Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Pairing: BL
Summary: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.
AN: I rewrote this chapter three times and I'm still not quite happy about it, but I hope you guys like it. And also this quote is the reason that this story exists in the first place because I always liked it and I always wanted to write something about it. Plus that is one of my all time favorite Brucas scenes.
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Brooke: The part about taking chances and believing in the possibility, even when life has given you every reason not to believe…
Lucas: That's what's so great about weddings; you know, two people come together… and even if it's just for one night, they make us believe again.
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Chapter 14: Not so epic or?
All the restaurant employees have disappeared somewhere, the tables abandoned and they were still standing in silence, the one that neither was willing to break first. He almost wished she was still in New York because the distance that separated them now was far greater than two thousand miles.
His hands were safely tucked into his pants pockets and that was probably the only thing stopping him from reaching out to her, the tips of his hand practically screaming just to touch that porcelain skin, get tangled up in those curls.
He was watching her standing there in nothing but jeans and a soft hoodie and he was taken aback by how tiny she looked. As ridiculous as it sounded, he often had a tendency to forget about that since she had an obvious love affair with five inch heels and an attitude that made her look taller than she actually was.
He couldn't not to think how weird this was, the two of them standing close, no door between them, because she's kind of made it a habit to slam them in his face whenever she was mad at him. Kinda like she was now, he guessed by the look in her eyes.
Thinking that nothing could be worse than this 'silent treatment' he finally spoke "I'm sorry about yesterday, I had no right…"
"Yes…"
"And I may have been a little out of line…"
She didn't say anything for a long time, just taking it all in before saying in a barely audible voice, trying hard not to roll her eyes "That's mildly putting it."
"I know." he sighed "But as your friend I just had to…"
"My friend…" she repeated with a snicker and he was certain that the sarcasm there was all intentional.
"Yes, your friend." he said.
"Is that all…" she stopped suddenly, for a moment finding it hard to speak "You know what, it doesn't really matter now." she said shaking her head, moving away from him and towards the door "I can't be your friend Luke."
"Why not?" he questioned her.
"Because…"
"That's not a reason." he cut her off.
"You wouldn't understand." she said, barely able to look at him.
"Then explain it to me." he said as if it really was that easy.
She turned away "Luke…"
"Why can't we be friends Brooke?" he asked her again, when in reality he already knew the answer. Even if she could he knew he really couldn't be just that to her, not when… But right now he'd satisfy with even that if it meant she'd be there, in his life. So he pressed and she answered.
"Because…because I love you!" she said a lot louder than she initially intended, hands risen up in frustration. It took her awhile to realize she'd actually said those words out loud, Luke's confused look giving it away and she wished she hasn't. He watched her, floored by her confession and with a sigh she turned and walked in the direction of the door, passing by the tables, thinking how Luke was the only person she'd ever said those words to and feeling even more foolish because she was certain he'd said the same thing to at least two more girls (she was sure of it in fact).
Damn her and her blabbering mouth.
She kept walking until he grabbed her hand just a few short steps from the exit, making her stop and turn around but she refused to really look at him.
He looked through the windows and than back at her.
"It's pouring outside." he informed her.
"I don't mind." she said, turning back and making him let her go.
He sighed but quickly followed her "Brooke, you can't… where's your car?"
"I don't have one. But I can walk." she said, ever so stubbornly before coming to the window and seeing the rain outside. It was definitely pouring.
"We should wait it out. I'm sure it'll stop soon." he suggested.
"Where's your car?" she asked, anything to get out of this place.
"At my house." he retorted and she stopped herself before saying a few not so PG 13 rated words.
Instead she just rolled her eyes, before turning back, her shoulders sinking in defeat "Great, just great."
----BL----
They were sitting at one of the tables by the window and he observed her as she played impatiently with some book she carried with her, occasionally looking up to see if the rain was letting up outside. Sadly, it hasn't for the last ten minutes but somehow he didn't feel all that upset about it. But by the look on her face he was certain she did.
He on the other hand, was too busy watching her, tracing the outline of her jaw with his eyes, the way her delicate fingers toyed with the papers in her hand, the dark red nail polish contrasting with her pale skin. It was too quiet, the soft bluesy sound coming of the speakers soothing his frayed nerved almost as much as the sight in front of him. He just couldn't look away, looking like a teenage boy at his first dance, enchanted with a girl with soft curls and the bright hazel eyes that barely spared him a glance.
She's always been a complicated girl, a little lost, a little messy but always a puzzle he yearned to discover. There were so many layers there he feared he'd never have enough time to untangle them all. And now, thanks to the rain, maybe he got an undeserved chance to take a peak.
"Do you think Haley and Nate are already asleep?" she asked abruptly, raising those thick, long eyelashes to uncover the pools of hazel green that made him blink a couple of times before he could focus on her question.
He cleared his throat, snapping out of his little reverie "Why?"
"Maybe we could call them to come pick us up?" she explained, looking uncomfortable in her own skin and he really couldn't blame her for that. The tension between them was more than palpable.
"How about we wait for half an hour and if it doesn't let up we'll disturb the newlyweds?" he asked, praying for her to agree.
She pondered over his proposal, looking outside and then back at those bright blue eyes.
"Fine." she finally agreed, still refusing to look at him.
He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and said "How about we call a temporary truce and make this a little less awkward?"
After that, she finally turned to look at him and he sat under her scrutiny, feeling a little awkward himself until he saw her features soften, her shoulders relaxing a little "Sorry I was such a bitch yesterday."
"It's not y…"
"I'm not saying what you did was alright but I wasn't right to do what I did either." she interrupted him.
"Fair enough." he stated simply.
"I told you Victoria always gets the best of me." she said, her lips curving into a smile as she looked up.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, I've been there a few times myself."
She looked at him with confusion before she said "Oh, I completely forgot about Dan."
"But judging from my rather short time I spent with your mom, I'd say Victoria would even impress him."
She let out a laugh "But seriously, I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have let Victoria get to me and you were just defending me...which was nice of you to do, by the way."
"It's nothing really." he shrugged "I'm sure you'd do the same for me."
And more, she thought but didn't say. "I dunno. Dan is kinda scary. I'm not sure standing up to him would be a good idea."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do." she retorted "You are my friend after all." she added and he noticed the change in her demeanor but didn't say anything. She looked away again, watching the rain blur the big glass windows letting the silence fill the space between them.
He sighed, glancing around the room, taking in the decorations, the flowers, the empty tables and the now abandoned dance floor, remembering his brother and best friends and how in love they looked as they glided down that dance floor even after all the years only to find her again.
"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, clearing his throat "I don't know if you remember but that day at Keith's wedding I told you something about weddings…" he paused, waiting for her to face him "…how it's the one day when two people come together and make us believe again…you know, that it's possible. That love might actually be the point after all and that it does happen." he watched her as she tried to remember the day "But what I haven't told you then is that it was on that afternoon that you made me believe that real love wasn't just some myth. And looking at you then, hearing you say those things… it was the first time I thought, huh this could be the real deal." he said.
She was taken aback by his confession and sunned into silence.
He stepped in quickly "I know that was a long time ago but do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Think it's possible? Or were Nate and Hales an exception?"
It was a simple question and yet she didn't know what to say to him. Did she? Then she looked at him, thinking of all the laughter and the tears, secret tattoos and kisses and feelings that were still there despite the years that went by. She thought about the disappointments and surprises, him being there for her even when she tried to push him away, the letters and the confessions. Words she never shared with anyone but him, her secret hopes and dreams. He knew her when she was happy and when she was a crying mess and she didn't feel embarrassed about it. Actually it was kind of nice to have someone to rely on when things got rough not just someone who was there when she was bright and cheery. So did she? Without a doubt in her mind she knew that the answer was "Yes."
He nodded. "I'm glad you do." And he was. Even if they may not be meant to be he was glad she still believed in love, that it could happen, that he hasn't destroyed her faith because that was the one thing he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for.
"Well… I have a secret of my own to fess up on. Sort of. I came back to Tree Hill twice and both times it was for you." she said, all matter-of-factly and he didn't know what to make of it. It was sort of random of her to admit that but to him it seemed that tonight there was this unspoken agreement between them to say everything they avoided or didn't get a chance to say before. There were years of history between them that they rarely discussed and it was bound to get out once, one way or the other.
There was no turning back now, all the cards were on the table. They were two grown up people now and there was no more time for childish games they always used to play.
"Wow."
"Yeah, wow. I'm impressive like that." she said with a dry laugh.
"No, I just…Really?" he asked and by the look on his face she was sure saying he was surprised would be a huge understatement.
"You know, for someone who graduated with straight A's you really can be clueless sometimes." she said with a smile "At least when it comes to love."
"Judging by my previous relationships I'd say you're right about that." he admitted with a shrug.
"Yeah…" she agreed weakly "It's not all that bad…but…"
"A mild disaster, I'd say." he half joked.
"Okay maybe so…but then again, whose love life isn't?" she said with a smile "I for one haven't had a decent relationship since…well since you." she admitted reluctantly, surprised by her own words. It wasn't exactly news to her, but saying it like this, so openly, it somehow made it more real. And more frightening.
"Wow."
"You're repeating yourself." she noted.
"I don't know what to say." he said with a laugh.
"You don't have to say anything."
"I do." he retorted with a sigh, sitting up a little straighter.
"No it's fine really."
"Brooke…"
"I shouldn't have said anything. It's just that you said how you thought that we were the real…and I just got an impression that…But that was like a million years ago and we're not sixteen anymore, I get that."
She was rambling and he just had to stop her "I still think so."
"Then why don't you…" Why doesn't he what? She wasn't entirely sure but she knew she couldn't play this game of ping pong with him anymore.
"What?"
"Never mind." she shook her head "I should go anyway." she said, standing up, reprising her earlier actions and he came after her.
"Brooke…" he called out, but she was faster and before he knew it she was outside, slamming the door in his face. And there you have it, he thought, but failed to smile at the irony of it all. Instead he walked outside looking for her in the pouring rain.
It was a definite déjà vu. Her quick, angry steps across the wet pavement and him fallowing close behind while the rain fell furiously, making his clothes soaked as soon as he stepped away from the restaurant. But somehow with her it all seemed like one big déjà vu, no matter how far he went, how much time has passed it always came back to her.
And he always failed to say the right thing. Time and time again.
But maybe that was the whole point. Maybe it wasn't about the words but about actions. So he ran after her like his life depended on it.
"Brooke!" he called after her as loud as he could, his voice still barely audible against the roaring sound of rain despite of his effort. She didn't turn.
"Brooke!" he tried again.
"Stop going after me!" she yelled back but continued walking.
"I can't." he retorted shortly.
"Why the hell not?"
"Will you just stop so I can actually talk to you and not your back?"
"No."
"Can you just let me say what I have and then I promise I'll let you go." It was the hardest sentence he ever had to say and it finally made her stop.
She stood there for a second but to him it lasted an eternity and when she turned he let out a breath of relief. Her hair was completely wet, and she pushed it behind her ears letting the rain drops fall on her face, and for a moment his eyes were captured by a single droplet that nested on her lashes before she closed her eyes and it disappeared as she said "What?"
He looked at her, panting, trying to think of what to say. It wasn't like he had time to come up with a decent speech or anything. But the thing was he was fed up with it, with all the speeches and justifications and… This time standing before her was just him and three words he held inside for so long he thought he'd never say them out loud.
"I'm waiting. What did you have to say for yourself?"
Nothing. He had nothing to say except "I love you."
"What did you say?" she asked taking a step forward, her shoes making a squeaking sound that collided with a splashing sound of yet another water puddle she stepped in.
"I love you. That's all."
But it wasn't. It was everything.
"I don't have any speech prepared, or reasons to give you. I just love you…and I don't even know why anymore. I just do." he said feeling miserable with his wet clothes and just so damn tired of it all.
She nodded taking yet another step "It's been years and it should've gone away… I should've forgotten."
"And I haven't seen you in so long and we were just teenagers then for God's sake." he counted on, voicing all the excuses he always told himself with no effect.
"I know! And it was just one relationship in the sea of many. We weren't even all that special, just two crazy kids…"
"…in love."
That made her stop, just a few inches from him. "You make it sound better than it was." she said, surprised at how weak her own voice sounded.
"Well… we did fight a lot and I made quite a few mistakes…" he said making her roll her eyes "…and you broke up with me maybe twice. Or was it three times?"
"Exactly. We're so far away from perfect I can't even begin to explain it." she said dramatically.
"We were not that far." he said "There were some good things to. Like the conversations…"
Her own lips curved up as her eyes fell on his lips "…and the kisses…"
"…and the long walks…" he added.
"…and making out in your car…" she said, biting her lover lip and he smirked.
"…or yours." he finished.
Her breath hitched but she didn't move, the only indication of how much his words affected her were her lips that were now pressed tight into a thin line, her eyes locked with his.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked, pulling one hand up and letting it rest on his shirt.
"Doing what?" he asked, not looking away. He was aware of her tiny hand on his chest, and his own hand that moved in to her back to pull her closer.
As he pulled her she almost stammered forward but somehow managed to keep her balance as she felt his warm breath on her own skin. She lifted her eyes to face his, almost scared at the loss of contact as she said "Making me miss you, miss us."
He leaned in, their lips almost touching as he said "I missed you too, pretty girl."
Her whole body went limp in his arms and if it weren't for his hand holding her she was certain she'd be lying on that wet, muddy road by now.
Parting his lips slightly he closed his eyes closing the small distance, waiting for the kiss that never came because she moved away and turned, back on her path to some destination only she knew.
"Brooke!" he called out when he remembered how to speak, getting his breathing under control "Where are you going now?"
She kept going as she replied "To your house."
"Why?" he asked, in a hurry to catch up with her.
"Because I really want to kiss you but I can't because we'll both get pneumonia if we keep standing there in the rain like two idiots." she explained and if he wasn't so shocked he would have laughed.
Before she got a chance to make another step he pulled her by the wrist, turning her around and she stared at him, mouth gaping in surprise, big hazel eyes still and he moved a few wet strands of her hair from her flushed cheek and finally planted his lips on hers, taking in the sweet taste of raindrops on them, mixed with the scent of cherries and lavender in her hair.
For a second, they just stood like that, their lips locked before she finally snapped out of her daze and moved closer, closing her eyes and parting her lips to grant him access, and she could feel his hands on the small of her back and taste his tongue as it mixed with hers and it was all so new and yet so familiar that it made her want to smile but she stopped because she didn't want to break away. The time has passed and the way his tongue was skillfully connecting with hers making her gasp and forget how to breathe (and it had nothing to do with rain) and she remembered it's not such a bad thing, both of them growing up.
It's like he's gained a new sort of confidence, the one that only comes with years and maturing, and all she can feel is his body pressed close to hers in a perfect match and their hitched breaths against the regular sound of raindrops connecting with the dark pavement, making a splash at their feet.
They parted unwillingly when the breathing became the issue and he smiled at her, his eyes trailing a line from her swollen lips to stop at her eyes, his voice dark and low "You know, you really should stop walking out on me."
"And you should stop following me." she bit back with the unavoidable smirk.
"Never." he said and she raised an eyebrow as they shared a mischievous smile.
She laughed then, a rich throaty laugh that resonated through the street, raising her hands up towards the sky and closing her eyes, letting the rain drops caress her burning skin. But the laughter soon turned to a gasp as she felt his wet lips trace a line of kisses down her neck making her shiver (but not from the rain) and she looked down letting him kiss the tip of her nose, before reluctantly pulling away and grabbing his hand. Together they ran down the dark street like two lovestruck teenagers, towards the Burnette Drive and the house at number 1829.
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AN: So I'd really love to hear what you guys think. The good, the bad, and the ugly :)