It's been two days. Two days since he last saw her, since he last spoke to her and two days since his heart got ripped out and stepped on. Compared to the four years of torture of not being able to see her or talk to her, these two days felt like 10 years and he didn't think it could get any worse.

He stayed in his studio, slept there, ate there, bathed (barely) there…he hasn't seen anyone for the past two days except his bottle of scotch. He's been drinking, yes, but what else could he do? Everything reminded him of her. From chocolates to pottery, they all screamed 'Chu Ga Eul' to him. He put his head to his hands and sighed, her words still ringing in his ear.

"Do you know how that felt? Getting up every morning and wishing, in the deepest part of my heart, that somehow you remembered me in Sweden and wrote to me?"

He really has been stupid. He used to have a good reason for not contacting her at all but even he finds those reasons stupid now. He used to think that he was doing a good thing, if he didn't call, she wouldn't expect. Simple as that. Because if she did expect and he didn't come home a changed man, he'd end up hurting her again. I thought I was protecting her.

He thinks that if he could go back in time he'd write to her everyday if he had to.

"…because it hurt. It still does. Every single day."

He knew how that felt. Hurting and longing every single day of that four years. But he wasn't going to use that against her because he knew. He knew that Ga Eul would wait for him because that's just who she was. He knew that no matter what happened, he'd have her to come to. He knew that saying he'd come for her if she hadn't found her soulmate yet would make her stop looking. If only he knew how she suffered because she didn't know. Because I never told her.

You gotta love karma.

He stands up, intending to more pour more scotch in his glass, he was starting to sober up and he preferred hurting while in the influence. It made it hurt a little less. But as he was about to pour the bottle, he noticed something lying on the counter. Two plane tickets to New Caledonia, he was supposed to give it to Ga Eul to make up for lost time. He remembers having to baby sit her the last time they were there. She was acting like such a tourist, taking pictures and sight seeing. He was actually embarrassed by her back then, which is why he wanted to bring her there again. He wanted her to enjoy the trip with him. He wanted her to know that even if she was acting like a total hillbilly, he'd stay with her. He also remembered the way her whole face lit up when they arrived at that place, and that's what stopped him from drinking more and most probably going into depression again. That face, those eyes…the way they looked at him four years ago, full of happiness, sometimes annoyance, but always with care. This drinking away his problems thing isn't anything new to him. He's experienced this before, with Eun Jae. But she was there for him, Ga Eul. Even when he pushed her away, she was there. At that time, he remembered her looking at her like she knew he was better than this and she knew she could save him, and she did because she didn't give up on him. She promised she would make his hand work again, and she did. What she didn't know was, along with his hand, she made his heart work again too. For the whole time he's known her, he doesn't remember ever seeing her like she was two days ago. Her words filled with anger and hurt, her face, blank and lifeless, her eyes, cold and empty. He misses it. The way she looked at him, like she knew he was worth it, like she believed in him. He'd give everything he had to have her look at him like that again.

He puts the bottle down; he wasn't going to do this. She deserved better. He notices another thing in the counter. A piece of paper and a pen. He remembers her words…

"You promised me you'd come back for me and yet you didn't call or write or even sent a freaking postcard!"

He suddenly knew what he had to do, well, part of what he to do. He hurt her real bad and what he was thinking wasn't enough to make it up to her. He was going to do this right, he was going to show her that maybe he isn't worth it, but they were.

He had to sleep first, though. Ga Eul wouldn't want him to be writing to her half-drunk.

Ga Eul felt her heart race as she read the only letter that came for her today. It was from him. She suddenly had flashbacks of everyday she checked her mail for this letter. She couldn't help the tear that fell from her eyes as she remembered. But what was this about? Was this him trying to make it up to her? She hasn't heard from him in days and she thought that he just gave up on her. That thought made her feel bad even if it was what she wanted. It still is, she told herself.

She read the letter for the second time, making sure she read everything right. She had to give him props for creativity, she never, in a million years, would have expected this from him. But she wasn't going to give in, she wasn't going to run to his arms all of a sudden and by reading his letter, it looks like he knows that too.

Ga Eul,

Surprised? Good. You're probably expecting something along the lines of "I have been the biggest jerk to you; I wish you would just take me back." But I won't say that, not because I don't feel that way but I know you deserve more than that. So here I am, getting totally out of character, writing to you. This probably goes along the line of stupid considering we live in the same country and I could always come over but I know you don't want to see me at the moment and I know I owe you a lot of letters. I'm not going to make this long because you'd probably get sick of me apologizing and just throw it away. I just wanna say that I will do everything to make it up to you. Starting with this letter. Or should I say, letters. You read that right. You should expect more of this because I'll be writing to you a lot.

Everyday, actually.

Yi Jeong