Uncertainties
They left the town of Kounder within hours of waking Zedd and headed out on their way again, heading east towards Lothry. Kahlan had made Zedd swear an oath of secrecy on her pregnancy as she wanted to be the one to tell Richard – whenever that would be, she didn't know.
She didn't know whether to be excited or not. With all the danger lurking around and who they were, their positions, she knew the child would not be safe. She felt absolutely ecstatic knowing that her and Richard's love had created something amazing. Kahlan also knew that they had duties, responsibilities that would keep them from being the parents they should be which worried her above and beyond anything else. She wanted to be a good mother…but she didn't know how.
Pregnant. Zedd took a guess that she was probably around two months in. She was pregnant; Kahlan could barely think of anything else. All her life she dreamed of a new world, a better place to live in, a safer place. She always dreamed she would be the one making this world possible.
She never really thought of herself as the motherly type. Growing up without a mother after the age of five, she was fearful of how exactly to raise a child completely and healthily. She wished her mother was alive again…or her sister for that matter. She had found out that Cara had killed her sister months back. It took all of Kahlan's strength not to kill her right then and there when she did find out. Had it not been for Richard holding her back, she would have.
Kahlan had since moved on and she and Cara's relationship had grown stronger at Kahlan's understanding of Cara's past. She knew Cara had been the way she had been simply because that was what she was taught. Kahlan couldn't blame Cara for that. It took a lot of convincing from Richard for her to fathom such thoughts, but eventually Kahlan understood.
At least Kahlan knew that Richard would be a good father. He'd helped Dennee give birth and knew exactly what to feed the little guy when he was born. He knew exactly how to old the infant and exactly what it took to raise him. Kahlan had never known that. Sure her sister Confessors had given birth, but Kahlan's focus was always on studying hard, learning to fight and learn the necessary skills to being a Confessor. Kahlan had always been regarded as a serious child. She was always so focused on her duties she often forgot that she was still a woman.
She placed a hand over her stomach. Uncertainty rippled through her and all she wanted to do was cry. Cry over the happiness, cry over how scared she was, cry over the uncertainty of what this would mean. The sooner they got married, the better. They had planned to be wed after they had visited Lothry. She hoped they could still do that. It would just look better if they were married and having a child. She would not have her daughter being called a bastard.
Richard walked beside her and placed a worrisome hand on her arm, "Kahlan, you look pale. Are you all right?" he asked as Zedd and Cara walked ahead with their horses. Kahlan took his hand and held it. She smiled at him with a smile of reassurance.
"Yes, I'm fine," she lied. She wanted so badly for him to hold her, tell her everything was going to be fine and that they could live happily as a family together. She knew the truth of things. They would always be worrying, always fighting off evil, leading hundreds of thousands of people. Their child would suffer from that. She knew the truth of it.
Richard let her be, though he knew she was lying. He knew Zedd had been lying to him as well. He didn't need to be a Confessor to figure it out. There was something up with Kahlan and they weren't telling him. He hated being left in the dark, especially when it came to his future wife.
They had a month's journey ahead of them. He didn't like the idea of Kahlan traveling when he knew she was ill. He would prefer her to go back to Aydindril and seek a healer; he needed her with him, though, as selfish as that was. Plus he wasn't to keen on making her and Cara head back to Aydindril without him near to protect her. They would take it slow. They weren't in a massive hurry, but still. He would not push her.
"Did you buy some bread?" Zedd turned his head back to ask. Richard was brought out of his thoughts as he looked up.
"Of course I did. It's in my pack," he stated.
Cara rolled her eyes, "Wizard, we just ate an hour ago. You're not wasting the bread already. We will eat later," she ordered. Zedd gave her an angry glare.
"Who is it again that insisted the Mord'Sith tag along?" he questioned. Cara huffed and walked ahead of him. Richard shook his head. Some things never changed.
They'd been traveling for two weeks and were almost near Richard's homeland. The boundary was now fallen and they needed supplies, so Richard suggested they stay the night in Westland. Plus, it would be nice for him to see his old friends again. As well, he knew Chase would take them in in an instant.
Zedd agreed, happy to know he could have friendlier company. Kahlan had been quiet, Cara was… well, Cara and Richard had a constant worry about him which was driving Zedd mad.
They therefore headed northward, up the rough terrain and through the forests that Richard knew so well. He was like a child, showing off his toys when he would explain to Kahlan all the different mosses and different trees. She smiled at his excitement of bringing her back home. With Michael gone, and the boundary down, they didn't fear the town anymore. Richard wanted to show her around, show him where he grew up. Kahlan was happy at seeing Richard happy, finally. Happy and not worrying about her.
He took them through trails that led straight to the town's centre. Richard and Zedd were recognized right away. People from all over came and hugged them, welcoming them back home. Kahlan realized this was why Richard was the way he was. These people were so friendly, some even hugged Kahlan at finding out she was Richard's betrothed and realizing that she wasn't a witch as Michael originally declared.
Kahlan made sure to wear her cloak, to cover her belly. It was becoming somewhat noticeable. Men probably wouldn't take a second look but she knew any mother would know. She was close to three months along now and with her slim build, she knew it wouldn't be long before people started to notice. Richard and her hadn't been intimate since the inn and so he hadn't had a chance to notice. She knew he would eventually notice and she would definitely have to tell him sooner than later. She just needed to think of a way to tell him.
They headed to Chase's place after grabbing some supplies. Emma ran out of the house before they could even reach the steps and hugged them all, "It's so good to see you! It's been almost a year since we last saw each other!" she led them to her home. Chase was standing at the doorframe, waiting as his wife attacked their guests. He smiled and clasped hands with Richard.
"Good to see you're alive and well," Chase said to all of them, "you will stay here," he proclaimed, not accepting no for an answer. Emma was already setting up bedding as he finished his sentence. He ushered them into his home and sat them down at the dinner table. Chase stared at Cara as she followed suit. "You've befriended some interesting people," he stated, clearly not comfortable with the Mord'Sith in his home.
Cara stiffened. Richard coughed and held out an introductory arm, "Chase, this is Cara. My protector," Chase gave him a look, "After I defeated Darken Rahl, I found out that he was actually my brother. Cara helped me in defeating him. She now claims me to be the next Lord Rahl and has sworn to protect me on her life as Mord'Sith." Richard explained. Chase didn't look convinced and slightly shocked at hearing Richard was related to the tyrant, "she's harmless, Chase. She won't hurt anyone. You have my word." Chase took a moment to glare at Cara one last time. He turned in Richard's direction and nodded his understanding.
"Kahlan and…Cara was it?" Emma, her head full of black curls was pulled tightly behind her face by loose-fitting clips, "would you like a wash? You've been traveling for days and would probably enjoy a nice warm bath," she offered, a smile on her lips. Kahlan smiled up at Emma, at her kindness.
"I would like that very much," she said. Cara agreed that Kahlan could go first, so Emma led her to the back room. The house was small in stature, but was strong, built of oak. It smelled of fresh soup and was lit by warm candlelight. The children were outside running about and the older girls were helping their mother with the cooking and cleaning.
The wash room was small, but large enough to hold a tub. As Emma came in and filled it with warm water, Kahlan undid the laces on her dress, allowing it to fall to the floor so she was just in her black garment. Before Emma stepped out, she noticed a small round on Kahlan's form. "Kahlan?" she questioned, her eyes darting to Kahlan's stomach. Kahlan put her hand to her belly, not realizing it had been that obvious. Kahlan flushed slightly and nodded. Emma smiled in delight and hugged her again.
"Emma," Kahlan stared down at her. "Richard doesn't yet know. Please…can you not mention anything to him?" she asked. Emma gave her a look.
"Richard? I thought you two couldn't be together because of your powers…have you…?" she gave Kahlan a look. Kahlan put her hand on the woman's shoulder.
"He found a way around it," she eased the woman. Emma smiled in delight.
"How wonderful!" she exclaimed and grasped Kahlan's hand, "you have my word. I won't mention a thing."
Kahlan sighed in relief at the warmth of the water. It had been forever since she had bathed in warm water and it was delightful. She ran the fresh soap up and down her arms and breathed it in, engulfed in her comfort. She ran a hand down to her growing belly and rested it there. She shut her eyes and tried to think of what it was going to look like. Would she look more like her, or Richard. She'd hoped the baby would have his eyes. So brown and soft…so welcoming.
Kahlan moaned as she dropped her head under the water, allowing her hair to be soaked. Her back was aching and the soothing water was helping it slightly. She groaned when she realized Cara must be waiting for this, too. Not wanting to be selfish and take too long, Kahlan washed her hair quickly and got out.
Cara came in after she was dressed. Kahlan shivered at the cool air as she walked back into the kitchen; she was used to the hot water. Richard was sitting at the table, carving at a piece of wood as she walked in. She could see he was making an animal of some sort, probably for one of the kids. He smiled at her as she walked in. She was wearing some of Chase's daughter's clothes as Emma had insisted she wash hers. The dress she wore was blue in colour and squared at the neck. Its corset top was laced up all the way just to under her breasts and hid her stomach well. The dress was long and reached just past her toes.
Richard loved her white dress, but seeing her in dresses he was used to, growing up, brought a smile to his face. "You look beautiful," he stated. She smiled at him and sat near the fire so she could dry her hair. Chase came in from outside and dropped his weapons on their hooks. Zedd was busying himself outside with the kids, playing games with them and showing them tricks. Emma came in and started making tea.
"So," Chase sat down across from Richard, "the Spring festival is on tonight. I'm sure the townspeople would love to see you, especially Anna," he winked at Richard, not knowing of him and Kahlan. Emma shot Chase a glare.
"Chase!" she stated, "Kahlan and Richard are together now. Anna is not of importance anymore!" she scolded. Kahlan smiled her gratitude towards the woman. Emma smiled at her and handed her a cup of tea.
Chase gave Richard a look of incredulity, "it's true," Richard smiled at Kahlan, "I figured out a way for us to be together without her power affecting me." Chase shook his head in wonderment.
"Only you, Seeker," he muttered. His face lit up again, "well, that's great news…there will still be some other people that would love to see you. Will you come?" he questioned as Emma handed him some tea.
Richard looked to Kahlan, "Feel like dancing tonight?" he smiled over at her. She looked around the room at the waiting faces, "…it's a little different than what you're used to," he added, remembering back in Damarai when she was dancing with the King. Their dance was so formal…so structured. He didn't know how Kahlan would react to the type of dancing he was used to…He'd love to find out though.
Kahlan let out a breath, "sure," she smiled at him, "why not?"
The barn-like building was packed full of the townspeople, dressed in their finest clothes. Though Richard insisted it wasn't a barn, Kahlan sure thought it smelled of one. The women all wore dresses like Kahlan's- they all had prints on them. Kahlan was used to solid-coloured dresses and was a little shocked to see all the different bright colours and designs. The men all dressed similar to Richard. Children ran about freely and there were tables of food, potluck style as Richard had called it; where everyone brings a dish. Kahlan couldn't fathom the idea. She had cooks all her life. She wasn't used to this.
Cara was out of her element as well. They had forced her to wear a dress, too, to avoid standing out too much. She insisted that if she as to be forced into wearing a dress, that it would have to be red. She borrowed a dress from Chase's other daughter that was the colour of a rose. Cara looked absolutely stunning in it and all the men were clearly enthralled with her beauty. Emma had put both Cara and Kahlan's hair up in pins as it wasn't proper to go to a fancy event with your hair down in Westland. Kahlan didn't understand that either as all her life her hair marked her status. The length of it alone declared to the Midlands that she was the Mother Confessor. All Confessors had long hair. They only ever trimmed it, never cut it.
Richard gripped her hand tighter, knowing she must have been uncomfortable. People were staring at them, wondering who these strangers were with him and Zedd. Zedd broke away from the group as quickly as possible and headed for the food. Cara stayed by Kahlan, seeking comfort in her presence.
Richard was brought away by old friend's of his, introduced to others and Kahlan was left alone with Cara. "Such a strange culture," Cara stated, staring at the crowd, baffled at the show. Kahlan sighed and sat down in a nearby chair. Cara joined her. As more people came in, the musicians started playing. Cara gave Kahlan an odd look, "what type of music is that?" she questioned. There were fiddlers and men beating spoons on their knees, making music with it. Women had circle objects in their hands with shells on the ends and when they moved it, it made a clinking noise. It went well with the music, Kahlan supposed.
Cara and Kahlan were transfixed at the sight of how they were dancing. Never had they seen such carelessness. It looked strange and oddly enough…fun. Women were holding their skirts up as they moved their feet, bouncing to the rhythm of the fiddler. The men were hollering and moving with them. Arm in arm, they swung each other and laughed with the music. A man came up to Cara and asked if she'd dance. She gave him such a hot glare, Kahlan thought the man would soil himself. He turned away at the rejection and walked off. Kahlan stifled a laugh as Cara turned her glare to her.
"I wouldn't be so quick to laugh, Mother Confessor," Cara piped in at seeing a young burly man making his way towards Kahlan. He had his eyes transfixed on her and Kahlan knew exactly what was going to happen. She quickly turned her head to Cara to look like they were deep in conversation.
"Look at me, Cara!" she demanded through gritted teeth. Cara smirked slightly as she stared straight ahead, ignoring Kahlan's attempts to ignore the man. She sneered when he got closer.
"Hey there, pretty lady," he smiled at her, "wanna go kick yer heels up with me?" he winked, holding out his hand to her. Kahlan smiled as an idea formed in her head.
"Actually," she started, "I've come here with someone and it would be awfully rude of me to dance with someone other than him," she turned to Cara, "Cara on the other hand came here solo. I'm sure she'd love to dance with you," Kahlan smiled. Cara's shocked face turned to Kahlan. Kahlan's smile widened.
"Of course!" the man exclaimed and grabbed Cara's hand, "let's go then, darlin'". Cara mouthed the words I hate you as she was pulled to the dance floor. Kahlan giggled as she watched the man trying to get Cara to move. Cara just stood stone still in the middle of the floor, arms crossed.
"That was mean," Richard laughed quietly as he sat down next to her, "Clever, but mean." Kahlan shrugged.
"Cara needs to relax a bit…I figured this would help her," she laughed quietly. Richard took her hand and squeezed it, "Are you enjoying yourself, Richard? Enjoying seeing everyone again?" she scooted closer to him. He smiled as he looked out towards the mass of people.
"I am…it's really nice to see everyone again," his smile faltered, "I really miss everyone," he looked their hands interlocked; "a lot of them don't quite understand what's happened in the Midlands. They don't quite get what I am or why I have left. I don't know if they ever will. Our lives are totally different from the lives here. It's so much more…complicated," he ran his other hand through his dark hair after he spoke. Kahlan empathized with him. It must be really hard for him, dealing with all of this, ruling lands, magical beings and all the fighting he'd had to do. She had grown up in that life and had known no other. For Richard, he grew up in this world where you dressed in cheerful colours, you danced the night away in barns with loud music and shared each other's food and simply just lived. She realized now as she stared out at the crowd that she envied them. She envied how free they were and how trusting. Never in her life had she met people so kind and so caring. Chase and Emma were the nicest people she'd ever met. She can see now why Richard was the way he was and more.
Kahlan took his hand up and kissed his knuckles in sympathy. He gave her a small smile and took in a deep breath, "then again, if I hadn't left, I would have never met you," he smiled over at her. Kahlan smiled back, comforted in his words. He surveyed the people and grinned as a new song started up. "Kahlan, dance with me?" he asked, brown eyes pleading. Kahlan's eyes went wide.
"I can't dance like that," she held her arm out towards the dance floor. Richard stood and pulled her up with him.
"I'll show you," he grinned a boyish grin, pulling her to the centre of the room.
Kahlan looked mortified as he took her in his arms and began to move. She wasn't used to moving so fast and was pretty sure she'd stepped on his feet at least three times by the end of the dance. Richard just laughed all the more at seeing her struggling to keep up. Cara had gone back to their chairs and was laughing at her from a distance. Kahlan was amazed at how fun it actually was and found herself giggling and learning to move without Richard's prodding. He spun her around and pulled her back to him, dipped her and moving her around the room. When the song finished, she was dizzy from the spinning, heat and lack of fresh air. "See," he smiled down at her, "isn't that better than your structured dances?" Kahlan put a hand to her queasy stomach.
"I think I appreciate structure more than ever right now," she gave him an apologetic look, "I think I need some air," she stated and headed for the door. He followed suit, concern on his face.
"I'm sorry, Kahlan," he rubbed a hand over her back as they stood outside, beside the packed building. Kahlan leaned against him, her hand feeling the pressure of the corset covering her stomach. She wanted to take it off. It was constraining her. She began tugging at the laces as Richard gave her an odd look, "Are you all right?" he asked. She nodded and let out a deep breath as it came loose. She held it in her right hand as her left covered her growing belly. Richard looked down, noticing a slight change in her appearance. He didn't quite understand why she needed to take the corset off, but figured it was because of how stuffy it was in the room.
Kahlan took a deep breath, considering her thoughts. Knowing he would find out soon enough, Kahlan turned and stood in front of him. He looked down at her quizzically, not knowing what she was up to. Kahlan grabbed his right hand in hers and brought it forward. She placed it on the small round of her stomach, giving him an expectant look. It took Richard a moment before he understood what she was meaning. At first he thought she was just feeling ill again but then he felt the swelling. His brown eyes opened as wide as she's ever seen them. He brought up his other hand and felt her stomach, felt the life within her. His mouth dropped open and for the first time in his life, he found himself speechless.
Kahlan stood there, waiting for him to say something…anything. She didn't know how he would react, but at the moment he looked as though he just saw a spirit. After a couple minutes of him feeling her belly, he smiled. His smile warmed her to her very core, comforting her. She felt a sense of relief wash over her as he pulled her to him in an embrace. His lips found hers and he kissed her a soft, loving kiss, his hands lingering in her hair when they pulled away, "Kahlan," he finally managed to say. His hands again went to her stomach and he felt every inch of it, hardly believing he was going to be a father. Kahlan smiled at how excited he was. She certainly didn't have the same feelings when she found out and suddenly felt very guilty for not. Richard obviously wasn't worried about the future, wasn't worried about them as parents. He was simply enthralled in the idea of loving something that they had created. Together. "This is why you've been so sick…your eating habits?" he questioned. Kahlan smiled and nodded yes. He pulled her to him again, hugging her a little less tightly, probably in fear of hurting the baby. He rested his forehead against hers as he stared into her blue eyes, "I love you, Kahlan Amnell, future wife," he grinned. Kahlan smiled and put a hand to his face.
"And I, you, Richard Rahl."
They had left the party from there letting Chase and Zedd know that Kahlan wasn't feeling too well. Zedd understood right away and clapped Richard on the shoulder in acquiescence.
When they reached the cottage, they were all alone. Richard started a fire in the main room as Kahlan relaxed on the bedding Emma had lain out for her and Richard. Richard scooted over to her and rested a hand on her belly. He smiled at the bump, completely intoxicated with the idea of him and Kahlan having a child together. He wanted nothing more than to have kids with her, raise a family and live happily together. He understood the dangers of having a child, especially with a Confessor, but he knew Dennee had had a boy already. Two male confessors were rarely born within the same decade. Confessors usually bore females, so he tried assuaging his fear with that fact.
His curiosity got the best of him as began thinking of their child, what it would look like, what type of personality it would have. His thumbs mindlessly rubbed at her belly as he thought. What would they name her? He'd hoped she'd have Kahlan's blue eyes and Kahlan's strength.
Strength. Richard thought about that for a moment. With all that Confessor's go through already from being avoided, being feared and hated, he didn't know how well it would go for their child who'd be both Confessor and a child of a Rahl. He shook his head, not wanting to think of all the struggles their child would go through. They would raise her with integrity and spirit. He would teach her how to fight, how to be strong against her enemies.
Enemies. Richard cringed at the thought. Anyone and he meant anyone that even considered hurting his daughter would pay. He didn't care who it was. There was nothing in the world that mattered more to him than Kahlan and now, their daughter.
Taking on lighter thoughts to ignore the realities of the world, he began thinking of them as parents. He thought of how he was raised and how close he had been with his dad. He knew Kahlan didn't have much of a childhood, but he never doubted her abilities as a mother. She was so gentle with her nephew and was obviously in love with the child at first sight. The way she had treated Ren and sang to him to get him to fall asleep…Richard knew he would have no fears at her being a good mother. He just couldn't wait.
His thoughts were interrupted by Kahlan's soft touch to his cheek. She smiled at him, "what are you thinking of?" she asked. Richard grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it.
"Thinking how wonderful this is…and how great of a mother you will be," his eyes were sparkling. Kahlan's face faltered.
She looked away as she spoke, "I'm not scared going into battles with thousands of men against me. I'm not scared to fight off magical tyrants like Darken Rahl. I'm not scared facing murderers and pedophiles on a daily basis, but this," she placed a hand on her stomach, "I'm terrified of." Tears were forming in her eyes and she turned her gaze towards the fire. Richard quickly put a hand to her face and pulled her gaze to him once more.
"Kahlan," he said to her, "we will get through this together. Never will you have to face anything alone again," his voice became gentle; "we will be married soon. We will raise this child together and you will be the best mother any child could have. I know it. It's natural within you, Kahlan. I've seen you with children," he added, "and any dangers that may lurk around hidden corners, I will kill. Nobody and I mean nobody will ever bring harm to you or our baby," he vowed, "ever". Kahlan knew him to be true to his words. She sat up and wiped some of the tears from her face. Richard took her into his arms and held her to his chest, comforting her. He lay back on the bedding Emma had put out for them with Kahlan in his arms. She fell asleep within half hour
He held her tightly to him, his thoughts on protecting his soon to be daughter and soon to be wife. Kahlan was the last Confessor alive. They were continuing the lineage by having a child, a confessor child. He smiled at the thought. He always knew that raising a child was going to be difficult…but a confessor child? He shook his head in wonderment. This was going to be interesting.