Thought this chapter was never getting posted! Big thanks to Kristyn for talking me through it. Just so you all know, I don't really have a plan for this anymore. Don't worry, I'll think of something lol. Enjoy!

On my way to the Chief's office, I paid attention to no one and nothing. My ears were deaf to every sound that was not the blood pulsing through my veins, which created a constant, pounding beat. Soon my feet fell in step with that beat and I focused on the right-left pattern of the rhythmic march as hard as I could. As long as I was concentrating on the march, my mind could not think of much else, like where I was going and why I was going there in the first place.

But not paying attention to where you are going is dangerous. There was a time when I would stop the people who were walking around without watching where they were going and yell at them for being so stupid and lazy. But I knew better now. The people who moved without care or purpose were not stupid or lazy; they just had more important things to be thinking about than where they were walking. Unfortunately, when you do not watch where you are going, you run the risk of bumping into people or things, and I did just that.

"Sorry," I muttered, not even bothering to look up to see who I had hit.

"Layla?" It was Mark, of course. I suddenly began to care. I stopped walking and turned to face him, only daring to lift my eyes for a moment before letting my gaze fall to the tiled floor of the hospital once more. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," I answered with mock cheerfulness. I looked up and flashed my famous fake smile. "Yeah, I'm…I'm fine. Great, actually. I'm just headed up to the Chief's office…."

"The Chief's office? Why?" He looked like he actually cared; but then, maybe that was just my hopeful eyes imagining things. I was not in the best state of mind, after all.

"I'm going to ask for a transfer so we can both move on with our lives," I said truthfully. It was surprising how easy it was for me to talk to him. Mark's mouth was open and his features were scrunched up as he tried to figure out what I said and what it meant. I waited a few minutes, but still he said nothing. He seemed to be trying to think of something to say. I sighed and went back to marching numbly to the Chief's office.

"Wait!" I heard him call to me, but ignored him. Nothing he could say could make me change my mind; I had to do this.

I lost some of my nerve when I made it finally to the Chief's office and could not quite convince myself to go in. I knew I had to, but I still stood rooted with fear outside the door, leaning against the wall of the opposite side of the corridor. My mind was arguing with itself, trying to make my feet continue their march into the office. It took a while to realize that someone was talking to me.

Cristina Yang stood half a foot from my left ear, rambling on about some nonsense that was probably supposed to convince me to let her scrub in on a surgery. Yang was hardcore into cardio; it was a known fact around the hospital. As a result, she had been trying to kiss my ass since I had arrived, thankful a Cardio-God was once again walking the halls of Seattle Grace. Yang talked big, but I knew half the words out of her mouth were bull. I was not stupid enough to think that she was an actual friend I could talk to. Those, I had none of. Except Mark, and I had screwed that up. Big time.

But as I watched her ramble on without hearing a single word she said, an idea began to form in my head. What Yang wanted more than anything was to scrub in on a surgery, especially a cardio surgery. I could grant her that wish, if she would do something for me. It was kind of pathetic, but I needed someone other than me and Mark to know.

"Are you interested in scrubbing in on open heart surgery this afternoon?" I asked suddenly. Yang blinked, not expecting me to a) speak, or b) offer her a surgery so easily.

"Yes, of course!" she answered excitedly. She began to babble again about how great she thought I was and hoe capable she was to assist with such a surgery. I did not care to listen.

"Good, then I need a favor from you. Do you know somewhere we can speak privately?" I ignored her stunned silence and waiting for a response with growing impatience. She nodded slowly and began to walk away, not even looking to see if I was following.

She led me to a steam room. I was a little surprised, but did not take the time to think about how she had known to come here. Instead, I wasted no time in rounding on her. She crossed her arms and waited for what I had to say.

"This is pathetic, and stupid—extremely stupid—but I need to tell this to someone else before I fall apart. I swear to everything good in this world, if you tell another soul anything about this conversation, including the fact that we even had it, I will make sure your hands never touch a scalpel again. Are we clear?" I threatened. Yang nodded quickly, eyes wide with fear and anticipation. I sighed, taking a step back and losing my mentor persona. Slowly, my mouth opened and my awful tale began to spill from it.

Yang listened patiently and silently as I told her every dark secret my mind possessed. I left nothing out. I told her about my first day, my first time seeing him, my first plan to get him alone. The only part of Yang that displayed the thoughts she was thinking were her eyes, which showed more and more horror with each word I spoke. But she didn't say anything, not even when I was done and had to leave so she couldn't see me crying.

…

"Hey! Hey…you okay?" Mark asked for the second time that day. I quickly wiped my eyes and smiled at him again.

"Yeah, really, I'm fine," I answered, a feeling of déjà vu spreading through me.

"You don't look fine…" Mark accused.

"Mark, I said I'm fine! What do you want anyway?" I snapped at him angrily. Hurt flashed in his eyes for a moment, and then they were cold again.

"I just thought I should tell you that…I told Lexie," he said. My eyes widened and I fought for control of my wandering mind.

"You…what?! Why Mark? I told you not to!" I was angry again; not at him, but angry at myself for letting this all happen. For wanting it to happen. "Did she…How did she…?"

"She told me to screw off, leave her alone. She's done with me and all that fun stuff…"Mark admitted. His eyes were on the floor and even though he spoke as though he could care less, I could tell it was tearing him apart. I felt the urge to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but decided against it. I was the one causing him the pain in the first place.

My eyes flashed to the left, where the door to the Chief's office awaited me. With this new bit of information, I was no longer so sure of my choice to ask for a transfer. The point of me leaving was so Mark could keep this part of his life a secret and move on with Lexie, but if that was no longer a possibility, was there still a reason for me to leave? Or should I stay and see if there was a chance still for me to be with Mark?