My last few days have been hectic. I got the chance to go to the Today show to see Kings Of Leon, most amazing experience. It might take a little longer for me to update because I'd like to be 2 chapters ahead of the one I post. Some amazing users sent me private messages and left some incredible reviews for the last chapter that literally almost made me cry, you guys are amazing and your support means everything.
I wish I could give MadelineJade a baby sitter and some time off for a week because I don't know how she manages to help me out with my story between her hectic schedule. Thanks again to Twilight-is-lovee for her help.
Songs for this chapter
On The Radio - Regina Spektor
All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.
I didn't know how long I had been awake or even what time it was. Bella was on her side, facing me, our bodies pressed tightly together. Her head was resting just under my chin, I could feel her breath tickling my neck, and every now and then, she would sigh in her sleep and snuggle into me some more. I fucking loved being this close to her. I let out a sigh as I began to replay the events of the previous day in my head. Hearing her stories about her grandmother, about how full of life she was, stirred something in me. I knew from the stories that Bella's grandmother died without any regrets. She had a rich life filled with more love and laughter than I could ever hope to have.
I wanted to try with Bella. I couldn't live the rest of my life with a big 'what if' hanging over my head. Kissing her felt so fucking incredible. Her lips were so soft and eager against mine, and every now and then, she'd let out a little moan that went straight to my dick. It took everything I had to remember where we were: kissing over her grandmother's urn in the backyard with our friends and family mere feet away. There was so much to say when we finally pulled apart, but we silently agreed that now wasn't the time.
I had watched her say her final farewell from the window of the guest bedroom. I watched as her father carried her into the house, and listened by the door, waiting for his footsteps to retreat. I felt something pulling me towards her; I felt her need for me in that moment. I did the only thing that I could. I held her. I sang to her until her tears subsided, and didn't stop until I knew her breathing had evened out and she was sound asleep.
I was broken out of my thoughts by the feel of soft lips pressing kisses against my neck. "Bella," I moaned in a whisper.
She pulled her body away from me slightly, her red eyes looking up into mine. She had woken up crying a few times during the night, and I'd comforted her as best I could, while my heart broke for her. I hated to see her in so much pain. Although her eyes showed the evidence of her endless nighttime tears, they conveyed something different. She looked awed, happy, and thankful.
I smiled down at her before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on her lips. Right before I could pull away, she tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck and held me closer, her lips becoming more urgent against mine. Our tongues fought for dominance as she somehow managed to roll me onto my back, her small body straddling mine. I attempted to palm her breasts in my hand, forgetting the casts that held them prison. I must have hurt her because she immediately pulled away and rolled off me, both of her hands holding onto her left breast.
"Ouch," she said hoarsely before letting out a small laugh. "I don't understand how you forget that your hands are almost entirely encased in plaster."
"I'm sorry," I sighed.
"No, it's okay. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. It's just that… I've just been wanting to kiss you that way since I met you," she said, ducking her head and hiding behind her hair as she climbed out of bed, leaving me too stunned to respond. Was she blushing? I couldn't believe she just said she had wanted me since the first time she laid eyes on me. She had wanted me this entire time? I couldn't help but smile victoriously as I climbed out of her bed. As soon as I exited her room, I could hear the loud voices of my family and friends coming from downstairs.
"Bella! Why are your lips all red and puffy?" I could hear Emmett ask. I growled as I made my way down the stairs. "Oh, good morning, Eddie," Emmett greeted me when I reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Don't call me that," I responded as I took a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.
The rest of the morning was spent in awkward silence. Bella's mother and aunt offered to drive us back into the city, which we all thanked them profusely for. Nothing was worse than New Jersey transit. Everyone invited themselves over to my apartment to watch Jasper and I jam.
I watched Bella and my family enter my apartment, thankful that I had cleaned up all of the empty beer bottles. Rose and Emmett sat on the small island in the kitchen, and Jasper and Alice had chosen the love seat in the living room, which left Bella. I watched her as she nervously made her way towards my writing chair, and I immediately noticed the worried glances my family were giving each other. She took a seat in the chair and noticed the glances they were giving her.
"What?" she asked curiously.
"It's just that…" Alice paused. "Edward never lets anyone sit in that chair, ever," she explained.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Bella said as she began to stand up from her seat.
"You can sit there," I told her quickly. "You are my girl." I said the last part as confidently and matter-of-factly as I could, though we had yet to discuss what we were. Hearing the news of our new relationship status, my family erupted into a chorus of "What the fucks"?
Bella ignored everyone's questions. Her eyes remained trained on mine. She simply nodded once before saying, "Yeah, I am your girl."
And there it was. All the nights I spent awake thinking of her, about how I would never have her, all the booze, the distractions, my fucked up hands, they were all worth it. She was my girl now.
"Don't fuck this up," Rosalie said pointedly, effectively ending the twenty questions session, which Bella and I had completely ignored anyway. I nodded quickly before getting my guitar out and handing it to Jasper. I would try my damnedest not to.
We had spent the entire afternoon putting music to some of my songs, even reworking some of the lyrics. Jasper and I worked surprisingly well together. I sat on the floor in front of Bella. Her legs rested on either side of me, and every now and then she'd run her fingers mindlessly through my hair as I sang. It was perfect, and it felt so right being this close to her as I practiced, since most of the songs were so obviously written about her.
I could have stayed like that all afternoon and evening, but we had to cut our session short because Bella was scheduled to perform at Sweet Up's tonight and needed to get ready. We all went our separate ways and agreed to meet up at the bar for her show.
On my walk to Sweet Up's, I decided to call Bella, since we had barely been able to talk in the last twenty-four hours,though it was evident that we both had a lot to say.
"Hello," a breathless male voice answered. I immediately recognized it as Jacob.
"Why the fuck are you answering Bella's phone?" I yelled into the phone.
I faintly heard her moan in the background and call for Jacob before the call was ended. I was fuming, seeing fucking red. She had been my girl for less than a day and already she was in bed with him, with Jacob of all people.
When I made it to the bar, I didn't stop to greet Garrett or acknowledge any of the people who greeted me. I sat at the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey from Kate, ordering her to keep them coming.
I was really fucking drunk by the time I saw Bella entering the bar, her arm draped over Jacob's shoulder, his hand resting on her hip. I saw red again. How dare he fucking touch her? How dare she cheat on me already? I made my way over to them, not bothering to apologize to the people I had pushed out of my way.
"Get your fucking hands off her, you dog," I spat angrily.
"Edward, it's not what it looks like," Bella tried to explain as she reached for me, her hand coming to rest on my forearm.
"Don't touch me, you fucking slag," I growled. Her face looked shocked at first, like I had just slapped her, before it settled simply on pained as she pulled her hand off me. Jacob immediately let her go and stepped toward me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bella had stumbled a little at the loss of contact and searched for something to grab on to. Her hand caught the back of a chair and she steadied herself.
It was then that I noticed there was something not right about her, but before I could ask, Jacob gritted his teeth, sneering, "You and me. Outside. Now."
I followed Jacob outside, unaware that the rest of my family, as well as Bella, were following behind us.
"Don't you dare ever talk to Bella that way," Jake yelled into my face. I was trying to be as calm as possible, but Jack Daniels was not doing me any good. I couldn't afford to get into another fight, though.
"I can talk about her however I want. She's my fucking girlfriend!" I yelled back.
"Psshh, not anymore!" I heard Bella yell from behind me. I turned around to see her leaning against the brick wall of the bar, my family standing beside her.
"You fucking cheated on me," I seethed as I stalked towards her.
"Whoa, Edward, back up," Emmett ordered protectively, trying to step between Bella and me.
"I'm not going to hurt her," I barked at him.
Her face looked incredulous before she began laughing, though it was without humor. "What? I didn't cheat on you! You're such an idiot!"
"Then why did Jacob answer your phone all breathless? Why did I hear you moaning and calling his name then? Am I that fucking delusional that I can't put two and two together?" It was then that it hit me, the aching pain in my chest. It felt painfully hollow. Broken. I could feel everything, and I was acting out in anger, jealously, betrayal. No longer could I crawl into my empty unfeeling hole. I was human now.
Her face became serious as she heard my words, "I twisted my ankle. Jacob ran to get the phone to call an ambulance even though I didn't need one. You heard me moaning because I was in fucking pain," she explained as she shook her head in disdain at me.
I grimaced, closing my eyes, realizing what as asshole I was. Of course she wouldn't cheat on me, and yet that was the first thought that entered my mind. I was really messed up. I wanted to apologize, to try to make things right, but I had barely even uttered out her name before she cut me off.
"It's nice to know how little you think of me, though," was all she said, and at the same time, she pushed off the wall and attempted to hop back inside of the bar. She swayed a little and lost her balance. Before she could hit the ground though, I caught her and carefully turned her around, pulling her little body tightly against body was tense, but she didn't try to break away from me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry," I slurred as I buried my nose in her hair, taking a deep breath of her strawberry scent.
"You're an idiot. You know that? We've been together for less than twenty-four hours, and you've managed to fuck everything up already. Forget it, Edward. You and I will never work anyway." She spoke quietly, but her voice was absolute and unwavering. She pushed herself away from me, turning and hobbling into the bar as fast as she could.
"Fuck," I yelled to no one in particular. She was right. I didn't trust her. I didn't trust myself. I fucking failed before I even started.
"She's falling in love with you, you know?" Jacob said from behind me. I sighed as I turned to face him. "It's too bad you're a fuck up."
His words struck me. Yes, I was fuck up, but was I falling in love with her too? I racked my brain for the answer but came up blank. I didn't know. I knew I cared about her, cared for her, and would do just about anything she asked, but love was a big word for me. It was a foreign word. A foreign emotion. I could already hear Bella's singing as I made my way back inside with my tail between my legs.
"I wrote this song about the weekend I just shared with someone I care deeply about, although he is one hell of a jack ass. This one's called On the Radio."
This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd
While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep
And all the Styrofoam
Began to melt away
We tried to find some worms
To aid in the decay
But none of them were home
Inside their catacomb
A million ancient bees
Began to sting our knees
While we were on our knees
Praying that disease
Would leave the ones we love
And never come again
On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
And on the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep
On the radio
She closed her eyes tightly as the last notes rang out. It seemed like she was trying to keep her emotions and… perhaps tears—I couldn't be sure—in check before she opened them again. Her shaky breathing could be heard through the microphone. "Thank you," she said breathlessly before hopping off her stool and then limping off the stage. I approached her before she had a chance to disappear within the crowd.
"Bella, I am so sorry. Please give me another chance," I pleaded.
"Why?" she said as she took a deep breath, her brown eyes sad when they finally found mine.
I wanted to make a big declaration, to sweep her into my arms and make love to her all night, but this was the real world. My feelings were a huge fucking gray area that I did not know how to approach. Having her in my life this way was new. Having anyone in my life this way was new. I answered honestly with the only response that I could muster.
"Because you make me feel. Because before you, I was so fucking dried up and numb inside. You've changed me so fast and so completely that it scares the shit out of me. I overact because I don't know how to react. I've never felt most of these feelings before, and I don't know what to do. I should've never jumped to conclusions or spoke to you the way that I did. It was completely unforgiveable. I won't say I'm sorry anymore because it doesn't convey how I feel for how I just treated you. I care about you, Isabella, and for right now, that is all I can offer. I promise to try my best to deserve you, if you can forgive me for my childish outbursts that may occur, because I'm a fucking newborn to this feelings shit."
I could barely breathe when I was done with my speech. I searched her eyes for an answer. I was scared shitless. What if she walked away? She had every right to, but then what would I do?
"Okay," she answered quietly as she nodded. "But just refrain from calling me a slag, slut, whore or any name for a prostitute or promiscuous woman in any slang term or language," she ordered me as she poked her pointer finger into my shoulder for each misogynistic term she rattled off just to underscore her how serious she was. The look in her eyes was intense, yet her feistiness was adorable at the same time, and I managed to stifle the smile that was trying to form on my lips. I didn't want Bella to think I was mocking her.
"Deal," I said before I quickly grabbed her, pulling her body tightly against mine. "I really do care about you," I reiterated as I pressed my lips against hers gently, reveling in the feeling of her body melting into mine. I was home and would do everything in my power to not royally fuck up again.
Ah how I missed Angstward. I promise to write Chapters 15 and 16 very soon, I will try to update within 3 days! as always leave me some lovely reviews, they honestly do motivate me.