The Teacher of Despair lectured to his class about what he knew most about. Despair. (Who knew?!) Specifically, the lecture was about how the Teacher of Despair's Wii broke today and he couldn't play Super Smash Brothers Brawl or Super Paper Mario or even Okami. He broke into tears halfway through the lecture. The class didn't pay any attention.

When Miss Bitters came in and transferred the unnecessary characters to the Underground Classroom for not paying attention, the rest of the students started looking like they were paying attention.

"…And then my car broke down, and that's what happened to me today," finished Nozomu. A sudden wracking sob exploded from under his desk.

"Th-that's so saaadd!" wailed Matoi.

"But although what happened to me today is tragic and despairing-ish, I have recently found out a startling fact that is much more important." He paused for dramatic effect. "There are people out there who think I'm cool."

There was a collective gasp.

We Are Merely Vicious Vagabonds

At the Wossname High School, an Anime/Whatever Club was about to end for the day when the door burst open and Nozomu walked in.

"You! Various fangirls! And maybe boys! But mostly girls!" he shouted, banging angrily on a very expensive projector. "I have something very important to say!"

The various fangirls, and maybe boys, but mostly girls, stared at the teacher and either called him Sasuke or swooned. Teacher Despair?! Here?!

Nozomu noticed the swooning girls and pointed towards them. "That's what I want to talk about! Why the hell do you think I'm hot?!"

One of the swooning girls recovered, only to shrug and go back to swooning.

"Do you honestly think that I'm handsome!? Do you honestly dream about joining my class and then doing various, silly antics with me?! Don't you realize that I'm suicidal, pessimistic, and generally the type of guy you'd never hang around with in real life?! Do you honestly think that Sanji would fall truly in love with you/your Mary Sue, even if he's a shameless womanizer?! Do you honestly think that Zoro is 'cute' and fantasize about being with him even though if you actually met him, he'd be very scary-looking?!"

The Anime/Whatever Club of Wossname High School was silent. A boy raised his hand: "Uh…whoever you are…? What exactly is this about?"

"It's about how fans like characters who have traits that are generally frowned upon in society!" Nozomu announced.

"That's not true," another boy retorted. "As soon as Sasuke turned into an ass, everybody started hating him."

"He was already an ass. And there's also Bender, and Snape, and Malfoy, and Light, and Itachi, and Matt Engarde…seriously, where do all these fans come from? Do you like people who would probably step all over you if they felt like it?! Why are all these people boys?!"

"Eh, girls," shrugged a boy. He was immediately slapped by his girlfriend.

"Why do people like Johnny? He's a homicidal maniac! He kills people! He's insane! And Bender threw his son into hell!"

"Aw, but it was only to get attention from Fry…it's so sweet…" one of the girls cooed. Nozomu gave her an odd look.

"So when you want to raise your own hellish robot army just for the selfish reason to gain your friend's attention, you'd sacrifice your own son too?"

"I don't get why you're taking this so seriously. It's all just anime and fake stuff."

"Because you people always gush about how wonderful these people are when in reality, you wouldn't be able to stand one minute with them! There was actually a serial killer who women loved! Seriously! Don't you see?! By coveting smokers, womanizers, and murderers in comics and shows, we end up coveting them in real life! Soon, it'll be okay to rob a bank, as long as you have good looks!"

"Ah, but sensei!" Kafuka suddenly stood up, looking chipper as usual. Nozomu mentally prepared himself for the horrible optimism that would soon come. "Surely you can't mean that is a bad thing! To be able to readily accept polygamists, other religions, aliens who would take over our world…that would be a truly wonderful society!"

"…How is that last one good…?"

"Our loving acceptance of the people around us will make the world a better place!" And then the wall exploded, due to a VOOT ship firing laser beams at it.

Through the new hole stepped two short figures. One of them shouted, "I AM ZIIIIIM!" and revealed himself to be the Irken from last chapter. "I have come to you randomly in an act of randomness to…STEAL YOU AS SLAVES! Yes, you will all be forced to work for my upcoming conquest of doom. So…get in the bag." Here, the alien pointed to a rather small-looking and (for some reason) very moldy bag.

"Oh my gosh!" someone squealed. "It's Zim!" A loud, irritating cheer then commenced.

"Eh? Wha? STAY BACK! Get in the bag! I said, get in the bag! ZIM COMMANDS IT!" The short alien was unable to hold the crowd at bay. It surrounded him and threatened to trample him in their fangirlish enthusiasm. "GIR! HELP ME!"

His small, robot minion grinned stupidly and ate something. It chewed with its mouth open and showed various brown, green, and rainbow bits of whatever it was eating, immersed in its hedonistic fulfillment. Some people in the crowd said, "Aaaawwww…." (Nozomu was baffled by this.) Then GIR screamed like a monkey and randomly started shooting a gun that fired bullets of hot nacho cheese-covered piggys which burned the face of one girl and everybody laughed, except for the girl whose face was being burned horribly.

Zim, seeing that the crowd wasn't being pushed back by his useless robot, decided that he didn't want these people as his slaves. "GIR! RETREAT!" he screamed, and then hastily jumped back in his ship.

The fangirls seemed to be disappointed for a few minutes, but then went back to their more normal, non-rabid frame of mind.

"See?" Kafuka said cheerfully. "Acceptance does help!"

"…I think I'm going to give up for today." And so Nozomu turned around and left, leaving this chapter short and unfinished.