Disclaimer: I don't own Final fantasy and I don't make any money with this writing.

Chapter 7 - Injuring Myself

I feel better when I…hurt myself. I like the sensation of the pain washing out my thoughts. During some minutes I can be forgiven for anything bad that I have done.

It started after my first kiss with Loz. I felt myself so dirty and bad that I didn't noticed when the scissors was cutting more than my day, at my toilet I had grabbed the scissors with so much strength across my hand that it cut the I saw the blood stream like a rivulet was falling in the white sink I realized that I was wounded but at the same time I was so relaxed...The guilt had gone and the sight of my blood somehow made me felt alive and pure. I don't know where the pure fits. Kadaj, who was passing through my room, saw the bleeding hand and shouted. Then Mother and Sephiroth came in to dress the wound. Family alert. I could cut with a knife the heavy air of suspicion that surrounded Mother, Loz and Sephiroth. So, I took more care with my…relief habit.

On therapy I learned that I was punishing myself because of my happiness with Loz. Months later I was still kissing, stroking, and discovering every inch of Loz and he was doing the same with me . Higher the pleasure I felt with Loz more I injured myself. Legs, inner thighs, hands, foot. I chose discreet places on my body, but the place that I most liked to cut was my arms. I guessed it was poetic. The blood dripping out, the contrast of white skin with the deep red. The thin line of the scars. Sometimes Loz noticed it and so we fought. He begged me to stop. But I couldn't help myself. It was automatically. Pleasure followed by pain. I needed to feel it on my skin and surely that I would never cut or yank my hair.

One day I lost the control about my self-punishments. We had traveled to the country region of Midgar with Sephiroth to pay a visit to the Shinra's Army lodge. Nice place. Some hours alone with Loz which meant nice play. We almost did everything on that night, but I scared myself and we didn't finish it. Again. Loz never pushed me to do something that I wouldn't felt comfortable. On that night, it wasn't different, he stopped his efforts to thrust himself inside me, as I was whining and complaining with pain and fear, and he went to the bathroom. It was not the pain of the process, it never was indeed. It was about the change of bonds. I could heard Loz jerking off and crying at the same time. I got mad with this. I felt anger, jealous, fear to loose him, the usual sort of depressive feelings that I was used to have within this situation. I waited for him get out, lie down by my side, kiss me gentle on the lips and warn me to not fall asleep on the same bed.

It was almost morning, I could see through the window the sun rays. When my inside pain became unbearable I ran for the bathroom and frantically searched for my scissor's nail and my penknife. With relief I craved the scissor on my right wrist. I squeezed my eyes against the pain and the freedom sensation was completed when I cut the skin of my forearm with the penknife. I was so eager to feel my white pain's relief, and I didn't notice that I'd had cut an arterial vein. Although, I and my brothers heal very fast this cut was very deep. Shit! That was my first thought after I noticed that I was in danger.

There was blood spurting out through my forearm to the floor, the tiles and the mirror. My bare legs, chest, my hair and hands were tinted of red. I didn't shout for Loz's help. I was focused at a very good explanation to Sephiroth and Loz. I tried to clean my mess but I was loosing blood. I only remember of Loz's face and Sephiroth's grunt when he carried me to the hospital's lodge. "What a fuck! Mother didn't listen to me and now this! Stop fucking crying Loz and help your brother!" It were Sephiroth's words that I caught, before I went in my obliviousness. My family got very worried about me. I didn't blame them. It was disturbing for my Mother and brothers to think about suicide and once that I had clarified it wasn't, they got more disturbed still about my self-hurt tendencies. Several weeks interned at a clinic with thousands of shrink sessions later my cure was provided by the reason of my self-punishment: Loz.

I was lying onto my bed, recovering myself after a particularly hard session with my doctor and Loz came in with that beautiful and mischevous smile on his face.

"How do you are feeling today?"

" Better now that you are here."

"Good. We have to solve some issues..."

"Loz... I 'm still weak and..."

"Hush Princess..." He sank at the edge of the bed by my side, pushed me to middle of the bed and stared at me with lustful eyes. He took my hand and my wounded forearm and gently pouted a kiss. He stroked my chin and my hair and whispered how much he loved me. I warmed with his words.

"Do you love me Yazoo?"

"Yes of course."

"So, would you do something for me?"

"Anything Loz." His eyes were changing colors and his face became grave. My heart pumped fast with fear to loose him.

" I love you Yazoo. I'm yours. Heart, body and soul. Are you mine Yazoo?"

" Forever Loz." Despites of my fear if someone enter in the room, Loz gave me a passionate kiss. Although his voice tone was more frightening than seductive.

" If you are mine Yazoo, your heart belongs to me isn't right?"

"Yes." I was melting embraced by his strong arms and my senses were slowly invaded by Loz, whispering on my earlobe. His hot breathing elicited goosebumps over my skin.

"As I said, my heart, soul and body belongs to you. Does your soul and body belong to me Yazoo?" Every time he was speaking my name with that soft voice, purring on my ear, my groin twitched and I felt my body shuddering. Loz was licking and sucking my neck and I love this.

"Oh yes Loz...I'm all yours."

" So... What it means Princess, that you are not allowed to hurt yourself. Only I can do this. When I decide to do it. It isn't right?"

I didn't answer because I was a little confused about what he had said, and Loz moved his hands. One gripped my forearm and the other my hips. I had started to worry myself and tried to make him move because if someone would enter in my room now, it would be hard to explain why my brother are squeezing my crotch and spreading my legs so apart. As more out of words I was, more Loz squeezed my cock against my pants. I was totally hard on and felt my flesh was throbbing and aching locked inside the tight trousers.

"Yazooooo... I 'm waiting your answer...should I have to repeat it?

Another hard squeeze and a slap on my balls. I moaned louder and he bit my lips with a hungry kiss. Another hard slap. I answered a faint "yes" while he was abusing my cock and balls. The pleasure and pain was so good that my vision was blurred. The feeling was almost the same that I felt when I cut myself, but better.

" Yes what?" He gripped the tip of my covered cock and was squeezing non stop.

"I won't hurt myself any more."

"And who is going to do this from now?"

"You do. You do..."

"Good. Very good. Now, you take a rest and don't go to the bathroom. I don't want ok? You are not allowed to come now."

"But..."

"Don't Yazoo." He slapped my cock hard twice and I almost came on my pants.

" Whom does belong this body my love?" He was licking my earlobe, preparing it for a sharp teeth which made me cried out and I answered back to him a " you do" at a weak voice. He said " Good" again and kissed me with his lips tainted with a thin stream of my blood.

Since this day I stopped to cut myself and Loz always seems to know when I 'm needing a 'spank relief '. It's insane but works for me.