My betas MadelineJade and Twilight-is-lovee are incredible, this story wouldn't be the same without them.
JennaBriggs joined Fanfiction just to read my story and we spent the day together and without even realizing it until we got to Bloomingdales, I took her on an almost completely Lamb On The Lamb tour of the city. Totally bought the dress Bella wears to brunch and some studded shoes too. Oh and don't worry we made sure to try on tons of ray bans but luckily Tanya didn't show up. Angela also didn't ring me up unfortunately.
Also I'd like to give a shout out to TeamMidnightSun, taciturnstream, nermalasu, aprilrain429, miismyers, purple1983 and everyone else I may have forgotten that has been with me from the start, I heart you all. Also to my new reviewers, you motivate me more than yah know.
All Songs For This Chapter Are By Kings Of Leon (California Waiting, Cold Desert)
All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer
EPOV
I let out a small breath of air as I inhaled. I was the picture perfect, stereotypical, heartbroken rock star: guitar in my lap, notebook and pen sprawled across the floor, with Jack to my right and a joint in my left hand. I was numb to the point where I could say her name without crying like a girl or throwing myself the fucking Lollapoloozas of pity parties. Pity fucking festivals. All because of her.
There wasn't anything to even say to explain what I saw. Even if it was "nothing" as she said, it didn't fucking matter. He had his dirty paws on my girl again, and she wasn't cringing or pushing him away. She was pulling him closer, thanking him, and kissing him. I was supposed to be the one fixing her when she felt broken, not James.
"Edward, I know you're in there, and I won't hesitate to break this damn door so I can kick your fucking ass." I heard Rosalie's voice blaring from the hallway.
I didn't bother to even try to get up to answer the door. I wasn't moving until I had to. I sighed before taking another pull from my joint and another from dear ole' Jack. Within the past 3 hours, I had managed to get a visit from all of my family members, including my new band members, all to defend Bella.
"Bella," I breathed in agony.
There was only one thing I could do to prevent returning to my former self. I could wake up in the morning, play music with the band, and survive. There were so many words to explain how I felt for Bella, but all she wanted was one word, 4 letters, and I couldn't say it. The words would get stuck in my throat, and I couldn't even form it in my head either.
One more week in this city and I would be gone across the country with all that I had left, myself and my guitar. Once the Jack Daniels and weed had run out, I decided it was time to welcome the nightmares I knew would follow without her warm embrace, the nightmares where I lived my entire life alone to die alone as well. I guess that was once again my reality, since I didn't have her anymore. There would be no one else for me; my heart would forever long for her.
"Edward," I heard her voice whisper as I felt my eyelids being pried open. I groaned in frustration and swatted her away.
"Mom?" I asked as I groggily opened my eyes, the world coming into better view with time.
"Honey, I heard what happened with Bella. I wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I know how deeply you cared for her, and I know this must be hard on the both of you," Esme said as she ran her fingers through my hair.
Once again, I found myself bawling again like a 5 year old. Only this time, it was worse because my mommy was here to comfort me. She didn't say much, just wrapped her arms around me soothingly. No lectures. No judgments. I was grateful for her for the first time in a long time. My mother left shortly after, at my request. Once she was gone, I pulled the covers over my head. I did not resurface.
--
It had been a week since I had been in her presence, although I dreamt of her every night. My cell phone had been left off the charger and died due to the incessant text messages and phone calls from my family. I hadn't touched my guitar, although my right hand was throbbing from the amount of writing I'd done, the new album was practically written.
As much as I would've liked to stay in my solitude, the world had other plans for me. Tonight was our farewell show at Sweet Ups. In the morning, we'd all be taking a flight to California, everyone except Bella. I hated to think of her alone for the holidays. Christmas was only four days away, and no one was going to be around.
Somehow, I had managed to sleep through the entire day, barely having enough time to get ready and make it to the bar in time. Once I arrived, it was hard not to search for her in the sea of familiar faces. She was nowhere to be seen, but I could not figure out if I should've felt relieved or disappointed. The guys were already on stage and motioning for me to join them. I guess I had missed sound check, as well.
I made my way up to the stage and pulled my guitar on with a sigh. Although I couldn't see her, I hoped she was here tonight. The words we left unspoken had been turned into lyrics, and although I felt like I was betraying her by putting everything I felt out there, I couldn't help but feel like she had betrayed me anyway.
"We wanted to thank you for always supporting us, especially me. When our record goes platinum, I promise to buy you all a round," I said through the microphone, "These songs I wrote tonight are important. They're about a girl." I paused and chuckled as the crowd erupted into hoots and hollers. "Things may have come to an end, but I wanted to say that I may be a miserable, dickhead, bastard who's a huge coward, but I could have loved her. This is for you, Bella."
I began to strum on my guitar, already amazed at how we all sounded when we played together.
Little Mona Lisa laying by my side
"Crimson and Clover" pullin' overtime
I feel too close to be losin' touch
By givin' in, what am I givin' up
Am I losin' way too much
I couldn't help but once again search for her as I sang, but she was nowhere to be found. It seemed meaningless to sing to a crowd of people who didn't understand.
Hey
California waiting
Every little thing's gotta be just right
Say
While you're tryin' to save me
Can't I get back my lonely life
I'm goin' so fast that I can't slow down
It's hard to get up when you're spinnin' round and round
I'd tell you the news but nothin's changed
I'd sing you a song but they blew it away
All wrapped up in this stupid ass game
I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in feeling, trying my best to let go all my agony of the last week in my words.
Hey
California waiting
Every little thing's gotta be just right
Say
While you're tryin' to save me
Can't I get back my lonely life
Can't I get back my lonely life
I stepped back from the microphone unable to help the smile that was upon my lips. Romantically, my life was shit, but musically, I had never felt better. My family had gone above and beyond for me, and I would forever be in debt to them.
We went right into the next song before the last one could fully fade out. It was the song I had played for Bella the last night we had together. I let the images of her writhing under me flood my mind as I sang, my voice cracking, threatening to give out with every word. I had to remind myself that being apart was best for us. I had been a fool to think I could really change, and ending things before they really began was for the better.
"I'm gonna take a seat for this last one," I announced as I took a sip from my water bottle.
Ben began to strum the notes, followed by Emmett, and myself joining in. Once Jasper began to play, I took a deep breath and leaned into the microphone.
I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on
That's when I know that you're alone
It's cold in the desert water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without a sound
I once again searched the crowd for her, almost giving up, until I caught a familiar pair of brown eyes looking up into mine from the bar. I felt the feeling that I had let overtake me those past seven days resurface. My heart felt like it was being hollowed out by a brick somehow, my lungs struggling to provide enough air, because, as cheesy as it sounded, she took my breath away. I made sure to keep eye contact as I started the next verse.
Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone
Hand over your heart let's go home
Everyone noticed everyone has seen the signs
I've always been known to cross lines
I almost laughed at the irony of the words I knew were coming, while I blinked back tears. I felt then as if maybe all my "could have's" had turned into "I do's" without my realizing.
I never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus don't love me no-one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old
Ben's solo started, and I watched painfully as she stood up and headed for the door. The finality of it was numbing. The music came to a stop before it faded back, my words coming out in an almost soft yell as I sang to her retreating form. Then she was gone, and so was my heart.
Here's to you
Here's to me
On to us
Nobody knows
Nobody sees
Nobody but me
I officially decided on doing a Sequel for you guys but fear not there are at least 5 more chapters left to this story! Also how amazing are the pictures of Robsten at KOL, totally had me jumping up and down in Soho with Jenna. I promise to update at least every 3 to 4 days depending on my work schedule.
If any of you happen to live in NYC JennaBriggs and I are going to see Twilight in Central Park on Friday night, let me know if you're going cause I'd love to meet you all!