Before I start this chapter, I must say that the randomly original character that graces this particular chapter doesn't belong to me. It belongs to my friend. Her penname is Quandtuniverse. Yeah. I only stole her character and poked her. Or something. Yeah.

Also, this is short. Terribly short. I apologize.

"Good morning, class," Itoshiki Nozomu greeted his students abnormally normally. That is, he greeted his students in a normal way, which was slightly abnormal. The class waited for him to start on a rant about the government or cats or the price of produce these days, but the teacher did not speak.

The students then proceeded to commit acts that concerned students usually do when their teacher does not act as he does usually.

They talked very loudly amongst themselves as if he wasn't there.

After a few minutes of this, during which Nozomu contemplated despairing loudly about the youth always talking (except for Meru, of course) these days, the students also noticed something else rather concerning. There was a woman standing beside Nozomu, smiling as if she enjoyed nothing more than staying by this man's side.

And it wasn't Matoi.

This startling fact made the students talk to each other in a much louder voice. Matoi jumped out from under her teacher's desk and angrily confronted the new woman, asking her who the hell she was and what the hell she thought she was doing and why was she appearing to do her job, but Nozomu assured the stalker that he would get to that in just a bit if everybody would kindly shut up, which they did eventually.

"Now, I'm a little reluctant to say this, but I've been shown sufficient proof and I've found that I cannot run away from it, so I believe I should announce this. Apparently, I'm married." The students were in a vocal sort of frenzy now, whispering quite loudly to one another. Chiri caught something in the teacher's announcement that didn't quite agree with her.

"Apparently? Apparently?!" she roared, standing up so quickly that her chair clattered to the ground. Matoi had also stood up with a look that suggested some kind of objection and the two girls approached their teacher in a rather menacing way. "How could you not know you've been married!? Was this even a proper marriage?!"

"Sensei, I've never even seen this woman before! You've never mentioned or met her! I'm sure of it! You didn't even claim you were married in your census forms!"

"If she hasn't been living under your roof, and if you yourself didn't even know of it, then this couldn't have been a proper marriage! I demand that you do it again! Properly!"

"I don't like this too, you know," Nozomu said uneasily. "I mean, I already have a stalker and several other girls who apparently love me but never really bring it up much, and that was okay, but a wife? I can't handle commitment! In fact, commitment is such a hard thing for one to do in this time and place! Many people make their oaths, to be together 'until death do us part,' but then what about divorces? Also, many fanfiction writers promise that they would keep writing their stories, but then mysteriously stop right in the middle! What happened to commitment?!" The screen behind the teacher changed to a pleasing color and several more examples of this commitment problem flashed by, but they were too fast to catch and fanfictions, unfortunately, do not have pause buttons and also, The Authoress couldn't think of any other examples.

"Sensei," Kafka started, but was interrupted.

"And that's another thing. You said you'd call me Pink Supervisor, but you suddenly stopped! What happened?!"

"I called you Pink Supervisor last chapter," the girl pointed out cheerfully.

"No, I'm talking canon here. You stopped almost immediately afterwards. Also, you never paid me for that one…"

"Well I can start again, if you'd like," Kafka offered.

"No, it's okay," Nozomu hastily replied, making one wonder why he brought it up in the first place. "But anyways, as much as I'd like to continue this discussion about commitments, we must continue with this chapter. This new character hasn't even gotten a lengthy description yet."

Nozomu's 'wife' now stepped forward gracefully, pushing past Matoi and Chiri lightly. Now that everybody was actually looking at her, they noticed that she was extremely beautiful and looked impossibly young, fresh from college at the most, and that was stretching it. She appeared to be sparkling. Think Armstrong sparkles. She had flawless pale skin with rosy cheeks and red, full lips and a slender build hidden under the silk, exquisitely made kimono that she probably made herself. The kimono was blue and the design is not important. A close up of her face revealed thin eyebrows that arched pleasantly and purple eyes and blue hair that was flowing to her left, even though there was no wind. All this was natural, of course. The boys were immediately stricken except for Jun, who was busy reading. The girls immediately wish they were her, although there were some that were stricken as well. Matoi and Chiri were immediately jealous, as they are supposed to be the jealous bitches of this chapter, though they found it practically impossible to bear ill will towards the woman because she was just so darn adorable.

"Hello, I'm Itoshiki Nozomu's wife. We've been married now for a few years," the beautiful woman said. "My name is Itoshiki Suki. To save readers the trouble of looking the kanji up, my name means 'perfect' when compressed. I work as a baker and my cupcakes are very delicious." The boys silently said that they were sure whatever she made were delicious. "I decided to marry Nozomu because…well, I guess that's a secret for now." Suki hugged Nozomu's arm in a way that sickened Matoi, Chiri, Nozomu (somewhat), and several fans reading this.

"And what is the proof of your marriage?" Chiri demanded. Suki immediately took out a few pieces of very official looking papers that said very clearly on them 'Certificate of Marriage,' 'Suki and Nozomu are married now,' and 'They're married, okay? Get over it' in large, official-looking, blocky letters. There were also pictures of the two at the alter, which Nozomu immediately denied going to. "I'm not even religious," he said, but did not launch himself into a rant about religion as he usually would. Obviously, the shocking news of this shocking marriage was shockingly taking its tolls on him. Chiri checked these over and reluctantly said that these were very valid evidence of the marriage. Suki shoved them away somewhere, her light-blue hair flowing peacefully.

"Maybe you have proof, but that still doesn't explain why I never saw or heard of you," Matoi hissed. "Because of my Deep Love, I've investigated every single one of sensei's relations and their families and people he's been in contact with, and your name doesn't pop up anywhere." The stalker smirked at the absolutely perfect girl in a 'ha, take that' kind of way. Suki's hair merely flicked demurely in the non-wind as she continued to smile softly in that kind and understanding way.

"I went on a long quest to help save all endangered species as well as the rainforests and the environment in general, and visited Africa to help the poor people there as well as various other things that I cannot remember right now." These words were met by calls of 'That's Suki for ya!' and 'Way to go!'

"You don't even know her yet!" Chiri fumed.

"Sensei," Matoi abruptly said. "You've found yourself a very nice woman."

"…Ha…?" Nozomu replied, hoping that his stalker wasn't about to say what he thought she was about to say.

"I wish you two much happiness in the future," the stalker girl said, smiled proudly at her teacher, and then left.

"Wha-wha-whaaa?" Chiri stuttered, surprised to find herself suddenly alone and even more surprised that Matoi would give up Nozomu that easily. The straight-haired girl looked desperately around at the class again for any kind of support, but only met adoring faces. Even Mayo Mitama seemed unwilling to cause any harm to the absolutely perfect blue-haired woman.

"Wha-wha-whaaa?" Nozomu said as well, because he was really counting on Matoi's stubbornness to get him out of this mess. He looked concernedly towards the absolutely perfect-in-every-way girl, then towards Chiri and silently cheered her on.

Chiri found herself in a rare situation where she was unsure. Being proper all the time, she had to be sure of everything. She couldn't hesitate for a second because then something might go wrong. But here she found herself hesitating. No, Chiri told herself. Either do one thing or do the other. It's not that hard. The problem right now is that woman. Now do what is proper.

Her brain kept urging her that the proper thing right now was to keep arguing and maybe kill the blue-haired woman. But some weird invisible force was stopping her, possibly The Authoress's powers. So she simply stood there looking stupid and baffled. "The…the official documents were all properly filled out," she said uneasily.

"I also always do everything properly and perfectly," Suki added cheerfully.

"I'm the only one who does that!" Chiri howled. She tried to howl with fury, but found she could not, and suddenly jumped out the window, weeping.

"Uh," Nozomu said, realizing that his classroom was fairly high up. (Do not question this, even if the classroom has never been fairly high up before.)

"Well," Suki smiled sweetly. "It looks like your students like me very much." She waved a perfectly formed arm towards the class who were generally admiring her respectfully.

"No wait," Nozomu said hastily. "Kudo-san!" he shouted towards the boy in the back. Jun looked up from his book. "Do you like this woman?" Jun's eyes swept sideways towards Suki and he shrugged.

"She's nice," the boy said, then went back to his book.

"That counts," Suki sparkled smugly, her hair still waving in the non-wind. "Trust me, nobody can resist my aura."

"I can," Nozomu pointed out.

"Eh, that doesn't matter. You'll have to let down your guard sometime. Besides, the bet was if your students opposed me and expressed extreme dislike towards this sudden marriage announcement, then I would file a divorce and you would never hear from me again." Suki latched her perfect arms around Nozomu's waist and seductively whispered in his ear, "Come on, relax and let my aura suppress you…" The teacher was almost lulled, but he shook out of the trance and jumped away.

"Wait! I'm not done yet!" Nozomu shouted loudly and ran away. Suki smiled at the students, as if she was apologizing for her husband's behavior even though she didn't have to, and followed slowly.

"Komori-san!" Nozomu shouted as soon as he entered his house.

"Hai?" said hikikomori responded, poking her head out of the closet.

"This woman married me, how do you feel?" the teacher immediately asked, pointing over to the smiling Suki beside him. Kiri stared at the girl through her hair.

"Sensei…I really liked you, you know," Kiri said. Nozomu was about to pump his fist in the air victoriously, but stopped himself.

"'Liked…?'"

"Yes. But you see, Majiru-kun and I are now a couple. The fans really wanted it, I think. But I'm happy that you found somebody to be with, sensei." Kiri smiled, but Nozomu really didn't care about that right now.

"Curse this society where people feel obliged to answer their fans' every whim!" Nozomu cried as he ran outside again, knowing he had lost the bet.

"But of course you lost," Suki said, appearing suddenly in front of the hapless teacher, who wildly skidded to a stop to avoid crashing into the perfect woman. "Do you really think you had a chance with a Mary-Sue?" She giggled, but though it was a light and absolutely perfect giggle, it had a cruel tint to it.

"I wouldn't have taken the bet if I knew you were a Mary-Sue…" Nozomu moped.

"Aw, don't be that way," Suki moved closer and grabbed Nozomu's hand. "We are having a wedding party soon. All your students will be there. It's at the XXXX Church. We can't be late, you know."

"Why would you want a wedding party if we're already apparently married?" Nozomu sighed.

"Oh, no reason. I thought it would be fun." Nozomu had no time to be suspicious and extremely paranoid, for Suki was now pulling him along and it was taking all his willpower to not trip and fall and to get his legs to catch up with his arm.

The XXXX Church was a very fancy church. For some reason, the place was already decorated with a banner and tables loaded with cupcakes. There were chocolate cupcakes, as well as those ordinary cupcakes that couldn't be called vanilla because they simply aren't vanilla and couldn't be called white because they're more yellowish and that would sound racist, and for some inexplicable reason, blue cupcakes. They all had skull icing on them for some reason.

All of Nozomu's class was there except for Chiri whom we will assume is dead. Even Kiri. Majiru had tagged along as well.

"The cupcakes are cute," one boy mentioned.

"No! No they aren't! How are cupcakes with skulls on them cute?!" Nozomu shouted. He was immediately ignored.

"I made all the food," Suki commented, sparkling lightly. All the boys except Kudo immediately clamored to taste the food, as anything made by Suki surely must be absolutely delicious and they had to try it.

A few minutes later, they all collapsed because the cupcakes had been poisoned.

"Oh my, I wonder how that happened," Suki trilled innocently while all the remaining students just nodded in agreement.

"Maria has built up immunity to a lot of poisons," Maria said as she ate the cupcakes herself.

Nozomu threw his hands up in the air. "Oh come on! Nobody finds any of this even remotely suspicious?!"

"Noooooooo…" was the reply. "Should we be?"

"Oh forget it."

"Well, I guess we'd better get rid of all the cupcakes and the bodies," Suki sparkled cheerfully and started to toss the bodies of various male students out the window. Some of the girls helped too. "Now that that's done, why don't we try the other food?"

A while later, the only ones left alive were Kafka, Maria, Nami, and Mayo.

"Oh my, it turns out the other food I cooked were mysteriously poisoned as well," Suki chuckled.

"How weird," Kafka grinned.

"Argh," Nozomu groaned.

Nami suddenly tripped and fell out a window and died.

"Wow, what a coincidence," Suki said just as she slit Maria's throat with a cleaver she happened to have. Mayo spontaneously combusted. Kafka remained unharmed and breathing.

Nozomu finally found his voice and said, "Why are you killing everybody?!"

"My Mary-Sue powers don't last forever, you know. Best to kill off every opponent before they regain their senses…" Suki licked some of Maria's blood off of the cleaver. "It doesn't really matter what I do to her though," the blue-haired woman shrugged towards Kafka, who was just standing there smiling like an idiot. "But for The Authoress, I had to make sure she wouldn't destroy me upon entry to this fanfiction…so you know what I did to her?"

"That's it! I'm leaving this world! It's better to die than to be with you!" Nozomu jumped out the window, narrowly missed hitting Nami's body, and hit his head on the sidewalk.

He was slightly bruised, but that was it.

As he sat up, rubbing his head and trying to figure out what went wrong, Suki appeared next to him, still holding the cleaver. She giggled in an erotically eerie way. "Silly Nozomu. I wouldn't let you die. I was created to love only you."

"Please! Let me die!" Nozomu sobbed.

"Come on, don't you want to know what I did? It's not all that horrible, really."

"No! I don't want to know! Just let me die!"

"All I had to do was make sure her writing skills deteriorated. Bad writers naturally add in Mary-Sues. Do you wanna know how I did that?"

"Shut up shut up shut up! I'm not listening!"

"I managed to make her read Eragon over and over and over again."

"Please, just stab me! Here! In the heart! Here! I'm pointing it out for you!"

"Nozomu," Suki purred, moving in closer, still wielding the cleaver menacingly. "Come, I just want to love you…"