Title: Winter Sonata
Fandom: Bleach
Disclaimer: Bleach is Tite Kubo's. Really.
Pairing: Ichimaru x Matsumoto
Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten?
Rating: Teen
A/N: This chapter is centered around Gin. Sorry about last chapter; I hope this one will be better. R&R!
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CHAPTER THREE: THAT TO LOSE AND WIN SIMULTANEOUSLY-
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"Ikorose"
Paces of adrenalin that flew around the air hung with tension in this room. The walls were painted white; simple, clean yet now splattered with the invisible bloodlust. The sound of footsteps rang through its hall; but no screams, no shouts.
Ichimaru Gin and Arroniro Arleri sparred in a shield of silence, with a few soft words almost whispered out and unread emotions.
The swords clashed for a split second, sending them apart.
"Ain't cha' gonna release Nejibana?"
The masked espada said nothing, looking at the former shinigami captain. Arroniro raised his sword; pointing it at Gin. "Shall we?"
He stood there, looking at his opponent. Opponent. An opponent within allies.
Like how he stood now with Soul Society. His friends are now his enemies, or to be more exact, he is now their enemy. He must fight against them, and he must win.
A sparring match that he had to win. Gin never really understood the meaning of victory. He didn't lose often; but yet when he lost, there was always Rangiku to support him during his weak days.
Now, she wasn't there, and she'll never be there anymore.
-Flashback-
The young Ichimaru Gin fell on the dirt with no smile on his face. He had lost a match, and like his broken wooden sword, he fell helpless to the ground.
"Gin! Are you okay?"
He could hear Rangiku's voice ringing through his ears softly as she shook him. It was blurry, and as the other figures turned to leave, she stayed beside him; never averting her eyes. He could feel soft small hands touching his cheeks.
Gin lost the match. He lost.
-End Flashback-
Soft streaks of sounds whizzed through the air as both Gin and Arroniro evaded each other's moves. He kept his smile intact; never showing a hint of exasperation. The blades stopped and hung in the air; right beside their necks.
Gin drew back his sword from Arroniro's neck; slicing his skin with a thin line. Arroniro did so simultaneously. They bowed; and went in different directions; each with driblets of blood on their neck.
They never finished the sparring match. But they didn't care.
Such exhibition of a fight would be on impulse; and they dared not to ruin this expectation made of them. They were cold blooded murderers; that are what they were raised as and that's what they've been told to stay as.
It bothered him sometimes; yet he had no control over it. He could have won; he knew he could have won. But he could do nothing but scream silently in exasperation. Aizen would not have him prove himself.
As if he was a loser.
He remembered the days when he was one. He lost the sparring matches with wooden swords.
But Gin grew up to be a captain; he proved to those who underestimated him in the end. He grew strong.
He did it for a reason.
-Flashback-
"Hey little girl"; a few men standing in the shades of the alley laughed.
Rangiku stepped back in fear as they advanced towards her. She stumbled and lost her balance, "Gin!! Help!!"
"Get away from her!"
Gin stood in front of her as she scrambled up to stand. He was determined to protect her; she was the only other thing that mattered in his world.
She was his one and only.
-End flashback-
Bloodlust was nothing to him then. He fought, he practiced to protect her. So that he could be a proper shinigami later on and fight for her.
Then, he would not fail her.
Yet when he looked at how strong he had grown to be, he realized the bloodlust that came with it overpowered his will to protect; his previous reasons. He fought for victory; not for her.
He realized that now; when he could have easily protected her, he failed her. Rangiku was not harmed in any physical way; but he knew he had stabbed her heart by his betrayal.
Gin wanted to prove to her that he had become strong. But he knew it didn't really matter, she would still be there even if he lost. And now that he had won his fight, she was not there. He had thrown her role in his life away for mere victory, for the thirst of blood and for power. The power he had never known before.
He will prove to all those that won over him.
Such determination will only be frowned upon by a weak heart. Rangiku still had victory over his heart. His mind was set free upon the battles unleashed fore him, yet it made him forget, that one had reasons to fight.
He fought to get stronger so he could protect her, yet now what he wanted to protect he had harmed.
Ichimaru Gin still refused to admit the fact that he had lost. The conquest that rambled upon his dreaming had abandoned his solitary state. He will not admit he cared either, even if he had to deny what he was before.
Gin stopped in front of the mirror, slowly glancing at his own reflection. He could not frown upon himself; he had not really changed. But he knew a mirror was incapable in reflecting the waves that crashed beneath.
He remembered the little girl that grew into the same person; with the same determination and aspiration. She grew stronger, like he did; but she did not lose all of herself in the harsh tremors of battle. She accepted the condition she must fight in, she accepted the reasons she fought for.
When he was with her, he felt he had what he wanted. When he had the power, he felt that he had everything, but without her, he didn't have what all the everything was for. He lost purpose.
He lost his battle over himself, his conscience, his greed, yet his greed did not want to let her go either.
But all the same, he won, and she witnessed. But his win meant her loss, and watching that expression that seemed to vacant her eyes made him felt as if he had lost. True, true it was what he longed for; he wanted to be more than ordinary.
Gin wondered if he regrets his actions, because although he had won, and finally proven to her that he was no longer a weak little boy, she had lost. Rangiku witnessed his win, against her.
Against everything they swore to protect.
Her eyes seemed to scream at his face. If only she was here, Gin wondered what she'd do, if she'd scold him like they were still friends, or if she's simply draw her sword with every intention to murder him.
Her loss meant his loss. She was once his life, and he knew that she was still there, reigning most of his memories.
But not his actions.
Gin convinced himself that this decision was done with a strong will, a strong determination and mind. Yet he felt that his conscience was strangling him, slowly pinning him down in the thick blood he'd spilled.
He laid down on the sofa, looking up to the ceiling. He wanted to see her, he desperately wanted to see her. Just to tell her that he won.
But he knew it was useless. He wanted to protect her, that's what told him to be strong. Then he wanted to prove himself, and that made him stronger. But at that, he's sold his soul, his warmth, if he's ever had any.
Sure he's never been much of a party, but the feelings he had for Rangiku will never be replaced. Overcome, maybe, but it was never lost.
And amidst this glorious feeling flooding his heart, he had qualms, fears that he was wrong. He knows he is, but he only wanted to be a winner.
Even if she lost.
Nevertheless, he thought, winners can protect the losers.
Not if he was meant to destroy the loser.
So he had finally won his battles, but he lost her. As for her, she lost both her battles. They were at the same side, yet at the same time against each other, they were fighting different battles, and yet he wanted to hold her hand.
The loser and the winner.
And Gin was both.
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CHAPTER THREE: THAT TO LOSE AND WIN SIMULTANEOUSLY-
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A/N: I know, you guys deserve to kill me and scrape my scalp off the top of my head.I'm a year late in updating. Oh my. I've been really busy, and this chapter is kind of crap, because I can't remember where I saved the original one. Sorry guys
And sorry to keep you waiting. I still love you guys =D
Crazy Bubbling Blonde- I'm sorry for the wait, and thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.
Shichimaru Gin- I deserve to be strangled, this chapter isn't that good either. Oh god. I'm sorry dear, but thanks for liking the story. I really do appreciate it.
BleedingRose11- iya. My bad. I finally updated!! Don't kill me, you know I was busy.. right?
Chocomilk- I feel a terrible guilt swarming my conscience. I imagine you checking back a hundred times now.. I'm so sorry dear, and I really love you for putting that much time into checking if I updated. It makes me feel special. Thanks for being an awesome reader
Frozenalchemy- aduh pik, gw akhirnya update. Gw ngebayangin lo disana ketawa2.. hahaha selamat menikmati liburanmu.
Ulatbulu- Yayy!! Ketemu orang indo juga XD hehe iyaa. Sorry ya lama bgt updatenya, I'm glad you liked the story =D keep reading, I hope I'm not too disappointing. Biasa, gw kebiasaan ngaret hehe.
SiLvEr ChRySaNtHeMuM- I am flattered that you favor my story, I know that my um.. updating habits are truly disappointing, but I hope it hasn't stopped you from reading my story.
Angel of the Glittered Sky- Thank you dear, I'm glad you like the story. I'd rather call it a tad bit depressing than cute, but I appreciate it.
D-chi- Yes this will be and has been updated! After a year.. kill me dear. Yes Gin's head is complicated.. or to be exact my head is complicated.
kwaiiChan-chan- Thank you for liking this story, I appreciate it =D
and thanks to thetemptedangel for putting this story to favorites and the ones who put this story on alert, I appreciate it. Let's all pray my next update will be much much faster –runs away-.
Love, erased rainbow 2008.