Although the last chapter barely got any reviews I decided to post the next one anyway. I hate to be one of those people who begs for reviews but this story has gotten a lot of traffic but not that many reviews in comparison. Reviews are really helpful to me and I do ask readers for their input as well. My Beta MadeleineJade is incredible, she puts up with my bad puncuation and crazy ideas.
Songs for this chapter
No One's Gonna Love You - Band Of Horses
Detlef Schrempf – Band of Horses
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New
U and Left Turns - Socratic
Please, Read, Enjoy and Review.
All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I have no affiliation with Sweet Ups either, I just go there to get drunk from time to time.
I placed the last book on the shelf and took a step back with a triumphant smile on my face. I was officially a resident of New York City. Rosalie, Emmett and I had spent the entire day unpacking the contents of my old life into my new one. The room that Rose assigned me was surprisingly bigger than my room in Forks and I couldn't help but be relieved. I'd heard that New York City apartments were smaller than closets so I was a little apprehensive about how my living arrangements would work.
"Now that we're done with this unpacking bullshit, do you guys want to check out Edwards show at Sweet Ups tonight?" Emmett asked as he began breaking down the cardboard boxes that littered the room.
"Yeah for sure. Bella hasn't heard any of his stuff so we can initiate her with a bang tonight!" Rose exclaimed.
I had heard plenty about Edward Cullen from Rose and was excited to see him perform despite the reviews his seemingly horrendous personality had gotten from Rosalie. She said he was drop dead gorgeous, but he never had any girlfriends since she'd met him. She mentioned that he'd bring home a new girl almost every night but there were rumors that he refused to have sex with any of them which piqued my curiosity.
"I think he had a girlfriend before I had met the gang though but it must have ended badly because no one ever talks about it," she had mentioned.
Rose ended up having to loan me some of her clothes claiming that we were in the city now and my dingy clothes from Forks just wouldn't do. I couldn't help but agree with her a little, although I'd never admit it. When Emmett had mentioned that Sweet Up's was a bar I immediately protested stating that I wasn't 21 yet and I'd never get in. He explained that he knew the bouncer and that he already had Edward inform him to expect us.
When we arrived at the bar, we had no trouble getting in. I almost felt bad for my skepticism of Emmettt and his "connections". Upon entering the bar I could hear someone playing. I assumed he was Edward. Rose grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to the front where we stood next to Alice who was sitting with who I presumed to be Jasper.
I smiled at them politely before turning to watch Edward play. When my eyes landed on him I was taken aback. Rose had said he was handsome, but that word was unworthy of being used to describe him. He was breathtaking. A black beanie was covering his hair, but I could still see bronze colored strands peaking out from underneath. The black t-shirt he had on fit snuggly on his body.
I had never been the type of girl to swoon over muscles, but his weren't the over done Jean Claude Van Dam type. His long lean fingers were strumming beautifully on his guitar, and I just stared at him like he held all the answers to life.
I hadn't realized he stopped playing until he opened his eyes and they rested upon me. Normally I would have turned five different shades of red and looked away, but I couldn't. Our eyes were locked in a silent staring contest. His eyes were emerald green and beautiful, but the pain held in them was evident.
He smiled our way, but I couldn't help but notice the way it didn't reach his beautiful eyes. They remained blank and seemingly devoid of life. I was yanked back into reality quite literally by Rose.
"What the fuck is up with you, Bella? I was yelling at you for like two minutes and you just stood there," she yelled. The bar was loud and crowded, but I could still hear every word she said, and I had been caught staring at Edward Cullen like a teenage school girl.
"Oh…sorry," was all the response I could muster. I was saved having to explain by Emmett.
"I bought my two favorite ladies some beer," he said as he handed us the pint glasses filled with dark amber liquid. I took mine gladly and began drinking it immediately, anything to avoid an interrogation.
"Hi, Bella! I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you! I'm so glad you decided to move here. I always had a feeling you would. Now we can all go shopping together!" I couldn't help but smile at the woman who stood before me bouncing up and down. Alice was extremely little but her personality and cheerfulness made up for that and her fashion sense was impeccable.
"Hi, Alice, it's great to see you too," I responded as I pulled her into a hug.
"This is my boyfriend Jasper," she said pointing to the man I had assumed to be him previously. He was much taller than Alice, with the same messy curly hair as Emmett, only his hair was blond. I could easily see how Alice had fallen for him so quickly.
"It's nice to meet you," I said as I shook his hand.
"Likewise, darlin', I've heard a lot about you," he said as he shook my hand. He smirked and my heart melted. His southern twang and killer smile immediately made me jealous of Alice. With Rosalie and Alice's great taste in men, I was secretly hoping that there would be some nice boys they could introduce me to, or maybe just Edward.
"Great show, Edward!" Alice exclaimed with her eyes set over my head.
I turned around quickly only to spill my drink on the man who was now in front of me.
"Oh, geez! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were standing so close," I said as I looked up to apologize. I was met with those already familiar green eyes.
"Well, if you hadn't noticed already, we're in a bar and everyone around you is standing a little too close," he said as he wiped down his shirt with a hand towel from his back pocket.
"Chill the fuck out, Cullen," Rosalie said as she took her place beside me.
"She spilled beer on me!" he yelled back.
"First of all, it was an accident. Also, she is my cousin and if you even think of being a dick to her, I'll be sure to cut yours off," she threatened as she grabbed my now empty beer and slammed it onto the bar.
"Fill it up, Kate. It's on Edward," Rose said to the bartender.
Edward looked down at her with a rage filled expression. Rose held a defiant expression of her own, daring Edward to protest. Finally, he sighed in defeat, slamming a five-dollar bill next to the now filled glass. Picking up the glass slowly as to not spill any of the contents, Edward handed it to me with a forced smile on his face.
"Sorry about that, Rosalie's cousin. Here is another beer. I'll be sure to not stand so close next time," he said with obvious contempt.
"Bella," I replied as nonchalantly as I could, choosing to ignore his tone and try to be kind despite his obvious irritation at me. I didn't get it. It was just an accident.
"What?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"My name…it's Bella," I explained. By this time we had all taken seats at the bar. I ended up sandwiched between Edward and Emmett. Everyone but Edward and I were immersed in conversation while they laughed and sipped their drinks. I was busy doodling on a napkin when I felt someone's gaze upon me.
"Can I help you?" I asked, probably a little too harshly, as I glanced up at Edward.
"Sorry, I was just wondering what you were drawing," he asked.
"Oh," I said surprised at his interest. I pushed the napkin to him and gauged his reaction. I had drawn the bouncer in more casual attire with a bird perched upon his shoulder. I had no clue how I had come up with the idea to draw a bird on his shoulder, but oddly enough, it didn't look out of the ordinary.
Edward studied the napkin for a few seconds before letting out a loud laugh. It was a sort of giggling laugh mixed with what sounded like wheezing. I stared at him dumbfounded and realized that the group had stopped their conversations to stare at Edward, matching my expression. When his laughter died down he noticed the lot of us staring at him.
"What?" he asked sounding confused.
"Nothing," they all replied almost in unison.
I watched the interaction between Edward and the others with mild amusement and curiosity. It was like they had never heard him laugh before, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Sure he had the look of a Greek god but he laughed like a Science geek. Strange. Intriguing, even. I decided then that I had to get to know him. I had to try to break his shell and bring life to those beautiful emerald green eyes. Most of all I had to make him laugh as much as I could, as the sound amused me immensely.
EPOV
I couldn't help but laugh at Bella's drawing of Garrett. He always thought of himself as some bad ass nature guy. It was the kind of picture he would want realistically painted of himself. Garrett with a big Falcon or Bald Eagle perched on his shoulder in a Captain Morgan stance. I could see it in my head. After my laughter died down I noticed that my friends were staring at me like I had two heads, which was ridiculous. Of course they'd heard me laugh before, so why the stares?
The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that it had been a long time since I had laughed in front of them. It wasn't as if I was a humorless, souless monster. In the comfort of my own home I'd laughed at all sorts of things like episodes of Family Guy and Will Ferrell movies. Usually the only time I spent with my family and friends was in bars after gigs, and I'd sit there sipping my drink listening to them all babble about weddings and new apartments but I never really joined in.
All of that contemplating made me even more furious with Bella. Who was she to waltz in here and cloud my thoughts and make me laugh like an idiot in front of everyone? Edward Cullen was never affected by anyone let alone some girl he had met merely five minutes ago.
"Thats really funny," I said as I shoved the napkin back to her.
"Thanks," she said quietly as she glanced up at me with a sad look in her eyes.
I immediately felt guilty for putting that look in her eyes, which scared the crap out of me. Feelings were not something I was used to having.
Anything to make you smile, you are the ever-living ghost of what once was...
"Kate, can I get a shot of Jameson?" I asked as I sighed and tried to look anywhere but at Bella again.
"Here you go, Cullen," she said as she slid my shot to me.
I picked it up and quickly gulped it down, appreciating the burn as it went down. I slammed the shot glass down onto the table upside down and noticed Bella jump slightly out of the corner of my eye.
"Sorry," I said in her direction without actually turning my head to look at her.
"It's fine," she said as she continued to doodle on her napkin.
It took everything in my will power to not glance over at her, and it was making me even more furious that she continued to have this effect on me. Finally giving up, I stood up and stared down at her. She looked up at me curiously from under her lashes. When she noticed how upset I looked she immediately looked away and began mindlessly stirring her drink.
My eyes can't look at you any other way...
When I was sure she wasn't paying attention I grabbed one of her doodled on napkins and placed it in my pocket. She had a few scattered there and I figured she wouldn't notice that one was missing.
"I'm leaving," I announced as I grabbed the pack of Parliaments from my back pocket and made my way towards the door. I heard a chorus of "Bye, Edward's" and "Later, dude's" as I stepped out into the cool night.
I handed a cigarette to Garrett and bid my farewell as I flung my guitar strap across my shoulder and made my way to the corner to flag a cab. I always took a train to my gigs and a cab back. The L Train was my personal hell on late nights and I refused to wait a half hour for the train with a bunch of stupid drunk college kids who snorted way too much coke. A cab on the other hand cost ten dollars and got me home in roughly fifteen minutes.
Never in my life had I been more relieved to be home. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped myself down in my writing chair with my guitar lying on my lap.
I stared at the bridge while plucking random strings on the guitar with one hand while I used the other one to absentmindedly sip my beer. Despite my protest, my thoughts drifted to Bella. Never had I ever felt such a plethora of emotions in one night in my life. It had been so long since I had felt anything other than annoyance towards anyone, yet Bella changed all of that in a matter of minutes and had only spoken less than fifty words to me.
I barely knew anything about her other than the fact that she could draw and seemed very accepting. Despite all my attempts to be rude to her, she not once gave the impression that she wanted to slap me and never talk to me again. It was almost as if she was drawn to me, and I wanted nothing more than to keep her as far away from me as possible. Getting to know me would never do her any good. I wasn't any good.
But god, she was beautiful.
I couldn't help but glance down at the chair I was sitting in. It seemed like from now on it would always make me think of her. It was warm chocolate brown like the color of her eyes and hair. I fleetingly wondered if she would be as soft and comfortable in my arms.
Emmettt had mentioned that she would be attending NYU in the Spring which meant she had to be smart.
The official summer months were over, although it seemed to be as though we were having an Indian summer still. I knew that she worked for The Daily Grind in Washington. Emmett must have worked her like a dog since her skin was pale white like she'd hadn't seen the sun all summer.
Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close.
I sighed heavily and placed my beer on the small side table beside me, switching it out for my notebook and pen. I let thoughts of Bella consume me before I placed my pen down onto the paper.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. You're the only topic I don't talk about. Your eyes so brown I can see myself in them, swimming in your gorgeous pupils. It's kind of like the way I wish we'd walk around. I'd buy you every diamond in the whole damn town. Don't you want the diamonds baby? Take me where the lights are low. There's something that I'd love to show you. I'm just like a tree. I'll grow roots underneath you. This ground used to be nothing but soil. Remember when I told you everything was lovely? I lied. I was only confused. Right now I'm just dying very slowly. Please let's leave for a holiday. Quit your life and we'll be on our way with the sun in our faces. I am so guilty, but you are so pretty. Real bad is what I've got. I'm at the bottom. You're at the top. A shade of skin that shows no mercy. Your lips are a sunset that sets over me and only me.
I had to make Bella hate me, it was the only way to save her from the heart ache I would inevitably cause her. I could never bring myself to use her. She deserved better. But a big part of me wanted to keep her close, to feel every single emotion that she could make me feel because so far she had been the only one who could make me really feel anything.
It was then that my thoughts wandered to Tanya. She was Kate's sister and my ex girlfriend.
I had met Tanya one night at R Bar where Kate was bartending at the time. She was like every other girl I had seen. Blond hair, legs for days with curves to match. The kind of girl that guys would flock to and drool over for hours. I must have drunk way too much that night because when I woke up the next morning she was there beside me wearing nothing but the blanket that was draped over her body. I sat up slowly and regretted it immediately. My head ached and I could still taste the remnants of whiskey on my tongue. The movement must have woken her up because she turned to face me and sat up quickly when she saw me staring down at her. Once she realized that she was naked she jumped out of the bed pulling the sheet with her and wrapping it tightly around her body. I hadn't even considered the thought I could have possibly had sex with her until I looked down relieved that I was still fully dressed in my clothes from the night before.
"Tanya." I said trying to form it as a statement instead of a question. I was almost certain that it was her name, but I couldn't remember for sure.
"I'm such a fucking idiot," she admonished herself as she gathered up her clothes.
"What the fuck happened last night?" I asked frustrated as I handed her the jeans that were lying at the foot of the bed.
"Well I stripped and pretty much threw myself at you, but nothing happened," she sighed as she pulled on her jeans skillfully while holding the sheet tightly around her upper half.
"Oh," I sighed, relieved
"I mean Kate told me that you don't really date, but I thought that you at least got laid."
"I don't fuck girls that I barely know," I stated, no need for her to know that I didn't fuck girls at all.
"Well then get to know me," she said as she pulled her top on and dropped the sheet to the ground. I wanted to tell her no, to kick her out of my apartment and never talk to her again but something in the sad, hopeful look in her eyes broke me down.
It was then that I decided to try. Try to be normal and date a girl for the first time.
I took her out for brunch that morning and pretty much every morning after my gigs. She slept over almost every night and after a while it was a comfort I promised to never go without. I never wanted to go to sleep or wake up alone again. Things with us were going great until she started pushing for us to have sex. I tried to explain that it was important to wait and we would until the time was right, but she'd yell and accuse me of being gay.
I liked Tanya, at least as much as I was capable of liking someone. She was a nice girl and wasn't clingy or dependant. She was the kind of girl I felt like I could keep around. We had been seeing each other for almost two months before everything went down hill.
I took her to my place after a gig one night. We were both really drunk when she tried to undress me despite my protest. I ended up pushing her lightly and she fell onto the bed. I guess she must have thought that I was trying to take control of the situation because she lifted her top off with lust filled eyes and I just stared down at her with a guilty expression on my face.
"Fuck me, Edward," she said as she began to unhook her bra.
"No, Tanya," I replied sighing heavily.
I immediately felt guilty for the sadness that she started to display. "But..." she paused, "I love you, Edward, don't you love me?" she asked.
It was then that I couldn't pretend anymore. I didn't love her. I couldn't love her. For fucks sake I couldn't love anyone. Not trusting my voice I looked down at the floor before slowly shaking my head no.
"Fuck you!" she spat as she pulled her shirt on quickly and placed her hands on my chest shoving me back. My back hit the wall and I stared at her slightly stunned by her actions.
"You're an unfeeling bastard!" she yelled as she slapped me "You led me on! All this fucking time!"
She continued to slap and punch me as I stood there taking it. I deserved every single hit she delivered. I was selfish to keep stringing her along. I always knew it, but every night we fell asleep next to each other I thought that maybe in the morning things would be different and that I could learn to love her with time. I guess I was wrong.
"I hope you fall in love with someone and they rip your fucking heart out just like you did to me!"
With that she stormed out of the apartment. It was the last time I saw her. It was also the last time I tried to change; the last time I tried to feel.
So now you have a look into Edwards past, he will be extremely emo and depressing for a long time but eventually he'll snap out of it. I pretty much have this whole story planned out except a few minor details. The more reviews I get the faster I update, I could use the encourgement!