III.

For some strange reason, one of my pathetic ex-boyfriend's bitches had suddenly enacted it his life's mission to root himself in any ground that was within two feet of me. Stupid, bigheaded, brainless fucking moron. The term idiocy should by now go by a new term: E-M-B-R-Y C-A-L-L. Embry Call. The jackass refused to leave me to myself, and I just didn't get what possessed him.

Was he just sadistically loyal or just plain in-fucking-sane? I couldn't even get out of my own house without him magically appearing beside me, smiling like he was so damn pleased and asking more questions than Seth ever asked me about Father Christmas. He was making me sick.

"I was just passing by," Embry reasoned.

Who was he kidding? Was he even fucking serious? I knew Sam had sent him. Sam Uley was playing mother bear during his free time lately. He was collecting and mothering the hopeless teenage idiots of La Push like an orphanage director wannabe. If I hadn't known better, I could have sworn this new motherly instincts he had just discovered within him was the reason why he lost himself in the woods and broke up with me. I don't want to love you anymore Leah...I want to love the idiot La Push assholes.

The gist of the matter was that this particular Embry Call was one of his darling babies. No wonder Embry was being such a sucker. Sam called themselves 'the protectors' of La Push. Goddamn it, were they five? I could vaguely remember Embry asking me about it once. Back then, he was just curious. Lo and behold whatever mummy Sam did, he had sucked Embry right into his pathetic 'the protectors' club. I couldn't understand why at first. One minute Embry looked disgusted at them, then I found out he had began worshipping the ground Sam Uley walked on.

Boys really are aliens, minus the intelligence.

I laughed my ass off when dad had first told me about it. The protectors, huh? They could topple Barney the pedophile dinosaur off the children's charts anytime. 'The protectors are here...be scared kids, be reaaally scared...' If that ever appeared on the television mum would have to ground me for dismembering the tube. I would totally hurl the remote control and the couch at it.

"Well, why don't you continue passing by and not block my path?" I suggested. I may have loved the wrong person, but I wasn't dumb. I just knew by the way Sam paraded his collection of giant idiots that this - the Embry blocking my way slash ruining my day thing - has something to do with it.

"I just...you know, want to make sure you're okay," Embry said, patiently lightly kicking the pebbles at his feet.

Okay, scratch that. This definitely had everything to do with it. I knew Embry from years back - but he was just one of those familiar faces in the rez. He wasn't even my friend.

But now he was trailing me? And he's freaking talking to my parents like a drugged parrot. The prick couldn't close his mouth talking to mum and dad. My parents! The tribe elders! He didn't even speak that often to Seth, and he was much closer to him and his age. It wasn't normal.

"You want to know if I'm okay?" I grunted. He nodded solemnly. "Well I'm not okay. I'm never okay. Happy? Now, why don't you do us both a favour and skip along now to ask someone else if they are okay?"

"You're not okay?" he croaked.

There was something foreign about the way he just said that. It was like it held a personal meaning to him. As if it tormented him to a great deal. I shrugged. "Are you addicted to the word?"

"Huh?" He blinked stupidly. "No...why aren't you okay?"

I rolled my eyes and stalked away as quickly as I could. "Just fuck off, Embry. I'm not snitching to mummy Sam, I give you that."

I was thankful he didn't pursue his 'are you okay?' conversation once more, because I was very much getting pissed by all his dialogues. Not that I wasn't pissed twenty-four-seven, but I had plans for the day, and this Sam Uley worshipper was ruining it with much enthusiasm. Embry kept up with me easily, striding like a graceful horse.

"Why do you keep relating this to Sam?" he cried, looking desperate as he nervously ran his hands through his short hair.

I laughed. "Because it is totally like Sam fucking Uley to ask you - no, to force you - to watch Leah Clearwater and ensure that she is still grieving over the fact that he is going to tie the knot with her cousin and that she would be the sad little bridesmaid on their fucking wedding day!"

My little laugh had turned to bitterness before I could contain it. Damn it, I thought I had learnt to repress the pain. Embry's presence didn't only peeve me, now it made me reveal thoughts I would never do otherwise. I was fuming by the time I had wasted my breath screeching at him. The sole reason behind the havoc of everything that was faintly related to Leah Clearwater resurfaced within me so prominently it was hard to believe I still had enough room in my heart to hate Embry too. If it wasn't for his stupidity, I would not have been reminded of every blasphemous wrongs in my wretched life.

I was surprised he didn't look affrighted. In fact, he looked like he had taken it personally again. "Sam did that to you?" he verified incredulously.

Then he began shaking so strongly I was alarmed he might break his bones with the force. I heard something that sounded like 'I'm going to kill him', but I dismissed it. It could either be one of Sam's strategies to let Embry gain my trust, or if it really was true, then good. I would gladly purchase a giant foam finger and cheer Embry on. Go Embry, die Sam! Go Embry, die Sam!

When Embry began blurring from his tremors, I discovered that my hangover was finally catching up with me. I had been drinking heavily last night, and the day before, and the night prior to that...I lost track. So now I was hallucinating and hearing things.

I walked faster before my mind made me believe Embry was a squirrel. Sadly, if I really was only hallucinating, then my dreams of cheering Embry on to beat Sam to death may not be fulfilled after all. I sighed. I really need to get away from this shit hole.

I doubled my pace, but Embry was still hot on my heels. I had made my opinion perfectly clear hadn't I? "Shit, kid, I'm getting tired of hitting you everytime to get my message across."

"I just want to let you know that I'm not here by force. I genuinely want to know if you're okay."

Why? I bit my tongue before the word slipped. "Then I genuinely want you away too."

By God, I might have drank a little too much, because I may have heard Embry mumble something along the lines of 'I can't'. I glowered at him, but he had his mouth closed and his head bowed so I was definitely only hearing things. His feet started to play with the pebbles again.

Never in my life would I have thought that I would ever be grateful to Jacob Black. Until now.

The conceited idiot burst through the trees so swiftly it could only be explained by the effects of alcohol. Startled, I shook my head in disbelief as he approached Embry. He looked so much like him. They both have cropped their hair roughly. I wondered if that was Sam's initiation rights. For someone collecting giant assholes, it was still pretty absurd. Jake was momentarily beffudled by my presence, but he soothed his face into bemused understanding without ado.

Unnerved, I shook my head as Jake slipped next to Embry, who greeted him with a hard nudge in the rib and a growl. He growled at Jacob. This was definitely alcohol related. What normal person growls? Weren't we supposed to have evolved already? Well apparently, combined with my intoxicated state and Embry's animalistic response to Jake, only females had evolved. Men were still possessive, boisterous, brainless assholes.

Take Sam for example, he was the model for everything asshole related.

I didn't have time to waste in watching the two of them whisper in each other's ears. So I whisked off to leave them to cuddle on their own. I set forth to the cliff face to get some direly needed time out, as I have been planning all along, if Embry hadn't harrassed me. The sun was braving La Push today, lazily peering around the edges of dense clouds that threatened rain any time soon. I had to get to the cliff before the surge came in.

Better yet, why didn't I just wait for the strong tide and let it carry me away to a happier, livelier place? Life sucked anyway. I was just a tiny speck in the universe. It didn't matter if I drowned now did it?

"Leah, please stay close. It's dangerous out there. I'll be right back."

Obviously, I was wrong, because someone assigned to pestering me would find it extremely difficult without anyone to annoy. I wasn't even anywhere close to my destination, but Embry's extraordinarily warm hands were upon my arms at once, turning me around so I faced him in a very uncomfortable distance. I was surprised it didn't hurt at all; he did it so fluidly yet so carefully the sensation was almost peculiar. He handled me so gently, so tenderly that it freaked me out. I pushed him angrily, which didn't help. He didn't even flinch.

"Fuck it, Embry! Just leave me alone!"

He shot a pleading look at Jacob. When Jake stood his ground, Embry soughed, yielding. "Please Leah, please. Don't wander off."

I crossed my arms. As supposed-to-be-extinct-but-was-bred-and-kidnapped-from-Isla-Sorna Barney said, 'let's play make-believe'. If there was a way to just get rid of him, I could effortlessly pretend to understand why the hell he wanted me so caged. Was Sam's instructions 'make sure she doesn't ran off before our wedding'? Knowing that I was actually planning to, Sam, for once, was clever.

"Fine."

"Don't do this to me," he muttered skywards weepily. I didn't know if it was intended for me or for Jacob. Probably for Jake, seeing that they shared some strong intimacy. Embry gave me one last pleading look before taking into the trees.

Unbelievably, I felt abandoned when Embry had turned his back on me. Oh. my. God. Since I was five I had shrieked my lungs out to get the boys, especially Rachel and Rebecca's snotty little brother (that was Jacob) out of my sight and now I was feeling abandoned after those sixteen year-old still-snotty teenagers left? Alcohol did alter my mind.

I stood there for awhile, not really knowing what to expect. Then I remembered what I had mapped out my day to be like, and decided to push through with it. The cliff looked inviting enough. Since La Push didn't really have the sun and glory of Ibiza, the cliff was usually pretty isolated.

I liked being at the edge of the earth with the vast ocean stretching as far as the eyes could see. There was nothing there; no pressure, no pain. I relaxed at once, inhaling the salty waft of seaside air - it took me away from all the pain.

I slipped off my flip-flops and redied myself to take the plunge down. The water below didn't appear too beckoning; it looked as though a storm might be brewing. I ignored the danger. The waves splashed with gusto against the cliff face, spraying water around the rocks. I let my hair loose, breathed in, and dived.

I hate you Sam Uley.

The experience was fascinating. The fall took my breath away, both metaphorically and literally. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through my veins, my heart rate increasing and the tide claiming me away from safety. I let nature overwhelm me before resurfacing with a mirth. I didn't realise that I was pulled away so strongly so fast. A grumble roared overhead and it seemed like the storm was brewing faster and closer than I had anticipated.

It should be my lucky day.

The waves around me trashed against my body, restraining my balance against the rough sea. I coughed as I started being pulled under, but I knew better. Who else would be best equipped to handle rough seas than the daughter of a fishing maniac? Dad had made sure he had the excuse of teaching me and Seth how to swim to make us go with him whenever fellow fishing maniacs Billy and Charlie bailed on him.

I breathed in deep and floated myself, resigned to whatever the current wanted to do with me. Ironically, despite the power of the sea dragging me to its depths, I felt at peace. It wasn't the 'life after death here I come' kind of peace, but more like the 'I'm just glad to be here' one. The serenity overwhelmed me and I wallowed in the sensation. I had been such a bitter person that the old Leah was almost gone.

Thank you Sam, for breaking my heart, for ruining my future, and for being the world's greatest morons.

I didn't know how long I stayed afloat. I had closed my eyes to impend anything from hindering the sheer calmness that engulfed me. Hell, I needed that. I did what I did best - bitched at Sam. Not least because he was the reason for the greatest pain in my life. Insensitive dick. I was his ex-girlfriend, for crying out loud, not to mention he was marrying my cousin, and he had the nerve to ask me to be their flippin' bridesmaid?

Because I couldn't, perhaps wouldn't bitch about Emily - well, not in front of anyone at least - Sam had to take double the blow. Not that he minded; he would gladly do anything for my cousin. Even when Emily was mauled, Sam took responsibility for the bear. Insane, yes. He acted like it was he who caused it. There was a never ending string of apologies from his mouth; Sam even looked half-dead. I found it hilarious at first. Sam must have been too blinded by his love for Emily. It never occured to me that the reason why I despised acknowledging it was because I coveted everything so much. The care, the love, the attention Sam showered her--I wanted it all so badly.

Perhaps, the most painful was how everything changed too dramatically. Our relationship took years to build. The trust, the honesty, the love, they were all invested. Both of us shaped our relationship with time. But Sam had thrown it away with just one single look at Emily. He saw her all but once, and the next thing I knew, the love of my life was hers. I couldn't understand how everything we built could suddenly be non-existent. How could he love Emily so strongly when it was me who shared four long years with him?

There were too many questions running in my mind. Why? How? Did nothing matter to him afterall those years? Absolutely nothing at all?

The water that slid down my cheeks were not of the sea. I had vowed not to cry over the douchebag anymore, but I just had to break it every day. It was wrong. It was all wrong. I couldn't do this, mourn from someone that wasn't mine now. He was marrying Emily. Get over it, Leah.

There was a part of me that resisted. Nothing is wrong. He was yours. He should be yours. Because a higher being resented me, what should be was now just a subjunctive. The could be, but never will be scenario. Everything was wrong, because he should have been with me.

But there was nothing that could change it. Not my tears, not my desperation, not even my death. Because nothing was meant to be.

I hate you Sam. And I love you.

I intended to punch the volume of water surrounding me, which, given that I actually manifested the intention, gave way to a big round splash of sea water against my face. I lost my balance, and before my reflexes kicked into gear, I was tumbling down the depths of the sea.

I hate you Sam. And I love you.

I couln't believe I was not resisting against the surge of waves anymore. More pathetically in fact, that even if I wanted to die, I chose it with the knowledge that my last words would be that I loved Sam.

Battling against my imposed self-pity, I preferred the rush of fury. Shit. Sam is a motherfucking goddamn son of a bitch. I don't need him!

I had probably been spilling my emotions physically, for when I finally resurfaced, I all but exhaled salt water. I was too far out to sea that I could just about make out the cliff. Or maybe it was just because my eyes were still sore.

My stupid little emotional exercise that was neither effective nor useful appeared to have drained me of energy. I swam towards the cliff at a slow and steady pace, doubling my curses at Sam every so often. When I was just near enough, I saw an amusing figure dancing all wrong on the cliff. What the -?

Someone was at the cliff, but not dancing. Hell, it looked like it. As I drew nearer, I realised that the wailing arms weren't part of a dance routine. Apparently, it was meant to call me. Who on earth would risk their reputation, panicking and wailing like a brainless moron trying to get me back to shore?

I thought it was Seth. My baby brother was a little overprotective of me, which was totally unnecessary. Shit, if Seth dared to dance like that, the whole Clearwater family would need to disappear from Washington state.

But no, it wasn't Seth. It was, as I really should have guessed, Embry Call.

Embry turned out to be hell of a lot more annoying than my brother. He threw himself towards the waters when I decided to take a little dip instead of swimming freestyle, scaring the shit out of me when he appeared beside me two seconds later. He looked like he was about to lose his mind, poor kid. He assessed my condition and started pulling me to shore, like a lifeguard with a drowning victim. If he was attempting to make me feeI weak, then he may have to go file a report to Sam because I felt terribly powerless. And damn it, I hated every part of it.

He was constantly reiterating his questions of whether I was okay, all of which I didn't want to hear. I swam ashore and ignored his incessant interrogation. He sounded so gay. I was drained, but also extremely angry at myself. I didn't need idiots like Embry Call to guard me and make me feel fucking vulnerable.

"Jesus Leah! You almost gave me a heart attack! What the hell was that for?"

I laid down on the sand, my mouth shut. He wailed gain. "Leah? Leah, are you okay? Please answer me. Say something. Do you want me to take you to the hospi -"

"What the fuck Embry? What is with you?"

"I should take you to the hos -"

"Hospital? You're thinking of fucking getting me to a hospital?"

He just gaped at me without explanation. I rolled my eyes. I think I may have had planned the day wrong. "You know what?" I spat, lifting myself off the sand and slapping his supporting hands away. "I this can't have anymore of this. I'm sick and tired of being followed by you of all people, all the fucking time!"

"Me?" he blubbered.

"Hey Leah!"

I turned around and groaned. Great! Just Great! Thanks, life. You fucking suck. When I thought my day couldn't get any worse, Paul Meraz, the resident idiot with a negative IQ just had to come by and waddle himself in.

"What?" I snapped.

He pretended to be terrified, and the laughed. "Angry, are we?"

Embry growled again. I ignored whatever secret message boy growls meant and looked back at Paul's big head. "You want me angry? I give you angry."

I swung my hand back as strongly as I could, and let it fly forward to his face. He dodged it without effort, bracing my hand with his vise grip. I winced. He was running a temperature. "Ow, ow! Damn it, let go!"

Embry jumped beside me and tried to break Paul's arms. I sneered at the way Embry concentrated on afflicting damage to Paul. His eyes blazed revenge. Paul let go at once and glared back at Embry, but not as intensely. He just looked like he wanted to piss him off. After their glare showdown, Embry tried to ask for my hand. I turned around and walked the other way. This Embry Call needed to stop trying to be in my life. He stumbled after me.

"Leah, wait."

"What now? I had put up with you for the whole day, Embry. Now will you please leave me alone?"

He sighed. "You really shouldn't have done that. Do you know how dangerous it is out there?"

"I don't need lectures from a moron," I scoffed.

"Are you okay now?"

"Are you going to let that question rule your life?"

"Look Leah, there are...things out there that are too dangerous. Please don't ever put me through that."

I raised my eyebrow. Ha, funny. "Put you through what?"

He closed his eyes and his forehead creased. He was worried, pained, and desperate at the same time. Simulteanously, I realised I was reading his reactions. Woah, hold it right there, Leah. I shook it off. Embry sighed slowly. "Just please never endanger yourself."

"What is it to you?"

"It means everythi--"

Urgh. "I don't want to hear it, Embry."

He moved closer, but I backed away. Embry looked like he wanted nothing but to be in the moment. At the same time, he also looked like he was allowing my resistance to impose on his desires. Surprisingly, I valued that.

"Leah, do you have any idea what you will put us through by doing that?" He paused to rethink his words. "I mean, Seth, Harry and Sue--"

"Are you going to add your extra terrestial name to the list anytime soon?"

"Don't you care for yourself, Leah?"

I did, once. And I also trusted someone, in the person of Sam Uley, to do care for me. Where did that end up with? Remind me, please. Good. Deepshit.

"I don't give a rat's ass."

"I do."

Thank God I wasn't walking at that exact moment of time or I may have stumbled flat on my face. I was taken aback, but even so, I was not going to buy Sam Uley's tactics, whatever it was his intentions or whoever it was he used to achieve it. I grunted at Embry. He looked baffled and uncertain, yet so genuine. I gave him a disgusted face for him to share with the motherbear and continued walking away. He slithered after me. "I don't want you following me," I warned him.

"I just want to make sure you reach home safely."

That pissed me off. I turned around to face him, picked a big, jagged rock from the ground and hurled it at his head. It gave a satisfactory thud and Embry's hand flew to where it hit, to where it was met with flowing blood. I grinned. I was slowly turning into some freaky psychopath enjoying pain being inflicted on others. Well, he deserved that. Making him bleed evened us out for every irk he had caused me today.

"If you ever follow me ever again, I swear to God I will not hesitate to castrate you, Embry Call."