A/N: First things first. I am sorry to to my readers that were upset about my last A/N from chapter 15. Please know that it was a difficult time for me a few weeks ago, but things are better now that I am getting used my new situation, and I promise to try and work on BtB until the end.

Thank you for the reviews from the last chapter. I do have to let you know this one was a bit difficult for me to write. I am warning you that personally, I cried at least 5 times while I was writing it. With that said... I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 16

EPOV

"So, uh, I guess I will see you later than Dr. Cullen."

The promise of seeing Bella soon weighed heavily on my mind. I wanted nothing more than to be in her presence every minute of every day because having her near me was more comforting and soothing then any prescription drug I had taken for my anxiety. I wanted to shout to her as she walked away that I needed her for always but I felt that would be the quickest way to scare her, we had only known each other in so little time, and she would flee back to Washington. I just had to say something though so that she would know that some part of me craved her.

"I look forward to it." Was all I could say as her figure walked slowly and carefully away and out of the building. Though I doubt she heard me. Wednesday morning was too far away.

I opened the door to my office and dropped my case next to my coat rack. When I reached my desk I flopped myself in my chair and loosened my neck tie. Over the course of the last two weeks I had usually called Dr. Liam following every interaction I had with Bella, because each time left me feeling like a wrecking ball hit me in the chest for some reason or another. Today was different though. Maybe it was the new medication I just started taking, maybe it was the distraction of classes finally in session, or maybe, just maybe I was finally seeing the good in the world. And Bella was defiantly good. No, she was perfection.

I spent my lunch time in my office thinking about her.

I was certain that after our meeting that first Wednesday I was slipping back. I had wanted to discuss what she would be doing here and what exactly her duties would involve, but when she had interrupted to let me know she was leaving, well, I couldn't have that. I made the excuse that it was because I couldn't find a replacement in time, but I was lying to her, to Dr. Liam when I told him and myself. If she was gone, my life would crumble, and it scared me shitless. I didn't understand what could make her want to leave, but then when she mentioned our interactions, I could see. She thought that our little "run-ins" would make me think less of her. I could never think that. Even if she knocked me over every day, I would always be there to catch her and savor the moment. Though I should find her embarrassment irrational, I found it to be quite endearing.

I had tried to make light of the situation, joking about insurance plans to have her around which seemed to work, and I mentally patted myself on the back that she agreed to stay. We talked more about my class she would be sitting in on and her hesitance to give lectures in my absence. I told her about my technique for my place of serenity, which only my father and Dr. Liam knew about. When the hour was finished, I wished that I could have more to discuss with her. Or maybe we could possible grab lunch together. I wasn't ready to give her up, but I had nothing. When she stood to leave my head was rushing, and when she threw out her hand in a simple gesture it took all my control not to jump up and grab her and shower her body with affection. I held out my hand anyways because I just needed to feel her again, even in the smallest possible way. When our hands connected though, I wasn't prepared to feel that jolt that course through my veins. I felt her hand hold mine tighter and my thumb caressed her hand on its own accord. She spoke to me and my eyes were drawn to her soft pouty lips. My body felt like jello and I wanted her lips on mine. When she withdrew her hand I felt the pangs of emptiness and it scared the shit out of me. I need to feel her again.

Without even thinking I followed her to the door and the arch of her lower back called to me like a siren's song. I knew it was probably not wise, but my brain had already left an hour ago. I placed the palm of my hand softly against her back and opened the door for her, because thankfully the gentleman in me was still there. The sensation of feeling her filled me again with warmth, but also I could feel the strain of my pants as my length was filling with pressure. I didn't know how I would be able to control that in the future, but I could care less.

I knew she had already agreed to stay, heck she signed the contract and everything, but I wanted to make it clear that she was not leaving. When I teased her with saying I expected her to be at the meeting I thought she would laugh in her musical way, which would have left me content enough.

But she didn't. When she turned around and looked up at me through those long thick lashes, she was breathtaking. I wanted to hold her against me and kiss her deeply, inhale her essence and make her mine. I wasn't ready for what she said though.

When she said it, it brought me back to that night, ten years ago when the one person I had once loved uttered the same phrase and I lost it. I thought I was suffocating. I felt the phantom pain that shot out through the only physical evidence of that night along my left side. Wave after wave hit me and I felt scared and helpless. I remembered holding on the doorknob for dear life because I needed something to cling on to or I would collapse into the darkness. I knew that it was too late to hide this from Bella, she already noticed it and was trying to help. She broke the wall of professionalism we had when she whispered my name. It was the most beautiful thing I heard, but it frightened me. I told her I was fine, I didn't want to completely break down in front of her so I slammed the door, separating her from my pain.

I had made my second call of the week to Dr. Liam afterwards. When I was finally off the phone it was time for the research meeting, missing out on lunch with one of my colleagues. When I made it to the lab, I just made it there in time. I was scared that after her seeing that little episode in my office she wouldn't show up, that I had frightened her away. I was anxious but when I saw her there, waiting, I felt all my anxiousness dissipate, and relief washed over me. She was still here, and we smiled at each other in an agreement that she wasn't going anywhere.

I often thought about her the rest of the week. I had faculty meetings and spent a lot of time in my office working on my lectures and materials for my courses. It was busy work, which was welcomed. On Friday my father popped his head into my office. It was very rare that I would see him since he would typically be in his office or away with my mother enjoying the aspects of not having to teach anymore.

"Good morning Edward." He was chipper today and he used my first name, which tipped me off that something was up.

"Morning Carlisle. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?" My father smiled as he sat himself in a chair across from my desk, the same one Bella sat in earlier in the week. I seemed to be associating everything with her.

" I was just checking in to see how you are doing. It was a nice surprise to have you for lunch Sunday."

"Well, I hope you could set an extra setting every Sunday from now on for me."

Carlisle smiled brightly at this. "You mother and I would love that. Anyways, I actually came here to share some news with you. You may or may not have heard, but Professor Van is taking some time off for, well, personal reasons."

I had heard something about that at one of the faculty meetings earlier this week. Something about his wife and her golf instructor, but I hardly cared for water cooler gossip. I found it intrusive and disrespectful. "Yes, I think I may have heard about that. What's the news that you have though?"

"Well, they needed to find some professors to take over his course since he won't be around. Some of the other faculty members have agreed to take over the undergrad courses, but they needed someone with neuropsychology background to take over his Master's course on memory."

So the department wanted to offer me the course. Figures. I would take it, but I already had other obligations that I wouldn't be able to take on another course.

"Well, I would be honored to teach the course, Carlisle, but unfortunately I do have a busy schedule as it is. You could tell the department thank you for the offer." I heard the slightest chuckle slip out of my father and it confused me.

"Well, I would tell them that, if in fact that had offered it to you."

"I'm confused." And I certainly was.

"The department actually offered me the position. To come back and teach this course, and after speaking with your mother, I agreed. It's been only a few years, but I'm looking forward to it. It will also mean that I will have to report to you now since you are head of the Neuropsychology department."

"That's wonderful news Carlisle. I promise to not let nepotism get in the way." I got out of my chair and gave my father a hug which he returned.

"That was pretty much it then. I'm going to head back to my office and get some more work done on my lesson plans. I'll let you mother know you'll be joining us Sunday."

I walked him to the door and said my goodbye to him. It had been a while since I worked with my father, and now our roles here at the university had switched. I was happy for him because I knew how much he loved teaching.

I worked for a little while longer in my office when I felt I needed to get out for a walk around campus. It was a beautiful day outside and I needed the fresh air. I had been cooped up long enough. I followed the path around the campus for a good half hour. The warmth and sun of the summer months would soon leave and it was nice to enjoy one of the last days before the fall officially arrived. It was approaching one o'clock when I started to grow a bit hungry. I was behind Hammond hall and was cutting through the path on the side to make my way to the union when I saw one of the most beautiful sites in my life.

Her back was facing me as I slowed my approach to the picnic table she sat at. Her hair was flowing down her back in soft waves with hints of red catching in the sun and every so often she played with a strand between her fingers. Her head was bent over something, she was reading, and whatever it was had her attention. I was very close when I stepped on a few leaves that had fallen from the trees, announcing the arrival of the fall. She sat up at the sound and turned to face me and her face was as angelic as I remembered.

"Ah, Ms. Swan, I see you are enjoying the weather today." Keep it light Cullen.

She took a moment and then responded. "Yes, I'm not used to the sun like this, so I figured to get out and enjoy it as much as possible. Where I grew up, it practically rained every day. It's a nice change."

I wanted to know more about her childhood and her life now. I wanted to know everything.

"Well, I'm glad you are enjoying our sun." I sent her a wink and I saw her turn a deep red. I loved it. I walked a bit closer to her and recognized that she was reading the Chicago Reader which typically wrote about things to do around the city. I used that paper frequently when I was younger. "Are you looking for something to do this weekend? I see you have a copy of the Reader." I pointed over to it.

She glanced quickly over at it and then back to me. "Yes, I have some free time this Sunday and figured to get out and see what there is to do around here. The art fair seems to be calling my name." She loved art. Another item to add to the list that was the mystery of Ms. Swan.

Her eyes quickly glanced over the length on my body as if she was taking me into her and evaluating. It was a bit unnerving like she could see through into me and I shifted slightly. I continued to stare into her eyes, willing her to speak again, I would give anything to hear her say my name again, but she looked away and turned back around to the paper. At that moment my stomach growled softly and I remembered why I was headed in this direction when an idea formed in my head that could keep me in her presence a little longer.

I wasn't sure if she would agree, but I figured to just go ahead and give it a shot. "I'm just heading over to the union to pick up something to eat." I paused for just a moment to control myself. "If you haven't already eaten, you could join me if you like." I silently prayed that she would say yes.

She slowly turned around again and I tried to control my desire to have her. "Oh. Thank you for the offer, Dr. Cullen, I-" then an annoying car horn sounded that cut her off, she looked over at the vehicle and I followed her gaze. A young man was behind the steering wheel and waving at her. I knew someone like her would not be available, it was too good to be true and what she said next confirmed what I already knew she would say. "I'm sorry, I would like to, but I sort of already had plans for lunch."

Life simply was not fair for me, yes I came from a family that was well off and I had a job that most would say is fulfilling. But I was never lucky enough to find complete happiness that came from companionship. And Bella being unavailable proved it to me. I felt the pain of loneliness I had grown accustomed to but I tried my best to cover it up by giving a smile that lied.

"That's fine. Maybe some other time then. I'm sure with all the work we'll be doing together, there will be other opportunities." If I were only so lucky.

She gave a slight nod to my statement as she got up and gathered her things.

"Enjoy your lunch Ms. Swan."

"You too, Dr. Cullen." She bowed her head in a goodbye and walked to the man that was standing in front of his vehicle. He looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn't make him out fully due to the distance he was at. When she reached him my heart broke when she embraced him in a hug. I lost my appetite then and turned to walk a bit more campus, get my mind off of her. But I knew it would be of no use. I hung my head in defeat and pulled out my cell phone as soon as I was behind Hammond hall again and call Dr. Liam.

Sunday I met with Dr. Liam and he wrote me my prescription for Klonopin. He wanted me to take the next week to ease off the Xanax and then start my new medication. He informed me that he would be sending in my monthly report to my case worker, Mrs. Garrett, so to be prepared if she called me about his report. When the session ended, I made my way to my parent's estate, like I promised. Again my mother was ecstatic to have me and we spent two hours talking about my father returning to teach and more on their trip in October. When I left my parents, I made a stop at my pharmacy to have my prescription filled and then made the drive back to my townhouse. I passed Millennium Park and saw the art fair Bella had mentioned. I debated whether or not to stop and look around, maybe she would still be there. But I thought I better not, because I didn't want to look like a stalker, which I felt would not be the best thing. I reasoned that I would see her enough at the university and besides, she was already seeing someone.

The last week before classes started was full of more meetings, lesson plans, research meeting on Wednesday and waiting on the delivery of the new EEG machine I ordered. When it arrived after the meeting, Angela was as happy as a child on Christmas morning. She was in hyperactive mode and was looking for her first test subject to break it in. Although I had my share of being an EEG test subject, I didn't want to have a head full of the electrode gel for the day, so I excused myself and left Ben to assist.

Friday morning I had to leave to New York briefly for a conference, and for the first time in a while, I was not speaking. I sat for two days in lecture halls around Columbia University and in the evening would meet up with my soon-to-be sister-law for dinner. My oaf of a brother was out of town, again, and Rosalie was left to her own devises of wedding planning and also looking for an interior designer for their new loft in Manhattan. Her heart was set on getting some woman named Marian Brandon, but it was close to impossible to hire her since she was in such demand, especially with famous clients. I tried to pay attention with everything she said, but I found it difficult when my mind would start to wonder about my first class on Monday morning, knowing Bella would be there.

I caught an early morning flight to Chicago Sunday and made it to my appointment with Dr. Liam. We discussed his suggestion of hypnotherapy sessions soon. I had tried those when I first started therapy and in the early session with Dr. Liam, but they seemed pointless to me. However, with the change in my prescription, I was beginning to see that there may be a change happening and agreed that we would eventually try soon.

After lunch with my parents, I drove straight home to relax for my last evening before the official start of the school year. I opened up my laptop and went over my lecture notes for tomorrow. I sent a copy to Bella so she could have them as well. She probably hadn't had a chance to read the text yet, so the notes would probably be of some help.

I decided to go to bed early figuring the sooner I fell asleep, the sooner tomorrow would arrive. After another night of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep I was becoming happily used to, I woke up and quickly dressed and made it to my office in record time. I organized my syllabi for my classes and went off to the copy room on the second level. Twenty minutes after I handed my copy request to the pimply faced undergrad behind the desk, I headed back to my office to waste the last hour before the class started.

I stood in front of my office window and watched the students walking across the campus. Faces new and old walked by and I thought about the future teachers, doctors, political advisors and journalists that would come from this lot. Something about being one of those persons to help them reach their dream job always left me feeling that maybe this life I was living did have some purpose, no matter how painful the rest of it was for me. This is why I am still here, still educating and not locking myself away from the world. If it wasn't for my position here, I would be a total recluse, holed up, in my townhouse, wasting away my trust fund by avoiding as much human contact as possible.

The annoying chirping from the trees outside broke me from my thoughts. The fluffy yellow and black hooded warbler had always annoyed me since I first attended the university when I was just a lowly freshman. In my introduction to biology that first semester I remember us covering the study of birds, or ornithology. My professor at the time was an avid enthusiast and spent a good portion of her lectures on the subject telling us about the species that were around the state. Her favorite was the Hooded Warbler, and ever since that lecture, I noticed them around the campus. Their chirping I found to be rather annoying, and the ones on campus were so used to being around us humans that they never shied from displaying their feats of flight.

I watched the annoying yellow creature for a little while and then glanced at my watch. My class started in fifteen minutes. I sighed and packed up my briefcase to head to lecture hall B. It was the largest one in the building and I needed it because my class roster was full to capacity this year. I never understood why my course was so popular, but I hoped that it was because these students were interested in helping others in the future.

When I reached the hall, it was already halfway full. But I paid no attention to the faces of my students, because all I saw was Bella Swan sitting in the front row by the window. Her hand delicately under her chin and gazing to the trees outside. A small smile stretched across her face and I wanted to know what cased that. I walked over to her and stood in front of her, following her line of sight and saw her watching another Warbler dancing around for her. My previous annoyance for this bird evaporated and was replaced with appreciation, because anything that made this woman smile deserved it. I watched with her for a little while before I spoke to her and told her about the little guy. I even called him cute. We spoke for a little while. She shocked me when she told me she read the entire text in a week. I was impressed and I told her so. I, myself, could probably not even pull off that feat, especially since I now required ridiculous reading glass for any long periods of reading. I hated growing old.

I would have talked to her all through the class hour, but I had a job to do and needed to begin my class. When I reached the podium I took in the full capacity hall. I have spoken to larger numbers of people before, but still, I hated to speak to any size crowd. I closed my eyes for a moment and drifted to my new place of serenity. I imagined Bella standing in a field of lilacs and sunflowers, wearing a satin dress of dark blue that hugged her frame as if it were molded to her body. Her hand would run through the flower as she smiled in the rays of the sun. Her long flowing hair gently blowing in the wind and the look in her eyes telling me that I was the only one in the world for her.

When I opened my eyes, I felt calm and confident to begin, and even more content because even though my eyes were open, she hadn't disappeared, she was sitting there in front of me. I started talking about the syllabus, it was the same thing most students heard on their first day. The breakdown of grades, schedule of exams and papers, topics cover, plagiarism code of conduct and so forth. I started to talk about Bella's position when I heard an outburst of a small laugh that caused me to stop. Bella's eyes were wide in shock at herself and I knew she was covering it up with some sort of fake cough. It was another thing about her I liked. She was starting to always surprise me in little ways and I chuckled at how adorable she was.

I had Bella assist me with handing out the syllabus and after each student had a copy I began my lecture. I never believed in waiting until the second day like most of my peers, I felt that you come to college to learn and that means you will learn on the first day. Get your money's worth as they say. I could tell that many of my students were not so interested in the early history of the subject, but it was material I would include in my exams so they would need to learn it. Every once in a while as I spoke out to them, I would look over to Bella and see her watching me with rapt attention. I do admit I tried my best to show off my knowledge, smiling every so often, being a cocky intelligent bastard was probably more like it, but I wanted to impress her, like she impressed me.

When the class ended I placed my lecture notes back into my case and waited for the students to leave, I expected Bella to join them, but she just sat in her chair looking over at me for a while, but my attention was diverted when a group of students approached me.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen?" a high pitch voice purred to me.

A young woman with strawberry blonde hair stepped up to and tucked a piece behind her ear.

"Um. Yes, Miss?"

"Denali, Tanya Denali. I'm a junior here in the Psychology department and I just have to say, I am so excited to finally be taking this course. I've heard nothing but wonderful thing about you." It looked like she had something in her eye because she was certainly blinking a lot.

"Well I certainly hope you like the subject matter. Did you have a question about something?" I was curious as to why she approached me, there shouldn't be any questions on the first day, but if a student needed help, I would try to assist.

"Yes, I was curious if you happened to offer one-on-one tutoring sessions?" Tanya bit her lip and looked up at me in a way I recognized. This was not good. She was an attractive young lady, but I was not going to lose my job over a hormonal co-ed throwing themselves at me and then possibly calling a sexual harassment case.

"No, Miss Denali, I do not offer individual tutoring sessions. If you do require extra assistance you can contact Ms. Swan and set up an appointment. She will be more than happy to accommodate you." The look of hurt was evident on her face, but I knew that this would not be the last time this sort of situation would occur with her. I would need to be careful and I saw the look of determination on her face as she walked out to the hall.

Other students asked me questions, thankfully they focused on my field of concentration and some asking me about when they could have the opportunity to apply for next year's research team. Finally the hall was deserted and the only other person besides me that was left was my goddess of a teaching assistant.

I could hear Warby chirping outside my office bringing me out of my memories and instead of the grimace I usually held, I smiled and thought if it were at all possible to train one of those birds to sing I want hold your hand .

The rest of that first day I spent answering email correspondents with my peers and looking over the schedule of conferences that I had until December. I caught a late lunch with the Cheney's and then returned to finish my notes for my Abnormal Psychology courses I had on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I usually preferred this course although it was sometimes personally difficult when I touched on certain topics, but the class was often smaller in size, and the students were usually seniors that were serious about their majors. However after Tuesday, I found the developmental class far more enjoyable this year.

When the afternoon abnormal class ended I set myself up in my office for my office hours. I didn't expect any students, being it was the beginning of the first week and I had yet to assign any work, but I had to be there just in case.

I was packing up for the day around five, when someone knocked on my door that was already open. It was Carlisle. His first class back from his "retirement" must have just finished.

"Evening Professor." I joked. "How was your first class back?"

"It was as to be expected." I smiled at him because I knew he was looking forward to it. Carlisle loved working with the Master's students.

"How many victims do you have this semester? Share the goods, old man." He laughed heartedly as he took a seat.

"I don't know about victims, Edward, but I have five very talented and intelligent students. I don't think I could have asked for a better first day."

"Oh yeah, that's wonderful. I think this is good for you. I know you loved your free time, but I think having you back suits you." He nodded and I could see the twinkle in his eye that I haven't seen in some time.

"I agree, I'm grateful for everything that's happened in the last few months, not just for me, but for our family. I think it's been a long time since we've been so lucky."

"Don't get all emotional on me now professor."

"Emotional? Me? I laugh at the thought. No, but really Edward, things are going well us. How was your first few classes? Ms. Swan tells me she is already enjoying being your TA. I hope you haven't already given her a ton of work yet. I mean it's just the first week."

Several thoughts suddenly ran through my mind. When did he speak to Bella? She likes my course? Is she already bombarded with a lot of work? Maybe I should call her in to see if she needs any help.

"Ms. Swan? You spoke with her?" I asked. I tried my best to not sound concerned.

"Yes, she is one of my students. She came up to talk with me after class. Fascinating young woman. Her mind goes a mile a minute, and she has such a passion for the field. I think you made the perfect decision selecting her. She's got a lot of untapped potential and we'll probably be reading journals from her in the future."

"Oh, well, yes." I cleared my throat. Having my father talk about her was making it hard to not dwell on the fact that I was quickly becoming completely wrapped up in her. "She did have the best application of the bunch." I looked down and fidgeted with a stack of papers, tapping them on the top of my desk and then putting them away in my file drawer. I wasn't sure what they were exactly, but I needed to do something to occupy me with so I wouldn't ask my father more about what they talked about.

I looked up at the sound of my father's voice. "Hmmm, interesting." He was leaning back against his chair, legs crossed with an amused look on his face.

"Um, what's interesting?" Crap. What did I do?

"It's nothing I'm sure." That was obviously a lie, but I didn't want to push it. "So, when is you next research meeting? I heard you already received a new EEG machine. Has Angela already broken it in, or will I be so lucky to get a crack at it?" I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but Angela was practically chomping at the bit when it came in, I don't even think is was fully set up before she started connecting Ben up to it. You snooze you lose old man."

"I'm not that old, Edward. Quit making me sound like that. Cripes, I don't even have grandchildren yet. Once you start giving me a few of those, maybe I'll allow you calling me old." He shot me a wink but at the mention of grandchildren I immediately imagined a small baby girl, with my bronze hair wrapped in a soft pink blanket, held in my arms and cooing at me as I looked into a set of small familiar chocolate eyes and rosy cheeks.

I closed my eyes hard and leaned forward to my desk, crushing my lids with the palms of my hands and wished that image away. That was something I would never have, especially since I knew the woman whose eyes matched those of the imaginary baby's was already someone else's.

"Edward? Are you alright?" My father stood and rounded my desk. He rubbed my shoulders to calm me down since my breathing was starting to become erratic.

"Breathe. Edward, take a deep breath in." I tried my best but it hurt. Not the same hurt I was used to in the past. This pain was something I never wanted to feel again, to feel alone, and to feel my future would always be that way. I would never have my own child and I would never find a love again. This was worse than all my panic attacks combined. I heard the sound of my door closing and I felt the pressure of my father rubbing my back. Something similar to what he and my mother would do when I was upset as a small child. I couldn't take it anymore.

I started to cry. I cried for the last ten years of my own personal hell. I cried my Irina. I cried that I was still alive and she wasn't. I cried for many things. For her family who lost her. For my own when they lost me to my guilt. For the things I said to my brother, my mother and to Carlisle. For thinking about joining Irina. The year I was helpless in my rehabilitation. The friends I lost. The loss of future I had planned for. For everything. And what hurt now most of all was that even though I had lost so much, my father still had faith that I would still find love and have a family of my own.

It seemed like I had been there crying my eyes out in my office for hours. He never left my side, never stopped reassuring me that it was ok, that he was there and would always be. Finally the tears started to subside and my breathing was calming down. My body still shook but it was relaxing more.

"Edward, I'm taking you home alright? I'm going to call you mother and have her set up your old room. I don't want you to be on your own tonight. Do you understand." I said nothing, my voice was stuck in my throat, so I nodded my head once.

"Ok, I have to run to my office to get my things, so I'm going to have to leave for just a moment. Are you going to be fine to stay here until I get back?" His voice was soft as he spoke, like it was when I used to run into my parent's bedroom at night when I was afraid of the dark as a child.

"I'll be fine." My voice cracked.

"Two minutes." Was all he said and he ran out the door and shut it behind him.

I opened my eyes and the room was burry with my tears still in my eyes. I wiped away the wetness from my face and turned off my computer and slowly packed up my case. I took a tissue from my desk and patted the corners of my eyes. Thankful the sun had already set and darkness had covered the campus which meant the building would practically be empty for the day so no one would see me like this. I looked at the clock, it was a little after seven. I had been crying for well over an hour. I hadn't done that in quite some time.

Soon my father returned and I walked over to him as he waited for me in the doorway. When I reached him I looked at his face and saw the fear her had for me in his eyes.

"Let's go home son." Was all he said as he held me by the shoulders and walked slowly with me to his car.

The car ride was silent. As soon Carlisle started it, he shut off the radio. The only sound the filled the vehicle was the hum of the Mercedes and my sniffling. I leaned my head against the window and watched the faces of the normal people of the street smile and laugh as they went on with their lives because their lives were perfect.

We pulled up the drive to my parent's estate and I saw my mother exit the house as soon as the headlights of my father's car shone through the windows. Before the engine was cut, my door was opened and my mother was helping me out of the vehicle.

"It's ok baby. You're home. Your father and I are here and we love you sweetheart. It's going to be fine. Do you want something to eat. Are you hungry?" She walked me through the entry of my childhood home and sat me on one of the couches in the living area. My mother removed my tie and forced the blazer I was wearing off my shoulders as I just sat there. Someone took off my shoes and I felt some remaining tears fall across my cheeks. When my mother's arms wrapped around me, I was back to being five years old again and being comforted by the one woman who had loved me my entire life. I leaned into her and rested my head on her lap like I used to growing up. She kissed my temple and rubbed small circles on my back.

"I love you honey. It's going to fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. I love you too." I felt a tear drop fall on my face that came from my mother. I knew she was scared, but she would never leave me.

"I'm going to call Dr. Liam. I'll be back in just a moment. How is he?" My father's voice cut through the tension in the room.

"He's fine. When you finish, can you ask Maria to prepare some warm tapioca pudding and chocolate milk."

"Of course." His retreating footsteps walked down the hall and I heard him shut the door to his study.

My eyes were sore from crying but I knew I was calming down. The pain was slowly going away with each minute my mother held me and I could finally breathe. I started to lift myself up off my mother's lap and ran the back of my hand over my eyes to dry them again.

When I was finally upright, my mother continued to rub my back in small circles. Her eyes were red from her own tears. I leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Thank you mom. Thank you for being here. For everything." She held me close in a hug.

"You are so important to us Edward. We would do anything for you. Are you feeling better?" She released me and I sat back against the couch.

"Much."

"Do you want to come with me to the kitchen for something to eat?" I nodded my head. "Come on honey, let's go then." She took my hand and I got up off the couch and we made it to the kitchen where there was a chair next to the kitchen island and a dish of tapioca and a tall glass of chocolate milk which was always my favorite desert whenever I need to be comforted. My mother led me to the chair and when I sat down she handed me a spoon and kissed my head again.

When I started to eat my father came in and took my mother's hand and brought her into a hug. I did my best not to watch. I hated them being so afraid for me. They stood together and against the granite counter as I finished my desert.

My father broke the silence. "Are you going to be able make you Developmental course tomorrow?"

"Yes, I think I can. Could I borrow a suit in the morning?" I was thankful my father and I basically had the same build. My bother could never share clothes, otherwise he would look like the incredible hulk shredding my father's dress shirts.

"Of course, I will have them set out in your bathroom before I go to bed."

"Thank you. What did Dr. Liam have to say?" I finished off my glass of milk.

"He would like you to come in tomorrow afternoon, you'll need to miss your team meeting. If you like I could go for you. "

"Ok, I would really appreciate that dad. I know you are already familiar with most of the research, just let me know how it goes and if any of the team members have questions."

It was quiet in the kitchen as I sat there, being watched over by my parents waiting for me to go off like a time bomb.

"Sweetheart, can you tell us what happened?" I saw Carlisle try to stop her from asking, but I figured it was time to finally open up. I was tired of keeping them out and I needed them as my life support. The events of tonight were an accumulation of the last decade.

"It's ok, I'm ready to talk about it. I need to let you two know everything. I don't think I can say everything, it will probably take me awhile. I will talk about what happened tonight, but I'm not ready to talk about the incident just yet, but I will soon." My father held my mother close to his chest as more tears fell from her eyes.

I looked up at my father and my mother and saw the love and understanding they had for me. Seeing that put me at ease as I told them about Carlisle talking about grandchildren that I could have one day, and how his hope triggered my episode. How I thought about Irina and her parents. How I thought that I should meet with them soon because I needed to.

I also apologized to my parents for the things I said to them in the past, and for the pain I caused them when I had tried to take my own life and the hurt for cutting them off and distancing myself. I reassured them that I would never do something like that again. I told them I planned to speak to Emmett and apologize as well, it was long overdue.

When I finished my mother gave me a final hug before excusing herself to go turn down my bed and told me to sleep well.

After she left the kitchen, my father and I stayed back. I stood up and took my dishes to the sink to rinse them out. As I started the tap, my father walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder and I soaped up a sponge to clean with.

"I need to ask you something I think is important, and I want you to tell me if you don't want to talk about it."

I was somewhat worried what my father wanted to know.

"Earlier in your office, I noticed something when we were talking before… before we came home. Something I think might be the reason for some changes your mother and I have noticed in the last few weeks. I have my own suspicions, and I promise I will not say anything about this, not even your mother, but I would very much like to know." My father was never one to beat around the bush about something. My heart was pounding as to what exactly he was going to ask me.

"Dad, what is it? Please, just ask me, because you are making me very anxious." I turned off the water and turned to look at him.

His eyes darter side to side as he looked at me, as if he was mentally testing the waters of my nerves.

"What I want to know is…" he paused and swallowed hard. "I want to know are you in love with Bella Swan?"

Am I in love with her. I don't even know her. We've only spoken a total of five times.

I looked back to the sink and the dishes I had just washed as I took in the question my father posed to me.

How can you love a person in such a little amount of time. It just can't be possible, can it? I mean she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I called her an angel and a goddess that night of my parent's dinner. She is fascinating and unusual in a good way. She draws me in with every small movement she makes, every sound, laugh, smile. I dream of her every night, I visualize her in my place of serenity. It's the first time I look forward to my developmental psychology course because of her. Every time I touch her I feel a force pushing us together, like magnets. When she is away I feel empty, hollow, and scared. I see me holding a child we could have together. Since the first moment I saw her, my life had been consumed with her.

I knew the answer to his question. Although I thought it was too soon to admit it, and I would never be able to be hers, I was absolutely certain.

"Yes. I'm in love with her. Completely and undeniably." I hung my head and dropped the sponge I had been holding.

My father dropped his hand of my shoulder and leaned against the counter. "I thought so. For how long?"

I answered instantly.

"Since the dinner party."

It was really difficult for me to write about Edwards breakdown in this chapter. It felt so real to me, that I started to feel his pain and his heartache. What he experienced is something no one should ever have to go through. I love Carlisle in this chapter, and the love that he and Esme show made me cry all the more.

Reader Questions

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The next chapter is Bella's POV. Also a hint as to what it might include.... let's just say September 13th is fast approaching.