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Chapter 11

EPOV – Sunday

"Mmmmm." I stretched my arms out with a smile as I woke up Sunday morning. It was the first time in the better part of a decade that I woke up happy. It felt like I had been living someone else's life and now I was finally me, in the moment and I liked it. Amazing how the world can turn itself on its ear after one, seemingly perfect chance meeting.

I sat in my bed, scratching my hair as I thought about the events of last night. Looking back, I had to laugh at my initial apprehension for the evening. I was scared shitless about being there with all those people, and I would have given anything to cancel. Thankfully, I was a good son and chose to go. Otherwise we would have never met the way we did. It wasn't probably the best way to meet for the first time, but I would never ask to have it differently.

Pulling myself out of my memories, I climbed out of my bed, quickly re-made it and then strolled into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I dressed comfortably in a light gray sweater and khakis when I was finished and gathered my other clothes from the bathroom floor along with my dress shirt from last night and my sheets. I carried the laundry down the stairs to the washer and sorted out the loads. Before I placed the shirt form last night in the machine, I caught a faint scent of something familiar. I brought the shirt closer to my nose and inhaled. Strawberries and freesia. It was her. I stood there clutching that shirt to my face taking hit after hit of the scent, arousing and soothing me simultaneously. I was never going to wash this shirt.

When all the laundry was in, besides my now favorite shirt, I added the detergent and the fabric softener and started the wash. I made my way to the kitchen and put together a quick breakfast of coffee, eggs, sausage and toast. I read the comics section of the newspaper as I ate my food. Oh Marmaduke, you really crack me up.

I cleaned my dishes in the sink when I was done and then placed them in the dishwasher.

I made a quick call to Angela and asked her to send out an email to the team about the meeting tomorrow at noon and that I decided to have lunch provided by my favorite Italian restaurant, Bella Italia. I heard a slight laugh from Angela after I gave her the name and thought nothing of it. I told her she could find a menu online to send with her email so everyone could pick out something they would like and I would order some breadsticks and a desert. I wanted everyone to have their order in by 9pm tonight and I will place the order in the morning. After we hung up I decided it would hurt to watch some TV before my appointment today.

I flipped through the channels with no specific intent for any programs and ended up settling on the sports recap of the Mariner's game from the previous night. I wasn't a fan of any particular team, but I always had a fondness for baseball since I was little. When the show concluded, I ran upstairs to get my wallet and my cell before heading out the door with my keys to head out to Dr. Liam's office.

For the last few years I had gone to Dr. Liam for my… issues. He was an older man, probably a little older than Carlisle, with white hair and thick reading glasses. I started attending therapy sessions with him right after received my Master's and he was more than willing to work with my availability by holding our appointments on Sundays so they would not conflict with my speaking obligations. I was his only patient for that day.

When I pulled up the familiar brownstone office, I wasn't hesitant to walk in today as I had been in the past. I never had too much difficulty opening up to Dr. Liam, but I was still very cautions around him. It was always difficult for me to be completely open with my feelings and thoughts with everyone, let alone someone who analyzes everything you say and tells you what the fuck is messed up in your head.

I opened the door to the office and saw him sitting behind his desk, waiting for me.

"Morning Dr. Liam." I smiled at him as I slid into my chair.

He pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose as he took in my obvious change of demeanor.

"Good morning Edward. You look like you are having a good day so far." He stood and took a notepad with him as he sat the chair close to me and started to write immediately.

"Yes, well, I have been feeling a bit better than usually lately." Extremely better, unbelievably better. I felt a slight twitch of a smile I tried to hold back.

"Well, would care to discuss what has brought on this change." He had a bemused look and he crossed his legs waiting for my response.

Best to just dive on in I guess.

I looked around his office, gathering my thoughts I was going to share with him. I saw a picture of Dr. Liam and his wife Siobhan and daughter Maggie in front of some building and the look of pure joy he had on his face in their embrace. I knew what feeling that caused his look. It was the same feeling I felt last night when the angel fell into my arms.

"Last night I attended the department dinner that my parents throw every year. I never liked going to them since there are always too many people asking me too many questions and I usually feel trapped. I have enough stress already with the meetings I attend two weeks before the semester starts, the dinner just makes it a bit more… challenging."

"These sorts of situations have caused your attacks in the past, correct?" He looked up from his notes at me.

"Yes, usually I have to excuse myself from the evening before dinner even starts or I tend to over indulge myself in alcohol." I heard the scratching of his pen as I looked at my hands fidgeting with each other.

"You said usually when you spoke of the dinner party. Was there something different that happened last night?"

I'd say there was. "Yes. I was still very nervous before my friends Angela and Ben drove me to my parent's estate. I had taken my medicine to prepare, and even that didn't seem to feel like any help when we arrived right before the dinner service started." I let out a sigh; I was getting close to the revelation for my change.

"Go on." He urged

"Well, we got there after the cocktail hour and everyone had settled in for dinner at the tables in the dining hall." I took a deep breath. "I had just found my seat and was making away across the room to get to it when…" I didn't know why I stopped.

"When what? Edward. What happened?" He stopped writing and leaned forward waiting for my response. "Did you have a panic attack?" He looked concerned.

"No, uh, not really. I did have a moment of sorts but, well, thing is… I saw someone and it sort of, how should I say this? Um, it sort of rattled me." I looked down and felt heat in my cheeks. I was having a hard time formulating complete sentences.

"Was this someone a female, per chance?" He sat back up in his chair and started to write faster now.

"Yes." My answer was just about a whisper.

"I see. Where you attracted to this woman?"

There was an uncomfortable silence before I answered. "Yes, very much so."

"Tell me what you felt exactly."

"It's hard to describe exactly. I only had a quick glimpse at her, but my insides had this strange sensation in them. I felt like my body was on fire and I couldn't breathe, but not the same way I have a hard time breathing with my attacks. I thought that it was just a weird side effect of the Xanex, but I had never felt this way before. She was beyond a doubt, the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. After that sight of her, I was so in shock that I didn't remember when I reached my seat."

"Interesting. What happened next?"

"Well, I kept thinking about her throughout the dinner. I didn't know who she was or who she was with and I found myself looking around the room for her, ignoring my family's conversation at the table."

Dr. Liam laughed suddenly as he wrote. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry, please, go on. "

"Ok, so my father finally snapped me out of my distraction when he started to talk about the Cullen Fellowship Recipient who was supposed to be at the dinner. I hadn't met who I chose for the position yet, and I was expecting to meet her that night, which I was afraid I wouldn't be able too with my nerves earlier."

I paused allowing the doctor to catch up with his notes.

"When my father told me where the recipient, Ms. Swan, was sitting, I kind of lost it. see... she was the woman that I saw when I arrived. I was thrown completely off guard I practically ran out of the room."

"Where did you go?"

"I went outside and sat behind the old greenhouse on the property. I had to get out of there. I was upset, confused, angry, and excited all at once and I needed to get out of the house."

"Why?"

"Since Ms. Swan was selected for the fellowship, she would be required to spend a lot of time working with me on the research I am conducting and she would be my teacher's assistant for one of my classes. I would be with her so often, I was scared that I would not be able to control myself because, well… because all I thought about was kissing her. I imagined her on my bed, and kissing every inch of her, and it scared me." I would have said more, but I wanted to keep those thoughts private to myself.

"It's not appropriate because I'm also her mentor for her Master's thesis. I mean, not totally wrong, or illegal, but it would not be professional." I was so embarrassed for saying that, because now it was out there, someone else knew. I buried my face in my hands and inhaled deeply, calming myself down because those images of her on my bed invaded my mind again.

"Mmhmm. Very interesting." He smiled as he wrote now. "What happened after you went outside?"

"My friend, Ben, came out to check on me. He probably thought I had a panic attack and wanted to make sure I wasn't running for the hills or anything. To be honest, I thought I was going to have one too, but not for the usual reasons. He wasn't very helpful because he kept speaking about Ms. Swan and asking if I met her yet since she would be on the research team with both of us. And then," I sighed. "I just gave up."

"Gave up? What do you mean by that?"

"I figured it would be any help to me to just hide from this. I would be seeing her almost every day when the semester started anyways so it would be pointless. I sort of wished that I wouldn't have to see her again that night, but that wasn't in the cards for me. We were literally thrown together when we met not soon after I got back inside the estate."

"Really? Tell me what happened when you finally met in person." He was sounding extremely interested.

"I was returning a book I found downstairs to the library when she ran into me and knocked me on the floor. I thought she was a hallucination from hitting my head on the floor so hard." Dr. Liam laughed again, but I continued. "When we concluded there was no major damage to either of us, we spoke for a little while before she left. She didn't talk a lot, even after I tried asking her questions."

"Hmmm." He wrote something down. I was going to ask what he was amused by, but he didn't give me a chance.

"When you concluded your conversation, how did you feel?"

"Like me, how I had felt before, well, before my nerves got the best of me. I wanted to converse with her more. I wanted to know everything about her life. Her likes, dislikes, how she takes her coffee, everything. I felt more comfortable than I have in years, it was scary and exciting and I wanted more. When I shook Bella's hand goodnight, I never wanted to let go. And when I left, it was difficult and I felt sad that I wouldn't see her until tomorrow." Tomorrow, it seemed so far away and so close at the same time. I wish today would just end already.

"Have you been taking the Xanex regularly?" His question broke me from my thoughts.

"Um yes, wait, shoot I forgot to take it this morning." I never forgot. It was almost like clockwork that when I would get up I would take one after brushing my teeth, but not today.

I continued going over what happened the previous week, the different conferences I had been invited to already and my anxiety about the meeting with the trustees. Finally the hour was over.

"Edward, I would like you to try and stay regular with taking the prescription for now. Next week, I think week should discuss possibly lessening the dosage, but for now stay with what I prescribed. I'd also like you to let me know how this week goes for you with your meetings and of course any situations that come up with this Ms. Swan." I nodded my head.

"If anything happens and you need to speak with me, you have my cell and office number. Call. Don't put it off for our session on Sunday, if you need to talk, call me right away." He was finishing up his notes on the pad of paper, there had to have been at least ten pages full of his handwriting.

"Thank you Dr. Liam, I will. Until next time." I shook his hand and exited the office.

When I was in my car, I noticed it was close to noon and that my mother would be home from church and would be having lunch soon. On a whim, I called to ask if I could join her today.

She was more than thrilled to have me over. I stopped at a florist that was open and picked up a bouquet of Sterling Roses, which were her favorite. Esme always wanted to grow some of her own but hadn't been successful the last few years.

When I rang the bell at the estate, the door flung open so fast and my mother rushed to hug me immediately.

"Oh Edward, darling. I'm so happy to see you so soon already." She held me close.

"Mom, it's good to see you too. Now I can't breathe and you are ruining your flowers."

"Oh, sorry." She stepped back and I saw her wipe a tear away. It made me sad to think that I hardly came over that much to visit. I decided right then I would remedy that. "While I am thrilled that you wanted to come over, I do have to ask why?"

"Why do I need a reason to be with my mother who I love so dearly?" I handed her the roses as we walked to the dining room which had gone back to its daily arrangement. The long table in the middle of the room and the serving tables around the walls. Three places were set, meaning my father would be joining us. "I also thought it would be a good way for me to apologize for missing drinks last night."

"Oh, there is no need. I understand, you were being a good friend to Ben and Angela and helping them. They are such a lovely couple. When I heard they finally married, I said to Carlisle, it was about time."

I laughed, "I said the exact same thing." I pulled out her chair for her to sit.

"Are you feeling better today? You didn't look well last night during dinner." Maria entered from the kitchen with a pitcher of water in one hand and a bottle of white wine for my mother.

"I am. What a difference a good night's sleep makes." I smiled and then thanked Maria when she filled my water goblet.

Carlisle entered the room and joined us then.

"Edward! What a nice surprise to have you for lunch. How are you feeling?" He sat down in his chair as Maria filled his water goblet.

"Good, just got back from my session with Dr. Liam and decided I would crash your lunch." I laughed and my parents both looked at each other questioning my behavior silently.

Carlisle spoke, "Well, it's nice to have your company. What did you think of the dinner last night?"

Our food was being served, a nice spring salad to start.

"I enjoyed myself; the food was delicious as always mom." I took a few bites.

"It was rather good this year, wasn't it?. If I hadn't sent the leftovers with the Cheney's, Bella or you, we would probably be having it for dinner tonight." I laughed thinking of my mother having leftovers for dinner.

This was the most I had laughed in quite some time.

"You said you met Ms. Swan last night, Edward. Do you think she will be able to fit in with the research team?" My father asked.

"I think she will defiantly be an asset. She is very intelligent, and you read her application, right?" He nodded as he ate. "I have no doubt we will see her published in a journal one day. The whole team is meeting tomorrow for a quick introduction and a tour of the lab. So I hope she doesn't feel too overwhelmed. I'll make sure she is ok when I have lunch delivered for everyone."

"Lunch? You are providing lunch for the team?" I nodded to my mother. "That is very sweet of you. I'm sure they will appreciate that." She took my hand and gave it a squeeze while my father had a questioning look.

I looked back down at my food and changed the topic. We spoke about Emmett's impending marriage to Rosalie, my mother's plan for a gardening club party soon before it would be too cold for her roses, and my father planning on a trip to Oxford in October where he was asked to participate in a week long seminar.

"That sounds nice. Are you joining him over there, mom?"

"Yes, I plan on visiting some friends that moved to Kensington little while ago. I also wanted to visit some galleries for some new pieces. I'm planning on redecorating some of the guest rooms."

"I can't wait to see the final product. Everything you do is beautiful." It was true. My mother could do no wrong with her sense of décor.

I told them how Dr. Liam said that we would discuss decreasing my Xanex dosage and both Carlisle and Esme were thrilled to hear that, saying they did notice that there was a change about me.

When lunch concluded I decided to stay for a while afterwards. Esme showed me the rooms she was planning to redo, one was where Grandma Masen would stay for her visits, covered in millions of roses on the walls and frills on the curtains. The other was what I used to call the jungle book room. The walls had been painted dark green and several fake plants lined the room. A portrait of a Black Panther hung on the wall opposite of the giant windows which reminded me of Bagheera from the Disney movie. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time looking at the handsome feline waiting to strike her prey. I would be sad to see it change, but I realized that with time, everything changes and it's a fact that we all needed to accept.

After looking at the rooms, we all ended up in the library, and I couldn't help myself from smiling when I remembered the last time I was in this room. I would forever love this room no matter where ever I would go. I looked over to the bookshelf where the Austin novels sat and my smile grew wider. I found my mother looking at me amused.

"What are you smiling about, dear?" She walked over and took my left arm and hand in hers.

"I was just thinking how much I like that painting in here, that's all." I pointed to the anniversary gift I gave them over the summer.

"Yes, well, it's a perfect fit where it's at." I could see the double meaning in her sentiment. The hour was growing later and I realized that dinner would be served, and while I would love to have joined them, I wanted to get back home soon.

My mother asked when I planned on visiting again. I told her I wasn't sure, but hopefully soon. I was planning to be around more often. I hugged both of my parents goodbye and waved to them as I drove away.

I was almost home when I remembered that I wanted to go over my notes for the meeting with the board of trustees in the morning but I had left them in my office on Friday. I turned my car around to the direction of campus. I was nervous about that meeting with the board, it was important because a majority of the funding for research would need to be approved by them. The feeling of panic of that meeting was dulled with the sense of anticipation for my team meeting later on at noon.

I was turning the corner to the main street in order to get to the campus; it was pretty empty this time of night. That wouldn't be the case once the semester began though. There would be the traffic of students coming back from their weekend jaunts.

The entrance to campus was around the corner now and I was getting ready to signal my turn when I saw a female jogger take a spill and she almost fell into the street. I had a brief moment of concern but thankfully the she was able to right herself. I laughed when I saw the woman hold her head and shake it; obviously she hadn't been paying attention.

I finally drove on to campus and over to the Behavioral Sciences building. I couldn't stop myself from looking at the residence hall that was across the way. It was Bella's building; I remembered she told me that she was placed as an RA there. I wondered which floor and room she was on and if her window happened to face the Behavioral Sciences building or not.

I finally made it to my office and saw my notes lying on the desk.

I wasn't in too much of a hurry to get home; no one was waiting for me anyways, so I figured I would check my email while I was here to see if the food orders were in yet. I had one hour left until they were due, but it was worth a shot.

Once my inbox was opened, there were a few emails from different speaking engagements, one from Emmett that looked like a chain letter her forwarded, and two from Angela. One was the email she sent this morning about the meeting for tomorrow and the second was her email with everyone's lunch order.

To: "E. Cullen" ()

From: "Angela Webber-Cheney" ()

Subj: Lunch Orders

Edward,

First of all I have to say I find the name of the restaurant sort of interesting, smooth move there.

Anyways, everyone responded to the email. Tyler Crowley said that there may be a chance he will be a few minutes late, something about a impromptu football meeting, but he will be there, and everyone else was fine with the time.

Here are the food orders:

Mike – Eggplant Parmesan

Tyler – Fettuccini Alfredo

Eric – Three Cheese Lasagna

Alice – Chicken Marsala

Ben – Spaghetti and Meatballs

Angela – Spaghetti and Meatballs

Bella – Mushroom Ravioli :)

Don't forget the breadsticks and the desert! Ben and I will pick up some waters and sodas so don't worry about that.

Hope you had a good Sunday, and I'm sure you are excited for the meeting tomorrow, just like Ben and I are.

See you soon Ed.

Ang.

I was confused for a moment with Angela saying it was an interesting choice of name for the restaurant and with the smiley face beside Bella's order. But after a moment I understood everything. Her comments in the car last night, the looks between her at Ben when they dropped me off, and now the email.

They knew.

I wasn't so successful at hiding myself from them last night as I thought.

Crap. I'm going to hear about this from the both of them. I cradled my head in my hand with embarassment.

I printed off the email shut off my computer and picked up the note cards. When my office was locked up, I made my way to my car. I started the engine and put on the CD that was currently in the stereo and let the classical music wash over me. Debussy always calmed me.

It was finally dark outside as the campus lights were turning on. I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the campus road that separated the Behavioral Sciences building form Bella's dorm. There was a stop sign in front of the building and someone was about to cross, so I waited for them tapping my fingers in the wheel intime to the music. I noticies the pedestrian looked like the jogger I had seen earlier. Capri running pants, a fitted tank top, iPod in a runner's cuff, chestnut hair pulled back in a pony tail. And then I realized I recognized that hair.

Her exposed skin had a slight sheen of sweat that glistened in the street lights, her face was slightly red from her exercise, but Bella was as beautiful as ever when she came closer. I noticed her eyes were in the direction of my car, but she wasn't looking at me. She was checking out the car, and I saw a smile spread on her face. She liked my ride. The woman had good taste. She was walking right in the very front of the vehicle when I saw her eyes trail up taking in more of the details and I smiled in anticipation, she would see me soon.

I knew when she saw me because she tripped and froze in the middle of the road. IShe was caught offgaurd. She was staring now at me, and all I could do was laugh at her expression. She looked shocked, embarrassed and confused; it was the most adorable thing to see.

She didn't move from the street and continued to stare at me. I decided to take some action so I waved at her. That shook her from where ever her head was at. Her face flushed deep red as she waved back at me quickly and then she was gone. I saw her run the rest of the way into her dorm. I was free to drive on, but I waited there in the road at the crosswalk. I waited and looked up at her building. A minute later a light on the third floor turned on and I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The rest of the hall looked empty and dark so I assumed that was her room.

It was a good thing that there was hardly anyone on campus tonight; otherwise they would have been very upset being stuck behind me. I finally convinced myself to go home after a few minutes of watching her window. No need to be a stalker, she would be working with me practically everyday now.

When I pulled into my driveway and shut off the engine I sat my head back against the head rest. Today had been completely unexpected but I was happy with that.

I had gone all day without taking my medicine which I had never done since I started taking it about eight years ago. I would need to be sure and take one before bed so as to not have any attacks in the morning during my meetings.

Lunch with Esme and Carlisle was very enjoyable. I hadn't visited them as often as they would have liked for a few years which I knew they didn't like, but I had my own personal reasons. I always felt that I was under constant evaluation by them. It wasn't like I felt they thought badly about me, I just never liked them pitying me. Ever since my episode after receiving my Bachelor's it was difficult for me to see the sadness in their eyes. My father was able to conceal his more over time, but Esme, she wore her heart on her sleeve. Today was a new change in that. I didn't feel the sadness and pity from them like usual, what I saw today was more or less hope. Hope that I was getting better, that the change they noticed was good.

Of course the best part of the day was twenty minutes ago. I had been wishing all day for Monday to arrive faster just so I would be able to see Bella sooner. I knew that she would make that day well worth going through, but there she was tonight. Sweaty from her run, but still as beautiful as she was when she was dressed up the night before, opposoite ends of the spectrum but both breathtaking.

As I walked into my bedroom I pictured her face in my mind when she realized I was in the car. It was something I would never allow myself to forget. I stored that image in my mind, it was never going anywhere.

I pulled out Angela's email I printed out earlier from my back pocket and put in on my night stand.

Quickly sheding my clothes down to just my boxers, I made my way to the bathroom sink and brushed my teeth. I wasn't tired form the long day I had, but it would be best to get some sleep with all that was happening tomorrow. I swallowed my Xanex and returned to my bed, sliding in comfortably between the sheets then setting my alarm clock.

I picked up the email with everyone's order and read it through again one final time before I put it back in it's place and shut off the light.

Before I let myself fall asleep, I let out a soft laugh, "Figures, she's choose my favorite dish."


So next chapter is Monday, the big research team meeting. I'm excited for it. Let me know if you are too!

Thank you everyone!