A/N: Random idea for a letter woke me up after midnight, and I just had to write it, regardless of whether this is supposed to be a one-shot or not. Thanks to reviews, I've decided to add a little about Brooke's summer into each letter, but the general idea is that Brooke's mind is consumed by her love for Lucas all holidays, therefore ruining her time away from Tree Hill. Her emotions towards the situation are brought out through her letters, which are basically her whole summer anyway. I don't mean to be boring with only the letters for the story, but that was the idea of writing them. Lyrics are 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol, and I apologise for them being used out-of-order, but they make better sense in the fic this way. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and Gabbi for her great opinions as ever. Gabbi xx

Disclaimer: I own nothing One Tree Hill. Nor any of the lyrics, which are courtesy of Snow Patrol. Sadly 

-LETTERS TO LUCAS-

Almost Like Normal

Brooke Davis struggled to make her way through the door of her beach front apartment, juggling her beach bag, towel and many shopping purchases in her bronzed arms.

She'd spent the whole day out again, trying to forget all that she was missing in Tree Hill… trying to forget Lucas, and the whole situation regarding him. Her whole summer had been turned into a lie because of all that had happened before she left. She wished that she could be truly having fun.

As she placed her purchases and towel on the bed (unconcerned as to the wet state of her towel) and removed the designer sunnies from her head, she gave a sigh of relief; another day in paradise was over, and she had never wanted to be home again more.

Resigned to the fact that she needed to write another letter, as it had been all that she had thought about since she first woke in the morning… every morning- all summer… she adjusted her sarong and made her way over to the small desk in the corner of the apartment.

Reaching over to the stereo with her right hand, she flicked the 'on' switch as her left grabbed a piece of blank writing paper. Dejavu.

As Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars' burst through the surround-sound speakers in the small room, Brooke bent over the desk and began to write.

Dear Lucas

You know, it seems that no matter how many gorgeous bodies I see here everyday, and how many opportunities for meaningless hook-up sessions arise, our past relationship has left me craving more. It's like, because I had you, and our time together without dramas (in the form of conniving blonde emo girls) was so amazing, I learned to truly love for the first time in my life. And now I am barely able to see the point in anything less.

Those three words

Then again, what did our love ever mean? It's like a fleeting moment in a second in time, in retrospect. But if I'm honest with myself- it meant so much more to me.

And I guess that's why I fell so hard.

Are said too much

I mean seriously, how quickly did I realize that our relationship was so much deeper than any I've ever experienced?

How quickly did you let those three words slip?

'Love' was not a thing I took lightly, Luc.

God, I remember how many times you geld me in your warm embrace and whispered them in my ear. I could only snuggle closer in response… it was really too much for me.

They're not enough

And yet apparently they truly were too much, because they were good enough for Peyton as well… few and far between our meetings.

Now, whenever I find myself dreaming of being in your arms again, I wake to the nightmare of them having been poisoned by another's love.

Actions speak louder than words. I knew that. Why didn't I remember that?

God, if only I'd remembered it.

Forget what we're told

You know, perhaps the ridicule we faced when we first started seeing each other was right.

Ignorance on our part took place over our weakness in what I now realise was something I was a lot better acquainted with: lust.

Before we get too old

Living for the moment was great while it lasted, but in the end it was just a moment, right?

And every moment has it's ending; that's what you don't remember… or want to remember… at the start.

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

The thing was, I thought I needed you.

Because I trusted you. You seemed to be the same person, no matter what.

I thought I knew you, because I let you into my heart and I let you get to know me. I was naked in front of you, Luc. Stripped bare by raw emotion. I allowed you to see the real me, and that's something I never let any guy see before.

I thought you saw what I needed better than even I did, and tried to become whatever that was. I thought you were the missing piece… the love I craved.

And you were… for a while.

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

In the end, my summer's ruined because I learnt what I need from a relationship- and I know that I can't find it here.

I guess- I don't wish I had you.

Or rather, the lying, cheating scumbag version of you, who ripped my heart out and spat it on the ground. Because I could never love him again.

But I do wish I could find someone who loves me the way I felt loved by you, before everything else.

Because I loved that- it felt almost like normal for a while. Pure desperation led me to believe that we had something more.

So for now, my life is just a search for something more again.

And I'm content with that.

At least, for now.

B. Davis

Finding an envelope in the mess of papers on the desk, Brooke placed the letter inside, and sealed the envelope smoothly before stashing it with the others in the box under her bed.

Turning her stereo up, she wondered whether she hadn't totally contradicted herself at the end of the letter.

Was she content?

Shrugging her shoulders and heading for the bathroom, she decided that she would have to live a little more before she knew that answer to that.

All that I am

All that I ever was

Was here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

Please R&R… if you like this format, I will write more…

Love Gabbi