Chapter Seventeen
Draco was miserable. He was pale, more than normal, his hair dishevelled. He sat at the kitchen table in his new home, in Harry's home. His head rested in his hands, his eyes red-rimmed and burning from yet another sleepless, emotional night.
He constantly touched the two pendants that hung around his neck, as if willing Harry back into existence with them. Right now he didn't even have the company of his sister to lift his spirits. After her initial recovery, Hermione had insisted on seeing the little girl. He couldn't pretend to understand why, but he didn't fight it, the situation seemed to be working, and it meant that Antigone didn't have to be around her mopey brother all the time. She would be with Hermione until late the next day, Teddy Lupin was visiting as well and the two children got along well. Having the children around seemed to help Hermione with her grief in any case.
Unable to sit at the table any longer, Draco got up and walked out of the house into the pouring rain, not even putting on a coat in the cold, fall rain. He apparated to a spot he had been frequenting. Ever since his dream of the ocean, he had been coming to this spot. It helped him feel closer to Harry somehow, though he had no idea where the other man was. The tumultuous ocean seemed to reflect his feelings perfectly.
He found a rock and sat himself down, slowly beginning to shiver in the bitter, damp ocean breeze. He once again grasped at the pendants on his chest, a surge of despair and emptiness flowing through them. He was too numb to find this odd. He felt those feelings so prevalently already that he barely noticed when they seemed to be coming from an outside source.
He was unsure of how much time had passed but knew he had to get back home, the sun was setting and he still had enough sense left to leave before he got to the point of hypothermia. He stood and stared out at the ocean one last time before turning away and closing his eyes. He apparated back home with a crack.
Immediately upon entering the house, he could feel that something was different, there was another aura present, one he hadn't felt in months, but one he would recognize anywhere. He shut the door behind him quickly, his eyes wide, water dripping off his hair. He hesitantly stepped forwards, surely he was imagining things, there was no way-
He turned the corner out of the hallway and the world stopped. There he was, sitting on the couch, his head bowed low. He clutched Antigone's green dragon tightly in his hands. "Harry..." Draco whispered, unaware if his voice came out in any more than a whisper. He was waiting for the dream to end, for this to turn out to be another nightmare.
Harry's head rose at the sound of his voice, his eyes red rimmed, his expression broken. But something was different. This wasn't an empty, vacant stare of one who had seen too much. This was a soul crying out for comfort, a broken soul in need of love. "I couldn't stay away from you..." He spoke softly, his voice full of emotion. "Not anymore. Not again."
Draco hesitantly stepped forward, still unwilling to believe what was before him. He knelt before Harry, taking the dragon from his grip and placing his hands gently on the sides of Harry's face. His face was rough from half a week's unshaven beard. "Is this real? Are you here?"
Harry put his hands on top of Draco's. "Only if you want me to be... Draco, I know I-"
Something clicked in Draco at the sound of his own name, something that screamed inside him that this was real. Harry was here. His grip tightened on Harry's face, pulling their faces close, resting his forehead on Harry's. "I don't care. I don't want you to ever fucking leave me again! Do you hear me!" Draco scolded, barely able to keep his voice steady as he stared into the emerald green eyes of the raven-haired boy.
Harry nodded his head slightly. "Okay." A small flicker of a smile flitted across Harry's face, and that was all the encouragement Draco needed. He closed the rest of the distance between their faces, lightly grazing Harry's lips with his own, as if to test if they were going to disappear.
Harry took a sharp intake of breath at the contact and closed his eyes, fighting back tears. It took a few moments but he regained his composure, taking a few deep breaths as their lips were only separated by millimetres.
Harry opened his eyes again, they were filled with a fiery desire. In one swift movement he stood, bringing Draco to his feet with him, crashing their lips together as if staying separated would mean the end of the world. Harry pulled Draco as close to him as he could manage, his hands buried in the fine hair at the base of Draco's neck.
Their lips parted and their hot tongues met, vying for dominance that neither was willing to concede. Draco snaked his hands up Harry's chest and under his trench coat, pushing the black fabric off Harry's shoulders and letting it slip to the ground. He kept his hands on Harry's shoulders and back, feeling the hard, rippling muscles that lay hidden underneath.
Both boys moaned as their bodies began to respond to each other. Their mouths and hands working frantically to gain as much contact as they could.
Draco's hands moved down to the buckle that held Harry's holster on, the sword and gun still attached to his hip. He pulled away from Harry slightly as he did so, looking down between them. He stared sadly at the trio of weapons as he put them aside and turned back to Harry. "You're safe with me, Harry. At least for tonight, everything is as it should be." He moved to lift up the hem of Harry's shirt.
Harry's hands reached out to stop him, his hands resting gently on Draco's, cradling them. He brought their entwined hands up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the palm of Draco's hands. Draco tried to speak, but Harry brought a finger to his lips and shook his head, motioning him to be silent.
Still holding Draco's hands, Harry began to back up, heading for his bedroom. Draco smiled bashfully and followed, never breaking eye contact with his partner. Once in the bedroom, Draco kicked the door shut behind them, even though there was no one else in the house. He felt like this was a very private moment between himself and Harry, and they needed to be as secluded as possible.
As soon as the door was shut behind them, Harry changed directions, pushing Draco back against it. There wasn't much light in the room, only what faint moonlight managed to trickle in now that the rain had stopped and the clouds were parting. It was enough.
Harry traced his fingers down the side of Draco's face, making him shiver at the light touch. Draco intercepted his hand on its way down, returning the gesture and lightly kissing each one of Harry's fingers.
Harry leaned in again, snaking his hand around the back of Draco's neck, pulling them together once again. The kiss started out gentle, but the boys bodies were beginning to act of their own accord and the kiss quickly grew heated and desperate. Hands pushed, grabbed and caressed each other's bodies, eager for more contact. Harry slipped his hands under the hem of Draco's still wet shirt, his warm fingers coming in contact with his still slightly cool skin. The soft flesh urged Harry forwards and he tugged the shirt roughly upwards, forcing their lips to break contact as the shirt was pulled off.
They were connected once again, Draco's hand still caught in the sleeve of his shirt and the boys shared a chuckle in the moment it took to free him.
The chuckle stopped as their eyes connected with fierce intensity, neither able to avert their gaze. Harry caught sight of the pendants around Draco's neck and reached out to touch the Italian Horn, his fingers barely grazing the surface. "It kept you safe." He hooked his fingers through the chain and pulled, leading Draco backwards. He spun them around so Draco's back was towards the bed and continued to push him back until the back of his knees contacted the mattress.
They stopped and stared at each other again, knowing there was no turning back now. There was no stopping this, but both were hesitant to make the first move, not wanting to ruin the moment. Finally, Draco reached forwards and tugged on the hem of Harry's shirt, lifting it just enough to see the hard abs that lay underneath.
Harry moved back from Draco just enough to swiftly pull off his shirt, tossing it on the floor beside them.
Draco took in the sight before him, so different than the last time he had seen him like this, in Italy. Beautiful, yet scarred. He lowered his head, his slowly drying fringe brushing against Harry's chest. His lips touched one of the scars and he kissed his way down it's length, sucking on the raised white flesh, making Harry moan.
Harry's breathing hitched and became faster. He became frantic suddenly, the slow pace was not enough for him. Putting his hands on Draco's shoulders he pushed him down hard onto the bed, standing between his legs that now hung off the end. He leaned down and captured Draco's lips with his own, no more hesitation or slow, sweetness present. All that was left was desperate need, something both boys felt deeply.
Remaining connected, Draco backed up on the bed so he was half-sitting up at the headboard, and Harry followed. The kiss broke, though they would still stay in contact for hours yet.
Wet, heated kisses made their way down Draco's chest and neck, making his heart beat wildly, his breathing fast and shallow. He tried to fumble with the button on Harry's pants, but he couldn't steady his hands. Harry's hands had made fast work of the closure on Draco's pants and was now tugging them off his hips, boxers and all.
The slightly cool air contacting the warmer parts of Draco's body made him gasp and automatically raise his hips to meet Harry's.
Harry smiled into Draco's stomach as he continued his kisses down. "No." Draco breathed, reaching down and pulling Harry back up to him, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. He managed to steady his hands enough to successfully undo Harry's pants, sliding them down his hips with his feet. "I want you. Now." His eyes smouldered into Harry's. "Please." He whispered into Harry's ear, sending shivers down the other boy's spine.
Harry's body responded immediately to Draco's pleading and he kicked his pants the rest of the way off. He lowered his body into position, whispering a charm to make them both ready. He kissed Draco's collarbone and moved, making them one. Draco's arms tightened around Harry shoulders as they moved together. Nothing else in the world mattered, nothing else existed in that moment for the two broken boys who only felt whole when they were together.
Later, both boys lay breathing heavy, Harry laying on Draco's chest, the rest of his body still positioned between Draco's legs. Harry placed gentle kisses on Draco's chest, while Draco rubbed soothing circles on Harry's back and kissed the top of his head.
"Draco..." Harry whispered, his voice cracking. This was the first either of them had really spoke since entering the room. Draco could feel wetness on his chest and knew that Harry was crying.
Draco hooked his arms under Harry's shoulders and pulled him up, so he was laying beside him. They faced each other, on their sides, their legs intertwined, their hands connected. Draco reached down and pulled the comforter up over top of them, they were beginning to cool down and the night was cold. He saw the hesitation on Harry's face. "Harry, this is me. Remember, you can tell me anything you like. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He kissed his forehead.
"Draco..." He started again. "I love you so much." His voice was husky and low, ready to break. "I don't know what to do to make you realize how sorry I am to have left you, twice."
"Harry, don't, not now-"
"It has to be now, Draco!" Harry said sternly, but there wasn't much force behind the words. "There might not be any other time. I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, I can't-" Harry breathed in deep and retracted those dark feelings. "I love you." He simply stated, a choked sob hidden in his voice. The tears were flowing freely down his face. "And I don't deserve you. I've done so many terrible things and I- oh God, I almost... that poor girl."
"What happened Harry? Where did you go?" Harry shook his head. He was shutting down. "Harry, don't do that, don't shut me out. Please, what happened?" He pleaded softly.
"I... I was so out of it over there, I wasn't aware of anything and... I thought she was you and I almost-" He couldn't choke out the words, but Draco caught the drift and pulled Harry closer to him, cradling him against his chest. "I had to come back when I realized, I couldn't stay away any more. I can't live without you."
Draco whispered soothing words in his ear, trying to get him to calm down. There still seemed to be something on his mind. "What is it, Harry? Don't keep it bottled up inside, I'm here, you don't have to do that anymore. You never have to worry about scaring me away, I've seen just as many fucked up things as you have, I'm just as broken and screwed up as you are." He made it sound like a joke, even though it was dead serious, and both boys knew it.
Harry knew Draco was right, there was no sense hiding anything, not now. "I don't know how to kill Him." Draco knew he was referring to Voldemort. "I don't know what else to do. I've destroyed all the horcruxes, there should be nothing else standing in the way of me killing him and yet, he still won't die. This is my task, only I can do it, I have to do it, and I just can't."
"Harry, you've done so much for this world, and it's taken so much away from you in turn. Don't you think it's enough? You don't have to do this. We could go away together, somewhere nobody would ever find us."
Harry was shaking his head before Draco was even done his statement. "No. He'll never let it be. He's still searching for me, every hour of every day. While he still lives, I can not be at peace. The visions... I can't take much more of them. I think they're slowly killing me, driving me mad." Harry stopped Draco before he could say anything else. "And I do. I do have to do it. They need me, the world needs me to do this. Only, I'm not bitter about it anymore. I need to save them. This is not for me anymore, I'm too far gone, I can't be saved, I can't live in normal society. It's like it always should have been. This is for Ron, and my parents, and for Sirius, and for everyone else wronged by Voldemort. This is for them."
Draco was silent for a moment, playing with the pendants at his neck. "Harry, you know I will follow you anywhere. I love you. No matter what, I don't ever intend on being away from you ever again."
Harry nodded and both boys fell onto a sombre silence, interrupted occasionally by a deep, passionate kiss. They soon fell asleep, wrapped in each others comforting embrace.
Draco woke late the next morning, the sun was high in the sky on this uncommonly clear day. He had been woken by movement on the other side of the bed and rolled over, rubbing his eyes, to see Harry up and dressing in his black leathers. He bolted up straight. "Where are you going?" Draco panicked.
Harry turned to face him, a soft smile on his face. He strode forwards and kissed him softly. "I'm not leaving you, Draco, I promise. I was going to go see Hermione. I should probably go alone."
Draco smiled back and relaxed, but then his face fell. "My sister and Teddy Lupin are with her. She enjoys their company. She lost her baby that day."
Harry was shocked. "Hermione was pregnant?" His voice was barely above a whisper and tears formed in his eyes. He shook his head, clearing out the bad thoughts. His stony gaze returned to his face, an expression Draco now recognized as Harry repressing something he didn't want to think about.
Draco stood and wrapped his arms around Harry. "Good luck. Don't stay away too long. I don't think I can bear to be apart from you."
"Don't worry, I don't think I could stay away, even if I tried. I'll be back shortly." They shared a long, sweet kiss and Harry walked away, apparating before he got halfway across the living room.
Draco thought it was significant that Harry left his weapons behind. He was changing, and for the better.