A/N: Hey everyone, so so so sorry this is so late at being update. I was busy with the twi-tour conference, which I suggest you should go to if you are a twilight fan. I met Chaske Spencer and I now am Team Sam, told Chaske that too. Anyways, I do appologize and will try to update more often.
This is a big chapter, with a surprise POV thrown in. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
"Yes. I'm in love with her. Completely and undeniably." I hung my head and dropped the sponge I had been holding.
My father dropped his hand of my shoulder and leaned against the counter. "I thought so. For how long?"
I answered instantly.
"Since the dinner party."
Chapter 19
EPOV
I let out a loud sigh and closed my eyes, feeling my father's gaze still on me.
"There's nothing I can do about it though. She's seeing someone." My heart broke even more as I said it out loud.
"Edward, go pour us some drinks and meet me out side, okay?" My father pushed himself away from the counter and headed out to the hallway.
I quickly rung out the wet sponge I dropped, returning it to the its holder and then walked into the living room to put on my shoes. Once they were on I walked over to the small bar set in the corner and poured my father and I two fingers of scotch from the new bottle in the front. I stood there for a moment once I recapped the bottle and let my thoughts take over again before my father's voice broke through.
"Are you coming?"
"Yes." I answered and picked up the glasses, walking over to the front door where he stood, holding the door open.
I handed him a glass and her quietly thanked me. When I reached the end of the concrete entrance I sat myself on a small step, where he followed suit.
We sat there for a moment as I took a sip, staring out onto the property. I always loved my parent's home; it was elegant and always reminded me of the types of homes from the Austen novels my mother would read to me as a young boy.
My father let out a soft cough to get my attention and held out my mother's silver cigarette case, offering me one. I raised my eyebrows at him.
"You knew she hid these?" I picked up a cigarette and took the lighter he handed to me and lit the end, inhaling deeply.
"Who do you think gave her the case son?" He took one for himself and lit it as well. I laughed to myself, shaking my head as I exhaled. Figures, they never had secrets from each other. Which means he would tell her that…
"Um, dad?" I quickly asked.
"Yes, what is it Edward?" He sipped his glass slowly. Running his tongue over his lips to catch any remaining alcohol that coated it.
"Could you not tell mom about what I said about Bella? I know you tell each other everything, but right now I just want this to be between us." I had just come to this conclusion myself, and I didn't want anyone else to pity me, even if it was my mother.
"I will try my best." He promised me.
We were quiet once again, just sitting there drinking and smoking. Once my father extinguished his, he placed his hand on my shoulder again.
"Son, I'm sorry for earlier. If I had known what I said would have brought up what happened, I wouldn't have said it."
I leaned over my knees and nodded my head slowly. "It's ok. I really didn't know that would happen. I think it has just been rather confusing for me lately." I took a final drag of my cigarette and crushed it onto a nearby rock to put it out.
"I know it's not my place, Edward, but I want to ask you to do a favor for me." I looked up at my father as he removed his hand from me and gripped his glass of scotch while looking up into the night sky.
For some reason my pulse started to pound. I wasn't sure what he would ask me. I was hoping that it wouldn't be going back to the hospital. I wasn't going to do anything to hurt myself or my family. It was wrong of me to do so in the past and after my attempt then I swore I would never do it again. I could never wish that on my mother most of all.
"Um, sure, but you are kind of making me nervous dad." I turned back to stare at my now empty glass.
"Don't be, it really is nothing serious. It's just I know you meet with Ms. Swan-"
"Bella." I interjected.
"Hmm, right, I know you will meet with Bella to mentor her with her master's program, but I would like you to hold off on discussing her thesis idea for a while."
"What do you mean? Did she tell you what she wants to write on?" I was confused. Part of my role as Bella's mentor was to review her thesis, provide input and constructive criticism. I was dying to see what her brilliant mind found fascinating and to be there for her, encouraging along the way.
"Yes, she told me after class today." He took a long swig, draining his glass and set it down on the ground. He then brought his hands together and intertwined them, staring intently as he flexed them. "I think it would be best for you to not bring it up for a while though. If she tries to brings it up in your first few meetings, just ask her to write up a few proposal ideas. I would like you to have a few sessions with Dr. Liam before you talk with her about it. Is that alright?"
I trusted my father enough to know that he had my best interest in mind, but I was upset at the same time that he would tell me not to uphold my role as a mentor. I was silent as I thought it over, but I knew my father and he was someone I trusted so I agreed that I would wait. Whatever her focus on for her thesis was probably not going to sit well with me especially in my recent state of mind. I would meet with Dr. Liam tomorrow and continue my Sunday sessions with him. I told myself that a month should be enough time before talking with her about it. I'm sure it wasn't too bad, but I promised my father, and I would not be proud of myself for breaking it.
When we went back into the house, my father replaced my mother's "secret" stash and I followed him up the stairs to my old room. My mother had already laid out a suit for me that was on top of my old desk chair along. I hugged my father good night and thanked him for everything before he retreated to my parent's room at the end of the hall.
Once I stripped down to my boxers and my under shirt, I tried my best to fall asleep. I was restless and around midnight I finally gave up on my attempts and went to my adjoining bathroom to find a Tylenol PM, in hopes to aide me into slumber. When I opened the cabinet I realized it was virtually empty, except for a toothbrush and toothpaste. I thought that was unusual, but shrugged it off. I brushed my teeth vigorously and then washed my face in the running water. When I dried myself off, I was still awake and even farther away from sleep than before. My mind was swimming with many thoughts of my family, Irina, but more so Bella. I sat on the edge of my bed next to my bedside table, waiting for me to become tired.
I watched the minutes slowly pass on the digital clock, the glowing green numbers being the only light illuminating the room. After the time read 12:20, I gave up on trying to fall asleep and decided to try and possibly find a book to fall asleep to. Once I was out of my room, my feet had a mind of their own and instead of heading on the direction of the library, I found myself ascending to the third floor and then my hand was on the doorknob of a room I hadn't entered in ten years.
I don't know what drew me there, but before I could comprehend, I was opening the door and making my way to the bench in front of my old Steinway. I stood behind the bench and stared at the black lacquer concert piano reliving all my memories here. I ran my hand over the birch wood that protected the ivory keys my fingers would caress so many years ago. Concerts for my family and friends at our holiday parties when I was young were embedded into my dear musical friend.
I closed my eyes as I lifted key bed cover and was flooded with the images of the compositions I had loving learned and created in this spot. I ran my hand lightly of the cool keys and inhaled deeply, trying to focus. Since the incident I had lost all interest in my first love. I knew how much it broke my mother's heart that I no longer played, but I had lost all my love and desire when I lost Irina. I felt guilty for it and at the time I didn't know why I stopped, but standing in front of the piano I realized I was punishing myself, along with punishing my family. I felt a single tear fall from my right eye as my hands stopped around middle C where the tear landed between my index and middle finger.
I removed my touch and pulled out the bench, slightly screeching in protest against the hard wood floor. As I sat in the bench I took everything in. The music room was dark and the full moon outside was glowing in the window, a single beam of light perfectly directed at the keys.
I positioned my hands and slowly started to play scales while pressing the softening foot pedal so not to disturb others in the house. As I finished playing the E scale I let the sound of the cords reverberate in the room and it echoed through my body. When everything quieted I waited staring at the keys once more. I took in a deep breath then and I immediately began to play the song I had written for my mother when I was in high school.
I was light and slow in the beginning, reflecting how kind and gentle she was as I grew up from infant to a terrible toddler. Transitioning to a more staccato melody depicting times where we did not agree on the same things as most children do with their parents during their adolescent youth and then finishing back to a soft melody that faded to finish that represent that even with difficult time, her love was always there to comfort and guide me. When I finished I thought back to earlier that night and realized how true that was. She was there comforting me and showing me how I was loved, pulling me from the darkness I put myself in and helping me to breathe. Encouraging me that I was strong and I would get through this.
Again I sat there in the silence of the room, my fingers still hovering when I began the next song. It was her song, the song I wrote our sophomore year at the university in honor of our one year anniversary of dating. Irina had heard me play one day and asked that I write something for her. She never begged, but would occasionally hint that she would love for a song to call her own. One weekend I finally heard the tune in my mind and wrote it out and as a surprise when it was finished, I played it for her at the little restaurant we had gone to on our first date. It was fast with a jazz beat, the way she made my heart race when she would walk into the room or take my hand into hers. The song was her as she swayed with her walk and smiled when she laughed. The times she would playfully swat my arms when she was annoyed or the times she hugged me as she cried after a bad day, it was all her. As I played on I remembered the Christmas we spent with both our parents, midnight drives to pick up fast food when we had late night munchies and all the other moments of happiness we had shared in our short time together. I was lucky to have had her in my life even if she was so brutally taken away from me, but I knew she would always be a part of me even now.
The song ended and my hands fell from the keys into my lap and my head bent to where my chin met my chest.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It should have been me." I whispered to the shadows. "I miss you so much, and I still love you. It's not fair that you aren't here." Tears fell once more from my eyes, ruining my shirt.
"I – I don't know what to do. I still love you, but I know you know how I feel about Bella. I love her too." It was wrong that I felt this way. I felt guilty for it but it doesn't make my feelings go away. "I shouldn't though because she's not you. I just… I just wish you were here, or that there was some way to know what I am supposed to do." My voice slightly cracked near the end of my prayer to her.
I could hear the sounds of the house settling and the wind outside the window as the tears started to dry. I dried them further with the palm of my hands. When I finally opened my eyes the room was much brighter than before, the moon shifting in its orbit and creating a glow around the piano in its light. It was then in that moment that I saw the notes. Notes to a new song, notes that were showing me the next chapter of my life. I saw them there; in front of as if they were clearly written on composition paper. It was a song. It was soft with a slow entrance where the main melody came in like soft ringing bells. The chiming of them rang as though they were talking, sparse at first, but becoming slightly quicker. It was feminine and mild, like a young girl, scared and alone for the first time. She was talking to someone, a stranger in their own right, and getting to know them. Timid to speak of much to begin with, but over time they would listen to each other and open up. All their fears and hurt of the past shedding with time. Tears of sadness turning into tears of joy as the girl and the other continued. It was a story of an acquaintanceship changing to friendship, and then that friendship evolving to something more, something of trust and comfort and eventually a union of love. It reached the crescendo when the two finally become one, and the young girl was no longer a girl, she was a woman, strong and brave and made better with her other half. As the piece concluded, the music grew softer and tender, blanketing the two in love that was pure and true, and with the final cord the love exuded hung in the air and it was beautiful to me.
I was afraid to remove my fingers from the keys for fear that I would no longer see the music, but I was becoming overwhelmed with exhaustion. It was just as fate would have it that after playing one of the most precious and beautiful pieces I had ever played, I would finally find sleep. I reluctantly stood up from the bench and moved to close the lid. The notes still remained in my mind, and I heard the music over and over as slowly walked out of the room and retreated down the stairs to my room. It was close to 2am now and I was quickly succumbing to sleep. As I slid between the sheets I stared up at the ceiling where the last light from the moon remained and closed my eyes.
I knew what had happened was a gift, and even though I did not understand the meaning of it yet, I knew it was special and important.
"Thank you Irina. I love you too." I sighed one final time and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
Esme POV
Once I had left my boys in the kitchen, I quickly made my way up the stairs and to the closet of the master suite. Even though Edward was still skinnier than usual, it was nice to know that Carlisle's clothes would fit him still. I shudder to think how my other son would appear in his father's clothes. The mental image of Emmett bulging in one of the suits would be a sight to be seen.
I finally found a decent suit, it would still be lose on Edward, but it would do for the time being. Picking a tie on my way out, I walked the hall to his old room. Once I flipped on the light all the memories of the evening flooded through my mind as I placed the suit on his desk chair. I looked at the pictures of him and his bother on one of the shelves and remembered seeing the scared little boy in my arms tonight. He was so broken and my heart cried to see my boy tortured. A mother should never have to see her adult son in such a state. It is one of the most frightening sights to see him close to losing all sense of reality.
I never thought I would see the fear and heartache I saw like that night we had found him laying on the floor in the bathroom, when he had given up on everything then. He lost his passions, he cut himself off from everyone and he lost his love. I had been so mad that my baby boy would experience so much loss and pain in his life. I had stopped going to church for several months, turning my back on my faith because I had believed that no God would allow this to happen to someone as wonderful as my Edward.
Carlisle and I had noticed a change in him over the last few weeks though. Sure there had been improvements prior to now, but nothing as drastic as it had been recently. I noticed the smiles shortly after the department dinner, and nothing warmed my heart to have him over for Sunday lunch that weekend. It seemed like God was finally answering my prayers I had been sending for the last decade, until tonight when I was afraid Edwards's world was crumbling once again.
When I received that call from Carlisle telling me Edward was having a panic attack and he was bringing him here, my heart stopped and the tears started to surface immediately. I knew he still had his episodes, but for Carlisle to bring him here meant he was afraid of the worst possible outcome, and so was I.
Carlisle and Edward were still downstairs as I went to turn down Edwards's bed. Once I smoothed out the sheets I looked up and saw the door to his adjoining bathroom. I knew he had promised us he would never try anything again, but after holding my son for an hour as he cried tears of pain, I didn't want to take any chances.
I flicked on the light to the bathroom and took the hand towels out of their decorative holding basket and placed them on the counter. Opening the medicine cabinet I quickly took every medicine bottle out, including the Tylenol. The razors were gone, so were the cough medicines and the mouthwash. I did the same to the cabinets under the sink, removing the cleaning supplies as well. When I was finished all that was left was a brand new toothbrush and a tube of tooth paste. I felt tears in my eyes as I left the bathroom and turned off the light.
I could hear the footsteps of my two men echoing downstairs as I marched myself and the "basket of fear" I named it to the master suite and shut the door behind me so I could hide it under the bed. When I felt that it was secured away, I changed into my night gown and made quick work of my evening regiment for bed. I finished and slid myself between the sheets as I waited for my love to join me in slumber.
A few moments into some reading from my new romance novel, Carlisle entered our room looking as grave as he did when he arrived tonight. He looked up at me and we silently communicated that tonight was just as painful as those nights after Edward's incident. Carlisle gave me a quick nod to me and went into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. He emerged soon after and I closed my book for the evening and turned off my bed stand light as he joined me in our bed.
"Is he going to be fine?" I turned to embrace my love and clung to him tightly.
He placed a sweet kiss on my crown and let out a sigh, "I hope so. Dr. Liam is bringing in Edward's case worker for their session tomorrow and told me that we need to watch him carefully for a while. I don't think he will do anything to himself, but we can never be sure. Did you give him a suit and remove any possible …. aides?" He was barely able to say the last bit.
I swallowed deeply back the sob in my throat. "Yes, all the medicines, razors and cleaning supplies are under the bed." The tears I tried to hold at bay escaped my efforts then. "Carlisle, I don't want our baby to be sad. I want my Edward back. For the last two weeks I thought he was coming back, but after tonight… I'm scared. I can't let anything happen to him. No. I won't let anything happen to my baby boy."
He clung to me tighter and whispered into my hair, "I know my love, I know. We'll be here for him and I will watch him at the University." Another kiss was felt on my head.
"What did you two talk about after I left?" I lessened my hold on him and tried to rest my head on my pillow as he removed his glasses and placed them on his nightstand.
"Nothing of great concern for now, just work and such. You should go to sleep, love. Today was an emotional day for all of us." He turned off light and sank further between the sheets. "I love you, my wife." He gave me a final kiss good night.
"I love you, my strength." And we held each other until we could find sleep.
I tossed and turned for some time until I woke myself up a few hours later. I looked the alarm clock in our room as it glowed and it was just after midnight. Unable to stay in bed any longer, I rose and made my way to my secret stress reliever hiding place. I padded lightly down the stairs to the vase on the runner table in the hall near our coat closet where I hid the silver case Carlisle gave me and my father's lighter. I pulled them out, opening the case and noticed two cigarettes were missing.
"That silly man." I whispered. I should have known Carlisle helped himself to at least one, and Edward was probably the other thief. I had always known he and Emmett used to sneak out behind the old green house after helping themselves to my stash, but I always told myself, boys will be boys. It was a filthy habit, but I always turned to it when I was in times of great stress, such as tonight.
Just as I was about to take a stick out, I heard the sound of someone leaving their room. Their feet were light but still had a slight drag to their cadence. I instantly recognized it as my son's. I quickly replaced the holder and lighter and walked back up the stairs to find him. I passed by Edward's room and his door was ajar. I made a quick look inside to see that his bed sheets were practically thrown off completely and in tangles.
The sound of him continuing up the second set of stairs to the third level drew me out of the room and I followed quietly. I heard him open a door and I picked up my pace slightly, wanting to see where he was headed to. As I reached the last few steps, I caught a glimpse of the music room door shutting quietly.
I slowed my walk again and reached the door separating me and the room that my son had not entered in over nine years. The last time he had been there we nearly lost all the instruments we had collected over the years, and much of the music there had been destroyed. The result of one of the many hellish nights after taking Edward home from the hospital.
I stood by the door now, my head resting against it, waiting for the sounds of his fury to resurface once again. I took a deep breath and held on to the brass doorknob, anticipating my next move. My own anxiety was growing as I stood there. The shuffling of footsteps on the other side caused me to worry that I might not be able to do this on my own.
My held breath escaped me then at the sound of scales being played softly on the other side. I still held the door but my body relaxed infinitesimally. Several scales were played until they came to a stop.
This is when the anger will come. I told myself, but it didn't. Tonight something had changed in Edward and I knew once he started to play the song he wrote for me when he was in high school. There was a chair next to the door we placed for decoration, and I sat myself down as I listened to my baby boy play the gift he created for me.
The tears fell from my face again, but not in sadness this time. This time I was crying because he was coming back. He faced his own personal hell, cut himself off from the world, and this small act was him coming back to the living. Though he did it alone, he was returning to us and my heart was pounding with joy.
As my song finished, I waited to see what he would play next. A little Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, or Bach. Nothing prepared me for what happened next. My breathing hitch quietly as I recognized the song. It was Irina's. Of all the songs in the world he had learned and composed, I thought he would never play this one again. It was her. Her life, her joy in everything and her love for Edward. Like all the songs he composed, it was personal and was the very essence of the person who inspired them. He could create a beautiful scene with his notes, and at that moment I could see the girl I had once believed to be my future daughter-in-law. Her song was happy in nature, but as it continued, I felt sadness again for my son to have had to experience such a loss in his young life. I wiped away the fresh tears as her song finished. I figured he would probably leave shortly after, so I stood and began to head to the stairwell and was ready to return to the master suite, but I froze when Edward start to play once more.
It was slow at first. This was not something he had played before and I didn't recognize it from the pieces we had in our collection. He was composing something new. I was a lullaby of some sort. Soft and gentle. Delicate and tender. I pressed my ear against the door to hear it better. He played as if he was caressing the notes, playing them with his whole heart. The song became louder, the emotions behind the piece intensifying. There was love, pure love that was all encompassing. The notes played on and the music because stronger.
Edward's music was always inspired by something or someone. There was always meaning to his work. Something about this song reminding me of someone. I couldn't place it though. As the music swelled to the climax of the piece, I tried to think about what could have inspired him. It had to have been the same thing that caused the changes Carlisle and I had noticed over the last two weeks. It was the reason he came over for lunches on Sundays, the reason for seeing him actually smile during those visits. His father's accounts of him being happy with work.
It was something with the university. He never mentioned anything though I thought could be behind the change. And there was a change, I even saw it the night of the department dinner we had here. When he was leaving for the night, there was a spark of life in his eyes I thought had gone out permanently. He was usually a recluse at these events, but not that night. It had to have been something that happened that night. There was no other explanation. It wasn't the food, I noticed he barely touched it, and he left rather quickly before everyone had finished too. He had looked so torn during dinner but when he came back before he left that night he was brighter.
What was so special about that night? The same colleagues were there… no, he never really cared for talking with large amounts of people around. I hadn't changed anything with the décor. His brother was there with his fiancé, and her brother. Could it be he was happy to see him? No, Emmett was giving him a few good hits at the dinner table that night, and he wasn't really paying that much attention to anyone, let alone Emmett. Maybe it was finally meeting the new fellowship recipient; I knew how he was worried about how she would work with his research, fearing she would be another recipient that couldn't make it. Carlisle had shared the same concern.
She was a lovely girl too. She seemed bright, well versed and was very pretty. I knew she was very nervous when she came in that night. It's not an easy task to fly in across the country and then be taken to a party were the majority of her professors would be in attendance. I remembered her hand slightly trembled when shook mine that evening, and her voice was shy but slightly musical as she spoke. I thought taking her on a tour of the manor would help ease her anxiety about being around everyone, and I was proved right, especially after I showed her the library. As soon as she saw that room her face was lit up like a Christmas tree and I knew that when she took out the copy of Pride and Prejudice I used to read to Edward, I couldn't pass the opportunity for her to borrow it. In that one moment I knew her secret weakness, and it let me in to a part of her life.
The way she held the book as we left the room was like she was clinging on to something precious. She walked with it delicately and tenderly ran her hands down the spine of it as if it held the world's worth of knowledge. When she thanked me, she did so with such warmth it was beautiful. I knew she was alone here in Chicago, her family thousands of miles away. And when I looked into her eyes to tell her that she was welcome to borrow anything from our library, I could see it had meant so much to her and my heart grew for the fragile young woman there.
Suddenly everything came together in my head. The song. Tender, sweet, delicate, fragile, warm, and loving. Edward had been so distant when we had been dining, but he said that he had to return a book to the library when he joined us later that night and the light was in his eye then. I remembered Jasper had said that Bella had misplaced something and needed to look in the library for it.
They had been in the library at the same time.
I gasped at the sound of the floorboards creaking behind me and turned to see Carlisle approaching me in the darkness. Tears still resting on my checks as I quietly flung myself into his embrace. We stood there listening to Edward play on, and I cried into Carlisle's shirt.
"Shhh Shhh. It's ok love, he's coming back." He held me close and ran his hands through my hair gently. "He's changing; our son is coming back to life." We swayed there as the song started to change as it was finishing, slow again, but with another emotion of love, strong and never ending.
"I know. I know." I sniffled and looked up into my true love's eyes. "It's…it's because of Bella, isn't it?" I quietly asked and the last note rang out in the music room.
Carlisle breathed in deeply and let it out as I felt his warm breath in my hair.
"Yes, it is. He loves her deeply. But it's not going to be very easy for him." I squeezed him and another tear fell once more for my son, hopefully finding his way again. "We need to go to bed my love."
We turned and descended back to the second level of the manor and again rested between the sheets in a loving embrace.
Before I finally succumbed to sleep, I prayed that Edward would find all the love he deserved with his own angel who was now helping my family come back together, and repairing my broken boy back to life.
I didn't know much about her, but at that moment I knew I loved Bella Swan as my own daughter. No matter what happened, I loved her for already saving my son.
EPOV
I finally woke up in a haze when the sun crept through the windows of my old bedroom. I wanted to stay in bed all day, but life and all the obligations I had called me out and into the shower. The tension from yesterday and the lack of sleep from the night before proved to make the processes of getting ready for the day long and even more tiring.
Once I was dressed in my father's spare suit, I looked myself over in the mirror. Dark circles shadowed my eyes which would probably lead to many questions from students and my colleagues.
Looks like I'm avoiding as many public appearances as possible today.
Although my father and I had similar builds, it was clearly obvious that I wasn't wearing one of my own. I had lost a good amount of weight over the years that my once very well fit form was no longer evident. I am still in shape, just now more so on the lanky side, and a well tailored suit would usually play up my build, while my father's now almost tented me. Satisfied as I could be I let out a deep sigh, gaining my composure before heading downstairs to have breakfast with my parents.
As I entered the dining room where we used to have breakfast I noticed it was unusually absent of my parents or any place settings. Confused, I walked through the door that led to the kitchen and was surprised to see my parents seated at the kitchen island with Maria hovering over the stove, in quiet concentration.
My father looked up from the newspaper he was reading and nodded me over to sit with them. A bowl of fresh fruit was set out at my spot. As soon as I sat down and picked up my fork, my mother set down her architecture and design magazine and walked over to me, placing a kiss on my temple and giving me a light hug I leaned into.
"Morning sweetheart."
"Morning mom." She returned to her chair and I popped a few pieces of cantaloupe into my mouth as Maria served me a plate of bacon, eggs and some hash browns.
"Thank you Maria, you spoil me again with food." I gave her a small smile and she squeezed my shoulder affectionately.
"Just need to put some meat on those bones of yours. I shudder to think how you will hold up when winter arrives." Maria motioned for me to eat and returned back over to the stove to clean up.
I finished the bowl of fruit and tucked in to the hearty breakfast so as not disappoint the woman who was like a second mother to me when I was growing up. Whenever my parents were out of town for a conference or for some private trip, Maria would always tell me to eat, claiming no harm came from third helpings. Emmett always did what she said, which helped significantly with his now body builder like form, while I was always satisfied with one helping.
The crinkling of my father's paper being set down distracted me from consuming the rest of my meal and I sipped my glass of orange juice.
"Did you sleep alright Edward?" my father picked up his plate and set it in the sink for Maria to wash.
"It was ok. As best as it could be." I shrugged as my father returned to his seat and took my mother's hand in his.
"I'll be taking you to the University this morning obviously, and you have your appointment with Dr. Liam today after you developmental psych class. I'll go in your place to your research meeting and will report back to you. I know you don't have anything else scheduled for the day, so you are more than welcome to come back tonight if you want. Your mother and Maria can run out and pick up anything you might need."
"Thank you for offering dad, but I think I'll be ok. I think I would prefer to wear my own clothes for the rest of the week, but would it be ok if I come back this weekend. I would like to spend some more time with you both and maybe do some reading in the library, it's been a while."
My mother was the first to reply, "Of course sweetie, you are always welcome back home, you don't have to ask. We've certainly missed having you around. Your bother called yesterday and he might be in town in a few weeks and he'll be staying here too. I miss having my boys under one roof." I saw the sad smile she held.
"Well, tell me when that oaf gets in. I'd like to get some brotherly time with him as well. Maybe wipe the floor with him in pool again." I gave a light chuckle, the one game I was always the clear victor at with him.
"I'm sure he'd like that, or at least try his best to win back his dignity in that game." My father retorted and we all let out a good laugh at that.
When we were finished with breakfast, I gave Maria a peck on the cheek and my mother the same along with a long hug, thanking her silently for being there for me last night. The ride to the university was quicker this morning, the morning traffic was oddly light and by 8:30 we had arrived in the parking lot next to my Volvo.
I gave my father a hug before we parted ways for the day and thanked him for opening up their home to me last night to which he told me it was nothing to thank him for.
I made it to my office in little time and readied myself for my lesson plan and was in the lecture hall a good thirty minutes before class started. I had my notes ready and made a few changes and additions as I waited for the students to take their seats and begin the lesson for the day. I checked my watch every so often and I became slightly anxious knowing that Bella would be arriving soon, and I was not prepared to come face to face with her yet, especially after last night.
God was clearly taking his frustration out on me when I felt an electrically charged finger tap on my shoulder and the voice of my angel speaking to me a few minutes before class started. Against my own will I turned to face her.
"Morning Dr. Cullen. I was just wondering if…" and then her eyes widened when they met mine. I knew she noticed the dark circles, but I kept my mouth shut. "Dr. Cullen is everything ok?" and she started a slow approach and slightly raising her hand to my arm that I was certain was dreamlike but then withdrew her hand.
I breathed in her scent briefly before responding, "I'm fine, Ms. Swan. Just had a bad night sleep is all. Is there something you needed?" I ran a shaky hand threw my hair and noticed her eyes quickly look me over for some reason. I wanted to start the class soon before I did or said anything inappropriate.
"I, uh, just wanted to know if you needed any help with the lecture this morning." Her voice was low and full of concern. It was too much for me to take so I turned away from her and pretended to be looking over my notes for the day wishing I wasn't such a fuck up and that I was not a man torn apart from his past yet madly in love with someone so unattainable. Her presence was overwhelming me and I was starting to feel slightly panicked again, and I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration with my life at this moment.
"No, I think I will be ok. Thank you for asking." I tried to keep myself composed as I replied and then immediately decided that I should write notes on the white board to put some distance between us.
Thankfully I was able to get through today's lecture quickly and I forced myself to try and not look at her throughout the entire class period. I could still feel her eyes on me the entire time, but I was convinced that if I allowed myself to look at her, my entire being would collapse on itself in front of my students. As soon as the hour was up, I quickly gathered my things, I was going to take off as soon as possible, but then I remembered I would be missing the research and my father had offered to go in my place. I would have not said anything, but I wanted to be fair to Bella so she wouldn't be surprised. I was able to catch her before she left the room.
"Ms. Swan, can I speak with you for a moment?" I love you more than anything. Ugh! Now is not the time to think that.
She turned around slowly and walked back to the desk in the front of the room where I had my case. I was shuffling some papers I left on the podium and tried my best to not look into those eyes that drew me in, that made me fall for her over and over.
"Ms. Swan, I want to let you know that I will not be able to be at the research meeting today. My father will be attending in my place, so if you have any questions, he should be able to answer them and he will inform me about it when I speak with him."
I heard the worry in her voice as she whispered to me, "Is everything okay?"
I wanted to tell her everything. My whole life story, but I knew she would never love a person with so many problems so I told a slight truth, "Yes, I just have a doctor's appointment is all. I should be fine for our meeting Thursday evening." I feared for what I would do that night being alone with her again in my office. Oh how I would love one chance to feel her lips upon my own.
There was a tense moment of silence before my angel spoke again, "I hope everything is alright. We'll miss you." I'll miss you more than anything, love.
I pinched the bridge of my nose once more; I needed to leave because being around her was confusing, and torturous in all the right ways and my sense of control would not hold up any longer. I gathered the last of my things and told her I would see her later while trying to leave as quickly as possible.
I didn't even stop at my office on the way out of the building. As soon as I was in the Volvo, I pulled out my cell and called my father to remind him of the research meeting and then called the Cheney's to let them know I had a doctor's appointment and to expect my father in my absence. Angela was ready to rub it in how she was the first to break in the new EEG machine and they both sent their best wishes for my appointment.
I sped through the lunch time traffic and was in front of Dr. Liam's office within twenty minutes. I knew he was taking his lunch hour today to meet with me, which I felt guilty about. I didn't have to wait long in the waiting room before Dr. Liam appeared and escorted me to his office. As soon as the door was shut I recognized the curly hair that adorned the occupant that sat in a spare chair in the room. It was Kate Garrett, my case worker that the state had assigned me to around the same time I started seeing Dr. Liam. She was an older woman that was rather short and stocky with obviously color treated red curly hair. If she was here today, it meant that our meeting today was very serious. And that was certain.
Dr. Liam and Kate explained that I would start undergoing intense hypnotherapy session by the end of the month. I was to keep on taking my new prescriptions and if there were any more extreme anxiety attacks I was to call immediately and that we might have me go back on Xanax. They also told me that they wanted me to attend the PTSD support group again. They only wanted me to meet with the group at least once a week, but if I was having a tough time, it would be fine to go to two meetings weekly then.
Before we finished, I was asked to talk about what led to the episode last night and they tried to see if I had any thoughts of harming myself in round about ways. Both Dr. Liam and Kate told me to call either one of them if I needed anything and to not forget my medicine before I left.
Once I was out of the office, I stopped by a Chinese restaurant I used to meet Emmett at in college to pick up some kung pao chicken and then I returned to my town house where I changed into my comfy sweats and spent the rest of the day watching programs on the television, all the while thinking about what I was missing in the research meeting, especially what Bella was doing during that meeting.
Eventually the day wore on and it became darker to the point where I decided to go to bed early. Once I made it to the top of the stairs to my bedroom, I was overcome with many emotions of the past few days. The fear for my breakdown, the love of my parents, the hatred of my own personal hell I had lived in the uncertainty of my future from this point on. But the dominating feel I felt as I crawled beneath my covers was comfort, the comfort that even though I would push her away and even after ignoring her, Bella cared for my well being. If I could only find a way to have her love.
Thursday was a rush of work, meetings and my abnormal class lectures. I was both thankful the day would be over quickly, but also worried about my mentor meeting with Bella that evening. I was working away at answering some emails during my office hours when there was a knock at my door.
"Come in!" I called out as I sent off my reply to agree to seek at a seminar in Seattle next month.
I heard the door opening and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben peer in as I hit the "send" button.
"Hey, are you free man?" he asked as he walked over to my desk.
"Yep, just answering some emails during my office hours. How was the meeting yesterday? Any scuffles between my father and Ang over her new "baby"?" we both laughed at that.
"It was good, went over the computer software and only had to break up our two knuckle heads once. Oh and man, you picked the wrong day to skip out too, one of the team members brought in these AMMAZING brownies that a friend from home sent them. I swear to god, Edward, they were freaking heaven to eat." He had a dazed look on his face as he spoke of these life altering confections, and I was jealous.
"Fuck, man. You think they have any left?" He shook his head in the negative affirmation.
"Doubtful, people's hands were slapped away after their first helping, the rest are probably gone by now. Makes you want to think twice before making doctor appointments now, doesn't it?"
I leaned back in my chair imagining how Bella must have enjoyed the brownies, her moaning in appreciation and licking the corners of her mouth where the residue of chocolate remained. I felt a pressure sensation that was building inside me then picturing her, and the tightness of my pants was becoming noticeable to myself.
"So, what brings you by my office today? Where there any troubles with the schedules?" I swiveled my chair around and discreetly adjusted myself behind the cover of my desk as Ben took a seat.
"No, I just dropped by because Angela and I are going to a dinner tomorrow night with a few friends, and we wanted to invite you along. One of the girls is celebrating her birthday so we are going to Karma for dinner and then going to Versailles afterwards. We know you don't go out a lot, but we would love to have you join us. It's going to be really small, just a few people."
He was right, I hardly ever went out, let alone to the club scene, but I figured I could possible make an appearance. Maybe going out would help with my easing my anxiety over time. I wanted to have dinner with my folks that night, but maybe I could meet up with them later at that club, just to hang out and have a few drinks.
"Maybe. I was hoping to have dinner with Carlisle and Esme. I could meet up with you all afterwards. Just call and text me to let me know where you guys are. I won't be too much of a burden would I? I mean these are your friends… I wouldn't want to throw things off." I played with a pen on my desk.
"Edward, you won't be a burden. I sure no one would mind that you were there. In fact, I think you will enjoy yourself. Maybe the birthday girl will let you dance with her." He smirked at me and gave a wink. It kind of made me uncomfortable, because the only girl I would want to dance with would be was Bella.
"I'll try and go, but there will be no dancing with girls. I'm just going the hang out. And no setting me up with anyone." I sighed.
"Ok, ok. I'll let Ang know, we'll have them add another seat to the table in case you can be there early. I'm pretty sure you will have a good time though. Trust me on this man." And with that he slapped the sides of the chair and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow. Call when you are heading over." And he was out of the room.
Now I was left on my own to finish my office hours and then wait for the most beautiful creature in existence to grace me with her alluring presence.
A little after six, I received a confirmation for my Seattle engagement. I was supposed to be there at the local conference center for three days, on discussion panels and making a presentation near the end of the conference. I just needed to make my flight arrangements, reserve a car rental and book a hotel room. I was finalizing the details when a light knock sounded at the door, exactly at 6:30pm. I swallowed deeply and tried to calm my nerves for the next hour.
I finally had my bearings and called out to my angel, "Right on time Ms. Swan."
I was bent over my desk scribbling the confirmation numbers for everything as she entered the room, my glasses slightly slipping down the length of my nose from my position. When the door finally opened, I waited for a few moments before I stood to welcome her in to take her seat. As soon as my eyes met the image in front of my eyes, all the air in me had been knocked out by an invisible force.
There she was, walking towards me, looking like a vision in a dark pant suit and a green satin top. Her hair looked like silk as it was swept up and off of her face, making her chocolate eyes wider and deep, beautiful and dazzling. Yes, she dazzled me. I watched her as she drew closer and took her seat, I swore I was watching a movie and there was music playing that followed her.
"Evening Dr. Cullen." She spoke to me as she pulled out her notebook. It was a quick distraction, but then I appraised her outfit some more, and suddenly I was wondering why she was so dressed up. Did she dress up for me? Please let that be the case, dear God, please. She was now looking at me and noticed my wondering eyes and looked down at her clothing.
"Sorry for being a bit dressed up this evening professor. I'm going out to dinner a little later."
Of course she wasn't dressing up for me. It was for her boyfriend. Again my heart ached at this realization that she was not mine. She would never be mine. I could either sulk in this moment or shrug it off. Biting back the pain I felt, I decided to go with the latter.
"Oh, yes, well, I thought for a moment there that there was a special dress code for our meetings I was unaware of." And forced myself to laugh at my horrible tease. The pain threatening to break through the fake grin I held in place.
I decided to just move on from there, why linger and leave me suffering. We went over classes and her work load. I remembered what my father had said about not discussing her thesis, so I did my best to avoid discussing it at all costs. I tried to stay professional, only addressing her as "Ms. Swan" and talking of only academics. I felt stiff as I did my best to bite back all the love I had for this woman. Every movement or shift of her body was tempting me to break from this act I was trying to convey. I had to be strong.
I was checking my clock on my computer regularly and at a quarter after seven I had to leave or I knew I would not be able to keep my control so I wrapped it up for the night. I helped her out of my office and tried to avoid looking at her at all costs because if I looked at her it would be over for me and I knew I would confess everything. I needed to space myself away from her, my heart couldn't take any more pain this week. As I told her I would see her tomorrow in class, I practically ran out of the building and was in my car and speeding to my home in no time. When I pulled up to my place I parked my car in front and sat there for some time, hating myself and the way I had acted tonight.
"Fuck, cock-sucker, mother fucking, asshole, God damn it, fuck!" I yelled banging my hand on the outer edge of my steering wheel. Why did this happen to me? Why is life so fucking confusing and why did I have to be subject to this one giant mind-fuck of a situation. "FUCK!" I yelled one last time as my hand slipped and hit the horn.
I finally calmed down and entered my home, feeling more alone as I felt the emptiness of my living space. I was cold but it wasn't due to the temperature of the room and held my arms around me trying to hold in my pain. This day, this evening was painful for me, and I was worried at how I could continue to keep this up. Somehow I was able to get down some food for dinner, but I was emotionally spent once again and went to bed immediately after I cleaned my mess.
This week had been sure hell, I was only hoping tomorrow night would at least help me find some relief, and maybe things would start turning out for the better.
When dawn broke the next day, I was more than ready for it to be over. I had to endure one more class in the presence of Bella and then I could try and escape for the weekend. I was counting the minutes as I arrived in the Behavioral Science parking lot. I had one hour until class began and another hour until I could leave. I wasn't even planning on staying the rest of the day.
Once again, I did my best to ignore her in class. I put myself fully in the lecture, answering questions of the students who raised their hands and building up a wall around me to not let my torn emotions show. I knew I was being a prick, but I had to protect myself. It was probably even more of dick move as I practically fled the room when I wrapped up, not even waiting for the first student to leave the room, running away from her to the comforts of my car.
I called my mother as I was driving around town and she said it was completely fine to join them that night for dinner. I would be home eventually to change for the evening, but I was still compelled to drive for a few hours as a distraction.
I was turning the corner of the familiar street I would normally take for my pharmacy. Once I made the turn my eyes were instantly drawn to the little antique shop I had perused the day I purchased my wedding gift for the Cheney's and the next thing I knew I was parking my car and walking into Carmen and Eleazar's place, hearing the ding of the entry bell as I opened the door.
"Well, well, well. Long time no see there, stranger." The low scratchy voice I recognized as Eleazar's called to me from behind the counter.
"Hello, Eleazar. How are you? Where's Carmen today?" I walked closer and leaned against the counter. There was something about this shop and it's owners that were instantly calming to me.
"I'm fine, Carmen's visiting our grandchildren today, but she will be in later this afternoon. I was just about to start some tea, would you care to join me? It's earl grey." He smirked at me and I agreed to join him.
Eleazar excused himself and retreated to the back room only to return a short time later holding a tray with a tea pot and two sets of china tea cups on saucers and a small plate of sugar cookies. He set it down on the counter and offered me a seat to join him there as well, which I gratefully accepted.
Eleazar was a fascinating man, he told me a little of his life growing up in Spain and how he decided to immigrate to America through Elis Island. He had been in New York for around a year when he was passing a small dance studio when he saw Carmen through the window. He said it was love at first sight for him. He found out she was a ballroom instructor and one day, when he finally had enough guts, he enrolled himself for ballroom instruction. He said that once their eyes finally met the first night of his classes, they both knew they were it for each other and married five months later. After the birth of their first child, they moved to Chicago for his work with a company he had been a part of since he immigrated and had been here ever since until he retired seven years ago.
"So, why did you start an antique shop?" I mused as I looked around the little store, my eyes falling on an old standup piano in the corner.
"It was Carmen's dream to have a little store of her own one day, she had several ideas, but she was always fascinated by the history of things belonging to other people. She thought that a part of a person's soul would leave an impression in their own little trinkets. That their essence would pass on to the next caretaker and continue until the end of time, influencing all who were graced to cherish it in however short a time they had it in their possession." He sipped the last of his tea and let out a little sigh of content. "Even though it's sounds a little silly, it's gives me another reason to love her each day."
I sat there holding the small tea cup in my hand, swirling around the contents as the dreads created patterns. "No, it's not silly." I said as I looked up at him. "It's rather quite beautiful."
When we had finished, he took me around the store, giving me the VIP tour, as he called it. I was shown the back room, where items would come in, be catalogued and then appraised before being placed for display. I explored the small kitchenette that also held a tiny bed in case one of them needed a nap, they were the only ones who worked the store and some days would be rather long they would need the rest. Eleazar pointed out his favorite items in the store and I even played him a tune on the standup when we passed it on our tour. A few customers came in and out during my time there, and I explored displays when Eleazar excused himself to help them.
It was getting fairly close to the time when I needed to leave to get ready for the evening when an older woman came in to look for some special pin she had inquired about. I excused myself from the two of them and wound my way over to the jewelry display that still held the topaz necklace I had wanted to purchase for my mother. I told myself that I should buy it soon before I would forget, but the gleam of the sapphire and diamond ring above it caught my attention again.
I was so intrigued by it that I didn't hear Eleazar approaching and jumped slightly when he spoke.
"It's a rather exquisite piece, is it not?" I looked up at his face, a small trace of a smile there.
"Yes it is." I agreed.
"There's a lovely story that comes with that ring. Would you like to hear it?" I was intrigued to say the least.
"Yes."
He then pulled out a key from his pocket and slid it into the lock of the case, opening it and carefully removing the ring from its glass enclosed sanctuary. He held it between his fingers and turned it slightly in the light, the reflection off the diamonds cascading over us in rainbows of the prism light.
"Around a hundred years ago there was a man who was very well known in the world of business. A captain of industry, leading the way towards advancements in his work. He was a man absorbed in his job. Living one day to the next with little focus on anything else. He was often alone, except for the occasional women his family would introduce to him. But he never settled. Work was his life, his lover, his world."
"It was believed that this man would forever lead his life in bachelorhood, and eventually his family and the rest of the world accepted it. Over time, he grew distant and eventually contact with his family and friends drifted apart and he was finally alone in his own world he had built for himself. A cold world, but he accepted it as life."
"He became more and more successful in this life choice and was content with where he was. He had everything he thought he wanted. Money, houses, everything money could buy. He thought he needed nothing else. But life can be funny and cruel sometimes as many people know, and can throw a curveball in the most unexpected ways. As it did for this man."
"While on a trip to conduct business, there was an accident where all those who were traveling with the man had lost their lives, and the business man had been severely injured and was close to death. He had been unconscious for several days, and then woke up confused in a strange hospital room. Several of his bones were left broken, and he was told that he would probably need to use a cane to walk with for the rest of his life. He was angry to say the least, and doctors did their best to calm him but he grew more and more angry with each day, and the doctors and nurses were reduced to sedating him."
"The man had cut off most of his ties with his family by this point, so he was alone in a strange town, with no one there to be with him."
There was a strange sense of familiarity at that but I remained silent and listed on as Eleazar continued.
"One night, after being sedated, the man awoke to a darkened room. But he knew that he wasn't alone there, especially when there was a slight squeeze of his hand in the darkness. Just as he was about to yell at the person to leave him alone when a soft light was turned on illuminating the face of his guest."
"There, sitting beside his bed was a young woman, dressed in a nurse uniform, gently holding his hand. The man had never seen such a beautiful person in all his life that he was struck mute and continued to stare, stuck in a trance. She looked upon him with concern but also with a hint of happiness. He was silent and looked at her for some time. Silence filled the room for many minutes before she spoke to him, saying that it was nice to finally see his eyes. The man remained silent and stared at the woman as she continued to sit there with him. Finally the nurse spoke again to him asking if he was alright, and he responded with asking if she was an angel to which she laughed at."
"She then told him that she was a nurse at the hospital that worked the evenings and came in here one night after hearing moans and cries of pain from him. She admitted to giving him medicine, but the cries would sometimes not go away. She was concerned and she said that once she tried to hold his hand the noises he made quieted. And so she would come in every evening since and hold his hand in the dark. "
"When she finished telling him her story the only thing the man could do was say thank you. The nurse told him that she would be back every evening to check on him and he accepted. As the days continued, the man grew less and less angry. They stopped sedating him, and every night his angel came in and held his hand. They would talk sometimes of their child hood their favorite places and such, but were more than happy to just sit in the silence of the room looking at each other for however long they could have."
"He never asked for her name during their evenings together, addressing her only as his angel, to which she never complained. Weeks passed and the man was healing, just as every day his feeling for the nurse grew more from companionship to love and adoration. He lived each day in expectation for even one hour alone with her. All his years of solitude where wiped from his mind and he wanted nothing more than to spend his life with his angel nurse."
"Eventually the man was told that he would be able to leave the hospital, he would have one more night and would then be able to return to his life outside once more. He had one last night with his angel. That night they held each other's hands as usual. He had never told the nurse that he loved her, but this was their last time, and he had to let her know. He wanted nothing more to be with his angel. Finally he told her that he had loved her and that every night they had together he experienced a piece of heaven. His favorite time of the day was the time they had together and every moment away was dim in comparison. She admitted to him that she felt the same and he place a tender kiss on the hands that held him."
"He told her that he would return to her and she agreed to wait for him every night. The man left the next day to return home to his life and business, a changed man though. He saw his family he left behind and did his best to mend the ties he broke from them. He told them of his angel and how he wished to make her his bride which his family supported him wholeheartedly."
"The man's business and personal life had never been better and eventually he was able to return to that hospital to see the woman he loved. He had this ring right here made for her. Supposedly the colors of her eyes were the same as the color of the sapphire here." He pointed to the center of the ring and my eyes were memorized by it. "He returned late at night around the time they had their time together and waited for her there for many hours."
"Eventually she emerged from a patient's room and he called out to her, calling her name he had given her, Angel. When she turned and saw him there she ran into his arms, hugging him and crying to which he did the same. They loved each other very much and though he had been away for quite some time, their love never faded but grew stronger. He proposed to her that night in the hallway to which she agreed and she swore she would never take off her ring for the rest of her life. Of course, they married had their children and lived long lives together."
Eleazar held the ring up and turned it once more in the light, it was truly a beautiful piece.
"That's a wonderful story." I said. It was. "Is it true?" I asked. It was too perfect for it to be.
Eleazar brought the ring back down and offered it to me to hold. I held it out and he placed it carefully in my palm.
"Read the inscription." Was all he said and he jerked his head to my hand to urge me.
I looked at him in the eye for a moment before I tried to read the small script writing on the inside of the band.
For my Angel. You gave me back my life with your love. My everything.
"Eleazar?" I asked.
"Yes."
"What was the nurse's name?"
"It took us several years to track in records, but we finally came across it about a year ago. Angelica DiBella."
The Beautiful Angel.
I finally made to my parents house after cleaning up and dressing for the night. I decided to dress up slightly since I would be going out, but not too much. I wore my charcoal slacks and a black dress shirt with a charcoal neck tie. It would still look nice if I were to remove the tie later that night.
Dinner was nice with my parent's I told them about going out later with the Cheney's and my visit to the antique store. My mother wanted the address, but I pretended to have not remembered it because I still needed to purchase the necklace for her, and I didn't want to risk her seeing it before I was able to purchase it.
When dinner concluded, I stayed there for a while listening to my parents talk about their week, aside from the events of Tuesday night, and their plans for us this weekend. My mother insisted we attend the Chicago orchestra Saturday night and we all would be attending church on Sunday, followed by lunch of course.
It was past ten by the time I said good night to my parents, telling them I would be over sometime the next morning. They hugged me good night and told me to be safe.
I called Ben on his cell as soon as I was on the main road to the downtown area where most of the night clubs usually were. He was excited that I would be joining him, but I warned him to not push anyone on to me, which he said would not be a problem. There was something odd about his voice when we talked, but I figured it had to do with him talking over the music of the club.
Finally I arrived to the club and found a place to park. Ben told me that the people that they were with had us on the list at the door and I was supposed to give them the last name of Brandon. I wonder if the person was related to Ms. Brandon from the research team.
Once I was in, I was hit with a cacophony of music and bodies gyrating and sweating in the club. A slight twinge of panic crept up on me, but thankfully I had remembered my medicine before leaving my parents and so I was able to hold back a full on attack and easily found the Cheney's alone in a private area of the club and joined them.
"Edward! I'm so happy you could make it!" Angela stood up from the couch they shared and gave me a light hug.
"Well, I figured it would be nice to get out, rather than watch reruns on the television on a Friday night."
"Here, here!" Ben raised a glass in the air as we all laughed at his toast.
A waitress came by and flirted with me a bit as I gave my order for just a regular coke and winked at me when she turned to get my drink. I scoffed at the obvious attempt and caught Angela giggling at my expression.
"So…How's the birthday party going?" I asked once my drink was in my hand and was handed a napkin with a telephone number scribbled on it under the name Cindy.
"I think everyone is enjoying themselves, at least the birthday girl is when we saw her on the dance for a bit ago." Ben winked at me and set his drink down.
"Whatever man. Quit trying to set me up with anyone ok. I'm not ready to date." It was the truth; I was not in any state to see anyone, even the one I wanted to be with.
I took another sip of my drink and looked around the club, trying to see if I recognized anyone here. It was a new club and I was sure that there would probably be a few students around which meant I would need to be careful around them.
"Who all came to this birthday thing tonight? Anyone I know?" I stirred my straw in my drink before I caught a quick exchange of glances between Ben and Angela.
"What?" I asked. They were acting strange. Maybe it was their drinks.
Angel was the first to speak, "Well yeah, I think you know a few of them. Mike Newton from the research team and his boyfriend Andrew are here, I think they are on the dance floor with Alice Brandon right now." She turned her head to look at the bodies on across from us dancing.
"Yeah I think the birthday girl joined them too." Ben added.
I felt like they were keeping something from me. Saying birthday girl this, birthday girl that. It was getting to be a bit annoying. "Who is this birthday girl you want me to meet. If I'm going to meet her I need a name, otherwise it's going to be a bit rude if I just call her birthday girl." I took a long drink of my soda.
"Well, the thing is… the birthday girl… Edward, don't get upset okay." Ben was warning me. Why would he do that? "The birthday girl is Bella Swan." He said and quickly picked up his drink and took a large gulp as Angela took his hand and squeezed it.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
"Are you fucking kidding me Ben? I mean are you out of you God damn mind!" I slammed my drink on the table, this was not happening. Ben and Angela were trying to set me up with the Angel Goddess I knew I could never have. They had to have been completely clueless or just incredibly stupid.
Angela tried to reach out and take my arm, probably to comfort me and not make a scene. "Edward. Please stay."
"No, I need to leave. I can't be here." I ran my hand through my hair roughly and slightly tugging in frustration. Eventually I was pinching the bridge of my nose as I addressed my soon to be former friends. "I'm leaving and I would like it if you would please not try and set me up with Ms. Swan in the future. She's not available at this time and besides it would be inappropriate. Please keep that in mind." I turned to leave and started to walk away as I heard Angela call out to me.
"You don't know what you are talking about Edward! Get back over here!" she tried to yell over the music.
I continued to walk out, not even stopping as I made my way out of the club. It was slightly cool tonight. But my anger for what my two friends had try to do kept me warm as I walked to my car. I was getting closer to the lot, grumbling to myself about how much worse could this week get when the next sound I heard cause me to freeze, and panic wash over me.
"HELP ME! PLEASE! ANYONE HELP ME!" a woman was screaming in the alley I was just passing by behind the club. My mind suddenly returned back to that night ten years ago. The dark alley, a woman screaming in the night, and the fear deep within me. Irina.
I would not let this happen again in my life. I started to walk down the alley quiet at first so not to attract the attention of the woman's attacker.
The man laughed at the woman and his voice was dripping with rage and lust, sickening and demented "I told you. No one will be able to save you now." I could make out the form of the man pinning the woman's hand to the brick wall behind a large dumpster.
The woman was breathing heavily, scared I was sure, fearing she was alone and had no one to save her.
"No, no, please. God, help me. Please, don't do this James." Her voice. I recognized that voice and my heart had another knife stuck in it. It was my angel. Bella, I had to save my Bella. She was crying as the monster assaulted her small body, I was sure there would be evidence of her injuries, but I needed to get her away from him. I wanted to kill that man for trying to ruin my love.
My stomach churned when the monster spoke again, "I don't listen to whores, no you are going to get on your knees in this filthy alley where you belong and you will take my cock."
That was it. I was charging at him now. I had to save Bella; I was going to kill him for sure. I needed to take him out of this world. I was finally able to reach him and I landed a big blow to the side of his head, knocking him off balance, and he released his clutches from Bella.
"Jesus fuck!" he screamed at me, his eyes on mine now, fire of hatred in them. I was ready. I wasn't ten years ago, but there was only one tonight. And I could take care of one, especially for her.
The sound of Bella's body sliding to ground did not distract me from my objective. I needed to take care of the threat, and then it would be alright to tend to her.
I took another swipe at the attacker; James was what she called him. I got a good blow to his gut.
"Oh Fuck, you bastard. I'm going to fucking kill you. Fu-"I was silent as I took another swing at his head again. The contact left my knuckles in pain, but I swallowed that and accepted it. It pushed me forward to take care of this situation. He was not speaking as he tried to hit back. He got in a few good hits on me, but I wasn't the one suffering from blows to the head.
The bastard was moaning now with each hit I laid into him. His suffering spurred me on more. Punch. Jab. Kick. He was on the ground now and silent as I started to kick him in his gut. Over and over again. His face was bloodied and I could tell he was unconscious now. It took all my strength to stop myself, but I did. I could hear Bella whimpering on the ground by the wall, holding herself together and shivering in fear and crying. I needed to hold her, tell her she was safe.
I needed to move the monster out of sight from her. I picked up his feet and started to drag him across the concrete. I made it to the other side of the dumpster and arranged him there to look like he had naturally fallen in that position. Once that was done, I rushed over to my angel, cowering in the dark.
I crouched down to be level with her, her body stiffened with fear of my close proximity. She didn't know it was me here, she probably thinks I'm another possible attacker. I reached out to touch her arm and she flinched at our contact for a moment, but then she began to ease.
I helped her to her feet, but she took a step back and ran into the wall. She was trying to escape still crying; I needed her to know she was safe.
"Bella, open your eyes." I said softly, but she shook her head no. "Bella, angel, please open your eyes. It's over; he's not going to touch you." Her hair was a mess in her eyes and I moved a strand out of her face so I could see her when she would finally open them. I needed to see her eyes; I needed her to know I was protecting her. I placed both my hands to hold her face securely.
"Please open your eyes Bella, it's Edward. I need to know if you are alright. I need to know if you are hurt. Please." Her eyes instantly flew open and I was met with her beautiful eyes finally. Blood shoot, but still beautiful. Her breathing was beginning to slow and the crying she had been doing started to cease. She was staring into me so deeply I was sure that she was probably in shock. I ran my hands through her hair to comfort her and took a step closer.
"Bella, are you ok? Are you hurt?" Why isn't she speaking? I was becoming more worried. I bent down to be eye level with her and her gaze followed my action. "Bella, say something."
"Where's James?" her voice was soft as a whisper.
I quickly looked to where I placed the bastard, his feet still in place and unmoved and then I returned my sight back to her. A single tear fell from her eye and I wiped it away with my thumb.
"That's not important. Are you alright? You need to tell me." I pleaded.
"I'm f-fine. My wrists hurt, and he bit me, but that's it." Her voice cracked slightly, but I was overcome with rage.
He bit her, he fucking bit my angel. He marked her, and hurt her wrists. I would kill him now if she didn't need me to be here with her. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back my desire to harm that man even more. I do not want Bella to see that part of me. A new monster in place of the other.
"You are safe now, I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. Nobody will hurt you." I promised her.
I was caressing her face, trying my best rid the tears from her face. Suddenly her hand rose to my face. The warm electricity I felt whenever we touch intensified when her hand met my cheeks. Her touch was soft and warm. Her hand was trembling slightly still, but she was gentle. Her eyes never left mine and I was lost in hers. There we were, cupping each other's faces, and she had me there, hers forever. I could feel her blood coursing through the thin layer of her skin of her palm and my face instinctively leaned into her touch more and I inhaled. She smelled of strawberries and freesia like always, but mixed with the scent of her own perspiration was toxic. And I was now baited to her.
My eyes looked back at her and saw she was doing the same. The hair on my arms started to stand on end when she breathed me in, but my heart stilled when I felt her lips gently kiss my palm. That warm electricity before was now sparking and shooting through my veins.
I dropped one of my hands from her face and placed it on her waist. Pulling her closer to me. I had no control over what I was doing; some external force was now in control of my actions. She pressed herself closer to me until our bodies met, pressed against each other. The heat between us radiating. My spine was tingling in anticipation. I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew that I shouldn't do it. It wouldn't be right. She was just attacked and I shouldn't be taking advantage of this situation. I should feel bed and stop this, but it felt so good to hold her. I wanted to pull away until she pulled me closer and pressed her lips to mine.
It was as if life was being breathed into me finally. I felt my entire body was alive. The sparks I felt on my palm were nothing compared to the fireworks display shooting the entire length of my body. Her free hand drew up to behind my head and she was pulling me closer to her. She ran that hand quickly through my hair, and it set off a new sensation where an appreciative moan slipped through my lips and I felt her tongue find entrance into my mouth. And I was home. Everything else in my life no longer mattered. If I were to die tomorrow, I would never regret anything because of this moment.
This kiss had started off slow and gently but was now building with each moment we remained entwined. Each pass of her tongue or mine set off fire all around me. My length was rapidly growing as we caressed each other's lips in the darkened alley.
I wanted to continue for the rest of my life, kissing her, holding her, loving her in every possible way. But we were both human, and with that, oxygen was a necessity in order to remain conscious. When our lips broke contact, my entire body craved more, and I bit back a whimper at the loss of contact. Reluctantly leaned back to look upon my own angel, my love. I looked at her in the eyes and remembered instantly.
She wasn't my angel. She belonged to someone else, and I had taken advantage of the situation even though technically she initiated the kiss. It was probably due to shock.
What the fuck have I done?
Reader Questions
Q: I can't believe Alice and Jasper will miss each other again. When will they meet? It it going to be soon?
A: Sorry to keep doing that, it's kind of playing into the tensions of the story. I can not tell you when they will meet. I already have it outlined, but you will just have to wait.
Q: How come Edward didn't show up during dinner?
A: Edward had dinner with his parents
Q: Is Edward gonna accept this new revelation? Or is he gonna fight it?
A: Well... as you can tell by the end of this chapter, things aren't always so easy.
Q: Will she(Bella) be pressing charges for assault and attempted rape?
A: Next chapter will let you know what happens.
Keep sending in questions with reviews. I love them all. Thank you for time and your encouragement with this story.