Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter title borrowed from a Creed song.
Summary: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.
Pairing: BL
AN: First, I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone that reviewed or just read the last chapter because if it wasn't for you guys this chapter wouldn't even be posted. I was stuck with a huge writers block and RL didn't help either so I'm surprised I even managed to finish this one at all. It's a little on the long side but I hope you don't mind :) Also, there's a big chance that this is actually the last chapter that will be followed with an epilogue shortly. And when I get more free time I may write a sequel to this that will explain the things that happen between this chapter and the epilogue that takes place in the future.
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Chapter 16: Entitled to overcome
For tonight is mere formality… only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago-in the sacred spaces of our hearts. – Lucas, OTH
----BL----
They don't sleep all that much.
She wakes up around three to go to the bathroom and inadvertently ends up waking him up too as she tries to snuggle closer under the covers. But it wasn't like he was asleep in the first place, he was mostly stuck in that place between sleep and being wide awake, unable to stop his racing mind from thinking about the stupidest things. He was dying to open his eyes and just check quickly if she was actually sleeping next to him and so when she got back from the bathroom, making her side of the bed dip a little under the weight it was the perfect excuse for him to do just that.
"Sorry I woke you." she whispers apologetically, her voice still raspy from sleep and it sends shivers up his back and he wants to kiss her so bad but also pull her close and just hold on because she looks so innocent and small there.
He leans his head to her side of the bed to face her "You didn't, I was already awake."
Then he smiles, and his half opened sleepy eyes make her lips automatically pull into a grin "Oh."
From then on it's just more words, more questions, confessions and neither mentions sleep again. They end up talking for hours, more than they ever did even during their relationship in High school and she isn't sure she prefers this or the part that came before (which was also amazing, just a little more…demanding). Lying next to him, feeling his warm breath tickling her cheek as he talks in that low, husky way makes it hard to decide. She doesn't mind though because it's one of those sweet little troubles that makes her smile more than anything else.
In the end, there's only one thing they don't talk about. He doesn't bring it up and she doesn't push. They have plenty of time for more serious things anyway. Who wants to talk about serious relationship stuff at four in the morning anyway?
----BL----
Her mind is still a little cloudy and she thinks that's the reason that all of this feels like some sort of a dream. She keeps expecting she'll wake up in her apartment alone, to a cold and gloomy New York morning but she never does. No matter how many times she closes her eyes whenever she opens them she's still in his room, bright and filled with North Carolina sunlight. So how screwed up is she really that she's more willing to believe that this, his hands on her back, moving upwards slowly is a dream and not a reality?
It's all too painful to think about so she's grateful for a distraction in a form of his lips pressing a soft kiss just above her collarbone making her giggle.
"Luke…"
"Hm…"
"I'm starving." she says.
"Uhm, me too…" he agrees before kissing her on the lips, softly and slowly as if he's unsure how to, as if he's exploring her mouth for the first time, trying to find out just how much she has changed. But it's all too familiar and soon they both relax, crossing into the well known territory and she knows she'll lose herself in his touch if she doesn't break this up soon.
"I'm serious." she says firmly, moving away.
"I see that." he says, finally looking at her with a smirk on those lips but she knows she can't cave now.
"I didn't mean that." she says playfully punching him on the shoulder. "And since when did you become such expert in dirty talk?"
"Hey, I didn't say anything…dirty." he retorts, eyebrow rising "Just that I get that you're starving for…"
"…food." she interrupts him angrily, suppressing the urge to punch him yet again and actually put some force into it. If only he would stop looking at her in that way.
He nods "Okay we'll go get that breakfast then."
"You mean lunch." she corrects.
"It's not that l…" he doesn't get to finish his sentence because his cell phone starts ringing somewhere from the floor making its presence known.
He contemplates whether or not to get up, his eyes moving from the woman in front of him to the pile of his clothes scattered on the floor a few feet away.
"You wanna get that?"
"Yeah, I'll just.." he says as he tries to untangle from the sheets and Brooke laughs as he finally makes it to the phone, grabbing it from the floor with almost victorious look in his eyes.
"Hello?" he answers, breathless.
"Wow, did you just wake up now?" asks the person on the other side.
"No."
"Well you sure did take your sweet time to answer that phone. You aren't just lying around feeling sorry for yourself, are you?" she asks.
"No."
A sigh and then "Aren't you being talkative today."
"Hales what's up, why are you calling?" he asks, pretending he didn't hear the sarcastic remark, wanting to end the conversation as soon as possible so he can return to more inspiring activities.
"I'm checking in on you, silly." she says and pauses before adding carefully "You looked a little…gloomy yesterday so I thought I'd see if you're still breathing or if you maybe need me to come over and bring a few bottles of aspirin."
"Funny. I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear you say that." he says calmly "And I'm great."
"Good. Good. So you wouldn't mind joining us at a little barbecue in an hour or so?"
"What?"
"Well, Nathan and I thought it'd be fun to have a little get-together since everyone is leaving tomorrow or tonight. You know since they have jobs and school to go to and all so…"
"I dunno Hales." he answers honestly.
"Have I told you that there'll be food? Like stakes and a real barbecue. Nathan swears he knows how to manage that thing we both like two years ago and never got to try out."
"Did she mention food?" Brooke can't help but overhear their conversation as Luke gestures for her to be quiet.
"Luke is that someone there with you?" Haley asks and his eyes widen as he glances at Brooke.
"No…" he denies even if she knows there's no point to it, with that childish pout that made him look all about six years old. Brooke thinks it's adorable. And sort of hot.
"I could've sworn I heard someone. It sounded a lot like…" Haley stops weighting out her response "…Brooke."
"NO." he retorts a little too loudly and he knows he's busted.
"Lucas Eugene Scott, do you have my BFF there with you? At your house? If you made her cry I swear…"
"Haley, I'll come by soon okay? We'll talk then." he says, deciding there's no easy way to explain this over the phone and not end up with a huge phone bill. And a busted eardrum but that would definitely be the least of his worries after that conversation.
"She's there, isn't she?" Haley persists and Lucas rolls his eyes.
"Later Hales."
Brooke mouths an 'I'm so sorry' and he sighs, his lips pulling into a smile easily. But he's sure that no amount of apologizing will save him from Haley if they decide to go to that barbecue.
----BL----
To hold or not to hold? That was the question of the hour for Brooke Davis. Not really to be or not to be matter but close enough. She regretted all those times she skipped English to go drive around or drink lattes (and gossip) with Peyton at the nearby café. Most of all she regretted her decision to go make out with Austin Cage behind the bleachers instead of attending her class when they discussed Hamlet.
They have just left Luke's house and she walked beside him down the street, her hands sweating like she was some schoolgirl as she tried not to look too stiff or uncomfortable as she kept her hand close to her body in an almost robot like position, carefully avoiding his.
She wished they just took the car, it would make this so much simpler. But they both agreed it would be smarter to take a walk, since Haley's house wasn't that far and besides it would give them more time to talk and figure out how they'll break the news to the gang.
But instead of thinking about that she was strangely occupied thinking about whether or not she should just take his hand and tangle her fingers with his. Talk about silly. (That was really the word because really Luke made her feel and act silly. Or was that love in general?).
"Hm, what did you say?"
"I asked what you think about it all, should we tell them about us?" he repeated his question.
"Oh that." she said and then shook her head "I'm not really sure. I mean what is there to tell anyway?"
"Well that we're…" he paused, not really sure what to call it.
"What?" she interrupted him, waiting for him to give her an answer but when he didn't she continued "Luke we haven't even had time to discuss or define what we are so I'm really not sure what to say to Hales or any of them."
"Brooke…" he started, already regretting his question. She's right about all of it as always. But in his defense, he would have talked about this with her before but it never really came up which yeah, he knows is sort of ironic because they have talked for hours and didn't remember to talk about one thing they should've?
"On second thought, we haven't even talked about us at all since I came back here." she said with a laugh.
"Brooke, you've only been here a day. And plus we were a little…busy." he said, voicing his thoughts and even managed to stay serious after Brooke gave him the look that would freeze the hell over.
"Luke that's not what I meant."
He stopped her, putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her around so they were facing each other. She looked into his eyes puzzled by how calm he looked while she felt so confused with the newfound situation.
"You know if you want we can just avoid them and do something else, not go to the Scott residence at all today at least or until we figure things out." he offered.
She shrugged, seriously considering taking him up on the offer.
"Or we can go and have fun with our friends because this is a rare opportunity to have them all here, together and worry about the serious stuff later. Why do we have to define everything right away? Why can't we just let things go the way they want to go?" he asked.
She sighed. He did make a good point. But as ironical as it was coming from her, not defining things scared her more than it amused her. It wasn't as fun as it used to be. Maybe it was because she's gotten older or maybe she was just tired of all the games.
"Besides, don't you think we should go on at least one date before we make it official?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her in that adorable way that makes her want to kiss him when she actually feels like yelling at him.
So she sighed to calm down a little "Don't you think we've already had a first date and the second and…"
Now it was his turn to sigh, making her pause "That was before. This is not the same. This time I want to do better. And honestly if it's that important to you we could just go and get married right now if you're in such a hurry but I don't think it's…"
"What did you just say?" she asked, shocked.
"I said it's not the same." he retorted.
"Not that, the other part, the one about you asking me to merry you…" she explained, her head spinning, her heart beating fast and way too loud, making her feel like she'll faint any minute now.
He took a deep breath and then looked directly into her eyes, and this time he knew exactly what to say because it was right there in front of him, the images changing fast one after the other, all the
questions asked… How many moments in your life can you point to and say, that's when it all changed?
confessions… She's the one. I can feel it.
observations made… I dunno what I'd do without you.
words spoken… I want you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that my heart was with you.
realizations… If I ever get a second chance I'd never let you go again.
promises made a long, long time ago… People that are meant to be always find their way in the end.
They just clicked now, connected like a puzzle, fitting in a tangent, a line that led to those hazel green eyes. His own words echoed in his mind. If I ever got a second chance…
Sometimes it really was as simple as that.
He smiled and with the only words he could find let her peer into his heart, hoping it would be enough "Brooke… I've been down every possible road there was and today, standing here, I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that there will never be anyone else for me but you. And I made a promise to myself that if I ever got that second chance…" he stopped, took a deep breath, his eyes darkening a little and she knew that all of this weren't just words to him "So whether we get married today or in ten months…it's all the same to me. It's just that this time I want to do this right, I want to take you out to dinner and a movie and walk you home after a date and..."
She just stood there, listening to his every word, feeling the smile widen on her face almost as a reflex before she said suggestively "And maybe stay for a drink and a…"
He laughed, tilting his head back "Yeah, but that's not the whole point."
Warmth spread through her whole body at the sight and she wanted to smack herself because she knew she was probably grinning like a fool in the middle of the street "Gosh, I haven't laughed this much in…" and she stopped because really she couldn't remember how long has it been.
"Yeah, me either." he admitted, taken aback by her dimples and those hazel eyes glowing like ember in the bright sunlight.
"So we're…"
"Dating." he filled in the empty space for her "Or at least planning to." he added with a smile "We'll figure out the rest as we go."
"Good enough for me." she said, letting out a breath.
"Okay."
The silence filled out the space between them and they let it linger, enveloping them like a soft, worn out shirt that feels just right even after all that time.
He was just about to kiss her, unable to stay away any longer when she said "So Haley's place it is then." continuing the walk as he joined her with a sigh. Teasing was just one of those skills she hasn't given up with years, unfortunately for him.
"Yes I believe so."
"Don't you think it's a little rude to show up without at least a bottle of wine or something? She will feed us after all." she said.
He shook his head.
"I don't think they'll care much about that." he said honestly.
She shrugged "Maybe not but we're still awful, impolite guests."
"True." he agreed "But I think they'll get over it."
"Yeah, I guess so." she said and the sighed, pondering "I can't believe you just asked me to get married today." she added with a laugh.
"Me neither." he retorted. But really, if she'd said yes he'd be suited up and ready to go in less than an hour. Sometimes when you know, you just know and that's that. Time doesn't change much.
"And if you really thought I'd get married in a rental dress you're delusional. Clearly the taking it slow concept is more than necessary here." she commented jokingly.
"How does March 2015 sound to you, enough time to prepare?" he inquired, turning to the left, curious about her answer.
"Barely." she retorted after contemplating his question for awhile "But I did always want a spring wedding."
"You're such a drama queen."
"I am a girl after all. Besides, the hottest new designer can't get married in some shabby dress that looks like it can swallow me up any second."
"I understand completely." he said barely hiding a smile as they reached the Scott residence.
"But just for the record…" he said making a small pause before raising his hand and pressing it against the hardwood door "I'd marry you anywhere. Even a shabby Tree Hill church."
He smiled and took her hand in hers inadvertently answering the question that troubled her but was now long forgotten, his last words posing a completely different question in her head. The one she knew the answer would be yes.
----BL----
He knocks and after a few seconds the steps are heard on the other side, a muffled laughter and then with just a click of the door opening everything and nothing has changed. They're still the same people they were yesterday, a year ago and Haley is still the best friend Lucas has ever had but there is also that glow in Brooke's eyes that hasn't been there in so long and Luke is looking at Haley as if he'll burst into laughter any minute now which is just about the strangest thing you can say about him ever so Haley smiles and greets them casually all the while thinking, knowing something has shifted.
Something much stranger than the fact Brooke was actually back in Tree Hill, standing at her door step, more alive and vibrant than she's been in days. But Jamie is running towards his favorite aunt and before she has a chance to say anything Brooke kneels down to meet him in a hug.
"Aunt Brooke, you're here." he says, before his small hands wrap around her neck lovingly.
"Hey there big guy." she says lightly.
Lucas just smiles and watches them avoiding Haley's eyes purposely. She doesn't mind though. Whatever the news is she'll find out soon enough. For now she's just happy that they're all here, together.
Still, she makes a mental note to talk to Lucas when she gets a chance.
For now, she just moves aside to let her friends in and smiles as the sound of Brooke's and Jamie's laughter echoes down the hallway as she closes the front door.
The next ten minutes passes in greetings and hugs and everyone trying (and failing) to pretend they aren't that shocked by the new addition to their little barbeque party. Haley can practically see the clock counting down the minutes, seconds before someone will spill out the words and ruin the moment and inevitably the whole afternoon. Right now she has her money on Rachel because the redhead could never miss a chance for a snarky input on a juicy situation.
"OMG, you guys totally did it." she can hear someone say as Lucas and Brooke share an mortified look before turning to face Peyton with a nervous smile. Okay, maybe Rachel is getting a little slow at her old age.
Brooke reacts first by pulling Peyton by the hand and into the house to talk leaving poor Lucas alone. He pulls a hand through his hair tiredly and manages a small smile before Haley comes up to him and says, only half joking "So what do you have to say for yourself?"
He offers her a sheepish smile and says "Why would I need to…"
"Alright I don't wanna sound ungrateful for both of you being here because believe me I'm not. But just yesterday you were sitting at my renewal looking more interested in that bottle of JD than anything else and now suddenly you're all smiles. So excuse me for being worried for you and…"
"Hales there's nothing to worry about. I'm fine. Brooke came last night and…" he stepped back, pausing "Why am I even telling you this? Weren't you the one who practically pushed me to do something about my feelings for Brooke?"
"Absolutely. But as much as I love you, Brooke has also become a really good friend to me and I don't want to see her hurt by anyone, yourself included. So you better not mess this up."
"I won't. Believe me I'm not willing to lose her just as much as you. Probably even less actually."
"Good. Now that we resolved that, I wanna hear how did you two crazy kids finally managed to make a right decision for once."
Lucas laughed "Where do I begin?"
"At the beginning." she says and Lucas sighs but complies on her request.
----BL----
She drags Peyton inside and stops once she's certain they're out of sight and out of hearing distance before she glares at her friend just so she can see how upset she is about her spilling their secret in front of everyone so easily.
Peyton looks at her apologetically before smiling "Oh you can't possibly be upset with me."
"Yes I can." she says defiantly, eyes burning, hands on her hips.
"Brooke, it's not like it wasn't completely obvious as soon as you two walked in that back yard looking like a couple of juniors who just did it for the first time."
"We did not look like th…"
"Okay maybe not that obvious but Lucas was grinning like a madman and you were this close to twirling your hair and giggling." Peyton says with mock horror.
"First of all, I do not giggle. Ever. And second of all you had no right saying that right there as if it wa…"
"But it is the truth right?" she asks, relentless.
"That's not the point." Brooke says, not actually giving her an answer.
"Oh, you two soo did it." Peyton teases her.
Brooke rolls her eyes "Who's acting like a schoolgirl now?"
"Sorry, I just…sorry. I'll be twenty-four in a minute." Peyton says, taking a deep breath as she tries to stop the damn smile from creeping up on her face.
"Yes, you do that and I'll go back to my boyf…" she stops herself when she realizes what she was about to say but it's already too late. Peyton is already looking at her as if she's just said she's won a jackpot or something ridiculous like that.
"You guys are…" she interrupts Brooke, eyes wide in surprise "I mean…someone must have had a really good time last night."
"Dear God, you're turning into Haley now. Can we please act like adults about this?" Brooke demands seriously, even though she does find Peyton's enthusiasm kind of contagious. I mean if Peyton is being enthusiastic about this how can she not be? And every time her friend even says Luke's name she feels like smiling but she bites her lip to stop it because she really doesn't want to hear an 'I told you so' from the blonde right now.
"Sure. Right after you tell me what happened with you two. How was it last night? Did you stay at his place?" Peyton says, bombarding her with questions.
"No I slept on the street." she says sarcastically.
"B Davis why are you being so difficult about this? I have a kid at home and a job and a mountain of laundry I'm afraid to even approach so please be nice and entertain me a little."
"My sex life is not there for your entertainment P Sawyer." she says dismissively but caves when she sees her friends face, her smile falling "But if you really must know it was amazing, beyond any expectations. So there, that's all I'm sharing."
"You're no fun B." Peyton complains.
"Hey, I thought we're all past that gossiping, boy talk phase but here you are acting like a sixteen year old, minus the whole bitchy, badass P Sawyer attitude. Which by the way in a moment like this, I sort of miss."
"Hey I'm still badass." Peyton says hitting Brooke on the shoulder in protest.
"Sure you are. That lace top has badass written all over it." Brooke says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Jake bought me this for our anny…"
Brooke gives her the look.
Peyton sighs after glancing at the said top and looks at her friend in defeat "Gosh, what happened to us Brooke?"
Brooke smiles, looking at Lucas and Haley outside talking, looking around the big house they were currently standing in, looking at the little boy playing by the pool (when did he get so big?) and says "We grew up I guess."
And maybe that's all they needed. Time to heal and find their way.
A way back home.
----BL----
Lucas was in Hell. The one filled with endless, confusing questions, courtesy of Haley James Scott. She was the devil, he was certain of that. How else would he explain that he was afraid of a girl that was barely 5'3, heels included? Her dark eyes didn't soften even after he gave her a pretty lengthy explanation of all his actions from last night until the time he showed up at her front door with Brooke and so now he was seconds away from running away. Preferably in the opposite direction.
Finally, a dark hair and bright eyes came into his line of view and he sighed, relieved as Brooke walked up to him, unknowingly rescuing him. He gave her a grateful smile to which she laughed. The only one that didn't find this funny was Haley.
"Brooke hey." Haley greeted her with a quick hug.
"Hales, you didn't torture him too much, did you?"
"Not by a long run."
Lucas laughed nervously.
"It's really great to see you here Brooke."
"Yeah."
"So how's the ruler of all that is evil better known as Victoria?" Haley asked.
"Oh she's fine. Exploring the benefits of my lovely apartment. My mental state? Not so much." Brooke answered as both Haley and Luke laughed.
"Well I'm glad to see you're not bitter about it." Haley commented.
"Not at all." she said, and even if it was said with a dose of sarcasm it was also the truth. She was here with her friends, with Lucas and New York seemed so far away.
Lucas wrapped his hand around her shoulder protectively, pulling her closer and she looked at his eyes assuring him she really was fine. His lips curved upwards, the lines on his face immediately softening but he didn't move away and it was sort of nice, the closeness even if she didn't need anyone to hold her up this time so she leaned into his touch easily.
Haley swallowed, looking for some excuse to leave them alone but Brooke beat her to it.
"So where's that food? I'm starving." she asked, marveling.
"You'll have to ask the man in charge." Haley said, pointing towards the barbecue and Nathan who was currently fiddling with something that looked like a fork and a few stakes.
"I might just do that." Brooke agreed.
"And I might just join you on that one." Lukas said all too enthusiastically. He really couldn't remember the last meal he had. Even if he could he was sure that any calories that he consumed were long spent.
"What did you do to this man B?" Haley asked her, looking at the way Luke was eying that barbecue by the pool.
"Oh you know that a girl never kisses and tells Hales." she said with a grin on her face before leaving to join Nathan, pulling Luke by the hand with her.
----BL----
Nathan sat down on the little brick wall not too far from the electric barbecue, wiping away his forehead. He took a deep breath and looked at the picnic table a few feet away where the girls were sitting, eating seriously burned burgers and chatting about something, his eyes intent. It was nice to see them all having fun, it's been awhile since this place was filled with so much laughter.
He's not surprised though when Lucas joins him, leaning on the small wall casually.
"So why am I still alive again?" his brother asks after a second.
"Burgers were that bad, huh?"
"You know what I mean." Lucas says and Nathan knows he's talking about Brooke.
Nathan isn't really sure himself about the answer to that one.
"Because you make her laugh. And that's enough for me." he says finally looking at one of his oldest friends who's currently eying his older brother from her spot at the table, broad smile on her face.
She finishes her drink before walking up to them, almost bouncing on her feet, her heart full of something she can't quite define but if feels a lot like happiness. She raises an eyebrow and says "So, shall we?"
Nathan looks at Lucas in confusion.
"Absolutely." he agrees softly and she relaxes immediately as his hand reaches for hers.
Nathan just nods at them. He did have doubts about this, the ones he didn't voice, about his brother and Brooke being together again because he knows her and despite all the money and time and fame he knows her heart is still fragile and breaks easily. Especially if Lucas is involved. But seeing them like this he realizes there's a certain balance there, the way his calm nature evens out with her bouncy, animated one.
"Sorry to leave you guys, but we have a date tonight." she explains shortly.
"Can't be late for our first date." Lucas adds as Nate gives him a funny look before letting Brooke drag him away.
The sun is already low on the sky, as she puts on her jacket trying not to think too much about the past and all the years she lost trying to figure out who she was because she knows it had to be that way. Rome wasn't built in a day. She just wishes she didn't lose so much time.
She looks around at her friends gathered around the pool that are pretty much dressed similarly, casual with no ball gowns, suits or mini dresses in sight. They have all changed and there are tiny wrinkles there when they smile, betraying the years and the worries that come and go. It's not always easy, with kids and work and little problems they have to deal with on daily basis. And the big ones in the form of a possible divorce or a separation, resulting from working at two different ends of the country and barely seeing each other or sleepless nights spent by the bedside of a sick child or a husband that's too drunk to even try to think about working on the recovery.
It all scares her a little because as much as she wants to be positive and hope for the best she knows she'll face some of those problems (like how when she goes back to NYC 2500 miles will be separating them) too with Lucas and that it won't all be smooth sailing from here.
This isn't the end. This is just the beginning. But this time they're both in one hundred percent and they'll both fight to make it work.
The smiles at the faces of her friends fill her with a weird sense of hope. Because if they can find it in them to laugh after all they've been through maybe she can too. Maybe the trick is to not think about tomorrow but to enjoy in the moment.
Kinda like now. Her friends, a beautiful sunset and the smell of burnt out stakes and lavender in the air.
She's sure this is the best party she's been to in years.
"Nervous?" he asks, eyes bright, eager for her answer. She's almost forgotten what it was like. To have someone that needs you like this.
"A little, but I think I'll manage." she answers and it's the truth. Because despite the nervousness, all their ups and downs and the still not completely forgotten heartache, she needs him too.
"How hard can it be?"
Pretty hard if their past was any indication. But not as hard as watching her parents argue every single day or hear about their divorce from the pool boy. Or as hard as losing the company you spent years and many sleepless nights building, to a mother that barely acknowledges your existence. And definitely not as hard as letting the one boy you give a rats ass about go.
----BL----
AN: That was that. Epilogue to follow soon.