BPOV

I ran after Jasper, heaving dry sobs on the way. I had to stop to catch my breath and to find Japers scent. It turns out, I didn't have to look far, Jasper was at the top of a tree about 20 yards away from me. I walked over to him, panting and stumbling on the way. He was holding on to his knees for dear life, and mumbling something under his breath even I couldn't hear. I went and sat next to him.

I knew what it was like to feel like this, and I knew how annoyed I was when people tried to get me to talk about it, or when people told me what was good for me, so I just sat and put my arm around him.

I searched his brain for a thought of calmness or happiness, but the closest I got was depressed, so I pulled that out of his mind and let it spread through his mind. He stopped shaking and let go of his knees. He looked at me, and wrapped me in a comfortable hug.

"I'm sorry Bella." Jasper whispered in my ear. He let me go and scooted away. " I know you must hate our whole family after what we did to you. I know you must hate me the most, I tried to kill you, and I'm the reason we left." He put his head down in shame. I reached out to him, but he shied away from my hand. I scooted closer and he didn't move, so I tried again, and my hand successfully made it around his shoulders without him moving.

"Jasper, I don't hate you guys, and that's my problem. I could never hate you, I could never hate Edward, as much as I want to, and as much as I wish I could hate him-I just can't. I never thought it was your fault, and I don't hate you at all. Not. At. All. Don't ever thing otherwise. The birthday incident was my fault, I mean how stupid was I to stay in the house with blood. I mean, I just stood there and said 'shoot'! I should have run out of the house, or at least put my finger in my mouth. I guess I was just stupid, and I use to forget that Edward was a vampire, and I use to forget things around me when I got wrapped up in self-pity. I was a stupid human, I was selfish, idiotic, naïve, and just a bad person. I always use to think I was selfless, and I always use to think of myself as the parent, but when I look back on it, I really wasn't. I was a helpless human. I never really understood what it was like, the feeling of bloodlust. But it's awful, and it was the worst year of my life! It was like someone was shoving a hot iron down my throat, and taunting me with cold water to make it stop. If Collin would have let me, the whole population of Denver Colorado would be 0 thanks to me." I babbled, trying to distract him.

"Umm….I don't really know what to say to a speech like that." He laughed. It was an airy laugh, not bell like or musical like the others, but I liked it, "I think you should give Edward another chance, he was only trying to protect you, and to keep you away from other vampires like James." Jasper pleaded. I sighed.

"James was bored OK, he wasn't a bad vampire, and Victoria was heartbroken. She was blinded by love and pain. James wanted to play a game, but when Edward refused, he used me. So they weren't bad" I scolded.

"Second, I want to give Edward a chance, I want to give in to my heart and feel special like I did when I was with him, but I can't. What if he leaves again, and don't say he wont, because he already promised me that before, and look where it got me. I tried the trusting thing with him, and it did me no good, and got me right back to square one. Edward said he loved me, but he just ended up leaving me after I saved his soul or whatever. I thought he was the one, but he left me, he broke my heart, and I promised I would never give him that chance again. I learn new things about my human life every day, and my teenage years, not so fun to see." I smiled weakly, and Jasper hooked his arm around my shoulder. I gasped and was sent intoa ramble of new thoughts.

I was in my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, tears streaming down my face. I was slumped on the floor, far enough so I could see my whole body in the little mirror. I had been throwing up all day long, and I scoffed. Who cared about me anymore. I'm a pathetic little human girl who put all her heart into love, and thought she found her soul mate in junior year, but ended up getting thrown on her ass. I smiled a sickening, revolting smile, and cocked my head to the side.

I didn't do anything. I can't help that I'm human. Edward wouldn't let me make my own decisions. He didn't think I was strong enough, he didn't believe our love could last.

I cackled at the thought of anyone being stupid enough, blind enough to fall in love with me. I was completely un-remarkable when it came to the looks department. I wasn't blessed with boobs, and I didn't have toned, tight legs. But DAMITT I am a decent person.

Edward is a selfish jerk.

I cackled again, I could never think bad things about Edward, I couldn't even think about anything related to the Cullen's without my heart burning. I got angry when I came to a realization/

Edward didn't believe in me, he didn't believe in love. He didn't think I could make my own decision, he thinks I'm some stupid human girl. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I've managed quite fine on my own my entire life. Who the hell does he think he is.

I burst into tears, hiccupping like crazy. I pulled myself up and stared at my revolting reflection. I don't know how Edward could have even considered me, and how Jacob could even want to be friends. I lifted up my fist and smashed the mirror. My hand started to bleed, but I didn't care. I let out a sigh of release as the stinging in my hand worsened. It felt so good. I burst into more tears and cackles as I realized that this is a similar situation to the one I was in last September. But now, there wre no vampires, and the only thing hurting me right now was, well…….me.

I was brought back from all my flashback by Jasper shaking me violently and yelling my name. I snapped my head up, and he breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"I think I'm going to head back, I think you should go check in with your clan and tell them your OK. Please don't be a stranger Bella, if you're not coming for Edward, then at least come for the rest of us. Alice would hate Edward if you didn't hang out with her because of him. She was excited to see your fashion sense get better." He looked me up and down, my tattered clothes, and cut up shoes. "At least when you don't almost die, and have to come save my ass millions of times." He laughed "Thanks Bella, you're not half bad." He said, then ran away.

I started off running, but then stopped to check my pockets. By some miracle, my phone was still in my pocket, and it was in amazing shape.

I dialed my insurance agency(vampire memory) and sorted out my car situation. They would pay for my next car, and keep me on a plan, but they wouldn't pay my medical bills (They didn't know I was perfectly fine) and then I hung up the phone.

I thought about going to La Push to see Jacob, but worried he would try to kill her, and she would have to hurt him.

She called Heath. He picked up in the middle of If I Were a Boy by Beyonce (he lost a bet) and was relieved to hear it was me.

"So how did it go?" Heath asked

"Well, I sort of got really angry, and I didn't expect to lash out on him, but it felt really good. Then I drove off in a storm after he asked me what I was doing, then I said walking away, then he said don't do this, then I said you showed me how-" I was cut off.

"OK, I'm not Lacey or Tanya, can you give me the cliff notes version" Heath chuckled.

'Sorry, I was getting to the interesting part. Well, I got in a car crash" Heath gasped "and got in a fight with a werewolf, but I kicked his ass, then Edward, Alice and Emmett showed up, and Edward was in some kind of pain, and we needed Jaspers power so I went to get him, then he took all his energy and more to take away Edwards pain, or subside it with a new emotion, so I had to help him, then Carlisle came in to treat him, and Jasper had to take back the emotions, but then everybody mixed up emotions was hurting him, so he ran away, and I went to get him and I talked to him, then I called the insurance agency, and there gonna refund my car, and now I'm calling you. I'm kid of lost, but I'lll find my wau eventually."

"You really suck at Cliff Notes Bells." I heard Tanya yell in the distance, and Heath answered yah, then Tanya screamed.

"Umm….Tanya wants to talk to you. Bye." Heath handed the phone off to Tanya, and I was greeted by a round of questions.

So I went into a minute by minute play by play of the day, and Tanya was making little side comments she thought I couldn't hear, and was embarrassed when I would correct her every sing time.

"I'm right outside the house, I'll talk to you in a second." I walked through the doors, and ran up to my room, knowing that Tanya and Lacey would be there. I was surprised to find Collin and Heath there too. Heath saw my surprise and mouthed the words 'forced' and I laughed.

I went into another play by play of my day, this time Tanya asked questions instead of comments. I was sitting at the end of my bed, my legs crossed, and I was changed into flannel pajamas and a ratty tank top( vampire speed, and the fact that they've all seen me naked anyway.) The atmosphere suddenly got serious.

"So did you tell him?" Tanya asked

"No."

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