A/N: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.
Spoilers: Reunion season 4
I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
Dr. McKay began working on the bullet the minute he returned to his lab while Jennifer lay in the infirmary hooked up to a dialysis machine trying to clear the foreign substances out of her body. The team was counting on him to once again save the day and this was one time he didn't want to disappoint them. Rodney remembered what the Wraith enzyme did to Lt. Ford. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and concentrated on the problem at hand hoping for a quick solution.
Ronon sat at Jennifer's bedside looking very calm. Actually, he was anything but calm. In fact, he was frantic with worry and frustrated he could do nothing to change the situation. Ronon hated having to sit by and idly wait on others to save her. Everyone, including Dr. Cole, was waiting for McKay to figure out what happened out on M3R- 455. Checking the time once again, Ronon rose to leave for his briefing. He leaned over the bed rail and gently kissed Jennifer on the forehead.
"I have to go to a briefing," he whispered. "I'll be back soon." Ronon squeezed her hand before walking out of the infirmary.
At the briefing it was decided that Sheppard would take SGA-1 and two other teams and return to the planet to investigate the Wraith facility. McKay was still analyzing the bullet and opted to stay and work in his lab.
"Here," Rodney said as he handed Sheppard a data pad. "Download anything you find that looks useful. "Oh, Oh … bring back anything from their lab that looks useful too."
"Okay then, we'll leave in one hour," Sheppard said after receiving a nod from Colonel Carter.
Ronon returned to the infirmary to find Jennifer awake. He waited in the doorway while Dr. Cole finished taking her vitals.
"How are you feeling Dr. Keller?" Dr. Cole asked as she took Jennifer's blood pressure.
"Much better. The burning's stopped but I'm having trouble staying awake." Jennifer felt like she was floating in and out of consciousness. "Is Ronon here?" she asked before drifting off to sleep again.
"I'm right here," Ronon assured her moving to her side.
"Your body's doing a good job of eliminating all the toxins but we're still running a lot of fluids through you and we'll continue with one more session on the dialysis machine," Dr. Cole explained to her. "I'm sorry I can't give you more specific information on your condition but I can tell you Dr. McKay is working on the substances he found on the bullet and we're hoping he'll be able to shed some light on everything later today." Dr. Cole could see Jennifer was fading and left her to the much needed sleep that was capturing her attention. The doctor nodded to Ronon as she left the room.
Ronon sat by her side for as long as he could then he gently tucked her in before heading to the gate room to meet Sheppard and the team. It was time to return to the planet and check out the Wraith facility but for Ronon it was also time to seek the revenge he so desperately wanted right now. He should've been there to protect Jennifer but he wasn't and she was hurt. The guilt was overwhelming.
Ronon left the briefing feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. They arrived back on M3R- 455 to find nothing but smoke and ashes. The Wraith had destroyed their facility and the village. They never found out what happened to all the people believing none of them would ever be found. Ronon headed toward the mess hall to get something to eat before he settled into the infirmary for the night.
Entering the dining hall, Ronon spotted Teyla sitting at a table by herself drinking tea. It was relatively quiet in the room this time of night after the dinner hour rush. Ronon grabbed a couple sandwiches and sat down across from Teyla.
"How is Jennifer doing?" Teyla asked.
"She's getting better. I think she's going to be okay," he answered frowning.
"You do not seem very pleased. I hoped you and Jennifer would be back together now."
"I can't go there again. I can't take the chance of disappointing her all over again. What happens if I don't walk back through the gate?" Ronon growled. "I won't leave her to a life of mourning over me if something happens"
"Do you not think she is doing that now? Jennifer loves you, Ronon. She is willing to accept the consequences," Teyla said firmly trying to speak for her friend.
"No, I'm not going to put her through that again. What if I find more of my people and face the same decisions again?" Ronon expressed his frustrations angrily knowing Teyla wouldn't take offense. "I let myself get too comfortable here on Atlantis. I'm a soldier first … there's an enemy to fight and I don't have time for a family."
"Do not have time or do not deserve?" Teyla questioned. "Ronon, you deserve to find happiness. Do you not think you can do both? Can you not fight the Wraith and have Jennifer?" Teyla continued to reason with Ronon fearing she was losing this battle.
"No, this is the way it has to be," Ronon answered as he rose to leave. He deposited his trash in the container as he headed back to the infirmary.
Jennifer was sleeping peacefully when Ronon returned. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat waiting for her to wake up. He thought about the conversation he'd just had with Teyla and wondered if there was any way he could keep Jennifer in his life. Maybe Teyla was right and he could have a life with Jen and continue to fight the Wraith.
Leaning back in his chair Ronon continued to ponder his options. He could stay in Atlantis and start a life with Jennifer while helping fight the Wraith with Sheppard but what if something happened to him on a mission and he didn't make it home. Or what if he found more of his fellow Satedans and needed to leave to take care of them. He still felt a heavy burden for Sateda and his allegiance was to his scattered people. This was not an easy decision for the proud soldier and he couldn't see any way that would keep Jennifer from certain heartache. "It's best to cut it off now before I make it worse for Jennifer," Ronon decided.
Jennifer began to stir once again feeling a little more clear headed.
"I'm here," Ronon said knowing she'd be looking for him. Jennifer looked to her right and saw Ronon sitting at her side. After weeks of his absence and indifference she felt relieved knowing when she needed him most he was here for her.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better. Did Rodney figure anything out yet?" she asked hoping there'd be no permanent damage.
"Last I heard he's still working on it," Ronon answered.
"I guess my off world record is still intact," Jennifer smirked thinking about what a disaster she was in the field.
Dr. McKay called Colonel Carter telling her he was ready for a briefing on what he'd found on the bullet. He wanted to include Dr. Cole in the briefing so he didn't have to explain it twice. Carter said she'd arrange it in one hour in the conference room.
At the appointed time, Dr. McKay entered the briefing room to find Colonel Carter, Lorne, Dr. Cole, and the rest of his team. He greeted everyone and proceeded to explain his findings. Rodney had run numerous tests on the bullet fragments finding that indeed, it had been altered. The bullet casing appeared to be made of softer materials than usual allowing it to split open on impact delivering a cocktail of toxins into the body of the recipient. Rodney couldn't identify all the compounds he found but did find traces of the Wraith enzyme and small amounts of some sort of numbing agent, which the bullet was probably coated in. The good news was the substances should break down and clear the system in a matter of a few days.
"What would be the purpose in developing bullets like this?" Carter asked.
"Good question," Rodney answered. "Maybe if you just wounded a person you would still be able to track them just from the amount of pain they were experiencing."
"There're Wraith, they don't need a reason," Ronon growled.
"Sounds like something the Genii could come up with," Sheppard offered.
"The Genii have been known to collaborate with the Wraith in the past," Colonel Carter added.
"Could be used as a good interrogation tool. Jennifer said it felt like her body was on fire; you might be willing to give up information if you were promised an antidote," Lorne offered.
"Keep your ears open on this one. See if any of our allies have heard anything." Colonel Carter instructed. "Dr. Cole, how is Jennifer doing?"
"She's doing very well. Her blood work is looking really good and I'm hoping to discharge her tomorrow. What she needs now is lots of rest," Dr. Cole reported.
The group discussed the matter for a few more minutes then adjourned. Rodney finally headed for the mess hall to get some late dinner and then some much needed rest. The rest of the team joined him for coffee.
Jennifer spent a week in bed once she was released from the hospital with orders not to move until Dr. Cole gave the okay. Unfortunately, it gave her way to much time to think. As soon as she was on the mend Ronon stopped keeping vigil and slipped out of her life once again. There were times when she knew he checked in on her, she could feel his presence in the wee hours of the morning.
It'd been two weeks since the shooting and Jennifer was finally released to return to work on a part time basis. It was good to get back into a familiar routine. Unfortunately, Ronon also returned to his former routine, which no longer included her. Jen continued to slip into her office when SGA-1 came through the infirmary after missions or she'd work on one of the other team members across the room. No matter where she worked, she could feel his eyes on her … sizing her up, checking to see if she was eating and taking care of herself.
Jennifer couldn't continue like this. She decided to try one more time to reason with Ronon. She waited till she knew he'd be in his room and stopped by after work.
"Ronon, can I come in?" Jennifer asked as he opened his door.
"What for? I don't want to talk," Ronon frowned as he blocked the entrance to his room.
"Please, Ronon, do we have to do this out in the hall?" Jennifer didn't want the whole base in on their conversation. The rumor mill had been bad enough lately without adding fuel to the fire. Ronon stepped aside allowing her into his quarters.
"I miss you," Jennifer whispered.
"Don't do this. We've gone over all of this already, nothing's changed." Ronon looked everywhere but at her. He couldn't stand having her this close and not putting his arms around her.
"But you're back living in Atlantis and things are like they were before you found Trye. Why can't we be together again?" Jennifer was fighting hard to keep the tears in check, she didn't want to beg.
"Jennifer, I can't promise that I won't do it all over again if I find other Satedans. I can't promise that I'll ever get over this constant anger and turmoil. Things might be the same again but I'm not," Ronon growled as he tried to explain, frustrated he couldn't find the right words.
"I'll always be here for you," Ronon whispered as he pulled her into his arms.
"That's just it … you aren't," Jennifer answered as the tears silently began to fall. She pulled away from his embrace and rising up she gently kissed his cheek. "I will always love you." Making her declaration, Jennifer turned and walked out of his room … out of his life.
Colonel Sheppard was sitting by himself eating a quiet lunch late in the day. Being alone gave him time to contemplate the conversation he'd had earlier with Dr. Keller. He was so frustrated at the way things had turned out between the Doc and Ronon. Actually, he was beyond frustration at Ronon. Sheppard loved the man more than a brother but right now he just wanted to throttle the idiot.
Pride. Sheppard had experienced his own problems with pride over the years. His own pride had come between himself and his Earth family, his marriage and at times his career. But nothing compared with Satedan pride. Ronon could swallow a meal in no time flat but when it came to swallowing his pride the man rarely budged. Sheppard had been trying to reason with him for weeks now but couldn't manage to get through to him on the subject of Jennifer Keller. John had to admit, she'd been a patient woman but that was all about to come to an end.
Jennifer had come to his office this morning asking for his help. She'd decided it was time to stop clinging to the hope of ever having a life with Ronon. As much as she'd always considered Atlantis home, it was time to return to Earth and set Ronon free.
"Colonel, thank you for seeing me on such short notice," Jennifer managed a half-hearted smile as she entered his office.
"What can I do for you, Doc?" Sheppard asked as he motioned toward the only empty chair in the room.
"Do you mind?" Jennifer asked as she motioned toward the door. At John's nod she closed the door before sitting down.
Sheppard sat up a little straighter worried this wasn't going to be pleasant. John had considered the Doc part of his Lantian family for quite some time now and knew she'd endured some pretty emotional blows the past couple months. John didn't do "emotional" or "personal" very well but for the Doc he'd try his best.
"John, I wanted to inform you that I'll be leaving Atlantis soon and wanted to say goodbye privately. Actually, I've asked Colonel Carter to keep my leaving confidential as well," Jennifer explained trying to keep the tears at bay.
"You're what?" John asked rather astonished. "Why? I mean, I probably know why so maybe I mean why now?" Sheppard stuttered as he thought about Ronon.
Jennifer had planned exactly how she wanted to explain herself to John and none of her plans called for tears. Looking at her friend and the hurt in his face started the flow of tears and there was nothing she could do to stop it. How could she say good-bye to her friends or this life she'd built here in Atlantis, her home.
"I've done everything I know to mend our relationship but nothing's worked. I've, begged, reasoned and given him lots of time to deal with all that's happened in his life. But, at the end of the day, he just doesn't want me and we're making each other miserable.
Sheppard needed to pace but his office was too small especially with the door closed, which just added to his growing aggravation. Everyone turned to him to fix things; he was good at finding solutions, he was 'the man'. Right now Sheppard needed a plan A with several back-ups but nothing came to mind and he felt totally helpless.
"I know he loves you, Jennifer," John said stating the obvious. "It's only been a couple of months. Maybe give it some more time and he'll come around?" John was beginning to sound desperate. Ronon aside, Jennifer was part of his family, Atlantis was her home and he didn't want to lose her. Sheppard had never been good with family dynamics growing up; hence the estrangement from his Earth loved ones. He was very protective of his Lantian family though and would do all he could to hold them together.
"This is not something that time will heal," Jennifer explained continuing to seek his understanding. "I know he loves me but it's tearing me apart to see him and not be able to be a part of his life. I need to feel his touch, to comfort him when he needs it, to laugh together over something silly, I need him!" The words came tumbling out as the tears continued to fall.
Sheppard hurt for his friend. He began grasping at anything hoping to change her mind. "What about his ring," John asked as he nodded toward her neck.
Jennifer reached up fingering her necklace that held his ring. "Ronon gave me this ring as a pledge of his love. He gave it to show he was bonding himself to me for life." Jennifer let a soft sob escape as she held the ring remembering the night he gave it to her and all the promise it held. The ring stays with me." Jennifer said firmly. There was no use in discussing it further, Jennifer may leave this world but she would always be bound to the one who held her heart.
John could see there would be no 'moving on' for Jennifer once she left. She'd spend the rest of her life mourning for the life she left behind. John wanted more for her than a sentence of despair and a heart forever broken.
"This is your home, Jennifer. You've told me that a hundred times and I don't want to see you leave. Please take tonight to think it all over and come see me again tomorrow. Can you do that for me?" Sheppard asked hoping to buy some time till he could talk to Colonel Carter.
"I don't see how it would change anything but I'll do it for you. I'll come by tomorrow," Jennifer agreed knowing it would help John accept the inevitable.
John stood and moved around the desk to Jennifer. He took her in his arms and held on tight as she sobbed for all the things she couldn't change. His heart broke for her while his anger increased at the situation he couldn't fix.
Sheppard was pulled out of his thoughts as Ronon set his tray down on the table across from him.
"Hey," Ronon grunted as he sat down.
"Yeah," Sheppard mumbled as he worked at reigning in his thoughts.
"What's up … you look pissed," Ronon added frowning.
"I'm sitting here wondering what you're going to do about Jennifer," Sheppard said a bit too forcefully.
"Nothing. We've had this conversation before," Ronon warned not wanting to discuss it again.
"I'm tired of watching you throw everything away all for some misplaced loyalty to something that no longer exists. All that's left of Sateda is memories, but Jennifer's alive and for some unexplained reason, loves you. Why are you throwing that all away?"
John took a deep breath trying to calm down. He lowered his voice but kept the intensity as he continued to reason with his friend.
"Look, big guy, if you tell me you don't love her anymore then I'll back off," Sheppard offered as he stared at the angry man.
"I will always love her but she needs someone better," Ronon answered, angry that Sheppard would question how he felt about Jennifer.
Sheppard tried to keep his voice low as he exploded, "You're about to ruin the best thing that ever happened to you because of your stupid pride and allegiance to something that's gone!" John stood up grabbing his empty tray and leaned over the table glaring at Ronon, "The best thing that ever happened to you!"
John walked over to the tub that held the dirty trays. He slammed his tray onto the stack causing several to fall to the floor. Most of the dinning hall watched as their angry military commander stormed out of the room.
John sat brooding in his office for most of the afternoon before heading up to talk to Carter. Arriving at her open door he knocked on the doorframe.
"Colonel, do you have a minute?" John asked as Colonel Carter looked up from her desk.
"Come in, Colonel," Carter answered surprised it took Sheppard so long to come see her.
John walked in shutting the door before he took a seat.
"I take it Dr. Keller has already been by to see you?" Carter asked knowing the answer by the look on John's face.
"Isn't there anything we can do to stop this?" John asked, frustration evident in his voice.
"I'm as upset as you are, John … any suggestions?" Sam wanted nothing more than to keep her CMO.
"I've talked to Ronon till I'm blue in the face. He's so stubborn and not listening to anyone or anything," John said exasperated. "I'd take Ronon out and beat the crap out of him if I thought it'd help." John started pacing hoping it'd help him think of something.
"The best I can come up with is a leave of absence or sabbatical for Jennifer. That way she could keep her position for a short amount of time … say two or three months," Sam offered as a possible solution.
"Was she open to the idea?" John really liked this plan.
"I didn't mention it to her. Actually, I don't think she'd agree. She was pretty set on resigning," Carter explained.
"Can you submit her paper work as a leave without her knowing?" John asked hoping to buy them more time to resolve the problem. "That would give me a couple months to knock some sense into Ronon."
"I'll submit the paperwork and see what happens," Sam agreed knowing it wasn't much but at least it was something. "Remember, John, this is all strictly confidential. Jennifer wants to leave without anyone knowing and I've agreed to honor her wishes," Sam admonished hoping it wouldn't actually happen. They still had 36 hours before the Daedalus was scheduled to leave.