A/N: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.
Spoilers: Reunion season 4
I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!
Chapter 5
Jennifer spent the afternoon sorting and packing her things away. Sam arranged for her to store her boxes and ship them home once she was settled. She'd invited Evan for dinner in the mess hall tonight. She planned to have him come back to her room afterwards and break the news to him. Jennifer wasn't sure how she'd get along without seeing Evan all the time. She knew he'd keep in touch but it wasn't the same.
She picked up a framed picture of the gang from last New Year's Eve. Jen couldn't help but smile as she sat down on her bed remembering what a fun night it'd been for everyone. Reaching to the picture she ran her finger over Ronon's face. They looked so happy together. John and Teyla were standing on one side of them with Evan and Laura on the other side of Ronon. Jennifer put the picture on the pile she was packing to take with her. Her room was a complete mess but Jen felt she had a good start on the packing.
Evan met Jennifer at the doors to the mess hall and they quickly filled their plates. It was a late dinner so the dining hall was almost empty. Evan could tell she was not herself tonight, choosing to keep the conversation light he entertained her with details of the missions he'd been on during the week.
"Evan, do you have a few minutes to come back to my room with me?" Jennifer asked.
"Sure, I have a sparring match later tonight but I have a good hour or so, can't think of anyone I'd rather spend it with," Evan agreed smiling.
The two walked arm in arm to her room. As soon as Evan walked through the door he knew something was very wrong.
"What's going on, Jennifer?" Evan asked as soon as he saw all the packing boxes.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," she said holding back tears.
"I'll be leaving on the Daedalus tomorrow night." Jennifer waited for his response.
"Oh please, tell me you're kidding," Evan growled shaking his head back and forth.
"I'm sorry. I've tried everything … Evan, you know I've done everything but hold a gun to his head. Not being with him is killing me and I can't hide in my room forever," Jennifer explained reaching for his hand.
"This is insane. I don't want you to leave," Evan sighed as he sat down on the bed. "Where are you going?"
"I'm not sure yet. I may ask General Landry if I can hang out for a couple of days and try to figure it all out. I expect you and Laura to come see me occasionally," Jennifer ordered.
"You know we will. Is there a chance I can talk you out of this?" Evan asked.
"No. But thanks for wanting to," Jennifer smiled as she leaned down and hugged him.
"I think I'll cancel my sparring session," Evan suggested wanting to spend more time with her.
"I have a lot to do before I leave so I need to shoo you out of here and get busy. Please don't say anything to anyone. I just want to leave quietly."
"If that's what you want. Does this mean I can't knock some sense into Ronon tonight?" Evan asked.
"Believe me, several have tried already and it's only made it worse," Jennifer scowled.
Evan stopped at the door and took Jennifer into his arms. He gave her a long, warm hug causing the tears Jennifer was holding back to fall.
"I'm going to miss you so much. Promise you won't forget me," Jennifer choked out as she clung to her best friend.
"I'll always be a part of your life … don't forget that," Evan whispered as he released her and quickly left.
Jennifer accomplished a lot her last night on Atlantis but with the sunrise all her fears and worries came flooding back. "What if I'm making the wrong decision?" she asked herself as she headed toward Colonel Sheppard's office.
"Good Morning, John," Jennifer greeted, dropping all formalities.
"Is it tomorrow already?" he growled not wanting to have this conversation.
"Afraid so." Jennifer gave a halfhearted smile.
"I don't suppose you've changed your mind?" John asked hoping she'd stay.
"I'll be leaving tonight. I've told Evan but no one else," she replied.
"We'll keep it that way although I'd love to smack Ronon upside the head with this information," John growled again.
"Probably wouldn't help. Come say goodbye," Jennifer requested as she moved around the desk to hug the Colonel.
"I'll miss you," John whispered as he hugged her awkwardly, but tightly.
"Me too. I'll always think of you as family," Jennifer sobbed as she held on for one more moment.
"Back at ya," John answered choking up as he spoke.
Jennifer spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends. She worked in the infirmary for a few hours just to spend time with her staff. In the late afternoon she went to her quarters and marked all her boxes before shoving them into the corner of the room. Next she cleaned her room and packed the bags she was taking with her on the Daedalus.
Half way through the final packing she sat down on the bed feeling nauseous. Jennifer hadn't felt herself since the shooting and skipping meals wasn't helping. Looking at her clock she realized it was the dinner hour … not a good time to show up in the dining hall. A moment later she heard her door chime and made her way to the other room.
"Eat," Evan ordered as he shoved a tray in her hand.
"This is why I love you," Jennifer smiled gratefully, hoping the food would calm her nerves.
Evan leaned in and kissed the top of her head as he turned and walked away. Jennifer watched him retreat down the corridor knowing she would miss him terribly.
Finishing her dinner, Jen placed the empty tray on the counter feeling much better. She finished up the last of the packing and settled at her desk to type some last minute things into the infirmary data pad.
It was time to leave, finally. Jennifer took one last look around her room thinking of all the years she'd spent here. Her eyes settled on her bed and the tears fell as she realized she'd never share it again with the man she loved.
The door chimed and Jennifer opened it to find two Marines who were assigned to come help with her luggage. She smiled knowing Evan couldn't let her go without one last loving gesture. She thanked the men for their help as the three of them headed for the gate room.
It was close to midnight and the lights had already been dimmed for the evening. Jennifer knew Colonel Carter had most likely made the order knowing it would be more comforting without the harsh lights of the city. Colonel Carter and Colonel Sheppard met Jennifer as she entered the gate room. Sam gave her friend and CMO a hug and wished her well. Next, she stepped over to John to say goodbye once again.
"John, you didn't have to come," she whispered as she returned his hug. "Please take care of him," she quietly sobbed as he tried to comfort her.
"I will … when I'm through being mad. I'll save your spot at the table," John assured her.
Ronon was feeling antsy and went in search of Sheppard hoping to get in a sparring session before bed. Not finding him in his room or the mess hall, he headed toward the control room. As he entered the control room the sight of Jennifer and Sheppard hugging below on the gate room floor caught his attention and he hung back in the shadows above trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He stayed in the shadows watching as Evan slowly walked across the floor toward Jennifer.
Evan took Jennifer into his arms and held her tightly. He could feel her quiet sobs against his chest.
"This is not goodbye, sweetheart," Evan said as he rubbed her back. "We'll see each other back on Earth until you come home."
"Be safe," Jennifer whispered as she pulled back.
Jennifer looked up placing her hands on Evans face. "I will miss you."
Evan leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the cheek as he released her. Colonel Carter radioed the Daedalus and Jennifer was beamed away.
Sheppard turned and left immediately for his quarters. Ronon crossed the balcony catching up with Sheppard as he started down the hallway toward his room.
"What was that all about?" Ronon asked frowning.
"Not now, Ronon," Sheppard growled angrily as he kept walking.
"What's with Jennifer and Lorne?" Ronon asked jealously.
"I said, not now," Sheppard repeated as Ronon followed him down the hallway.
"I want to know what's going on," he demanded of Sheppard.
John turned around sharply and advanced on Ronon backing the big guy up against the wall in the corridor. His face was red and the veins in his neck were bulging as he tried but failed to control his anger.
"That was Jennifer saying goodbye to her best friend. That was the woman who loves you more than life itself – although, I have no idea why – leaving on the Daedalus for Earth so you won't have to see her everyday," Sheppard snarled.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ronon snapped.
"We're not doing this right now. I'm not in the mood," Sheppard growled as he backed away and continued down the hall to his quarters.
Two Marines met Jennifer when she arrived on the Daedalus and escorted her and her luggage to the guest quarters. Exhausted, she quickly unpacked her toiletries getting ready for bed. Lying in the dark, she replayed the past couple of days over and over in her head as she cried herself to sleep.
Ronon sat on his bed in shock thinking about the scene that played out before him in the gate room. He couldn't believe she was gone. He still had time … he could go to her and bring her back … he could hold her once more if he hurried. But what would it change? He still didn't trust himself not to make the same decisions if he ever found any of his people again. He was still full of anger and darkness over everything that happened. Going to her wouldn't change anything. "She deserves better," he tried to convince himself.
The trip to Earth was long giving Jennifer a chance to get her emotions under control. She spent most of her time to herself catching up on sleep and reading through a few books she'd packed. Lindsey Novak, an engineer on the Daedalus, stopped by a few times and they usually met for breakfast. Jennifer knew Lindsey from her days at the SGC and always enjoyed her company.
This was the first down time Jennifer had experienced in years. It made her realize that she enjoyed the high stress and fast paced life she'd spent in the Stargate program. "Civilian life will be a challenge getting use to," Jennifer thought. Maybe a job in a trauma unit would be her best fit. Jen spent a lot of time her last week on the Daedalus mulling over her life and what she should do next. It was the first time in a long time she felt absolutely clueless. She just couldn't concentrate. Jen spent the days thinking about her career but at night, when everything was dark and quiet, her thoughts drifted to Ronon and the life she left behind.
After three long weeks of soul searching, the Daedalus finally beamed down her passengers to the SGC and the re-entry physicals began. Jennifer was shown to a bed in the infirmary where she sat waiting for the next available doctor. Seeing Dr. Carolyn Lam cross the room, Jennifer slid off the bed and embraced her friend. It was so good to see a friendly face.
"Jennifer, it's so good to see you," Dr. Lam greeted her smiling. "I heard you were returning home." Lam watched for any kind of reaction wanting to know why she'd left Atlantis.
"It's great to see you too, Carolyn," Jennifer said as she held on a bit longer than necessary. "Let's have dinner soon and I'll explain everything."
"I'll get you through this physical as quickly as possible. How've you been feeling?" Lam asked going through her mental list of routine questions.
"Actually, I've brought a copy of my medical records. I had an unusual situation recently that I haven't completely recovered from. At least I don't feel fully recovered," Jennifer explained as she handed Dr. Lam her medical file.
"I'm glad you brought your records with you. It's standard policy now to have all returnees keep a copy of their medical records listed here at the SGC but they can take forever to actually show up," Carolyn said rolling her eyes.
"Wow, you did have an unusual injury," Dr. Lam said frowning as she read through Jennifer's file. "How are you feeling now?"
"Just don't feel quite back to normal. I've lost some weight and I'm pretty tired lately. But, all that can be attributed to emotional stress that we'll talk about later," Jennifer replied sighing heavily.
"Okay. Well, let's do some tests and see what we find," Lam said smiling as she closed the file.
Dr. Lam ran a more detailed panel of blood tests and gave her a thorough physical. While they waited for all the tests to come back, Carolyn released Jennifer to get checked in on the base and find her quarters. Her request for a few days lodging had been pre-approved so the paper work was already completed. The women decided to meet for dinner in a few hours and go over Jen's tests results at that time.
Jennifer moved around her room unpacking a few things. She put her toiletries in the bathroom and hung up a few clothes. Reaching to the bottom of her duffle she found the picture of her and Ronon. Placing it on her nightstand she realized that her life on Atlantis was finally closed. Reaching for the picture once again, she laid down on her bed clutching it to her chest. Jennifer cried till she fell asleep … missing her family … missing Ronon.