Real life has kicked my ass this week and I have not been able to write anything at all but I wanted to get this out to you with a promise to try and get the next chapter out within a week. JennaBriggs and I got an apartment are moving in September 15th so I will be stressed and crazy busy for a while but i havent forgotten about you all!
MadelineJade and Twilight-is-lovee are my rocks.
All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer and All Songs Belong To Kings Of Leon(who I will be seeing september 12th!)
I sighed uncomfortably as I watched Edward up on stage as I stood with my girlfriends. The swarm of girls around us were screaming his name and offering their wombs to him.
It had been two weeks since I had arrived in California, and I couldn't help but almost regret the decision every time I saw his face. Their CD was finally recorded, and the round of small California shows had begun. Unfortunately, I could not play until the official statewide tour started.
That left me a lot of downtime that I spent writing and rehearsing. James and Jake were in the picture but not the way Edward had construed. We were friends only, and barely even that. They didn't even join us at this performance.
"This next song is for the most beautiful girl I have ever come across," he said breathily into the microphone, which caused the girls around me to squeal.
"Shut the fuck up," Rosalie sneered at them. They glared at us, but backed down once they realized that Angela and Alice were part of our group as well. "Like he's singing about them or something," Rose added under her breath but loud enough for us to hear.
Edward locked eyes with me as the band begun to play. I tried to avoid his stare, but once he began to sing, I couldn't help but watch him closely. His songs always revealed his deepest feelings.
I want in, like a substitute
I've been working awful hard for you
But you don't say, you just hold your breath
So I can't touch what I haven't yet
She's a poor one and it hurts me so
And it's a dark path and a heck of a cold
And she can feel me like she did before
His words stung at the memories they had evoked. For the last two weeks, he had been everywhere I turned, trying to apologize for the things that went wrong, but his explanations of "I care about you" only salted my wounds. "Care" was not the same as "love," and I was sick of hearing it.
Oh, we'd be so free
Happy alone
Sharing a smile
So far from home
Push in, and I pull it away
It's a hard part, but the true love way
Girl, you're wanted like a wanted man
With your smart mouth and your killer hands
We could both share all that I have made
For a young man it's a heck of a wage
And I feel crazy when I see your face
I looked at him, puzzled at his mention of "true love," but shook it off as lyrics used for the sake of making the song better.
Cause we'd be so free
Happy alone
Sharing a smile
So far from home
And we would laugh
Laugh 'til we cry
Making a song
Making me lie
The applause was astounding as the song venue they had us in was easily able to accommodate a few hundred people, and we were barely able to move from our spots in the front row. We had decided on watching the show from the floor rather than the stage. We wanted to get the full experience of the band while we still could. It was already apparent how successful Only by the Night would become, and to be honest, it scared the shit out of all of us.
"I am not a perfect person," Edward said into the microphone.
"Yes, you are!" a girl yelled from the crowd.
"Well, thank you," Edward said with a smirk, "but the truth is, I have been less than perfect to the people who love me, and I know they deserve more, which is what they can expect from here on out. This is for my family, my friends, and especially for the girl that has my heart. This one is called Revelry."
What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine
With the fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene
I get lost in the light so high don't wanna come down
To face the loss of the good thing that I have found
I could see the pain in his face as he said the last line. It sort of drove it home that Edward really did feel more for me than anyone else in his life, and that the loss of me had really affected him. At least that was what I surmised.
In the dark of the night, I can hear you calling my name
With the hardest of hearts, I still feel full of pain
So I drink, and I smoke, and I ask you if you're ever around
Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground
See the time we shared it was precious to me
But all the while I was dreaming of revelry
I held back tears at his words. Until now, I had never noticed how at war he was with himself over four stupid letters that I thought somehow validated everything.
Gonna run, baby, run like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind at my back, I won't ever even bat an eye
Just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart
But the demon and me was the best of friends from the start
He pointed at me as he mentioned who had his heart. I glanced around to come face to face with a crowd of teenage girls giving me looks that could kill. I couldn't help but feel a surge of pride though that he had singled me out for all to see. Practically a declaration. It seemed like a huge step for Edward. Even I could recognize that.
So the time we shared it was precious to me
All the while I was dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
And I told myself for the way you go, it rained so hard it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me
In the back of the woods in the dark of the night
Palest of the old moonlight
Everything just felt so incomplete
Dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
It was such a beautiful song. It seemed like he had written and sung it for me. Even if he hadn't, that was the way I perceived it, and so I smiled up at him as the song ended. He caught my gaze momentarily, and Edward returned my smile with a small knowing one of his own. It was like we were sharing a secret. Although things with us weren't resolved completely, I felt at peace. Maybe if Edward and I could work on our communication, then there could be hope for us.
"Thanks for joining us tonight!" Ben said into his microphone as the guys all walked off stage. The girls and I pushed our way out of the crowd, making sure to push a little harder than necessary to get past the "little girls" as we referred to the screaming fans of the female persuasion. We made it outside in one piece and took a deep breath—almost in unison—of the cool night air. It felt so good to get out of that hot, enclosed venue.
"Those bitches were insane!" Rosalie said while shaking her rest of us just laughed. It was cool that the guys had such a faithful and enthusiastic following, but the little girls in the audience could be rabid.
"We're going to have to watch them from the side of the stage now," Alice decided and we all nodded in agreement. "Oh! I wonder if our pictures will end up on Perez Hilton?" Alice was jumping up and down at the thought of being on a gossip blog. "I hope he doesn't draw a penis on my face though," she added with a frown, which caused us to launch into a round of hysterics. Of course Alice's worst nightmare would be to have the most infamous Internet gossip columnist draw a penis on her picture.
"Hey, sexy ladies, you shouldn't be standing on the street all by yourselves at this time of night. You never know who could be lurking about," Emmett said creepily as he ruffled our hair a bit.
"You mean someone like yourself?" I asked. "You're such a Chester the molestor."
"You got that right," Jasper said agreeing with me. We smiled and high-fived each other.
"You're the one dating a girl who looks like an elementary school student," Emmett retorted.
We all erupted into "oooh's," trying to egg on their little battle.
"No fighting; we all know what happens when we fight," Edward chastised the boys as he joined us. Our eyes locked again for half a second before we sheepishly looked away.
"Yeah, but remember that if you hadn't become an invalid, then this band would have never started," Ben mentioned.
"Ah, yes, my jealously of Bella being unwelcomingly kissed single handedly formed this band," he said as he smirked at me.
They all made puking noises and coupled up as we started to walk back to our hotel.
The apartment in San Francisco was no longer ours, since the album was , we would have to stay in a hotel and relocate whenever the boys played a show somewhere. So, tonight, we were stuck in Los Angeles.
We all walked in a sort of haphazard line, Edward and I stuck together in the back, but we were far enough from the others to have a private conversation.
"I meant every word I sang up there. You have my heart," Edward said, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk.
"I know," I responded as I took his hand in mine. He looked at our locked hands and smiled in surprise at my gesture. It was my way of telling him that we were okay even if there was a hell of a lot more to say. We would get there, but for now, it was nice to enjoy being able to touch him again.
We all went our separate ways once we reached the hotel. The couples all had their own rooms,but Edward and I each had or own separate room. I was relieved not to have to share a room with one of the couples. That would have been extremely awkward.
Edward had decided to walk me to my room. He kissed my forehead as he bid me goodnight.
Once the door was closed, I couldn't help but squeal in delight. But I recovered quickly.
"Get a fucking grip!" I chastised myself for losing it. I was fan girl-ing over Edward Cullen, which was extremely ridiculous.
I fell asleep quickly, dreams of Edward consuming me. My doorbell ringing awoke me around two in the morning. I threw the covers off my bed and grumbled angrily as I made my way to the door.
"You better have an amazing reason to wake me up—" I stopped short when I opened the door. Edward was standing in the doorway. His eyes were obviously red from crying, and his breathing was erratic.
"What's wrong?" I asked in panic, immediately stepping forward to comfort him.
"Everything!" he shouted which caused me to jump in surprise. He moved away from me and began to pace in front of the door. "Nothing ever fucking works out for me; I can't do anything right," he said as he ran his hands roughly through his hair. "I tried so hard not to feel this way about anyone, because it never does anyone good, but I can't fucking help it anymore. I can't."
"Edward, calm down," I said as I approached him. I'd seen him emotional before but never like this. It frightened me a little.
"I can't calm down, Bella!" he said as he stopped pacing and stood in front of me.
"Why?" I asked as I looked up into his tortured green eyes.
"Because I fucking love you," he said as he fell to his knees almost in relief, as if finally letting go and saying those words had lightened a burden he had been carrying. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I could feel his tears soaking through my pajamas as Edward rested his head against my stomach. I stood there in shock, not believing what I had just heard.
"What did you say?" I asked as I fell to my knees as well in front of him. We were facing each other. I stared deeply into his eyes, scrutinizing them. I wanted to be sure I heard him correctly. Make sure I hadn't just imagined it.
Edward pushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear and pressed his forehead against mine. Our noses were touching, and our eyes were trained on one another's. He took a deep breath before he spoke.
"I love you, Isabella."
Edwards pov will explain everything clearer but the end of this chapter and the next have been in my head since I started this story. Lemon next chapter! review!