Authoress' Note: I am so very sorry I haven't updated since September! I've had some serious writer's block getting in the way (it seems as though it is ever-present) and haven't had any inspiration except from ~Pokeable, who kindly recommended the song that O'Chunks will sing here. I am forever grateful to you!
I am sorry if this chapter makes no sense at all...you see, I am miffed at my neighbor (no, not THOSE neighbors) and that along with anger that I've had to give up everything I'd planned for tonight has been fogging my brain as I had typed. Please forgive me, and ask about anything you don't understand...I will definitely try to explain it. But furthermore, please review! Drop some kind words onto my very soul, and it will definitely brighten up my night (and further days to come)!
As always, I do not own Paper Mario, the song, American Idol...anything else you may notice that is copyrighted. I do own the plot, however.
Enjoy!
"It's not fair...if O'Chunks makes it in, my life is over! My friends will leave me for good!" Count Bleck was experiencing major trauma from his loss at the auditions.
Obnoxious sobs came from Bleck quite suddenly. Nastasia rolled her eyes, he was acting so immature. But then again, wasn't he always like this? Take destroying the world because he lost his girlfriend, for one.
"What friends?" came the voice of Mimi. Nastasia pointedly glared at her, because she was not helping the situation.
Count Bleck only bawled louder and ran from the studio.
Ryan walked into the room. "Hey! We need our next contestant, now! The judges are getting angsty!"
As seen in the judges' quarters, Simon bashed his head against the desk repeatedly.
"O'Chunks? Where did he run off to..." questioned Dimentio aloud.
"'Sup?" O'Chunks came crashing down from the sky (how he did it remains a mystery) and landed on Mimi, who gave a squeak and pounded at O'Chunks until he got off of her. Mimi then stood up and brushed herself off, huffing as she did so.
Nastasia sighed exasperatedly. "Finally! Where were you?"
"I was tryin' to die, buried in a hole in the ground. Then some guy on a lawnmower started comin' closer, so I got scared 'n' ran back 'ere." O'Chunks explained as if it were the most simple thing to comprehend in the world.
"What idiotic something gave you that idea?" asked Nastasia curiously.
Dimentio coughed, trying to act inconspicuous. Nastasia wasn't fooled, however, and she slapped him, earning her an "ow" from the devilish jester.
Nastasia tried to ignore him and turned back to O'Chunks. "Have you forgotten about the show? We've all made it, it's your turn now! Get going!" She pushed him in the direction of the door.
"I didn't! ANGST!" piped Count Bleck from...somewhere.
"Sorry, Count, but uh...no 'un actually cares." O'Chunks replied.
"He has a point," Mimi pointed out.
"THE COLD AND LONELY TRUTH! IT BURNS!" screeched Count Bleck. He proceeded to fall to the ground in a helpless heap.
"Do you actually realize what I feel like all the time? I'm shunned every second of the day!" Dimentio said to Bleck, glorified and in awe that someone besides him was getting it bad.
"I hate you, Dimentio...so much," stated Mimi blatantly.
Dimentio grimaced. "See?! That's like the fifth time today! Nastasia, aren't you going to do anything? Incinerate her? PLEASE?!"
Nastasia didn't seem to care. "Shut it, Dimentio. O'Chunks, I think they're ready now," she told him, she herself now growing just as impatient as the judges.
Ryan jogged up to the crew once more. "Hey there, you massive fellow! Are you ready?" he asked O'Chunks.
O'Chunks was hungry, however. "You got any grub?" he asked Ryan quite seriously.
"Well, I-- hey!" shouted Ryan, as O'Chunks picked him up and hung him by his ankles. O'Chunks shook Ryan up and down a moment, then watched with a rather cheery expression as a few potato chips fell out of his pocket and landed in a disarray on the pavement. He then set Ryan back down on his feet (and not in a very gentle manner) and quickly gobbles down the morsels he'd collected.
O'Chunks belched loudly. "Now I'm ready!" he cried out for all the world to hear.
Ryan wobbled for a second, then caught his balance.
"Gee, thanks. Good for you." He glared at O'Chunks. "Just go inside."
O'Chunks stomped off to the judges' room with great dignity, where he made such a racket that the "American Idol" sign in the background (that, if you remember, Count Bleck had caused to fall already), that construction workers had just finished repairing, fell to the ground again with a clatter.
"Oops," said O'Chunks sheepishly.
Simon put his face in his hands. "Oh, are you kidding me. Please tell me this day is almost over," he complained.
"I'm here to sing!" shouted O'Chunks. His loud, booming voice had the judges doing a double-take for a second or two.
Simon covered his eyes with his hands.
"No, duh. Just...tell me when it's over."
O'Chunks began to sing...
Now that we're men, we can do anything!
Now that we're men, we are invincible!
Now that we're men, were going to change the sea,
And get the crown and save the town and Mr. Krabs!
Now that we're men, we have facial hair...--
"STOP! Thank you!" yelled Simon.
"Did you LOVE it?!?!" cried O'Chunks, bouncing up and down excitedly.
"The...singing, yes, of course, but um...ahem...the song was...uh, charming..." Paula seemed to be at a loss for words at this particular moment.
"It sucked." Randy stated, short and sweet, simple as that.
"Way to be inconspicuous, Randy." snapped Paula.
"Cool, what's that mean?"
Paula sighed. "Nevermind..." She took a sip of her drink to boost her energy—it's very tiring when you have to judge people from an entirely different dimension.
"Alright, already! You, uh..." Simon cut off, not quite remembering what this particular contestant's name was.
"The name is Chunk," said O'Chunks coolly. He seemed very collective of himself.
"...Yeah, well, you're going to Hol--"
Simon was cut off once more as O'Chunks let out a very intimidating screech, lifted Simon up in the air, spun him around, and dunked him on the floor like a basketball. He even ended up looking like a deflated one after that...err, episode.
"...Pain...light...fading..." he gasped.
"WHOOPIE!" shouted O'Chunks to the world. He was very happy, indeed.
When O'Chunks came outside and Count Bleck caught sight of his exuberant expression, he cried: "Ack, can it be so?! Please tell me it cannot be so!"
"I made it! OH YEAH! COME 'ERE, MIMI!" O'Chunks screamed.
Mimi looked generally worried for her well-being just then. "Crud. I really don't thinKKAAAAAOOOWWWW!"
She was cut off as O'Chunks squashed her in a very tight embrace. Mimi struggled to get free, but it was no use. She sighed, defeated, and hung positively limp in her captor's arms. To get out was officially a lost cause.
"Well, this sucks," sighed Count Bleck. "Looks like it's just me and—hey, where'd it go? ...Dark Prognosticus? Come back, Dark Prognosticus! PROGNOOOSTICUUSSS!" he screamed.
That was Bleck's very random and very strange Metal Gear Solid imitation. Everyone within his screaming range turned to look at him strangely, like he was some sort of freak. Which, in his own little way, he most certainly was.
Nastasia was one of the awkward starers. "...I'm just going to, uh, walk away now...yeah, so...have...fun...yeah." She disappeared behind an alleyway very quickly, indeed.
"But, this is a serious matter!" exclaimed the deranged Count. "Please, come back, Nastasia!"
There was no response, obviously. Only someone as dim-witted as Count Bleck would fail to realize such a thing.
Count Bleck, while looking around frantically for his beloved conquering guide, spied Dimentio with his gloved hands behind his back, whistling.
Dimentio couldn't help it any longer. He sniggered amongst himself, and eventually those sniggers turned into full-blown, outright laughs. He turned to Bleck and smirked evilly. "A face on the inside cover? Really?"
Bleck gave a gasp. "Give it back! Dimentio, I need that! You already had your chance at taking it from me anyway, and you failed!"
Dimentio scowled, his smile and glorified moment leaving him in a flourish. "Don't remind me," he snapped, then disappeared in his cloud of smoke. Count Bleck watched him leave with his book in horror. He then cried out in despair.
Ryan's jaw was dropped way open. "...How...?" he asked, not having ever seen any creatures such as these before in his entire life.
"It's better if you don't ask questions," Nastasia answered quickly.
"Right."
"My one and only friend," wailed Count Bleck.
A sniffle was heard.
Ryan coughed, trying to act polite to the poor man, however much he didn't want to. "Well, so there you have it, everybody! Five new contestants—yes, the judges only picked five--"
Simon (and the rest of the judges), who appeared outside just a little bit after O'Chunks was finished, interrupted and said: "It would have been six if the guy in the chicken suit wasn't so ridiculous."
Ryan continued, unfazed by Simon's interruption. "--and next up is, Hollywood Week! And I think you all know what happens then..."
"Bring on the drama!" cried Paula. Everyone turned to stare at her funny. She coughed. "Ahem...sorry, but when do you think that I have the time to watch soap operas? This is so much better!"
Ryan sighed. Was he ever going to finish talking? "...Yeah, and so--"
He was, yet again, cut off by Nastasia this time, who seemingly reappeared on the scene when she was sure Count Bleck was somewhat cured of the loss of his favorite book. "Yeah yeah yeah, quit talking, we get it already! Gosh, we've been watching the show for eight years, you would think by now everybody knows what will happen!"
O'Chunks suddenly plowed through the crowd, screeching his happy screech.
Mimi screamed. "Run, everybody, SAVE YOURSELVES! AAH!" she cried, but not before O'Chunks had scooped her up and yet another obnoxious hug again.
The others fled while they still could.
TBC...
Authoress' Note: I know, I'm terrible! The chapter probably wasn't even all that funny. But, if you thought otherwise, or have some kind words to say to the poor, distressed author, feel free to drop a line!
It might be awhile until the next update, just forewarning all of you. I am so very sorry! May the spirit of SPM be blessed upon you all! ;)
(P.S.- I probably spelled the Dark whatever wrong...and I certainly don't feel like looking it up. I know, I'm such a lazy pants.)