Chapter Eighteen
Dozens of memories flooded Harry as he walked up the drive of the home that rightfully belonged to him. He tried to not let these visions invade him, but his shell had cracked, he was having a hard time keeping them out.
He could feel that the wards to the house would still admit him, and without hesitation, he opened the front door and walked straight in. The familiar surroundings of number 12 Grimmauld Place overwhelmed him as he stood in the entrance hall for the first time in over five years. A quick survey of the room told him that nothing had changed.
He could hear the children playing up on the second floor and headed towards the stairs, assuming that Hermione would be up there with them. He made noise going up the stairs, the last thing he wanted was to startle her, his mere presence would be enough to do that.
She heard him coming up the stairs and called out, her voice weak and weary. "You're early Draco, I wasn't expecting you until-" She poked her head around the corner of the door frame and was rendered speechless.
She looked as tired as she sounded. Her face was pale, her eyes sunken, surrounded by dark circles. Her hair was a tangled mess, thrown up into a haphazard bun as the nape of her neck.
"Herrmione-" Harry stepped forwards.
"No." Hermione responded immediately, holding her hand out in front of her to indicate him to not come any closer. Her voice was shaky as she backed away from him. "Don't you come near me, Harry Potter."
"Hermione please, I need to talk to you. I have so many things-"
"No, Harry! I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you! Just get out, please..." Her voice broke as she turned to go back in the play room with the children.
Harry stepped in front of her, gently pushing her back from the door. He glanced quickly inside the play room, taking in the shocked eyes of both children. He faltered, seeing Teddy, who looked so much like both of his parents, and filled Harry with grief and guilt that he had kept buried for so long. He forced himself to break his gaze away from Teddy's and shut the door to the room, keeping himself and Hermione in the hallway.
His gaze locked with Hermione, who seemed to understand that he was thinking about Remus, and gave him a moment and a look of sympathy. She shook her head, anger once again marring her face. "You can't do this, Harry. You can't just come back and-" Tears filled her eyes.
Harry grabbed her wrist as she turned and walked away, pulling her to face him. "Hermione, I am so sorry." He spoke lowly and honestly, staring intensely at her, hoping to convey his sincerity.
Hermione wrenched her wrist out of his grasp and laughed incredulously. "You're sorry?" Her mouth floundered open, at a loss for words. "Sorry? Harry, you murdered my husband!" She snapped, screaming and throwing herself at him.
Harry caught her by the wrists, but did not put much force behind holding her off, he didn't want to hurt her. He tried to pull her into a hug.
Hermione struggled against him and pushed away, but she could not break out of his loose grip this time, she was too weary. "Please, let me go!" She wailed, close to hysteria.
A memory hit Harry like a ton of bricks.
"Snap out of it! I'm not Draco! I'm Alexis, the girl you saved from the fire! Please, let me go!" Her voice cracked as she pleaded with him.
Harry was not aware of anything going on around him. He continued forcing himself upon her. His hand moved lower, lifting up the hem of her shirt and caressing the soft skin of her belly. He moved his hand to his own pants, undoing the fly.
Harry snapped back to reality and practically threw Hermione's hands out of his. He stepped away, his back pressed up against a wall, and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, to try and block out the vision. He leaned his head forwards, his knees bent, his breathing shallow.
Hermione watched him silently, she could tell that he was in pain and only a miniscule part of her existed that cared. "Visions again?" She asked blankly, her curiosity overcoming her.
Harry uncovered his eyes, they were red-rimmed and full of unshed tears. "Always."
"You're not even trying anymore, are you, to keep them out? To keep Him out of your mind?" She sneered at him. Harry didn't respond and she took his silence as his confession. "You don't care, do you? If He wins? What difference does it make to you now?"
"How can you say that?!" Harry snapped, pulling himself away from the wall. "After all these years, after everything I've done, all the sacrifices I've-"
"You died, Harry! And you took the world with you..."
"But I'm not dead, Hermione, I'm here!"
She stared at him and scowled, shaking her head. "Harry Potter is dead. You are not him. He did die that day, and you are what was left behind. You're empty, and you're evil. You don't care for anything or anyone."
"That's not true, Hermione!" Harry shouted, coming to his own defence. His voice hitched and doubt entered his mind. Of all the people he had cared for and who had loved him over the years, the only person who entered his mind at that moment was Draco. "That's not true..." He said a second time, whispering. "I've lost more than-"
"Don't you think that you're the only person who's lost everything, Harry!" Hermione screamed, wrapping her arms around her abdomen. "I have nothing left!"
"I don't know how else to say that I'm sorry. I know you can never forgive me for-"
"How the fuck would I EVER forgive you for killing my family! I lost my husband and my child on the same day! You're just like Him!"
Hermione's accusation hit Harry hard, he stepped closer to her, reaching out for her. "No." He shook his head. "No, I'm not like-"
"You are! You don't care how many people die by your hand as long as you reach your end. You left your best friend dying on the street without a second thought! Didn't you see Ginny there, calling out for you? She never gave up on you, she waited for-" Hermione's eyes glazed over and she seemed to be staring at something in the distance, over Harry's shoulder.
Harry pulled his emotions to the back of his mind. This was becoming too much for him to handle, he shut down. "I don't love her. I never did."
"You can't mean that, Harry..." A soft voice called from behind him.
Harry turned to face the new voice, staring into the face of none other that Ginny Weasley. He did not falter with his words. "I do mean it." She seemed to not be hearing his words. She was not like Hermione, the fact that Harry had killed her brother seemed of no consequence to her in that moment. Right then, a surreal grin was plastered on her face. She couldn't believe she was seeing him up close.
"Harry..." She whispered and ran forwards, wrapping her arms tightly around his chest and burying her face in his shoulder.
Harry immediately shoved her backwards, causing her to stumble and nearly fall over. "Stop that."
Ginny looked at him curiously, her brows furrowed together, tears forming in her eyes.
"Don't you have any compassion?" Hermione spat from behind him but then chuckled bitterly. "What a stupid question. One look at you is enough to tell me that you don't, not anymore."
Harry didn't turn to face her, he kept his gaze trained on Ginny. She seemed to be coming unhinged. Her sadness turned quickly to anger and she gripped her wand tightly in her hand. Harry was on alert, his defensive instincts kicking in. When Harry did not say anything to come to his own defence, Ginny struck.
Harry moved before Ginny's arm was even fully extended, his years of training taking over. His mind would not process that this was not an enemy, he was only defending himself. A jet of red light shot out of the wand and hit him straight in the chest. The spell tingled slightly as it washed over him, his own magical aura dissipating it before it could do as it was intended. He continued forwards, grabbing Ginny by the neck and pinning her to the wall. His other hand snatched her wand, his hip and thigh pressed sideways against her lower body, preventing her from moving at all.
Fear shot through her eyes and she trembled. Harry held her there for a moment, Hermione desperately trying to pull him away. "Don't ever. do that. again." Harry growled and pushed back from her, shrugging Hermione off at the same time.
"You are just like Him..." Ginny croaked, rubbing her throat. "It's like there's part of him inside of you, like you've accepted your connection to him, like he controls you. You are not Harry Potter. You are not the boy I loved."
Ginny's statement echoed in Harry's mind, and like a light had been turned on in a dark room, illuminating that last piece of the puzzle that had been so elusive. He understood. It made sense.
He smiled, a wide, tooth bearing grin. And he laughed, hysterically.
Hermione and Ginny backed away from him, wary of his manic mood swings.
Harry's hand shot to the scar on his forehead and the moment his fingers brushed it, he knew. The last piece fell into place. The reason he could see what Voldemort saw, the reason they were forever connected, the reason that neither ever seemed to be able to kill the other.
He didn't know how or why, but there, in that moment, Harry was able to see the lost memory from the pensieve, as if it had been absorbed into him as it had dissipated into the air that night all those years ago.
"Tell him what?"
Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself on to the only living soul left in that collapsed building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort's mind that he never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to, and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die."
"So the boy... the boy must die?" Asked Snape quite calmly.
"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."
Harry continued to laugh as the scene faded away, his eyes focusing on the real world in front of him, at the two frightened women who stood before him. A set of blue, twinkling, half-moon spectacled eyes floated in front of him. They seemed to be smiling. "Thank you." Harry whispered into the air. How could he not have seen it before. It was too simple.
Now there was only one thing left to do.
"You're right." He spoke through his laughter. "I am like Him... He is a part of me. There's only one way to change that. I'll make this right, the way I should have five years ago."
Harry apparated away so suddenly and with such enthusiasm that a shockwave of magic radiated out from him, knocking Hermione and Ginny off their feet. Ginny, who had still never fully comprehended horcruxes, did not understand what had just happened. Hermione, however, had figured it out. She kneeled and covered her mouth, unsure of whether she was going to vomit. She understood. She knew what Harry was planning to do. She knew he wouldn't wait, either. "Oh, Harry." All her anger for him seemingly vanished, leaving behind only pity for the boy whom the world had abandoned.