The Hand of the Authoress carefully charged up Her IPod. Then a Finger selected a Playlist and pressed play. It took a long time for one of Her illegally obtained songs to start, but they soon did.

I CAN'T FEEL A THING! blared a nondescript, typical angsty song. As soon as the song had started, Nozomu Itoshiki, our favorite little angsty teacher, was dumped into a very bland white space, usually reserved for characters in anime about to die.

I CAN'T SEE A THING!

"Oh, I see. This is a 'song fanfiction.' A short little drabble based on a song, usually very sad, and the actions of the characters are based on the lyrics of said song. Kind of like an anime music video for fanfiction," said the teacher, summarizing concisely what type of fanfiction the Authoress was poking fun at today. Nozomu then proceeded to look casually around at the white space that surrounded him. "I can indeed see nothing."

CAN YOU HEAR ME SAY NOTHING?!

"NOTHING!" shouted Nozomu. And then there was a sound like bliboblibowaaarp and there was silence. Nozomu was confused, as this kind of thing doesn't happen in a song fic, but figured that he should wait. Maybe the Authoress was having Technical Difficulties.

It took a few minutes, but then, wilbowilbobinglyNow these points of data make a beautiful line

"Oh, the song suddenly changed," commented Nozomu needlessly as he tried to figure out where the song came from. It certainly sounded more cheerful than the first one, which made him satisfied since the first song had been blowing apart his eardrums.

And we're out of beta we're releasing on time

Once again, Nozomu needlessly said, "Oh, it's a song from a video game. I don't understand what the lyrics mean…"

So I'm glad I got burned ("I'm depressed, not a masochist…"), think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive

"Go ahead and leave me," sang Nozomu, since he really couldn't do a lot of action with the lyrics. "I think I'd prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you…"

"Maybe Black Mesa. That was a joke I don't get it…" Despite this setback, he was soon singing the song loudly, with feeling (though he did pause once to check his pulse as the song came to And believe me I am still alive) and was about to finish it tearfully and hopefully go back to despairing in his classroom when Technical Difficulties arose again. The Authoress fought and cursed valiantly at Her IPod's version of the Blue Screen of Death, but to no avail. The music died off with a wofflewangobop.

When the music started up again, a beat produced by computers (or something started), and the white space was replaced by a lavish bedroom. Fuura was there.

"Hello, sensei!" The girl was blindingly cheerful as usual. "I'm to be your partner for this one!"

"Why do I need a partner?" asked Nozomu as the lyrics finally started. It was very loud and obnoxious rap.

YO, I FOUND MAH GIRL AND I TREAT 'ER RIGHT.

"By the way, the Authoress really hates rap songs after listening to the same ones over and over again on her old school bus's radio," Kafuka said. This was a totally unrelated comment and has absolutely nothing to do with the rap song playing in this song fic right now. Really.

I TAKE 'ER HOME AND I blank 'ER ALL NIGHT

"What was that blanked out word there?!" Nozomu had a right to be worried, because he was suddenly naked.

"Also, the Authoress does not mean to sound racist," the cheerful and naked girl beside him continued.

AND THEN I blank blank blank blank FOR THAT I GOT ARRESTED FRIDAY NIGHT

"Not only did the Authoress rhyme 'night' with 'night,'" said Chiri, suddenly bursting into the bedroom. She was also rather naked, which prompted the line, THEY FOUND I WAS HOUSING ORGIES THAT I blank blank blank. "She is also mixing up her commentary on fanfiction tropes with commentary on music! This irritates me! Stop it immediately!"

"Ooooh, there are no censors in fanfiction!"

"AAAAAAAAARRRRGH," screamed Nozomu. His mind was now seared with the image of two naked students. This may seem like a good thing to some perverts reading this, but let's just assume that Nozomu happened to be afraid of naked women at the moment.

"By the way, the Authoress does not mean to offend perverted fanboys," said Kafuka.

Then there was another shakamatrplesbious and the rap song, called blank blank blank, ceased to exist. Nozomu was once again dumped into the white space, fully clothed once more. (Sorry ladies.)

He immediately stopped screaming and dropped the knife that he had been about to gorge his eyes out with. And now with nothing to do, he nervously awaited the next song, wondering what the Authoress's IPod would spew out next.

繋いだ魂の灯が　胸を指すなら

"Oh come on," said Nozomu, his apprehension turning into annoyance. "Nobody can understand that. You're going to force your readers to look up a translation website!"

言葉よりもっと　強い響きが　今　聞こえるか

"Now I'll have to give them a hint." Nozomu turned towards the screen in the way that one would break the fourth wall. "It's a Soul Eater opening."

大切なもの　守ってる 僕たちは 未来に向かって　先を急げ！

"Hey, you just changed the song!" complained the very whiny teacher.

いますぐに 夢というもの　追いかけて行こう

"And they're obviously from your two favorite animes!" The very anal Mr. Despair continued to rant, too busy to even notice the degrading adjectives the Authoress started using for him. "What kind of meaningful actions am I supposed to do if nobody can understand the lyrics?! And how am I supposed to represent them?! I don't know how to represent 'hurrying to the future!' Or 'chasing dreams!'"

ポテトポテトポテトポテトポテトポテトポテトポテト

"Now you're just spouting nonsense!" shouted a very frustrated and overreacting Nozomu, who, unlike most of the Authoress's readers, could understand Japanese. He continued spazzing about how the Authoress shouldn't do this or that while the music went bzzzrtbzzzrrrtbzzzrt once more.

The song that came up next made Nozomu pause in his rant.

"…The William Tell Overture?!" he cried out as the music continued playing. Because the music didn't actually have lyrics, it could only be described as Dadadunh dadadunh dadadun dun dun! Dadadun dadadun dadadun dun dun!

"What the hell am I supposed to do with music without any meaningful lyrics that nobody can hear!? That's just like a regular fanfiction, only interrupted randomly with 'dadaduns'!"

Dadadadun dadadadun dadadadun dun dun!

The Authoress decided that She did not feel like playing music anymore. She also decided that something was wrong with Her IPod, as She never put any of these songs on It. So instead, She decided to watch Futurama on It.

"Hey, wait!" shouted Nozomu, noticing Her intentions. "At least put me back in the classroom before – "

"…The only sound is Bender callin' everyone a jerk as he swings! And there it goes! Into the water! Aww!"