Pairing: BL with minor NH
Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or the lyrics.
Summary: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL
AN: I wanna say thank you to everyone that read/alerted/favorite this story and especially those that read and reviewed the last chapter (ravencheerleader, yaba, othfan326, kItty'RoCkeR, Long Live BRUCAS, BDavisLScott23, .Cinnamon, catcat51092) you guys are beyond awesome! Anyways, hope you like this chapter.
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I wanna hear what you have to say about me, hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want, I remember December....
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Chapter 9: I'll never ask for anyone but you
It was snowing.
Big, white flakes fell from the dark, ominous clouds covering up the road and the pavement outside quickly, as if the flakes were trying to catch up with each other before they met their unfortunate fate. All the people around her were in a hurry to get somewhere, catch a plane or meet their family at the terminal 15 or whatever but she wasn't. She sat there, looking outside, focusing on the snowflakes that seemed to move in slow motion, almost as if they were hovering in the air before colliding with the wet ground and turning into small drops of water. To a ten year old girl it was nothing short of magical.
She watched the planes come and go through the big glass windows of the airport, sitting on a plastic, orange colored chair, her feet not touching the ground. Her dark hair was pulled in a pony tail with a pale pink bow that matched her outfit and her shoes perfectly. To anyone around her she looked like a typical ten year old girl if you failed to take one little detail into consideration, she was sitting alone in the waiting area of a rather large JFK airport.
But she didn't mind, she was expecting her mom to show up any minute now with their tickets. You see, today they were going on their first family vacation to Aspen. Seven days in a pretty hotel that had an indoor pool and was surrounded with miles and miles of snow. Victoria has promised her that they would even go skiing and she was more than excited about that. Daddy was coming soon too and they would be going to board their plane any second now. So she sat and waited.
Minutes passed and despite herself, she started to worry, wondering where her mom was. She noticed a pair of black stilettos paired up with a dark red suit in the crowd not too far away and smiled, thinking she was just being silly for worrying at all as her mom slowly walked up to her. It was then that she noticed her hands were empty. Her smile fell as Victoria told her that their flight was canceled because of the snow storm and even if it wasn't for that her daddy was busy with work so they couldn't go anyway.
But they would definitely go on some other day, maybe even next weekend, her mom assured her.
The problem was that that other day never came. And as she watched with those sad hazel eyes those snowflakes blur in weird, unrecognizable shapes, feeling her eyes sting, she knew in her heart even then that it never would.
----BL----
It was raining.
Big, fat drops of rain were falling from the sky, those heavy, grey clouds matching with her foul mood. And even though she was in a closed space, the cold from the outside still pervaded the not so crowded waiting area and her thin green cotton shirt. She watched the planes take off the runway as she sat at one of the plastic chairs, with her jacket in hands. For the last half hour she was staring through those glass windows of the airport trying desperately to think of any remotely nice memory she had of her family, of Victoria but was failing miserably so far.
The closest she got to that was that day at the airport when she was ten and that worked only if she left out half of the story, if she tried to focus only on that feeling of hope she had when she waited for her mom to come as she sat there, thinking of all the amazing things they would do together at that winter vacation. Her mom and dad and her.
Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes.
She hasn't cried all day, not when Blake told her about Victoria, not at all. But right now, sitting at Tree Hill airport she felt like crying. She could feel her eyes slowly filling with tears, but she quickly closed them to stop the tears from falling, her hands squeezing that coat she was holding a little tighter.
They were never close, she and Victoria. Actually if she thought about it, that was kind of an understatement. They rarely spent any time together when she was younger and now, not much has changed, if you didn't count work related meetings and discussions that they both were obligated to attend. And when she was in High school she barely even saw her, maybe once every few months. She was always on some business trip or at some spa or whatever and with time Brooke got used to it. And she didn't really miss her then, so why would she now when she was a grown up woman?
No, this wasn't about that.
It was about all those things they missed, all the time they could've spent together if Victoria didn't pay more attention to her bottle of scotch/wine/whiskey or to the money she made or that Spanish pool boy than she did to her only daughter. It was the memories she could've had, if she had a mom like Karen Roe instead that burned her eyes. That's what she felt like crying for.
"Hey, I got the tickets." someone said, towering in front of her, interrupting her thoughts.
She looked up at those dark brown eyes and said quietly, with a shaky sigh "Okay." It was the most she'd said all day.
He sat beside her with a sigh, pulling his hand through his hair unsure of what exactly to do or say for that matter. Right now he wasn't sure of anything. Ever since he stepped with his foot in Tree Hill he felt like he wasn't really all that welcome here. Sure all her friends greeted him nicely, with big smiles and warm words but with a certain dose of reservations he didn't know how to interpret. And there was this blonde guy with her that didn't even bother with saying anything to him but chose to leave the gym instead after hugging Brooke longer than necessary and saying he was sorry.
And Brooke was looking at him as if she didn't want him to leave at all.
----BL----
She watched the rain fall, with a certain dose of detachment. It was as if everything she's done after Blake walked up to her last night had been on some sort of autopilot. Blake looked at her as her phone started vibrating in her purse for what must be hundredth time that day alone. It was probably Haley, calling to check up on her even though she has told her last night she was fine. Really, she was. Or maybe Peyton to tell her she was there if she needed anything. Or Nate, ringing her up to ask if she had any news about Victoria, or Bevin… She sighed.
The thing was there was nothing that anyone could do. Victoria was in a hospital and she was fine. Just fine.
Blake squeezed her hand lightly.
"Brooke…" he said and she barely heard it, his voice coming to her almost in some sort of haze as if from a great distance. Everything felt like that today, like it was all far, far away from her and she had trouble connecting with anyone, with reality.
She sighed instead of an answer. She really wasn't in the mood for small talk. Or any other conversation for that matter.
"I just talked to the hospital, they don't know anything yet. She's still in surgery." he informed her.
"Alright."
"I'm sure she's gonna be okay." he assured her and then said, just loud enough for her to hear "You'll get through this."
"I'm fine." she repeated for the tenth time that day. The words were slowly starting to wear out on her tongue.
He looked up as the announcement that the plane for New York City was ready for boarding at gate B34 came over the speakers.
"We should go, that's our plane." he said and she stood up almost automatically.
He followed closely, taking her hand in hers. She didn't object.
"If you need anything I'm here for you." he said, pausing, and then after a short pause, "I love you." he added pulling her close to him and all she could think about was that cold winter day and that girl with tears in her hazel eyes.
"Blake, I…"
She tried but the words didn't want to come out of her mouth as she clenched her fingers into a fist, holding onto his coat tightly. God, she wished she could say those words to him in return, it would make her life so much easier. Why couldn't you chose who you love?
"Madam, can I see your ticket?" she heard someone ask, and she breathed the sigh of relief.
He pretended he didn't notice.
----BL----
Haley and Nathan were the it couple of Tree Hill, the ones that gave hope to everyone else that it was possible, that the whole long term relationship concept wasn't just something that happened in fictional tales about romance and love. And yes, they have been together for years now defying every obstacle they came upon and so every morning when she woke up Haley resisted the urge to pinch herself in order to make sure it was all real. Because really, she was married to a beautiful man with the most amazing blue eyes and a personality to match it, a man who loved her more than anything.
She knew that well and she didn't need any confirmation of it. Nevertheless, Nathan told her those three words now almost as often as he did when they first started dating and bought her presents for every important anniversary and birthday even when she insisted she didn't care about such sentiments. But it was nice, knowing she was still important enough to him to bother with such 'nonsense'. It made her smile.
But the point was now she was old enough to know that when you have work and a little kid and a whole lot of other things to take care of you don't have as much time for such things as you did when you were younger. It didn't really mattered anyway, she knew he loved her even when he didn't rent that damn plane to write it on the sky in bright white letters. That was one of the blessings she would forever be grateful for. So it was kind of silly that she was jealous of something as simple as the way he always looked at her.
The 'he' in that sentence being her best friend Lucas Scott and 'her' of course Brooke Davis.
It wasn't one of those things you could explain with words but it was something you could definitely notice. Like when they were in high school and Haley would catch up with them at the hallway during recess. Brooke would start talking about the latest school gossip, laughing together with Haley and Luke would just stand there beside her, one hand holding his backpack, the other tangled with hers, not saying a word. But everything he failed to say with words he said with his eyes. And it startled her, the way he had eyes only for her, as cliché as that sounded. There was something magical about it, something deep and inviting, something a lot like forever.
Often she wished she had someone who would look at her that way, like she was the only girl in the room, making her burn from the inside out with nothing but those blue eyes. Lucas was a writer and he often went on and on about his love life or the lack of it but when it came to his relationship with Brooke he had said more with the way he looked at her then with anything else.
Just like last night.
Haley stood next to him but she didn't watch Brooke walk away towards Blake. Her attention was focused on those blue eyes that watched her every move, in a way they never watched any other girl, and she knew she was right then. This was the forever kind of thing.
But the problem was that their forever was slowly fading away in front of his dark eyes. Almost literally actually, since a few painful minutes later Brooke walked away held tightly by Blake towards the exit door and into the darkened hallway as he remained frozen at his spot.
And this morning he chose to spend at her house staring at a steaming cup of coffee placed on her living room table and Haley couldn't help but think how they were back to the beginning, replaying their morning at that cafe few days ago, only with much gloomier Luke. She has called Brooke at least five times by now, leaving her messages on voicemail since she didn't pick up her phone, asking about Victoria and about her of course. In a way she felt as if she was doing the same with Lucas, only in person. Because so far it seemed that whatever she was saying Luke wasn't hearing. The subscriber is temporary unavailable, please try later.
It was so unnerving that she was sure she had finally met someone more relentless that she was.
"Luke, do you want some sugar with that coffee?" she asked, glancing at his cup of black coffee.
He remained impassive, concentrating on some invisible spot on the table.
"Luke…?" she tried again and he finally looked up.
"No, no it's good this way."
And that was all sorts of weird since Luke never liked bitter coffee. In fact she and Brooke often joked with him when she worked at Karen's cafe because he tended to put three or four spoons of sugar in it, and then complain that the coffee was a little too strong.
Haley sighed as she watched him take a sip from his cup, without even a wince. It was evident that his thoughts were somewhere else and that he wasn't paying all that much attention to the task at hand.
"You should go see her." she finally said, picking up furiously Jamie's toys that were scattered around the room.
"What?" he asked, genuinely confused. Or shocked, she wasn't really sure. It was kind of out of the blue statement but she had to pull out the big guns if she was going to get his attention.
"I said you should go see Brooke." she said bluntly. "I'd go with you if Jamie didn't have school but…"
Lucas sighed.
"Hales she has bigger things on her mind right now, she doesn't need me coming to see her and saying…" Saying what exactly? He didn't know. God, he couldn't just show up at her door and say what, that he still had feelings for her? That would be a bit too much.
"And that's exactly why she needs her friends to be there for her. She needs you to be there." Haley said.
"Why would she need me there? She has that fiancé of hers." he said sounding a lot like a five year old he wasn't.
Haley gave him the look, finding his question a little ridiculous. "Trust me, it's not like that." Haley said remembering the look on Brooke's face when she talked about them that afternoon over coffee. Or that blinding smile on her lips that reflected in her eyes as she walked into the gym last night with Luke. It was more than obvious.
"What do you mean? Did she tell you something about it?" he asked, sitting up.
And as much as Haley wanted to tell him everything, Brooke was the person that needed to tell him this kind of information "Just go and talk to her." she repeated once again and then added more quietly "Please."
He looked at her as she put something in his hand. It was a plane ticket.
"But Haley, your renewal is…"
"Just go." she said, giving him an out.
If there was ever a good enough reason to miss your best friends vow renewal when you're the best man it was this one. And he knew that Haley understood that, maybe even better than he did.
Last night, he didn't expect Brooke to realize it. There were other things on her mind, like her mom getting in a horrible car accident in New York while she was on her way to the airport. Things much more important then what he had to say to her. Or maybe she did notice only to decide it wasn't really that important. Maybe she thought it was a mistake. Or maybe... He stopped himself, thinking he might drive himself crazy if he continued with this particular train of thoughts.
It didn't matter. All he wanted was to see her and make sure she was alright and if it wasn't for Haley's wedding he would be on that plane by now, that guy Blake be damned. Besides, he had to know. Yes it was selfish. And inconsiderate. And foolish, irresponsible, inappropriate for a situation at hand but he had to know. He just did. It wasn't some spur of the moment thing, or a selfish wish. It was a need, one that ran deep in his veins, making his skin itch for an answer.
This was something he had to do, even if he crashed and burned. He didn't do it then but now it was all he could think about.
He will fight for her.
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AN: Please review!