With Darkness as our Blanket
- by BiSciFiGuy -
Pairing: Harry P. & Draco M.
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: M (Violence, Gay themes and Explicit Language)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or character histories or places or anything except my own plot. No copyright infringement is intended. I am not responsible for any underage readers who may come across this story.
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A/N: Yet another chapter that is slightly edited. Thanks again to keshia-515 for finding the problem. (Please refer to A/N 2 in chapter 1 (Memories) for a full description of the reason for the post-publication edit).
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Chapter 4 : Tears
Harry was again dreaming of the party, again holding Seamus down, again screaming for Ron. He woke with a start and looked around the room. He sat up slowly and stretched, the dream was still bad but he'd had it for ten days straight now and he was becoming strangely immune to it's effects, like one got used to the scary parts in a film you've watched many times. A knock sounded at the door and he called for Draco to enter.
"I'm glad you're awake, I need you to take me shopping". The blonde proclaimed as he dropped onto Harry's bed.
"Just because you live here doesn't mean you're my wife, you know". This earned Harry the characteristic Malfoy sneer and a slap against the head. He laughed but Draco turned suddenly serious.
"Why are all your mirrors occluded?".
"Because I don't like my reflection Draco". Harry shook his head, indicating that Draco was crossing a line.
"Why?, when you are so nice to look at". Draco didn't flinch or look away as he said it.
"Are you flirting with me Draco?". Harry asked suggestively.
"No, I'm just a natural flirt, I do this with every hot man I know". Harry loved how he and Draco could be simply honest with each other, without worrying about insulting the other.
"I'm the only hot man you know".
"And you say we Slytherins are full of ourselves". Harry blushed when he replayed what he'd said in his head.
"Yeah well, you know what I mean".
"Now get up".
"Why?".
"I want to go shopping".
"So go". Harry grumbled as he lay back down.
"Honestly Harry, are you going to make me ask?". Harry just stared at him.
"Fine, would you please take me shopping, I've been living here for ten days and every morning I make the same breakfast and we have the same disgusting take-away for lunch and frankly I feel the fat settling on my gorgeous body, and this is a Muggle place, I don't have the faintest idea how to get anywhere, I don't have muggle money and there is no way I'm getting back in one of those cab things ever again. Now get up". He threw the covers off Harry and gasped lightly, flinging the covers back over Harry.
"I meant just you, not that too". Draco was still trying to look away from the tented covers in Harry's lap.
"I can't help it, it's early morning". The blush on Draco's cheeks made Harry laugh out loud and the blonde stormed out of the room. Harry got up and couldn't help but keep smiling as he covered his morning erection with a denim and buttoned shirt. He pulled on a pair of flip flops and was about to make his way out of the room when he felt it. There was a light throbbing pain in his right ankle, right at the joint he felt a dull ache. He stood still, curiously feeling with his mind at the spot. The pain resembled the way it felt when some part of the body went to sleep. He shrugged and walked out into the hall to find Draco standing impatiently in the entryway, he was leaning agains a tiny table, obscuring a small orange bowl that sat in the centre of it.
"Took you long enough".
"Damn, you are the most impatient man I know". He stepped close to his pale friend and reached around him into the bowl for his keys, for a moment he caught the smell again and he sighed as it enticed his entire body with desire, he looked up a moment into Draco's eyes but stopped at his mouth, they were so close, if he just leaned forward a fraction he would make contact with those gorgeous lips. He felt his groin stir again, for a breathless moment they stood frozen in fron of the door, feeling each other's breath on their skin, felt heat radiate from each other, felt the desire between them..
"Well my looks allow me to get away with it". And with that Draco was out the door, leaving Harry standing in the hallway.
They were outside the apartment a moment later and made their way to the grocer down the street. As they walked, they passed Madame Kobayashi's place and Harry pulled them to a stop. He stared into the restaurant, hoping to see Madame Kobayashi or Tai, but the place was dark, the fish in the tank near the door swam around lazily, not noticing him.
"What are you doing?". Draco asked, clearly embarrassed at Harry pressing himself against the window like a child.
"I'm trying to see if my friends are in there, I promised them I'd come show you off".
"I'm not some trophy you know". Draco folded his arms and pouted again,
"Of course you are". Harry said and he slipped his arm around the blonde's body and they continued to walk. He enjoyed the feeling of Draco's warmth so near to him and he couldn't keep the pleasure from bubbling up in him when Draco in turn slipped his hand into Harry's behind his back. Harry noticed their reflections in the windows of the closed shops. They made a nice pair, he thought, both tall and thin, walking down the street, lovingly holding each other, he smiled. Near the intersection a display in one of the corner shop's windows caught Harry's eye and he stopped, he felt Draco move on from him, Draco's hand held on to his for another second before it slipped out and Harry's own hand trailed around the thin back, as Draco moved from his grasp. As he heard Draco move away, some thought started screaming at him deep inside his brain, but the piece of art in the window held his attention and he mentally told the little voice in his head to shut up.
Harry looked up when he heard a car horn blare, he instantly knew what was happening, what the little voice had been warning him about, and he was running even before he'd though of doing so. The honking car applied brakes and he heard it skid, trying desperately to stop. He heard a man yelling. In his mind he saw the huge metal shape slam into his lover, sending him flying across the street and crashing into the hard roadway, tearing him apart, breaking and moulding his body into something unrecognisable.
He saw the black car a second before he made contact with the thin body of his friend, feeling the shock of the contact course through it, the car passed by him in a flash of black that was so close he was sure he could feel the engine heat it emitted. He and Draco sprawled on the ground on the opposite side of the street with hard grunts and a yelp, although Harry wasn't sure who had emitted it. Several people who were on the street gasped and started running in their direction. The car came to a stop a full car length past the spot where Draco had been walking just a second before.
Now Harry lay on top of Draco, the blonde shaking beneath him. He stood up and pulled his friend violently from the ground by the front of his shirt.
"Merlin Draco, watch where you're fucking going!". He yelled into the blonde's terrified face, confusion and terror clear in the expression.
"I… What…?". Harry stepped back and flung his arms in the air.
"Shit, you could have just died!". He stepped closer to Draco again, gasping and shivering, he had the insane urge to hit the blonde right then but thankfully he heard a car door fly open and a near hysterical woman ran up to them.
"Oh god, are you okay?".
"We're fine, are you?". Harry replied to her high pitched voice, hearing his own voice tremble.
"Yes I am, but what the hell were you doing in the street, didn't you see me coming at you!". She yelled at Draco, her voice rising higher in pitch every few words.
"I'm… I didn't…".
"He's not from around here". Harry explained, trying to calm the woman down.
"Where the hell is he from, Honestly where the hell do you have to live to be stupid enough to walk right in front of a car and then stare at it as though you have right of way!". She started pacing up and down in front of them, her rather overweight body moving with a strange grace and Harry was reminded of Professor Umbridge.
"I'm not fucking stupid!". Draco yelled at her, it was at least a full sentence but he wasn't helping the situation much by making the woman even more angry. Harry put an arm on Draco's shoulder and gently squeezed it, hoping the blonde would shut up, which he grudgingly did.
"I'm sorry ma'am, he comes from a country where the cars drive on the other side of the road, I'm sure he was just shocked to see you there". This seemed to make sense to the woman and she calmed down visibly.
"Well keep an eye on him, I could have killed him". She mumbled, pointedly ignoring Draco, and stepped back into her car, Harry politely waved her off as she left and got the finger in return for his kindness. He turned back to Draco.
"She's insane, I told you those things are…".
"Merlin Draco, don't you know you should look for things before you cross a road?" Harry was horrified to discover that he had also started pacing in front of Draco just as the woman had done, he stopped for a moment then realised the pacing was keeping him calm and he resumed.
"I…".
"Just stop it Malfoy…". Harry nearly yelled, he wanted to fall into a long speech but this time it was Draco who cut Harry off.
"Don't fucking call me that!". The blonde suddenly yelled and pushed at Harry with both his hands, making the brunette stumble back. He heard a woman gasp near them.
"What?". Draco stepped close to Harry and pointed a finger in his face.
"Don't you ever dare call me that again, I am Draco and nothing else". At the confused look on Harry's face he seemed to deflate and suddenly Harry understood the anger Draco felt and he stepped closer, several people who had stopped to see the near accident were now eagerly awaiting a fight, like vultures waiting for and animal to die, since they had been deprived of the excitement the car crash would have provided.
Harry closed his arms around his friend and Draco tried to push him away, his arms clutching at the brunette's shoulders, but Harry was persistent and eventually Draco gave in, as he wrapped the blonde in his arms Harry felt his defences give way. Draco was shivering uncontrolably. Tears suddenly exploded from Harry's eyes and he gasped out a sob.
"I'm so sorry Draco. I was so scared when I saw the car…". He wept freely then, the horror he had seen play out in his mind as he ran surging back into his memory.
"I didn't want to lose you too". Draco's arms then closed tightly around Harry and they both sobbed for several minutes, tears stained Harry's shirt and once Draco bit gently on the soft skin in his neck. Harry pulled back, holding Draco at arm's length and looked into his friend's eyes.
"Forgive me?". He asked in his best pleading voice, which cracked as he spoke.
"Of course". Draco whispered. Harry saw the tear streaks on the beautiful pale face, another tear escaped from the steel grey eyes and followed the path of the others. Before Harry could really think about it he leaned forward and kissed the tear gently away, tasting the salty pain Draco felt. He didn't want to take his lips away from the warm skin beneath them and he breathed in that strange smell again, feeling it settle between his eyes. He sighed, but a content sigh this time and felt Draco turn his face upward, the blonde's lips locked with his a second later and Harry felt his heart stop, his blood seemed to expand in his veins and every hair on his body tingled. Draco's tongue gently prodded his lips and he allowed them access as he lifted his arms around the thin shoulders again and pulled Draco close, gently this time.
Harry pulled away, the people on the street were still staring at them, and he almost laughed, they had expected an accident then a fight but had gotten a passionate first kiss as a show instead. Harry smiled at an old woman and a rather aroused looking teenage boy with short black hair and slipped his hand into Draco's.
"Lets go, we have shopping to do". And they again began making their way to the grocery store, the crowd slowly dispersed as the entertainment left the stage.
"I think I should do things like that more often". Draco whispered.
"What, are you crazy, I nearly had a heart attack".
"True, but it did make you kiss me". Draco smiled sweetly at Harry as they entered the grocery store.
"You could have just kissed me in the hallway this morning instead of doing that". Harry knew Draco's new view on the situation was just a cover-up to hide his shock so he played along, Draco smiled at this statement.
"But when else would you have the chance to be a hero, and rescue me".
"So I guess that makes you my damsel in distress". Harry said slyly.
"What, I may have been in distress but I am… most certainly not your damsel". Draco sputtered indignantly and pulled his hand from Harry's, he seemed to reconsider this move and replaced it.
"You're an ass". He whispered to Harry as they began shopping for all the things Draco apparently couldn't live without.
On the way home (Harry liked thinking of his apartment as their home) they stopped again by Madame Kobayashi's window and still seeing no one, moved on. As they entered the apartment Harry noticed that his other ankle was throbbing just like the right one had been that morning, both beating in time to some unknown, unheard music. He pushed the uncomfortable sensation away and they made their way upstairs.
In the apartment Harry left Draco to put away the things as they best suited him, since he'd be the one who would be cooking most of the time. Harry summoned an owl, something he had only recently started doing again and while waiting for it to arrive wrote a quick note to his medi witch, requesting an appointment via her floo portal. He looked at the occluded mirror and thought. 'Okay, the floo network and the owls and maybe an occasional apparition, I've done more magic in the last ten days than I did in the whole year since the attack', he nodded at the mirror even though he couldn't see his reflection. He'd been content with just the floo network, since it was the only thing he needed reach Hermione. But since he began suspecting he had the Creep he had to make use of the owls again to contact the medi witch, since actually walking through Diagon Alley to go see her was too much of an ordeal. The grey barn owl arrived and he gave it the letter, it flew off into the midday sun. In the kitchen he heard a door creak on it's hinges and a second later something snapped loudly, this was promptly followed by several words in a different language that Harry could not understand but easily identified as swears of epic scale. He rushed into the kitchen.
"What the hell is this?". Draco cried out when he saw Harry in the doorway. Harry couldn't stifle his laughter when Draco turned around with a mouse trap clamped down on his right index and middle fingers.
"What is so funny. Merlin, it hurts!". Draco's voice had a distinct whine to it and Harry couldn't help but feel his heart go to pieces as he stepped forward and carefully helped Draco remove the trap and watched as Draco healed the wound with his wand.
"Why do you have that thing in you house?". Draco demanded indignantly.
"I have mice".
"Mice, you catch animals with that thing?".
"Yeah". Draco's eyes went wide.
"You are cruel, I can't believe I'm dating you, you barbarian!". Harry smiled politely and lifted Draco's now healed hand and carefully kissed the fingers.
"Who said we were dating?". Harry told him, trying to keep his face innocent as possible.
"Well, isn't that the way fairytales go?, hero saves the… distressed person and they fall in love and live happily ever after?".
"Yeah, I think that's right. So are you admitting that you are my damsel then?". Draco glared at him and he chuckled.
"I think you should just stay away from muggle things, or maybe just ask me what they are when you are unsure, don't just go touching them okay". The change of subject was clearly not lost on either Harry nor Draco but for the moment Harry was content to keep Draco on his toes.
"Fine. Now I'm going to make lunch". Draco turned and Harry walked from the room, surprisingly he found the grey owl back in his bedroom. The letter it brought confirmed his appointment for immediately. He quickly looked around the room and then yelled out the door to Draco that he was quickly going to floo somewhere, not waiting for a reply he tossed the powder in and was gone before Draco could reach the living room.
Harry stepped out of the old witch's fireplace and she smiled broadly at him. She sat back down at her desk and motioned for him to sit opposite her.
"What seems to be the problem?'. She asked and Harry slowly explained to her what he had begun feeling that morning. For a moment after his explanation he though he saw tears form in the old woman's eyes, but she discretely wiped them away and looked at him.
"I'm afraid that might be bad news". She motioned for him to lay down on the examination table and quickly passed her wand over him, figures appeared above his body but they meant nothing to him, since he had neither studied runes nor knew medical jargon. She clucked and shook her head then politely waved her hand and they returned to the desk.
"Yes, it is very bad news indeed mister Potter". Harry steeled himself.
"The tingling in your stomach could have been anything but since we've been waiting to see if anything else came up, the pain in your feet, well, it's the first symptom of The Creep". Harry felt his courage crash down into his shoes, it felt as though all the blood had suddenly apparrated from his body.
"What does that mean Clarissa?".
"Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the first symptom means that as of today you have exactly three weeks to live mister Potter".
"You're sure?". Harry swallowed thickly.
"Yes, sadly The Creep is a very punctual disease, in all victims recorded, death occurs exactly twenty one days after the first symptom makes itself known".
"How… when… are the symptoms going to get worse?".
"Yes, much worse but I have a potion that can help with that". She fiddled around on her shelf and brought him a vial filled with a neon purple potion. She handed it politely to him.
"For the first week you'll need to take a drop once a day, either the morning or night. The second week means twice daily and then by the third week you'll have to take a drop four times a day". Harry could hardly breathe as he though about what that meant.
The Creep was a new disease, no wizard or witch had ever seen anything that nearly resembled it before the attack on Hogwarts. It had been some kind of side effect brought on by an ancient curse that had been encased in the curse box used that night, or perhaps The Creep was the whole point of the curse and the scar it left was merely a mark to show the world the person was infected. However one saw it, the disease was hell for anyone who had it. The first sign was usually a tingling in the stomach some time before the first symptoms started. Without the help of the potion the medi witch offered, anyone infected would in the first week after the first sign of symptoms *start to feel an uncomfortable feeling in the legs, starting at the feet and gradually moving up the body, thus the name. The pain would at first be a simple numb feeling which gradually evolves into the kind of throbbing pain one experiences if the legs are tightly wrapped in thick bandages, the pain then forces the victim's muscles into random spasms, especially during the night or after several hours of low activity. By the second week the pain will be up to the victim's hips, settling in the hip joint, now both legs would feel like they were on fire on top of the pain brought over from the previous week, thus keeping the infected wizard awake at all hours*, by now movement becomes difficult and the infected wizard usually becomes bedridden and exhausted.
By the third and final week the wizard will begin hallucinating and the pain will have moved up into the chest and neck, making breathing difficult and causing constant shivering and random muscle spasms of the entire body. In the final two days of the infected wizard's life all bodily systems begin to shut down, he will most likely lose consciousness and slip into a coma some time during the remaining two days after which the lungs give out and the wizard dies. The purple potion Clarissa had provided him can stem the symptoms until this time. Harry took the potion from the old witch and made his way immediately through the floo network to see Hermione. When he dropped down next to her he felt himself shaking violently.
"I know I promised not to come back before I had good news, but I guess I have both". He whispered as he pulled out the vial and swallowed the first drop.
"What is that?".
"It's this potion that's going to keep The Creep symptoms away".
"They found a cure?".
"No, it's just something to keep my life normal till the last two days".
"What then?"
"Then I'll slip into a coma and die". The words sounded harsh on his ears and tasted worse in his mouth. He felt tears gush up in his eyes and he blinked violently but it was no use, the drops came of their own accord and he allowed them to flow, he'd only ever cried in front of Hermione and Ron and since Ron… Harry shook his head to clear the thoughts and wiped at his face.
"I don't want to die". He nearly howled the words at the setting sun.
"I know Harry, I wish I could cast a spell and cure you".
"Thank you Hermione but it's impossible". He sat for several minutes just staring out into nothing, his mind raced but he couldn't detect words in the jumble of thoughts.
"What is the good news?".
"What?".
"You said you had good news too".
"Yeah, Draco moved in with me and we're dating again".
"Oh Harry that's wonderful". Harry proceeded to tell her how they had gotten together again, as well as what had happened in the street that morning.
"I would have expected Malfoy wouldn't have any knowledge of the muggle world. You should watch him carefully Harry, he could get hurt easily".
"I know, I just hope he moves to Hogwarts, or at least back into the magical world, after I die. He won't be able to cope on his own in the muggle world. At least he's accepted the position at the school".
"Good, so how are you going to tell him about The Creep?".
"I'm not going to tell him, I told you before".
"It's not fair to him Harry, you are falling in love again and he deserves to know".
"He may deserve to know, but he doesn't deserve to suffer with me, he's suffered enough".
'Still Harry, he…".
"No 'Mione, I am not going to tell him anything. I just want to be happy for the next three weeks". Harry lost his words then, he didn't know where his proclamation had come from but he realised that it was true the moment the words were out of his mouth. Yes, he had been unhappy and hurt for so long now..
"I need to be happy for this last part".
"Very well Harry, but I still believe you are making a mistake".
"I might probably be and it may be selfish but this is what I want". He spent about an hour sitting next to her, discussing the things he'd miss out on now that he knew for sure that he had The Creep. They sat in silence for several minutes before he turned to her again.
"I've been thinking a lot about kids Hermione".
"Why?".
"I don't know, the night you told me about you being pregnant was one of the happiest times of my life, and if you'd had the baby, if you hadn't… you know?".
"Yes, I know. If I'd had the baby then there would be a part of me and Ron around forever".
"Yes, a part of you, in effect having a child is a way to live forever isn't it?". The tears were threatening to make an appearance again and Harry breathed deeply to try and calm himself.
"Yeah, I guess that's true... we were going to call her Rose".
"That would have been a lovely name".
"And we were planning on asking you to be her godfather". They sat in silence again, the words stung Harry deeply and he felt longing for Sirius bubble up in him again, how he missed him.
"I would have done my best, I just wish that I could have my own to…". He didn't finish the sentence, seeming at a loss.
"I understand Harry. Are you… going to ask Draco to have a… a… a child with… you?".
"I wish I could, but 'Mione, there's one problem, we're guys". As though he just realised it, the fact made him feel weak and empty.
"That doesn't matter, what about a surrogate?".
"Perhaps, but it would still only be my or Draco's baby, not ours. It's a lost cause". Harry felt his tears coming close again and he leaned back.
"I'm sure there is a way Harry, you can find the answer to anything if you just do enough research". Harry smiled at this, deep down she was still herself, even after everything that had happened, but he also knew that she was right, there had to be a solution, he just had to speak to someone who knew more about the subject than he did. He said goodbye to Hermione and was off.
"Where did you go?". Draco asked him the moment he stepped into the room.
"Just out, I needed to get some air".
"Why didn't you just go out on the balcony. Merlin Harry, I made a huge lunch and you just left, I had to toss half the food and I hate doing that". Harry felt like he could slap himself.
"I'm sorry Draco, I got caught up and I forgot".
"Got caught up in what, I thought you went for air?".
"I did, I was on the grass and I just lost track of time".
"Fine, but I've noticed you vanish some times, where do you go when you go out for air?".
"Just around, I just have to get away for a few minutes every now and again". Draco grunted.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to".
"Okay, I don't want to". Draco marched out of the room, Harry made to follow him but the blonde was back in the door before he could take two steps.
"You know what, it's fine, I have my secrets, you have yours".
"So you were laying on the grass for six hours?". Draco tilted his heads to one side and stared at Harry.
"Yeah and it did give me some time to think though".
"You thought!," Draco cried out and looked around the room with a desperate look on his face "hold on I'll give you a potion and I'm sure the pain will go away". Harry playfully punched the blonde and pulled him down on the couch, throwing an arm around him.
"Shut up. I was thinking about kids".
"Kids, you pervert!". Draco pretended to pull away but it only resulted in them moving closer together and Harry grabbed Draco's wrists, their faces were so close together they could feel each other's breath on their skin.
"Seriously Draco". He said into the grey eyes.
"Really Harry, you want children?".
"Yes, and I want them with you".
"What?". Draco's face was almost indignant.
"You don't want kids?".
"I don't think so Harry, I can't see bringing a child into the world, there is too much evil in it and I don't want a child to go through…" Draco's soft voice trailed off and he looked away from Harry.
"Go through what Draco, the war is over, Voldemort is gone. It's safe".
"Still Harry, I can't". Draco shifted his position and Harry let go of his wrists but entwined their fingers. Silence reigned in the room and Harry made to move but Draco suddenly turned towards him, curling himself up against Harry, nearly in a foetal position. His arms carefully encircled Harry's body from the left and Draco lay his head on Harry's shoulder, blonde hair tickling the brunette's face. Draco burried his face in the Harry's neck and Harry felt the gently bite near his pulse point again, the same as earlier in the street, the motion seemed to offeer Draco some security when he felt he was losing control of himself.
"Don't go, just hold me please". Draco whispered, his voice pleading, there was a soft quality to his voice Harry had never heard before. Harry nodded and he slowly moved his hips into a more comfortable position and wrapped his arms around the thin man. After several moments Draco began to speak, aiming his words at the back of the couch.
"I don't want a child because I'm afraid". The words were so softly whispered in his ear that Harry was sure that had he not been focussing on Draco he would have missed them.
"Why?".
"I don't want to become like my father". Harry felt Draco shiver and he pulled the other man into an even tighter embrace.
"You could never become like him".
"That's what he had been told too".
"What do you mean?".
"He married my mother in spite of the fact that my grandfather had arranged a marriage with another woman. But he chose to be happy, and he was, until he had me". Draco fell silent again and Harry felt the now familiar twin wet spots form on his shirt.
"You are such a gift, how could he have been unhappy?".
'By the time I was born, the Dark Lord had already worked his charms on my father and it was expected of me to become a Death Eater, to follow in my father's footsteps, perhaps even to follow in the Dark Lord's". Harry held his silence respectfully, knowing that saying anything may break the trance Draco seemed to have fallen into.
"But I was a sickly child since my mother had had difficulty giving birth to me, and I was born very early. My father… he… he never accepted the fact that I was weak, that I wasn't interested in the things he wanted me to do. I was utterly wrong, a complete failure as a son and my father let me know how pathetic I was every chance he got".
"Draco, those were his failures, not yours". Harry couldn't keep his silence anymore, Draco needed his comfort.
"I've heard that too Harry, but I could never believe it. Though he never actually abused me until sixth year". Draco sobbed loudly and Harry tightened his arms even more.
"I had to fix the damn cabinet and it took so long, when I went home that Christmas, the Dark Lord was there and I… he… they tortured me, I remember I spent Christmas Day, naked, on the floor in the Manor's dungeon, surrounded by masked figures and I know I woke up two days later, still there". Silence followed again, the wet patches on Harry's shirt slowly growing bigger.
"I woke up and I could barely move, some kind of stinging sensation went through me when I tried to get up. At first I thought I'd been tied down but I found my wand and lit it… I… oh Merlin". Draco shook violently and clutched desperately at Harry, teeth raking the skin again.
"What Draco?". He whispered softly, kissing the pale cheek.
"I… I was stuck to the floor with my own blood". Harry swallowed thickly.
"They at least left me a note". Draco tried to sound sarcastic but he failed miserably.
"What did the note say?". Harry was chocked up, he could hardly imagine what Draco must have felt and was horrified that someone's parents could treat them like that, not even the Dursley's had been that cruel to him.
"It said that I should go into the house once I knew how to be a real Malfoy or I had to die there in the dungeon… So… so I got up and crawled up the stairs. I've never known pain like that except…". He swallowed audibly.
"Except later that year, just after the battle at the school. I went home and Blaise was there when I came home and my father immediately attacked me with the Cruciatus curse when I stepped into the house. I didn't know why but when I was almost unconscious my father leaned over me and asked me if I were gay?". Harry went rigid, Draco had only ever had a relationship with him.
"I said no, but he told me that Blaise had seen me kissing a guy, he didn't know who, but he knew it was a guy".
"My father then pulled my memories from me and used a pensieve to watch me and… and you, together. He was so angry". Draco clung to Harry, fear racking his body as though Lucius might appear any moment to torture him again.
"What did he do?".
"I… I don't know, I just woke up in St Mungo's and the nurse told me I'd been unconscious for two weeks and that I'd nearly died". Harry sat stunned, Draco had nearly died because of him, again!. He still carried the quilt from the attack with the Sectumsempra curse.
"I'm so sorry Draco, I should have been there to protect you". Draco finally turned his face to stare into Harry's moist eyes. The streaks down the pale skin were glistering thanks to the single light in the living room.
"You have always been there for me, even when you weren't there physically. I though of you through most of the tortures. When the Crucio came, my mind automatically remembered us, our kisses, the way you held me, just like you're doing now".
Harry pulled the stricken blonde close to him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, running his hand through the soft silver strands. Draco kissed him back, almost pleadingly. Harry shifted carefully to lay down on the couch, resting his head on a pillow that magically appeared and pulled Draco on top of him, feeling the other's weight pressing against him. Draco sat up, stradling the man beneath him and slowly ground himself against Harry, the movements desperate and longing. The light in the room dimmed suddenly as Draco's fingers came up and undid the buttons of Harry's shirt, slipped the fabric down Harry's arms and tossed it away, his own shirt vanishing over the back of the couch a moment later. Harry knew they could barely see each other and he also knew why. Draco leaned in and kissed him again, the feeling of Draco's warm skin against his own naked flesh made Harry gasp, however this seemed to flip a switch somewhere inside his lover. Draco sat up suddenly and looked around as though he'd been confunded and was coming out of it just then.
"Oh no, Harry, I… We…" He made to get off but Harry grasped him tightly.
"What's wrong?".
"I can't do this, we haven't ever… I don't want it…". He tried to get off the couch again but Harry kept his arms tight, flattening Draco against his chest, the blonde squirmed in panic.
"I can't Harry please, I don't want our first time to be a… a comfort fuck, it should be…".
"Real and loving". Harry finished for him, staring into the steel coloured eyes.
"Yes". Draco nodded as he whispered the word and let out a breath that seemed to drain all his energy.
"It's okay Draco, we can just sleep". Harry turned on the couch, putting Draco between himself and the soft purple cushions of the back, he shifted gently to reach behind him and Draco grabbed him, again the frightened child he'd been minutes earlier.
"Don't leave me!". His voice cracking with fear.
"I'm just getting the blanket on the chair". Harry leaned back further and pulled a delicate blanket off the arm chair and covered them both, it had been one of the most chaotic days Harry had ever had and he felt his muscles rejoice at the thought of going to sleep. He slipped his arms around the thin, shivering form that shared the cushions with him, resting his face close Draco's on the pillow. The other man was breathing deeply, his eyes closed, creaseless, his mouth slightly open, he'd clearly fallen asleep already. Their naked chasts were pressed tightly against each other, sharing their body heat, their heart beats slamming against each other. Harry placed a gentle kiss on Draco's pointy nose, feeling delighted that his damsel had fallen asleep in his arms, as he turned out the light completely he whispered:
"I love you". And drifted off to sleep himself.
* * *
A/N: The Symptoms of The Creep described during the meeting with Clarissa (Between the two *'s) are actual symptoms of a severe case of a disease called "Restless Leg Syndrome", which is actually controlable with the right medication. Every person who has it describes the symptoms differently but for the purpose of this story I used my own experiences with this illness as a reference.