2nd October

I am going to kill Rivalee Zane. Slowly and very painfully. Black and Potter somehow heard about my dream and are now taking the piss. How did they find out? Oh, let me see...could it possibly be my so called friend explaining my weirdo dream in a voice that is so loud a man in a coma in Australia heard?

See, this is what happens when you have a friend who believes in freaky crap like dream meanings.

I mean, it's not like it's my fault what images my stupid subconscious pulls up. I'd much rather have had a dream about Caleb the guy who plays guitar in the best band ever, Forever the mystic kids. But no. I have to dream about Snape and Potter.

Even Lupin was taking the piss on patrol tonight. God, I wanted to deck him.

Gits.

5th October

I think Mary fancies Lupin.

6th October

Yeah, she does. And she wants me to find out if he likes her too. What are we, 12?

Plus, I don't think he does. And I have a sneaking suspicion that he's gay. I mean, why else would he be single? That didn't come out right. I'm not suggesting that just because he's single he's gay (I'm single and I'm straight) merely that I've never noticed him take any interest in any girls. And you know he's nice, he's smart, he's funny, he's popular, he's kind of cute in a nerdy kind of way...he could easily get a girlfriend. If he wants one.

But anyway, back to my stupidly impossible task. How the hell am I going to find out if Lupin fancies Mary?

10th October

I was going to pick Black's brain in Potions (not literally, although it's tempting sometimes to poke a quill down there and see if there's actually anything in there) but all of the Marauders were mysteriously absent from all lessons, all day. Obviously it would have anything to do with the fact that today is Black's 17th birthday. Wonder where they went?

I'm starting to wish I'd skived today. I'm in Transfig and it's so boring it's not even funny. McGonagall is just droning on an-

Oops. McGonagall caught me writing in here when she asked me a question and I didn't answer because I was too busy "expressing my boredom and desire to truant".

Truant. As if anyone even uses that word any more.

At least she was polite enough to only read today's entry.

Nosy bitch. This diary is a record of my innermost thoughts and feeling etc. Etc. Etc. I wouldn't read her diary. Not that I'd want to. It'd be so boring, all about her weirdo obsession with cats and her unrequited love for Dumbledore.

I digress.

On the whole I suppose she wasn't too bad. I got a bit of lecture, but no detention.

11th October

Damn McGonagall! Damn her to the deepest pits of hell!!

The Marauders got totally busted about skiving yesterday and McGonagall told them that I told her! They were so mad. It was quite intimidating actually, but Evanna was with me and she can be pretty scary herself.

I didn't want to tell them that she had caught me writing in my diary because a) they would try to find it, b) they would read it c) they would take the piss and d) Potter would get some sort of stupid kick about him in my diary. Never mind the fact that it was a passing reference to him-obviously it means I fancy him, due to the ridiculous stereotype that girls write in their diaries to moon over the most popular guy in school.

Anyway.

I told them that I didn't mean to tell her, and then I was like well you shouldn't be skiving anyway.

See, its stupid replies like that that mean I end up with a reputation for being an arse licking teachers pet. Which I'm not. The prefect thingy doesn't help. Come to think of it, it was probably the nerdy reputation that got me landed with the bloody thing.

So the Marauders decided to stop speaking to me. As if I even care; I'm more hacked off about my dork reputation.

Well at least I don't have a reputation for being a man whore like Black. Or a bullying bastard like Potter or a pervy creep like Pettigrew or a geeky tag along like Lupin. (That's unfair, I like Lupin).

So yeah, Potter. Your face.

13Th October

Ooh, well that lasted a long time. Not. Black was waffling on in potions about...something, I don't know what I lost interest and Lupin was talking to me on patrol tonight. And I never talk to Pettigrew if I can help it because he weirds me out, so that doesn't make any difference.

So the only one talking to me is Potter. I feel like I should feel angry or hurt or something, but I just don't really care.

15th October

Oh, for God's sake. James Potter is such a bloody drama queen. Black told me in potions that Potter was considering his feelings for me because he didn't know if he could love a snitch.

I burst out laughing and pointed out that Potter already IS in love with a snitch i.e. Quiddich.

Black did this gay little huffy thing and started dumping all these random ingredients in the cauldron and I was like what is up with you? Then I vanished his stupid made up potion that was BOUND to blow up and hit Narcissa Black and she'd get mad and curse me but not Black because he's her cousin and she's probably planning to marry him because she's an inbred.

So ANYWAY, after I'd got rid of his stupid potion I said "Look, Black, I don't know what you or Potter want me to say, because to be brutally honest it doesn't really make much of a difference to my life if Potter talks to me or not. I don't care if he thinks I'm a snitchy cow. I don't CARE if he decides to stop fancying me. In fact, I'd be glad. So, can please tell you friend to GET OVER HIMSELF?"

That's when I noticed that Black was staring at this point behind my head. There was this polite cough behind me and I turned slowly to see Slughorn looking at me. I gave this feeble little smile, praying that my GeekReputation (TM) would kick in and save me.

"So, Miss Evans lets have a look at your potion." His smile was kind of fixed, but it seemed like he was going to gloss over my little rant. Phew.

At least until I turned back to see an empty cauldron. Cue me staring in panic and horror.

Then Black pushed this flask in front of Slughorn.

"Here you go sir." He said smoothly. "We finished early, so we cleared up."

I could have kissed him. Ew. Scratch that. I could have hugged him. I wanted to gape, but fortunately had the good sense to shut up and go with the flow.

"What was in the flask?" I asked on the way to dinner. He tapped his nose and winked.

"I don't want to give you any corrupting ideas Evans." He grinned.

I nudged him with my elbow and he whined "owww!" and put his hand to his arm. Yeah, like that hurt.

"No, I'm serious, Black..."

"No, I'm Sirius." He protested.

I threw him a disdainful look. He's been using that joke, or variations of it, since first year. It gets old quickly. "What was in there?"

He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "You don't want to know." He said.

"No, I really do."

"No, you really don't."

"Tell me!" I whined like a kid.

"Piss and ink."

No, I did not want to know.

20th Oct

Yay!

Gryffindor won their match against Hufflepuff 310-20. Good game, great playing etc. I mean that fact that they were playing against Hufflepuff, a team notorious for not being able to tell which end of a broom is the bit you sit on, has nothing to do with it.

But seriously. Even I know how to sit on a broom and I'm a) Muggleborn and b) scared shitless of flying. When we had our first flying lesson in first year I got like 2 foot off the ground and I freaked out and FAINTED. It was SO embarrassing. That's when I became friends with Evanna. She kindly offered to take me up to the common room or Madam Pomfrey or whatever because she was already "Capable of sitting on a flying piece of wood, thanks."

Yes, that is what she said to the teacher. That's why I love Eva. She wasn't being arrogant or anything either she is an amazing keeper. And an amazing friend, seeing as I had never spoken to her before and then I vomited on her shoes. Aw. Bonding through vomit. I bet not many friendships are built upon sick.

I digress. Where was I?

Oh yeah. So I was going to say this to Potter but he was snogging Jennifer Hadley, who is only like the prettiest girl in the year below. She has bad taste.

Anyway I spent most of the time protecting my vomit buddy Evanna from the evil clutches of Pervy Pettigrew.

He is such a creep. I mean, why is he even if Gryffindor? He's a total wimp who can't do anything for himself and hero worships Potter and Black. What is that all about?

27th October.

Hurrah! Nearly Hogsmeade trip time, which means I can get my hair cut, it is driving me INSANE.

29th October.

Potter is DEAD.

I'm seriously considering marching up to him and killing him with whatever happens to be handy. Do you know what he's gone and done now?

Of course you don't. You're parchment.

Anyway this is why I'm going to kill Potter. If I end up in Azkaban and this diary is read at least my motives will be clear. Unless I take it with me...it'll be something to do at least, apart from have all my happy memories sucked out of me. I could write all my experiences down and get published and become extremely famous and critically acclaimed for my gritty realism in my searing truthful and heartfelt memoirs. It could be called Memoirs of a Murderer or perhaps something incredibly deep and meaningful like The Madness Within. Ooh, I like that. This killing idea is sounding better and better.

I digress.

What Potter has done is get me, Eva, Rivalee, Mary, the marauders and a bunch of skanky Slytherins in detention for a week.

Oh and BANNED FROM HOGSAMEADE.

Well, not forever, just for this trip, but still. I NEED a haircut! I can't see! If my hair gets so long that it goes in my eyes, I could miss a step and fall down one of the massive staircases and DIE. And it would be ALL HIS FAULT. And besides, if you get more than four detentions at one time for one specific thing you get a letter home. And every time you get a letter home it goes on your permanent record. So now my previously spotless record now has 2 black marks on, in the space of not even two months and both are because of James bloody Potter. And it's for the stupidest thing ever.

A food fight.

Yes, Potter is so mature that he starts a food fight. What the hell is wrong with a DUEL?

I mean, all that happened was the Slytherins were bitching about us. Big whoop. They always are. And then they started to shout stuff over. Pathetic stuff like that Gryffindors are gay and stuff. Very offensive. Not.

But Potter got pissed off and stood up and started to shout back. I reached up and grabbed the knot of his tie and pulled him back down onto the bench. I kept my hand there for a minute and then I deemed it safe to let him go.

Oh, how wrong I was.

That complete idiot Avery shouted over that Potter is never going to get a shag because Evans is too frigid.

I mean what?

Anyway Potter went really red and stood up and grabbed a roast potato and lobbed it at Avery. And Potters a chaser, he's got good aim. So thwack it hit Avery on his big nose and splat it went all over his face. This was, admittedly, amusing. What wasn't amusing was when the Slytherins got all protective and territorial and started chucking all this crap at us. Snape got parsnip in my (ridiculously long) hair the bastard. Everyone was fighting back and then Potter shoved a potato in my hand and then McGonagall and Slughorn came over just as I threw it and because I'm such a bad shot it HIT Slughorn on the knee.

McGonagall went ape shit at us. She hauled all...all FIFTEEN of us out and gave us a massive bollocking.

31st October.

What a crappy day. No Hogsmeade trip and detention. Lines. SO BORING. My hand is killing me.

The only good thing was the Halloween feast. Black had his wand out (oo-er) and was making the dishes on the Slytherin table float every time Avery went to get some.

And even that wasn't that great.

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