother a whore,' said the child, longing to hear, wanting to know…the truth…wanting to hear… something Sarek could not say…
'I married your mother because it was the logical thing to do.'
Sarek felt…devastation. Hurt. How was he to know it was the wrong answer? How was he to know he had just confirmed to his son the truth in the other children's words…Spock's truth…His soul felt heavy. He had done the logical thing. He had not done the right thing.
He closed his eyes… "T'Pau, I cannot…"
"Sarek, we must. He must be allowed to heal…"
Sarek opened his eyes and now they were at …the Vulcan Science Academy. "No! T'Pau I cannot witness this again. Let me go!"
"Sarek, you must! You must know his pain! You will stay! He wants you to understand. Allow him to do it his way. It is not about you. You will confront this, just as he must."
His child…his son…
'Spock,' the council elder spoke to the pupil standing before them. 'You have gained admittance here. Your file is extraordinary –' He felt…pride. He had succeeded in all tasks placed before him. '– despite your disadvantage.'
Sarek felt his son's emotions change: Anger, hurt, sorrow, grief, determination... rebellion…
'Live Long, and Prosper.' Sarek felt…rage…
He watched…
They were outside the fortress. Himself choking Spock…squeezing…harder…harder…he felt…
Emptiness….
Sarek closed his eyes, feeling his mother's hand still holding his arm tightly.
"Control yourself, Sarek…Center…we must continue to witness."
They were on Earth. He felt…freedom. Calm. Peace.
He watched his son work. He studied. Graduation. Accolades. Promotions .He excelled in Starfleet. Sarek had never approved of his decision, but his son seemed perfectly content. He saw…two bodies, one Vulcan, one human….blond…they were naked, entwined…
He looked away uncomfortably at the realization of his son's activities…
He felt…confusion, contentment, release…
They were moving again… a different woman. A girl woman in a red Starfleet cadet uniform…
'Commander, you look exhausted! Come, let's go to lunch.'
'Cadet that would not be proper. Relations between commanding officers and subordinates…'
'I didn't say anything about relations. I'm talking about your health here! You haven't been getting enough protein. Now, let's go! And that's an order!'
She was beautiful. Sarek suddenly recognized the cadet. She was here…this was the one…
He felt…love...
He looked again… She was curled beneath his white sheets, those same linens outlying her curves. She was on her belly, her arms tucked under her head facing him, eyes closed. She was beautiful. Spock rose and stood by the window in his room. The sun was just rising, casting a dim glow about the campus grounds. He had never stopped to admire the sunrise. Being with Uhura had opened his eyes to the world of beauty around him…he looked back lovingly at the woman laid across his bed. He silently wished to wake up like this forever…
Contentment. Peace. Love. Acceptance.
Then…
Vulcan. The reception…T'Pring...
'May I present T'Pring, my wife.'
Grief. Anger. Rage. Hate…
He felt... Trapped. Defeated. Resentful…
'Are you human or are you Vulcan?' Violence. Terror. Screams…
The fortress. The room…a need…screams…blood on the walls – green… blood on the bed – red. The ancient chairs and wardrobe that had decorated the room now lay in splinters and daggers across the room…Horror, fear, Agony, Anguish, grief… 'I have killed her…'
Sarek was consumed in his own sea of emotions…He had never known…He had not seen… No, he had refused to see… to listen…
"Come, my children. We have much to do," T'Pau said, breaking the silence.
II
The doctors had been working for what felt to Captain Pike, to be an eternity. They had known she was injured, but the Vulcan doctors had been mum, and rushed their party quickly out of the room. The wing that held them was blocked off to prevent unauthorized entry.
Nearly twelve hours after the catastrophic events of the day before, Pike was drained: tired – physically, mentally and emotionally. He couldn't believe that they'd arrived on this damned planet only yesterday morning, and he was all too ready to return to Earth.
In addition, he had heard no word on the status of his first officer – no Spock, he thought. I cannot possibly maintain his officer status after this, Pike thought ruefully.
He was torn. He considered the Vulcan almost as a son. He had been teacher, mentor, and confidante to the man whom he considered one of the best of the fleet. They had known each other for almost a decade. And now, Pike realized he had never known his friend at all. And he was furious. Angry at the fact the Vulcan had hidden so much. Incensed at the fact he'd never known the man to be capable of…of…he couldn't bring himself to think the word.
All the secrets. All the revelations. He knew it was irrational, but he felt…betrayed. How do we even begin to go back to our lives after this?
There was no one to guide him. Should he inform Starfleet? Is this a diplomatic matter? Do I need an official report? What would I say? The only Vulcan in Starfleet, who has served us for over 10 years, created the best training software available, saved many worlds, has turned out to be the Prince of Vulcan who has violent rages and violates the woman he claims to love? Yeah…No.
He was stuck. And then there was the other matter, his cadet. She was so young, so full of promise. She was the best of the best. He had planned to commission her to the Enterprise upon her graduation in six months. She was loyal, driven and fearless. She was the perfect Starfleet officer.
Now, he strongly doubted she'd make it to graduation- If she made it at all. Would she even want to go back to Starfleet? Pike knew the answer would be no. No…she was ruined. How do you even begin to help someone who's experienced something like this?
All officers had extensive training dealing with torture and psychological warfare. But this…not only an attack on the body – which was bad enough…but what would knowing that your attacker was also a person you loved do to you? God, if she wakes up, please, don't let her remember...he silently prayed.
And underneath it all…Pike felt…guilty. He had noticed Spock's hesitation when he brought up the subject on going to Vulcan. He'd ignored it. He'd watched his officer grow more and more tense the closer they got to the planet…he'd ignored it…The warning signs had been there all along…Spock's refusal to go back to the planet during vacations, his careful avoidance of the Vulcan embassy. The man had shirked any contact with his home planet and culture. He had done so for nine years…and Pike had forced him back…
The writing had been on the wall…and he'd blithely walked by.
Pike rose to his feet and began to pace the lobby.
III
Amanda watched Captain Pike walk off in a state, she could only describe as shock.
She sighed. She, too, was tired. However, being on Vulcan for so long, she had built up nerves and walls of steel. She had learned both sides of Vulcan early on. The beauty of such peaceful, logical creatures, and the great ugliness they fought to control.
Very few outsiders had ever witnessed this other Vulcan. To see it was…indescribable. No words were strong enough. She had dealt with the two sides of Vulcan for years. Now she had to deal with this.
Amanda was a healer in her own right. Here was yet another life that needed healing. She could not worry about her son, though he had not left her mind. And she could not worry about the girl, although she too remained at the forefront of her thoughts. They were being dealt with. No… she had to help the Captain now.
And so she followed him.
She found Captain Pike a short time later, hunched over in despair, his head buried in his hands. She watched as he waged an internal battle, shaking his head, muttering aloud, going silent and doing it again. He finally rose, and began pacing.
"Captain Pike," her voice was low and soft, but firm as it carried through the silent lobby. He turned towards her, his eyes hollow.
"Sit, Captain. We have much to discuss here." He complied, watching her warily. Amanda sat down next to him. It was better to be frank. This was already a difficult discussion. There was no need to draw it out.
"Lady Amanda," Pike's voice was gruff, but calm. "I need to know what happened here. I need to know why my first officer went on a blood rage and why my best cadet has been raped. I need to know why Spock didn't want to come back to Vulcan. I…need…to…know…"
She cringed at his use of the word 'rape,' but he was correct. It was now as it had been then, fifteen years ago.
"Vulcans call it Pon Farr. It is nature's way of ensuring their species. They are biologically forced to mate. If they don't, their bodies produce the Vulcan equivalent to an adrenaline overload, and it becomes so great, it could kill them. Spock began experiencing this the moment he stepped onto the planet. You noticed his anxiety. We all did."
Pike merely listened.
"It is during this time, when Vulcan's take their mates. Spock is betrothed. They were to…consummate that relationship… something went wrong … I do not know what. It is quite apparent that the… consummation… did not happen. Captain, it is important that you understand this…they burn.
Pon Farr is physically painful. It strips their logic. Vulcans have been known to commit suicide to relieve themselves of this. It is never spoken of; you will not find it in a book. But it is real. And it is deadly. Spock was not the Spock you know. He had no logic to rule him. He needed…release," she finished quietly. "And he returned to what brought him the greatest comfort…"
IV
He looked at her, livid. "You expect me to believe this is the result of someone wanting to have sex?! How can you justify this? What about you? If this 'pon farr' is so deadly, why are you still alive?" Pike watched her stand and walked away. He let out a long sigh…it was so farfetched…but…what else could explain Spock's behavior? There was nothing…Amanda reappeared a short while later carrying a data PADD.
"Read" she said simply.
Pike took the PADD. It was a medical file- a very extensive one. "Multiple contusions, broken wrist, internal bleeding, broken ribs, strained pelvis…"
He dropped the PADD. It went on like this… line after line, page after page… year after year… He stared at the woman before him. "This is yours." She nodded.
"The pon farr," she sat down next to him again. "Humans cannot understand this. It is not a human condition. Vulcans are deeply ashamed of it. The same way you are looking at me now, with pity, is what they wish to avoid – scorn. Do not pity me Captain; I am a happy woman. Sarek and I have been blessed. I love him and I understand this. I need you to understand this too. Spock has been tormented enough. Please, do not add to his pain with pity and scorn."
He understood. It was difficult, but he understood.
"Now what?" he looked at the Lady Amanda.
She looked back. "We must wait."
V
As the sun began to set, two dark robed figures silently entered the medical center, moving slowly through the corridors, their faces shadowed under heavy hoods.
The guards blocking a certain medical wing immediately stepped aside, recognizing the emblems embroidered on their garments.
Pike and Amanda looked up to see two tall hooded figures standing in the doorway. Amanda moved first, quickly crossing the room towards the figure on the left. She stood on the tips of her toes, and removing the hood and revealing…Spock. Pike drew a breath as she wrapped him up in a gentle hug, and he hugged her back. It was a decidedly un-Vulcan gesture, but reassuring none the less. Spock's eyes darted across the room before settled on his captain. He drew himself up and began walking over. Pike stood and observed.
The Vulcan coming towards him was a completely different creature than the one he had witnessed the night before. The savagery was gone, replaced by an air of calm that seemed to radiate from his inner being. However, this was not his proud first officer. No. The man in front of him had been…humbled; and yet he still looked regal. Even dressed in simple brown robes Spock had the air of dignity about him that Pike had come to admire. Now that dignity and been coupled with humility. It was a strange, but not unwelcome dichotomy.
"Captain –" Spock started, but Pike cut him off.
"Spock, I understand. Don't say anything." The Vulcan regarded at him silently. But his eyes spoke volumes. Grief, sorrow, pain…regret.
"How…is she?"
"We do not know, Spock. The doctors have kept us out. We haven't seen her…" his voice trailed off.
"What are you not saying Captain?"
"She's been in surgery since we arrived," he finished quietly, now looking at any place other than the man standing in front of him.
Over by the entryway, Sarek and Amanda were holding hands silently, each looking equally worried.
A long uneasy silence engulfed the room.
Finally, a doctor emerged.
"Who is guardian over the human?" he asked.
Pike stepped forward. "What is her condition?" he asked, bracing himself for the worst. The doctor faced him, his face stoic in the traditional Vulcan mask.
"She will live. We have repaired the damage and she is healing. The reconstruction of her internal anatomy was extensive. But she will be functional," The doctor spoke as if he were retelling the weather. "Your party may enter. She is resting and will not be conscious for several hours." He moved aside.
They moved cautiously towards the door. On a white cot, wrapped in several layers of blankets, lay Nyota's small form. Her matted and limp hair clung to her face. Pike felt a wave of emotion well up inside of him. Relief that she was okay, guilt that he was partly to blame for this, sorrow because…he didn't want her to wake up, and anger at himself for feeling that way…
VI
Spock moved to the bed as Sarek and Amanda stood silently by, watching cautiously. He stared down at the broken figure his actions had brought so much harm too. Outwardly, he remained stoic. His emotional controls were fully in place. But inwardly…there was an emptiness no amount of meditation could fix; a despair no control could reach…His own grief was very much existing. But he was strong enough to control it.
He displayed nothing. But he was overcome with a desire to…touch her…
Lost in his own thoughts he began to stroke her cheek. She was so beautiful. She was perfect. She was…love…He had never known such a thing: To feel completely connected to and accepted by someone. She had never judged him. She did not let his coldness affect her. She had become essential to him…she was a part of him…and now…No.
He couldn't hurt her again. He wouldn't. He loved Nyota. He loved her with every fiber in his being. His soul cried out to her… He wanted her to love him, to keep him. They had planned their future. Marriage, a family. Now that future was gone. He desperately wanted to cling, to hang on, but… He had to let her go.
Outwardly, he remained calm. Inwardly, he hurt.
It was now just he and her. He had blocked out the others in the room…
He leaned forward, whispering to her, "My ashayam, I love you."
His heart was breaking. But he had too…for her sake. He would not allow her to wake up to…this…
He touched her face for the last time. They had melded many times before, each time in love…Now…it was an act of mercy.
Amanda sobbed silently into her husband's robe as the realization of what Spock was doing dawned on her. Sarek held her tightly to him, as he watched his son work.
Pike looked on quietly, not understanding what was happening. Something must have told him it needed to be done, however.
"I love you Nyota. I am sorry." Spock closed his eyes, his fingers touching her meld points, as he entered her mind. He worked slowly over the events that brought them to this point…editing, snipping…eliminating…
He leaned close to her ear and whispered the word he could never take back…
"Forget."
-END-
Stay tuned for the epilogue.