Have I deceived myself with this choice??
I feel guilt for finally having made a decision of which of them I liked best…
Thing is…
Have I followed my heart or my head??
I didn't told this to anyone, not even to Cream…
But they will know about my decision in no time… I mean, rumours usually run fast around people's mouths…
But this confusion droved me to exhaustion…
I did not wanted anyone to get hurt…
But eventually in almost all the choices we have to do, we have to be ready if we know we're going to hurt someone…
But this is not my fault…
I blame this on my feelings…
Ohhh…
My darling Sonic…
With Sonic… I feel…
Like in heaven…
I always felt like he was some sort of guardian angel to me… I mean… He always protected me when I was into trouble, and he saved my life more than once…
But Shadow always made me feel…
Like I'm more than myself…
Why did this happen to me??
Oh, God… I don't even know who I am anymore…
I fee like a helpless child, lost in a dark, cold foggy night…
Have I made the right choice??
I don't feel like remembering how it came to this…
But it still rings in my mind…
6 days have passed since I've slept with Sonic…
I was still thinking a lot about both Sonic and Shadow…
I don't know if I was just having some fantasies, or if it was what I really wanted. But I wanted to have both of them to myself… A dirty little secret…
It was wrong… I mean, I was in a relationship with Sonic, while thinking about Shadow. How wrong could that be??
My thoughts, suddenly went completely blank when the thing I feared most was just in front of me…
We standed still for a while…
I suddenly walked to him and hugged him…
"Shadow, I… I don't know what my feelings are right now…" I said with my voice shaking.
I was so scared. But I felt protected and understood at the same time.
Shadow looked at me exactly with the same gaze that sonic usually gives me… I was enchanted at once.
"Then let me help you…" he said like a gentleman.
A small smirk appeared on my face.
A naughty one appeared on his.
And I couldn't fight his charms anymore…
He gently passed his hands around my short hair…
And next moment he was kissing me…
And I was kissing him back…
My god I've never felt freer in my whole life…
It was like he knew exactly the sort of kiss that I wanted…
My God, my heart was pounding so hard…
It was getting more and more intense…
Then it evolved to one of those "French-kisses", I think that's what they call them…
Our tongues started to play a game of tag… Or was it hide and seek?
I had never kissed Sonic with that intensity…
But when I started thinking about Sonic, I knew… I knew what I was doing was wrong… I was cheating on my boyfriend… I wanted to make a good, well thought decision… But I knew that moment I wasn't doing the right thing…
I pushed him away, just when things were starting to get hot…
"No Shadow… I can't do this…"
His expression was of shock… I knew what he was thinking…
I started to feel wet inside and outside…
My god I felt like a slut… It wasn't me at all… But now I felt my feet on land, and I felt myself again…
I couldn't take that anymore…
It was too much…
Too much…
"I can't deal with a decision like this…" I said crying
Shadow had a more natural expression.
"Whose name is your heart saying??" he asked
Whose name was my heart saying… I didn't know what it was anymore… It kept saying both of their names…
Until I realized what I had to do…
To stop anyone from getting hurt…
To stop my confusion of feelings…
It had to be…for the best…
I turned my back to Shadow…
"I can't be with neither of you…"
My voice sounded a lot of times in my head…
A heavy silence was installed…
The silence was interrupted by the falling of the rain … It rained very intensely…
I felt him hugging me gently from the back…
"I'm so sorry Shadow…" I whispered
I couldn't tell that moment if the water that was practically flooding me was the rain or the tears that immediately started to fall.
"Don't be" said Shadow kissing me on the cheek "If that's your will…"
I took a few steps forward, but I didn't look at him… I was still feeling the taste of his mouth on my throat…
"I'm going to talk to Sonic right now…"
I had to!
I walked away…
I knew he still stayed right there, whispering:
"What the hell just happened…"
Or something like that…
As I faced the intense rain to meet my darling Sonic, I kept having the same concerned thought…
"Oh God! Am I choosing right?" I whispered to myself constantly, as I continued to cry a river of tears.
Until I've found him at his door…
The rain had stopped a little…
Again I knew he has happy to see me…
"Hi there sweetheart…" he said with a cute smile
I standed looking at him, paralyzed. He immediately noticed the tears…
"What's the matter??"
I started to hiccup and, sort of, yelled… It was the worst thing I could have done…
I cheated on him… And he was going to loose me, just like that…
He didn't had fault of anything… It was my fault! All my fault…
My God I wanted the world to end that moment so he wouldn't have to deal with the pain I would cause him…
I walked slowly to his arms… He quickly hugged me… I was shaking and soaking wet in his arms…
"Amy what's wrong?? Tell me!!" he shouted.
I felt his heart pounding beside mine. I don't know which of them was pounding faster…
We ended up laying on the ground with me crying like a child in his arms…
What happened next…
I just want to forget…
The moment I finally told Sonic that it was over, and I saw one of my childhood dreams being torn apart…
I don't want to remember his reaction…
He loved me…
He actually and truly loved me…
And I loved him… So much…
What can be worst than making choices??
Is it the guilt??
Or the feeling that you've lost more than you could have won??
The end
(check out the video if you liked it)