A/N: So sorry I haven't posted in a while. This is a super long chapter, which I hope makes up for it and well, there was just a lot going on that needed to be included.
I won't be updating next weekend since I have company in town, but once I can I will try and get the next chapter as soon as possible.
Please send in questions you may have. Any questions sent in will be answered at the end of chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything twilight related.
Chapter 13
EPOV
Kill me now." Bella's soft voice cried from embarrassment next to me on the floor. I could hear her choke back a sob and my heart wrenched for the girl.
I rolled over to my side and brought myself up to sit on my heels as I looked around at the array of paper that now littered the hallway. It would take me a good while to put all of the outlines back in order which meant the team would have to forgo using them in today's meeting. Shit. I should have been angry with the situation, but knowing that my own personal angel was possibly injured beside me, concern consumed me instead. Quickly I flashed my eyes to see Bella still lying on the linoleum floor, face flushed and her hands cover her eyes and her body shook with what looked to be silent sobs.
Was she hurt? My head swam with possible injuries she could have. I hardly knew the woman, yet her well being seemed to be more important than anything else in the world at the moment.
"Miss Swan?" I ran my hand through my hair nervously waiting for her to reply.
"I'm so s-s-sorry Dr. C-Cullen. " Her voice shook and she stuttered with her emotions. She bit her lip from embarrassment and I ran my hand through my hair once more. The back of my head throbbed with pain from the impact of meeting the floor as my fingertips passed the new welt.
"Are you injured, Miss Swan? Do you need me to get help?"
"No, I'm ok, Dr. Cullen." She finally took her hands away from her eyes and wiped some tears that had fallen. She didn't look at me as she started to sit up. "I'm so sorry, I was running late for the meeting and I didn't see you when the elevator opened, and … I'm just …. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a total idiot." She stopped and took a deep sigh while she fidgeted with her hands and her eyes roamed the hallways, carefully trying to avoid looking at me.
I stood up and closed the distance between us and held out my hand for her to take to help her off the floor. Her head quickly snapped in my direction and she stared at my hand for a quite some time looking as if she were afraid to take my help.
"I promise I don't bite, Bella. Let me help you up." I leaned forward more to her and offered my hand again. She looked down at the floor before looking up at my face. Even with her now red eyes and tear streaked face, she still made my heart race when I stared at her. I tried to send a reassuring smile to her letting her know that I did not think she was an idiot as she had said. She was far from it.
Finally she lifted her hand and slid it in to mine. There was that same jolt of electricity I had felt the night of the department dinner. It shot through my entire body at the moment of contact between us. Did she feel that too? You are a complete fool Cullen.
I gently pulled her up off the floor and helped assist with her balance by placing my free hand on her back. When I did, the electricity grew more to where I couldn't bare it anymore and quickly dropped her hand and took a step back as soon as she was standing. As soon as I did, her beautiful face grimaced in what appeared to be pain.
"Are you sure there are no broken bones or anything?"
She quickly looked down at the floor and around the hall, biting her lip harder. "No I'm fine, thank you."
A door down the hall quickly opened and we both heard the sound of footsteps approaching our location. I continued to gaze at her and her eyes darted side to side at the floor looking as if she were trying to think of something to say. She gently rubbed her elbow lightly and fidgeted with her shirt.
Bella still looked upset and I did my best to lighten the mood for her.
"So, Miss Swan. Are you sure you aren't a hired assassin?"
She looked up at me and wiped another tear that had fallen. "Excuse me?" She blinked. "I don't understand Dr. Cullen."
I let out a slight laugh. "Well, I could have sworn that in the last three days you've tried to take me out twice." A stray hair had fallen out of place of her loose bun. Before I could stop myself, I lifted my right hand and swept the piece away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. No, no, no. Cullen, stop. Her eyes widened and I felt myself start to lose all train of thought when I looked into those chocolate pools. The footsteps we heard moments ago were now stopping in front of us.
"Dr. Cullen? Miss Swan? Is everything ok?" Ben looked around at the mess of papers and then at Bella and me.
Bella turned and looked at him questioningly.
"Yes, Ben, everything is fine. Miss Swan and I just happened to be in a rush to make the meeting on time that we accidently ran into each other. Thankfully no damage so we don't need to exchange insurance information." There was an uncomfortable silence in the hallway as Ben shot looks between the two of us. My attempt at humor failed once more.
"Um…" Bella's voice cut the silence and my heart kicked into overdrive. "Could one of you please tell me where the restrooms are? I would like to freshen up a little bit if that's alright." I looked down at my feet wishing for this moment to be done with, maybe hide under a rock from the awkwardness of it all.
Ben walked towards her and politely took her elbow to lead her to the restrooms that were behind us a few doors next to the stairwell I had taken. I watched them both until she thanked Ben and disappeared through the door. I turned, took a deep breath and bent over to start collecting the outlines.
Ben's loud sigh alerted me that he was now standing behind me. Still crouching on the floor, I turned to look at him. He had removed his thick glasses and was cleaning them with the hem of his sweater vest.
"So, are you going to tell me what I interrupted a few moments ago, Dr. Cullen? Or do I need to ask Miss Swan?"
I tuned back and continued to collect the papers and stuffed them into my briefcase. "Like I said, we were in a rush and didn't see each other and, well, you know."
"Mmhmm." Was all he said and he bent down to pick up the rest of the papers. When I gathered the last of it, I looked over my shoulder to the door she had disappeared through and let out a sigh.
"Dr. Cullen?"
I snapped my head back over to Ben whose eyebrow was raised.
"Is everyone else here Mr. Cheney." If he was going to be a dick, he was going to get Dr. Asshole from me today.
"Just waiting on you, Bella and Tyler. Everyone else is here. I take it no outlines for today?"
"Obviously, no." I closed my case and pressed the clasps down with a click.
I Stood up and straightened my tie and adjusted my coat before I started to walk down the hall to the open door of the lab, Ben close behind me.
As I entered the room, all eyes were on me and I felt a pang of anxiety once more. I patted my vest pocket, my pills were still there. Good. I walked to the desk that was in front of the white board at the front of the lab and placed my case on the top. I opened the case and took out my USB with my PowerPoint on it and quickly plugged it into the front computer.
Angela stepped away from the other team members and approached me, placing her hand on my shoulder, which caused me to flinch for a moment, but then I calmed back down.
"Edward? Is everything alright?" She could see I was out of sorts.
I patted her hand and tired to politely remove it from me. "It's ok, just running a little bit behind today."
As my PowerPoint presentation uploaded on the computer, I noticed that Bella hadn't returned from the bathroom and I was becoming concerned. Maybe she was injured and was unconscious in the ladies room. My heart started to race again and blood pulsed in my head. Quit over thinking things.
"Um, Miss Brandon, can I speak with you for a moment." I figured I could enlist the help of Alice Brandon since she knew Bella and, well, she was allowed in the ladies room for obvious reasons.
The little energizer bunny of a pixie dashed over to me enthusiastically. "Yes, Dr. Cullen?"
"I know that you and Miss Swan have gotten to know each other this weekend," she nodded and waited for me to continue. "Well, she sort of took a fall out in the hallway a few minutes ago and went to freshen up in the ladies room, would you mind checking to see if she is alright?"
Alice's blue eyes filled with concern for her new friend. "Of course, sir. I'll make sure to come back with her." And with that she darted out the door into the hall. As I waited for them to return my eyes glazed over as I pretended to look at the computer monitor.
BPOV
I thanked Ben Cheney when he left me at the door to the ladies room and quickly rushed in to the stall at the farthest end of the restroom and locked it, sliding to the floor. The tears I had tried to hold back with little success earlier now erupted into loud cries of embarrassment.
I am such a fucking idiot. He's going take me out of the fellowship. I don't belong here. I'm just a walking catastrophe.
I hugged my knees to my chest and cried hard. I felt lost and confused. Dr. Cullen was probably disgusted with me. I was scared he was going to yell at me in the hallway just a moment ago, but he probably was just trying not to cause a scene. He acted like he cared about my injuries, but he was probably just doing so to make sure I wouldn't sue the university for some reason. It still burned from his touch where he pushed back a piece of my hair. I patted that side of my head feeling the warmth as I slunk closer to the floor.
I wished more than anything that I could talk to my mother, but since that was not an option I needed to talk to my best friend. I picked my cell phone out of my purse and hit send when I found Jake's number. After the second ring he answered.
"Hells, Bells, how are you Hun?" Since it was Monday, he was most likely in the shop and I could hear the sound of metal hitting metal and other machinery in the background.
I couldn't help the sniffle that slipped out.
"Bella, honey? Is everything ok? What's wrong?"
"Jake, I fucked up so bad." I bent my head between my legs and pressed my free hand over my eyes.
"I bet that's a lie. What happened?"
"I… I… I don't deserve to be here, Jake. I'm just a fucking klutz who has basically almost killed her mentor twice in three days. I don't belong in Chicago, I should have never left. Dr. Cullen is going to take away the fellowship from me." I couldn't contain my tears.
"Bella, I love you Hun, but do one thing for me real quick, ok?"
"What's that?"
"Shut up until I'm done."
I bit my lip and wiped away the tears that were flooding from my eyes. I could hear the sound of a door closing on his end and the background noise was silent.
"Good girl. Ok, I want to make something perfectly clear to you and no snide remarks back at me for saying this. You are a brilliant woman who has every right to be there. Yes, you have a klutzy moment here and there, but that doesn't count as you fucking things up."
"But Ja…"
"Isabella Swan, so help me god, let me finish." I bit my lip harder to where it started to hurt. "That Dr. Cullmore…"
"Dr. Cullen." I corrected.
"Cullen, whatever. He will not take away the fellowship thing from you. You are blowing this up out of proportion like you always do. I've known you for almost all of my life and I know that you are smart enough for anything, and, what? Two instances of you falling on your ass does not mean you are not worthy of the opportunity that has been given to you. You belong there. Even though I wish you were still here in Seattle, I know better that Chicago is where you need to be. If you decide to leave because you don't believe in yourself like everyone else does, I swear I will fly out there and see to it that you stay."
"What? You gonna walk me to and from everywhere or something?"
"If I have to, I will. Maybe I'll borrow Chief Swan's trusty handcuffs to keep you from running."
I couldn't help the broken laugh that escaped. "Ok."
"Ok, what?"
"I'll try." I said softly. I could hear the sound of the bathroom door opening and the sound of high heels clacking on the floor.
"Excuse me, I didn't catch that Bella." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice
"I said I'll try. I will stay, but if they let me go…"
"Bella…"
"Ok. Whatever. I'll call you later tonight, alright?" The sound of the high heels stopped outside my stall and I noticed the owner's feet were rather small.
"You better, Bells. Or else I'm flying out there to make sure you didn't take off somewhere. I will talk to you soon. Love you Hun."
"Love you too, Jake." I closed my phone and placed it back in my purse. I took a few deep breaths to help stop my crying.
"Bella? Are you ok?" I recognized Alice's voice. It wasn't as bubbly as usual. I could tell she was worried about me
I lifted myself off the floor and took some of the toilet paper to blot my eyes of the remaining moisture.
"I'm fine Alice." I unlocked the door and Alice rushed to hug me softly. "Really, I'm ok. I just took a spill into Dr. Cullen and had a moment in here. No permanent damage." At least not physically.
"You took a spill into Dr. Cullen, again?" She still looked concerned, but I saw a slight twitch of a smile that played on her lips.
"Yes, again. I didn't see him when I ran out of the elevator and we sort of… crashed. All the papers he had were scattered around the hall . Another idiot move for the Swan. I bet Dr. Cullen hates me. "
"No, he could never. He actually sent me to make sure you were ok. You were on the phone with Jacob when I came in, what was that about?"
"Yeah, I needed to talk to him. He's still one of my closest friends. I told him I don't belong here because I keep fucking up and the semester hasn't even started. He told me to shut up and to stay or he'd use force to keep me here." We were standing in front of the sinks and mirrors as I turned on one of the taps to wash my face.
"I would force you to stay too. You do belong. You are smart, Bella. Just because things beyond your control happened that embarrassed you, it doesn't mean you don't deserve the wonderful opportunity you have been give."
"God, I guess I have no choice to stay with both you and Jake threatening to keep me here."
"Damn straight." Alice handed me some paper towels to dry off my face. My eyes were still puffy and red.
"Here." Alice handed me a bottle of visine and I placed a drop in each eye which cleared up most of the red instantly. "And use this." She threw me a tube of mascara. I eyed her tentatively. "Just do it, no one would be able to notice that you were crying." I did as she told me and I pulled out my own lip gloss knowing that would have been next on her agenda . "There, much better." We both looked at my reflection in the mirror. It wasn't totally perfect, but it was an improvement to five minutes ago.
"Are you ready to get in there?" She gave my arms a slight squeeze.
"No, but I'm just gonna suck it up and see what happens."
"Well, I guess that's a start." We both laughed as we exited the ladies room.
"So… Bella?"
"Yes, Alice?"
We passed the bloody elevator I would forever hate and were quickly approaching the opened door to the lab
"What does Dr. Cullen's body feel like?"
"Oh my god! Alice, please." My face flushed red. He's wonderful, smells delicious, send jolts of electricity to every part of my body, including my core, has gorgeous soulful eyes, makes my legs weak with his smile, oh and makes me have crazy dreams of him taking my virginity in his family's library with toe curling orgasms. Shit, I had a problem. "To be honest Alice… I didn't even notice, because all I wanted to do was die from embarrassment."
"Ok, I understand. But if it was me in your place. God, I would relish every minute. That man looks like a sex god."
That he does, my friend. That he does. We reached the door and crossed the threshold and the first thing I saw was Dr. Cullen staring intently at his computer in the front of the room. Please don't do anything else stupid, Bella.
Alice pulled me over and sat me next to her and another man with sandy blonde hair that was styled to stick up in several directions.
I took the opportunity to look around at the lab I would hopefully be working in for the next three years. The walls were sterile and white, there were a few inspirational posters and pieces of M.C. Escher artwork. On every desk was a relatively new computer and several black filing cabinets lined the room. There was a small office to the side of the desk where Dr. Cullen sat at. I decided to avoid looking at him and averted my eyes elsewhere around the room. The room extended further than I had originally thought since I entered. In the back there was a glass divider that separated the computer section of the lab from a room that consisted of two large sofas and three soft reclining chairs. The room appeared to be lit, but was still dark compared to the florescent lighting in the front. There was another door that led to another room behind the glass room that I couldn't see well due to the distance.
"Hello there beautiful." The man with the sandy hair suddenly spoke to me.
I turned to look at him. "Uh, Hi."
"You must be Isabella Swan, the fellowship girl, right?"
"Bella, actually. Yes, I'm here for the Cullen Fellowship." He was making me sort of uncomfortable.
"Mike, Mike Newton, gorgeous." He held out his hand towards me and put mine in his. Instead of shaking it, he lifted my hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss while shooting a wink at me.
Alice let out a small giggle as I took my hand out of his and not so subtlety wiped the spot his lips had touched. I don't think I could take even a semester of this. Another sign I should go.
"Nice to meet you." I quickly turned my face and looked down at my desk and pretended my notebook was rather interesting.
Mike leaned into me and whispered, "You got nothing to worry about, sugar. My boyfriend says I'm a pussycat." My head turned back to him and he winked at me again.
"Oh." Was all I said as my face turned crimson and I bit my lip for having assumed that he had been hitting on me. Alice couldn't control her giggles as they shifted to full on hysterics at that moment and I sunk a little further in my chair as the rest of the room turned at looked at our table, Dr. Cullen was the only one that didn't move.
A young man in a football jersey quickly entered the room and sat at another table that was empty as Ben Cheney walked over to door and shut it. I quickly scribbled the date on a piece of my notebook paper and waited as Mr. Cheney and another woman with dark hair and glasses stood in the middle of the room to address everyone.
EPOV
I had been sitting and staring at the first slide of my PowerPoint for fifteen minutes, checking the clock at the bottom of the screen every now and then.
I knew when Bella had returned to the room when my entire body felt a tingling sensation when the smell of familiar strawberries and freesia hit my nose. I tried my best to not move a muscle as I became more intoxicated from the overwhelming power of her scent.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tyler Crowley make his way through the door and took a seat, everyone was finally hear and the Cheney's took their place in the front to address the rest of the team. I continued to stare at my screen until Ben started.
"It's great to finally have everyone here. As many of you know, I'm Ben Cheney, one of the leads for the hypnosis research you will be a part of this year. I believe most everyone met last semester before the summer and I. I know that most of you are aware that we do have a new addition to the team this semester. As you all know, every few years there is a recipient selected from several applicants all over the country to take part in the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship. This person not only is here to work on their Master's program, they are also selected to take part as a vital member of our research team. A few of you have already met her," Ben paused and I saw his eyes quickly dart to my direction which caused me to shift in my chair uncomfortably. "But for those of you who have not I'd like to introduce Miss Isabella Swan who is joining us all the way from Forks, Washington. I do believe you prefer Bella, though, am I right Miss Swan?" I tried to fight the urge, but it was a losing battle as I looked over to where I knew she sat.
"Yes, Mr. Cheney." She responded. Her cheeks were flushed red. She didn't like being singled out and the center of attention. I feel the same way angel.
"Please, Bella, you can call me Ben." She nodded to him. "Also there is another announcement I would like to make. Some of you may have already heard this through the grapevine, but over the summer Angela and I were married." Some of the team members clapped at the announcement. "Thank you. Since it was rather a spur of the moment decision, we were not able to have a proper celebration. Due to that we are planning on throwing a very belated reception in the next few weeks. Since a lot of us will be working closely together for a few semesters, we would like to send an open invitation for you all to attend." Ben took Angela's hand and squeezed it tightly before releasing it as a few of the male team members hooted and hollered.
"Alright, party!" Mr. Crowley crowed.
"Now with that being said, I want to turn over the rest of the meeting to the faculty lead for this year's research, Dr. Edward Cullen."
I took a deep breath and stood from my chair after clicking computer to start my slides. Ben took my seat and Angela took an empty one next to him.
"Thank you Ben. Welcome everyone. I'm Dr. Cullen. As many of you know I am the professor for the undergraduate Developmental Psychology and the Advanced Abnormal Psychology courses. I am also the lead mentor and advisor for the Neuropsychology Master's and Doctoral tracks. Most importantly I am your Faculty Lead for the Hypnosis research you all will be helping to administer." I nodded my head to Ben to indicate the change in slides.
"I do want to apologize, I had provided outlines for everyone today. Unfortunately…" I stopped and looked quickly at Bella who started to cover her face with her free hand. "Unfortunately I misplaced them before making my way to the meeting here today. I should have them for you when we meet Wednesday afternoon when you receive your lab schedules. In the meantime, please feel free to take some notes today." I snuck another peek at her and saw her face was no longer covered and she was now looking at me apologetically. I nodded to her to let her know it was ok. Ben gave a not so subtle cough to get my attention and I went back to my slides as her eyes quickly darted back to her notebook as she wrote something down.
"I believe that everyone is interested in the focus for this year's research. After much thought I submitted to our trustees settled that we will be conducting an Electroencephalography analysis of hypnosis dreams with positive reinforcements in a laboratory setting." I saw black faces on some of the team members. "I know that's quite a mouthful, but what it really boils down to is that we will study brain waves in participants that undergo individual sessions of hypnosis . We'll measure activity once they are under and are in a guided positive hypnotic dream." There was a flurry of pen scratching as I nodded for the next slide.
I continued my presentation, talking about how the research would be broken into three parts. The first stage would be initial participant phase everyone would take part in with administering. This would be where all those that sign up to participate in the study would take a short evaluation to determine if they would be considered susceptible to hypnosis. The second phase would consist of the Master's students and the leads conduction group hypnosis sessions to test those selected from the evaluation to determine if in fact a participant is susceptible to hypnosis. The final phase would be were participants would have in individual hypnosis sessions while wearing an EEG cap that would measure the brainwave activity. It seemed that everyone in the room was eager to begin with the training to start the research.
A few questions were asked. Mr. Yorkie, wanting to know how old the machines we would be using were. I told them relatively new and in fact there would be a new machine purchased this year with funds from the trustees. I knew Angela was probably dancing for joy in her head at this news.
Mr. Newton asked what to expect as a majority of the sex of participants. I found this to be quite an odd question, but answered that a majority were usually female from previous studies, to which I noticed a hit of disappointment. That was odd. I couldn't help but look over at Mr. Newton's neighbor who was laughing along with Miss Brandon at his reaction to my response. When her laughing subsided, her eyes looked directly at me and then quickly away when she noticed I caught her stare. She continued to bite her lip every now and then when she would write something down. This continued for the rest of my presentation and every time she did, my slacks would strain from some pressure that would begin to rise and I would need to look away and nod for the next slide.
I ended after thirty minutes, leaving around fifteen left before lunch was scheduled to arrive. I handed off the meeting to Angela who would take everyone on a tour of the lab facilities and excused myself with Ben to go and pick up the food I requested be delivered to the front office.
I shrugged out of my coat and made sure I had my wallet before following Ben out to the hall and down the stairs.
"Good job Edward. Not major issues, eh?"
"No, thank goodness. And thank God for Xanax, right?" We made it to the first floor and headed to the office.
"Sure. Among other things, I'm sure." What? "What's for desert today?"
"I got the family serving of tiramisu."
"Right on." He opened the door for me where we saw Mrs. Alistair talking to a man that had several large brown paper bags from Bella Italia.
"Ah, Dr. Cullen, I believe you are responsible for this?" Mrs. Alistair pointed at the bags.
"Yes, I'm afraid I am." She smiled at me and went to sit back at her desk, slightly fixing her grey hair before returning to her typewriter.
I handed the delivery man the money for the food and thanked him with a generous tip. When Ben and I had loaded all the food up in our arms and made our way out of the front office. He had insisted on taking the elevator, claiming he couldn't hold the door open for me if we took the stairs. I gave in, with some hesitance, but he had a point.
When the door shut, the small death box grew darker and I tensed until the doors opened and I jetted out of the lift swiftly.
We were silent all the way to the second floor and even to the lab which was currently unoccupied since everyone was in the back rooms. After we put the food down on the front desk, Ben brought over napkins, plastic cutlery and some beverages and set them down on the desk. I pulled out the lunch order list I still had to remind me of who ordered what as Ben and I distributed lunches to the vacant seats in the computer section of the room.
"Ed, who had the mushroom ravioli again?"
"Bella and I both have it." He handed me the box with a knowing smile. Stupid, all-knowing bastard.
"What? Ben, seriously, what the hell is up?" I knew what it was, but I wanted to be able to deny it to him so he would drop it.
"I guess nothing… yet. But we'll talk about it soon." I placed her meal at her seat she occupied earlier and took my own when I returned to the front.
"Ben, I need to check some emails and make some calls, so I'm going to just take my lunch in the lab office for a bit. If you need me, just knock.
He shook his head in amusement. "Sure thing Ed. Guess we'll see you when everyone is gone then."
I turned around and took a fork , napkin and a bottle of water from the table before retreating to the small office in the lab. I didn't really need to check my email, but I knew I needed an excuse to be out of the room and away from her before I did something I would regret.
As I entered the room and turned to close the door, I meet her deep, beautiful chocolate eyes looking in my direction from her chair. We stared at each other for only a moment, which felt like an eternity to me. I was frozen, and I knew my idea to retreat had been a good idea. It was too much to see her again and I quickly slammed the door a little harder than was necessary and ran to sit at the desk.
My body was shaking and I felt a panic attack coming on again. I was going to lose it, and quite possibly in a big way. The stress of the trustee meeting and the faculty brunch were cakewalks compared to Bella Swan's shear presence. My hand shook and I strained to breathe properly as I retrieved my wallet quickly and pulled out Dr. Liam's card since he told me to call if I needed help.
I inhaled deeply several times as the phone rang after I dialed the last digit.
Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…
"Dr. Liam speaking."
"Doctor, its Edward Cullen. Something's not right…"
BPOV
Ben Cheney and Dr. Cullen left the lab to pick up our lunches as Angela Cheney started to talk about the lab. We were to take a quick tour of the facilities, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I was still humiliated from the hallway but was feeling slightly better since my talk with Jake and Alice.
When Dr. Cullen's presentation began I told myself over and over to not look up at him because I knew that I was probably not his favorite person in the world at the moment. I didn't want to see the anger or resentment he probably had towards me for running him over again and messing up the papers he had been carrying There was a small part of me that thought that I was probably blowing things up, maybe Jake and Alice were right. I mean there was a moment when Dr. Cullen started to talk about outlines he was going to hand out to everyone, and I realized that those were the papers I had caused to fall everywhere. I thought he was going to single me out for the reason he didn't have them, and I felt the flush of embarrassment and I tried to cover my face and hold back the tears I thought would break through again.
But he didn't. He covered for me, claiming to have forgotten them. I broke my rule to not look at him as my eyes rose to meet his. I tried to convey silently to him that I was sorry when he looked back at me. I saw a slight nod, different from the nods he was giving to single the changing of the slides. We didn't look away from each other until Ben gave a loud cough and I broke my gaze to pretended to scribble in my notebook.
When Angela asked for us to join her with a tour, my legs were numb and they wobbled when I stood up.
Mike saw my balance issue and was able to catch me before I fell over again. Since finding out about his preference for the male sex, I wasn't so embarrassed.
"Well, ain't you the brand new baby gazelle, Hun." I thanked him for catching me as Alice gave another giggle at his statement.
Angel began her tour by pointed out the new models of computers that were set up around the main room of the lab. We would be using these for data entry for the preliminary evaluation and for formulating pie and bar charts for our reports. We were told that the filing cabinets in the room contained past information and medical histories of previous participants that were locked up for confidentiality reasons. The only persons that would have a key were Dr. Cullen, Ben and Angela and Mike and I would receive ours soon since we were the only Master's degree students on the team.
When we were done with the computers, Angela motioned us to the glass room partition. This room was were the group hypnosis sessions were to be held. Inside, it was painted a warm yellow color and was rather relaxing with the soft lighting. There were heavy blinds that could block out the florescent light from the front of the lab. I also noticed that there were two video cameras in the room facing the sofas and chairs.
"Excuse me, Angela?" I raised my hand to get her attention.
"Yes, Bella?"
"What are the cameras for?" I pointed to the two in the room.
"That's an excellent question. See, even though the group hypnosis sessions are conducted by at least two members of the team, it's difficult to catch everything that you will be documenting with your own eyes. These cameras were installed so that we can play back each session in order to evaluate movements and mannerisms of participants later. We also record the individual hypnosis session as well in order to re-evaluate and document. Here, let me show you all how the individual rooms are set up."
She motioned us through the other door which led to another area that had a small hallway of three doors which were three small rooms which had a reclining chair in each room and two of the rooms contained state-of-the art EEG machines. A greasy dark haired young man, who I found out was named Eric, was ogling the machines once we stood in one of the rooms.
"These are the Individual hypnosis rooms. When we reach the third phase of data collection this is where we will be using the EEG machines on the participants. There will be one participant and one of the team members conducting the hypnotic suggestions. As of right now that will consist of Dr. Cullen, Ben and I. We will be training Bella and Mike with running their own sessions later on in the semester."
"Wanna be each other's guinea pigs, sweetie?" Mike elbowed me which made me laugh.
"Sure, just don't make me cluck like a chicken when I'm under, you knuckle head." I was starting to like Mike. He was a bit flamboyant, but I could see him hanging out with me and Alice. Maybe he could go shopping with Alice when I wasn't available. However, I didn't think that I would take him to hang out with Jasper any time soon. I had a feeling I would need to beat him away from Jazz with a stick.
"That's pretty much it for the tour everyone. Now if you want, you all can head back to the front. Dr. Cullen was kind enough to provide us with lunch today." Angela's eyes fell on me and she gave me a slight smirk. What did that mean?
When we entered the front again, there was a strong scent of garlic that filled my nose.
"Mmmm, that smells so good." Alice took my arm as we walked to our seats from earlier. I noticed that Dr. Cullen was rushing to the office off to the side as I went to the front desk to get myself a fork and a drink. As I was picking up a handful of napkins to take back to my seat I saw a movement in the door frame of the office and looked up at it.
Dr. Cullen was staring at me. I couldn't look away from him as his emerald eyes pierced into me. My skin felt on fire with his gaze. I noticed that his eyes suddenly tightened and his body was shaking as he was holing on the door. I felt like everyone else in the room had disappeared and it was just us alone in the room. The compulsion to walk to him was strong as if I was drawn to him by some magnetic force. Just as I was about to take a step, he shut his eyes tightly as if in pain and slammed the door.
I was wrong, it had all been an act. The kindness in the hallway and him covering up for me in his presentation. He was just trying to not make a scene, but I could clearly see now that Dr. Cullen hated me.
I fought the urge to cry when the wind from the door closing hit my face. I walked back to my seat and slowly sat down thinking of ways to avoid being in his way while I was here at the University, for however shot my time would be.
"Oh my God, Bella, you have to try this. It's so damn good." Alice spoke with her mouth full of her Italian meal and held a piece on her fork out for me to taste.
I bent over to take a bite of her Chicken Marsala. It was pretty good and just spicy enough for my taste.
"You're right, pretty good." I swallowed with some difficulty the chicken and took a swig from my water.
"What did you get?"
"Mushroom Ravioli. It's one of my favorites. I used to make it back home for me and Cha- my dad." I opened the box to my meal and inhaled as the flavored steam rose. "Wow. I need to find out where this restaurant is so we can go there sometime."
"Mmhmm." Was all Alice could say as her cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk.
I must have been hungry because I inhaled all of my meal within ten minutes. My stomach felt distended when I closed the lid and pushed the box away from me.
"I cannot eat another piece of food." I sighed as I wiped my mouth clean of the marinara sauce trapped in the crevices.
Everyone sat around for a while after finishing their lunches talking to each other as some helped themselves to tiramisu and the remaining breadsticks.
Alice and I had a chance to speak to Ben and Angela a little more during this time. We found out that they knew each other during their undergrad programs and only started dated when Dr. Cullen had invited them to join his research team. The both received their master's over a year ago and Dr. Cullen was helping them with their individual dissertations. I was shocked when they started to take about their recent nuptials.
"So it was the end of the spring semester and Ben was putting away some of the participant information in the file cabinets as I was cleaning the EEG caps. We had been discussing me finally moving in with him since I had been pretty much staying the night for many times a week over the last few months. We couldn't come to a definite decision since and were figuring the logistics of breaking my lease. I could tell we were both getting frustrated when finally he slammed one of the filing cabinets. I was shocked by the noise that I dropped a cap I sterilizing on the floor." Angela paused and looked at Ben who shot her a playful wink.
"When I bent over to pick it up I saw Ben was already handing it to me as he was kneeling on the floor. I took the cap, but he didn't let go. When I went to ask him what was wrong, he proposed."
With tears in her eyes, Alice asked, "What did he say?"
Ben got up out of his chair and stood behind Angela, Placing his arms on her shoulders and giving a soft gentle kiss on her head, "I looked up at her and said 'I don't have a ring for you, but I hope that you will accept my heart. I've loved you from the moment I first saw you and I will love you until my eyes close for the final time. I want to begin my forever with you as soon as possible and I want you as my wife. Marry me, please marry me today.'" Angela leaned into his arms with a sigh of a woman truly in love.
"And of course I said yes. After we finished for the day we headed to the courthouse, got married in front of the judge and then next week we were off to Europe."
"That's beautiful." I whispered to myself. I don't know why but when I looked away from the exchange of tenderness between the Cheney's, the image of Edward Cullen flooded my thoughts.
Alice's voice tore me away from daydream, "Bella, I'm going to head back to my hall and get ready for the RA mixer tonight. You want me to come over later and help you get ready?" She sent me a not so innocent smile.
I knew it was best to never say no to Alice. "Sure, say around five?"
"I'll be there with bells on." She handed her course schedule for the semester to the Cheney's as she danced out of the lab. I wouldn't be surprised if she did come over to my room with bells on the way she carried herself, that demon pixie.
After a few more minutes, Ben was cleaning up the leftover food and trash while the other team members filtered out of the room to head out to their other obligations . Angela was talking to me about her dissertation when the door to the lab's office swung open. I had forgotten he was still in there. He had his food container in his hands and made his way to Ben who was holding a large trash bag where he threw it in with a thud.
"Thank you for finally joining us, Dr. Cullen." Angela called back to him with a sarcastic smirk. My face flushed thinking he had probably been avoiding lunch with everyone because of me.
"I had work t-" he froze when his eyes fell on me and I noticed that he took a deep breath and then looked away. "I had to answer some emails." He picked up the remaining tiramisu and handed it to Ben to put in the trash and I looked away to Angela who was staring at me and shaking her head with slight laughter. I felt there was something I was missing and decided it was probably time to go.
"Um, well, I should probably take off then." I pushed myself out of my chair. "I have a torture session to endure at five." I pulled out my course schedule and handed it over her.
I fought the urge to run out of the room as fast as I could, and walked to the front to throw away my garbage in the trash bag. He was still standing there next to Ben, having some sort of silent conversation between the two of them. I didn't want to say anything, but I figured that I would try my best to make amends for earlier.
"Dr. Cullen?" I didn't look at him, but I could feel when his eyes were on me.
"Uh, Yes, Miss- Miss Swan?" He picked up his coat jacket and slung it over his arm waiting for me to respond.
"Thank you very much for lunch today." I played with my notebooks binding and bit my lip.
"It was no trouble. I just wanted to, uh, make sure that everyone on the team, um, well, got to know each other a little more."
"Thank you again." I was going to just leave it there and leave, but my brain filter was shut off. "I also want to apologize for earlier. I hope I didn't ruin your papers." I took a quick look at his face to gauge his reaction, he didn't appear to be mad, more like he was sad for some reason. He didn't say anything else, and my stupid mouth continued to rattle on. "I just want to say that I look forward to working with you this year and I do appreciate the opportunity to be here." I turned to leave the room before I had a foot-in-mouth moment.
"Miss Swan?" He called to me before I exited.
"Yes?"
"If you are available, would you mind meeting with me in my office Wednesday at 9am. I have a few things to go over with you."
Gulp. He wanted to talk about my behavior. Maybe he was going to dismiss me. Jacob was wrong, I don't belong here.
"Sure, I'm free. I will meet with you then. " I looked down at the floor walked quickly out to the hall.
I immediately thought of where I put the receipts to the items I bought for my dorm room, hopefully I could get some refunds before I left to go back to Forks.
EPOV
I hung up the phone after I finished speaking with Dr. Liam. I was still on edge, but not as bad as I had been twenty minutes ago. I had told him about the incident in the stairwell and the one right before I called him. I knew it was because I was thinking about Bella and seeing her on person that had triggered the reaction.
Why did she have to affect me so?
No other woman had ever done this to me before. Not even Irina. Sure I had seen my fare share of attractive women in my life, but none of them held a candle to the beauty of Bella Swan. Even her name was the most beautiful name I had ever heard. What made it worse was that Bella was the only woman that I had specifically dreamt about. Not just when I slept, but in daydreams as well. Before my incident I would dream of soft flesh, an arm, a leg, a mouth opened and kissing my skin, never a woman as a whole or a woman that I recognized. I never thought I would ever dream of a woman again with the years of nightmares I had, but that changed Saturday night.
I am Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen, world renowned Neuropsychologist, published in multiple research journals, and respected by my peers. I was an intelligent man, but one woman reduced my brain to a pile of mush and anxiety.
I wasn't supposed to take another pill for a few more hours, but I needed some relief. I swallowed another Xanax, finished my bottle of water and leaned back in the chair praying that I would just become numb.
A few minutes passed and finally my heart rated leveled out. I looked at my watched and saw it was around 2:30pm and the lab sounded relatively quiet, and hoped all the younger team members had left for the day. I knew Ben and Angela would still be here until I came out because they had to know something was up. They would make sure I was alright because they were good friends.
I picked myself up out of the chair and picked up my uneaten lunch. I wasn't hungry and I didn't want to take it home with me. I opened the door to the office and saw Ben near the door throwing away the garbage in a black trash bag. I crossed the room and dropped my uneaten meal in with a loud thud.
"Thank you for finally joining us, Dr. Cullen." Angela called over her shoulder to me.
I started to walk back to retrieve my jacket, "I had work t-" I froze when I noticed Bella was still here, seated next to Angela. I took a deep breath to calm myself down since my heart rate sped up again and then looked away to avoid looking into her eyes again. "I had to answer some emails." I needed to keep myself occupied until she left so I picked up the leftover tiramisu and handed it to Ben to throw away.
"Um, well, I should probably take off then." I heard Bella stand up from her chair. "I have a torture session to endure at five." Torture? What was that about? I was confused and realized I had raised an eyebrow on question of it.
Ben smiled at me in a way that made me want to smack him upside the head when he filled up the trash bag with discarded water bottles and empty soda cans. I shook my head at him to tell him that nothing was going on and to knock it off. He responded to my silent request with a laugh that was soft enough for only me to hear. I grinded my teeth in frustration.
I heard her footsteps approach us and I looked down at the ground as she threw away her trash. She was almost to the door when I heard her pause and her body turned to face me.
Please don't talk to me. Just go Bella. I'm a fuck up who is a complete and utter fool around you.
"Dr. Cullen?" Her voice was soft and I could hear some sadness in her tone. I looked up at her but her head was down looking at the floor. It made it a little easier to not see her eyes.
"Uh, Yes, Miss- Miss Swan?" I reached over to gather my coat and held it over my arm as I waited for her to continue.
"Thank you very much for lunch today." She was fiddling with her yellow notebook in her arms when she bit her lip. Please don't do that angel. The pressure was building in my slacks once more.
"It was no trouble. I just wanted to, uh, make sure that everyone on the team, um, well, got to know each other a little more."
"Thank you again." It looked like she was about to turn and leave, but then something stopped her and she spoke again. "I also want to apologize for earlier. I hope I didn't ruin your papers."
She was apologizing for the accident earlier. I knew she was still embarrassed from it, but she shouldn't. I didn't want her to feel that way. I wished for anything that she could be happy, and I would do what I could to make sure of that. Wait, what was I saying? She probably wants nothing to do with me.
She looked up at me then and I felt warm all over. She continued, "I just want to say that I look forward to working with you this year and I do appreciate the opportunity to be here." And then she turned to leave. I didn't want her to go just yet. I needed to find a way to speak with her again. Before she was out the door I remembered I needed to go over her role as a TA for my class and my grading rubric. It would also allow me to talk to her about today and reassure her that everything was fine. More than fine. – Oh shut up Cullen.
"Miss Swan?"
She stopped and turned to face me again "Yes?"
"If you are available, would you mind meeting with me in my office Wednesday at 9am. I have a few things to go over with you." I want to make everything ok for you.
"Sure, I'm free. I will meet with you then. " And with that, she left leaving me a nervous wreck.
"That was quite a show, Ed." Ben clapped me hard on the shoulder.
"Please Ben. Just leave it alone. I just need to talk to her about the TA responsibilities and to make sure that she is ok after the incident today."
Angela picked up a bottle of water and took a sip. "What 'incident'? What happened before the meeting Edward?"
"Nothing, nothing happened. I'll see you two later." I picked up my briefcase and flew out of the room before another comment could be made and made my way to my office where I locked myself inside for the remainder of the day.
I will try and post soon.
Last chapter I was asked about Irina? Who is she in the story?
I can't tell you much, because Edward needs to share that, but she is very important for why Edward is the way he is.
When it is time, Edward will let you know