A/N: I am really a depressing person at heart, so in advance, I apologize for my lame humor. Dx

Tobi woke up with a throbbing head... that beating he got from Hidan for sleeping on the couch naked, again, really hurt. He rubbed his head and took in the surroundings. Where was he again? Oh, right, the media room. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already the next day, Thursday! He had only two more days to get ready. Tobi sprung up from the couch to practice his audition act for the talent search, but then he groaned as he realized he still didn't have any clothes on. Where was a man supposed to find a decent source of Akatsuki robes these days? He threw on some colorless pajamas lying by the DVD case. Laundry was supposed to be Kisame's job – he was experienced with water, but he was always too lazy to do more than give them all a blast of water in the face. So it always ended up that everyone had to do his own laundry (except Kakuzu since he paid people to do it for him).

Humming on his way to the Ataksuki Laundry Room of Doom, Tobi made sure to smile really wide as he passed his comrades. Too bad they never smiled back. After all the things they had been through together, Tobi still wasn't accepted as one of them. Walking by Itachi's bedroom, his smile immediately dropped and almost dropped the laundry basket when he saw Kakuzu whispering to Itachi, the two of them gazing intently at something in Itachi's hands. Oh, why couldn't he share in those secrets as well! The last time Tobi had gotten that close to Itachi was when they were getting their Akatsuki photos taken.

Tobi finished up his laundry with a sad face. Unfortunately, no one could tell that he was sad because of the mask. When Konan walked in with her laundry, she had her trademark cold smile plastered on her face, expecting Tobi to say something stupid. But Tobi just looked up at her and dropped his head again. Pain didn't even appreciate the way he never, not once, looked at what was in Konan's laundry basket – unlike Hidan, who had very prying eyes.

He trudged back to his room while the clothes were in the spin cycle. Tobi's little escapade to the laundry room had only made him sadder and more sure of his decision to leave the Akatsuki. What use was he to these people who had everything? He relished in the prospect of being appreciated, of being noticed! A smile lit up his face for the first time in fifteen minutes. Tobi walked over to his full length mirror, and stared intently at his reflection. He started whispering his words of encouragement.

"I will show them! I will become one of the best actors out there! I will make Itachi and Deidara and all those who had doubted me realize how valuable I am. I will become someone important. I will be as great as Pain-sama!"

~ FIVE HOURS LATER ~

Tobi was very thankful for eBay. He had just bought a new suit – what kind of weirdo would wear that hideous robe in public – with next day shipping, and he was now scanning for new shoes. Appearances were everything if he wanted to make a great impression on the talent agents. In fact, he had even stalked Itachi for the past few hours, learning the ways of a stereotypical prettyboy.

It was not as easy as it had seemed at first, and Tobi was surprised at how much hair factored into the lives of those kinds of people. Tobi had not known to jerk his head around to swish his hair in a provocative manner every few minutes. Apparently, Itachi also woke up a few hours earlier every day to straighten his hair. He also didn't know growing hair out was attractive to the ladies, but he wouldn't be able to get a mullet like Itachi's for a while. A buzz cut would have to do. Tobi was a little insecure about his mask, but he didn't want to reveal his secret identity. He hoped that it gave him an air of mystery, like Batman, hopefully. There were lots of great masked roles out there for a talented person like himself. With every second he had spent stalking Itachi, Tobi had grown more confident of his own abilities. He was sure to land a great role!

But now he just needed to work on his singing. He paced around his room, trying to remember a song. But all he knew were "The Akatsuki Campfire Song" and "Jingle Bells". No one would want to hear those! He contemplated going to Kakuzu for help – he had a great singing voice, but he decided to instead look up music on the internet. The major difference was Kakuzu came with tentacles, and the internet did not.

He found some tunes that were decent enough, and he sat in front of his mirror again to practice. First, he made silly faces, which no one could see, to loosen up, and then he let his voice out.

"Oh baby, baby
Oh baby, baby
Ah, yeah, yeah
Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
Oh pretty baby
I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess, that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!"

When he finished his warbling, Tobi was very pleased with himself. People would love this song! Tobi realized that his mask made his singing voice sound raspy and low, but that would be good if he got the role of a villain or depressed person, like Lord Voldemort or something. He sighed contentedly and noticed how nice chapped his hands were.

"Hmm, I should go get some moisturizer for this." Tobi went to get his special formulaic hand cream that had been he had recently stolen from some Konoha Hyuuga kid. It smelled really good, like how hair smells fresh from the shower… Tobi spent the next thirty minutes being surprised at how soft and smooth his hands had become. "Wow! I have got to shake hands with those audition people now! With these angelic hands, I'm sure to get a great role!"

Tobi looked at the clock and saw that it was already eight at night. He would need to get some sleep if he were to concentrate, so he snuggled into his bed, still wearing some stranger's pajamas.

~*~

A dark shadow left the corner of Tobi's room as Tobi drifted into la-la-land. It was gone as quick as it had come, and it had heard, seen, and experienced everything. It knew about Tobi's treachery, and it probably did not like it. You do not leave the Akatsuki. You can die trying, but in the end, the Akatsuki always ends up killing you. But the thing that bothered the shadow the most was how great Tobi's singing was. It was not natural, really. It was even more disturbed by how much it wanted to hold Tobi's hands… mmm… soft hands… The shadow quickly abandoned those thoughts to think of more evil things, like killing bunnies.