A Bad Week Turns Into 2
Chapter 5
I'll Never Judge You

AN: I don't own anything. After Buford's in custody its time for some of that sharing, two more chapters after this at the least. There probably will be some sad parts ahead so fair warning. Thanks for the reviews so far they help out a lot.

Penelope was looking for Morgan at the moment he hadn't come out with Hotch or Gideon. He'd wanted few minutes alone but she wasn't going to let him think he had to be alone in this, she was his best friend not just his fiancé and she wasn't letting him try and deal with this by himself again. When she found him he was standing against one the walls in the gym. He didn't see her coming since he had his eyes closed as tight as he could, trying to push the pain away.

Seeing her best friend like that made her mad the tears start again. She went up to him and without saying anything pulled him into a hug. She wanted him to know she was there, and she wasn't going anywhere. "I love you, Derek," she said feeling his arms wrap around her. "Soon as you feel like it we're getting out of here," she added, but she didn't pull out of his arms. She knew he needed this right now, and she wasn't about to deny him either.

"I love you too, Penelope," Morgan said when he finally found his voice. "I just really need…"

"No, what you need is your best friend, who's going to listen if you need that, or just lay on the bed and cuddle with you, I'm not letting you push me away just because you're in pain right now, that pain is always going to be there, with time it's not going to feel this bad, I am not going to run for the hill just because I know," She said pulling away and making him look at her, "You know I don't scare easy, not when it comes to you, handsome," she added.

"I can't talk about it right now," he said.

"When you can, I'm right here, if that means later tonight when the nightmares come then so be it, and I know they will, I know you too well, hot stuff."

"Right now I just want to get out of here and take a walk, I know its cold outside, but you want to come with me, I really need to clear my head," Derek said.

"Let me just tell Hotch and Gideon and I'll walk anywhere you want to go," Garcia said.

"Thanks, can you tell them to get my phone and stuff, I really don't want to go to that station again tonight," Derek said.

"Okay, let's go," she said before they walked out of the building.

Hotch saw them coming out and was glad to see them so close. He knew that Garcia wasn't going to let Morgan distance himself from her. The next few days and weeks were going to be rough for them both. However, they would make it through this rough patch together and come out that much stronger.

"You two ready?" Gideon asked.

"We're going to walk around for a while," Garcia said, "Can you get him badge and stuff from Gordinski, he had it on him when he arrested him," she said.

"I'll drop it off at your mom's house before we take off in the morning," Hotch said.

"We can meet you for breakfast if you want, before your flight," Morgan said, "we got no plans," he added.

"We'll see you two at nine tomorrow," Hotch replied before cranking up the vehicle, "Night you two," he added.

"Don't stay out here too long, we don't need you both sick," Gideon said before they left.

It was almost one before Garcia and Morgan got back to his mom's house, they'd walked around for a while, not caring that it was cold out. By the time they got to the house the lights were off. He knew Hotch had picked Reid up probably told his mom they would be back late not to wait up for them. Derek was glad too he didn't think he could handle all the questions. It was going to be on the news for the next couple of days and right now that was the last thing he wanted to deal with. He still couldn't bring himself to tell his mom or sisters, and he wasn't going to either.

"I'm going to make us some coffee, go on up, I promise not to runaway," Morgan said letting go of her hand, she hadn't let go of him once since they had walked out of the Youth Center, and he knew she probably wouldn't let him out of her sight for long.

"I'm not worried about you running away, handsome," she said pulling him back giving him a quick kiss. The odds of them sleeping right now were on a slim list, she was surprised he wanted to meet the team for breakfast before they left that morning. "You know I could track you down," she added before going up to his old room.

Garcia was under the covers by the time he got upstairs. "You wanna watch movie?" he asked.

"No, I either want to listen if you want to talk or cuddle and try to get some sleep," she said, "Thought you said coffee?" she asked noticing it was hot chocolate instead.

"I don't wanna be up the rest the night if I don't have to be," he replied setting his down before kicking his shoes off before removing the rest of his clothes.

"You know if you got in bed right now I wouldn't mind," Pen said when he was standing there in front of her completely naked.

"What you planning on doing to me?" he asked.

"I promise I'll keep my hands to myself, well the best I can," she said back trying to lighten the mood because she knew he was trying to do the same.

"You are a horrible liar, baby girl," he said before grabbing a pair of boxer briefs and getting under the covers. It wasn't like he didn't want to have sex right now, but the images that were flashing through his mind would ruin the mood and there was no way even if she tried her hardest to push them away.

"You want to talk now, or just try to sleep?" she asked few minutes later. Morgan didn't want to admit that he couldn't close his eyes because he was scared of what he'd see when he did. The pictures he'd seen of Damien Walter's body were still there and he didn't have to close his eyes to see that. "Derek, I'm not asking you to tell me everything right now, just tell me what you're thinking right now?" she asked.

He swallowed rolling on back looking up at the ceiling. "What if I can't get his face out of my mind," he said, "I don't have to close my eyes to see his face, it's just there and it's eating at me, I could have done something," Morgan said.

"It's going to take time, but you did him justice, it took a lot of courage to go in there tonight, but you did it, and you brought his murder to justice, you gave all three of them justice," she said wrapping her arm around his waist as she cuddled into him.

"It was too late, he still killed them, and I could have said something…"

"Don't blame yourself, you couldn't have done anything different, you were a kid, and don't you say you could have either," she cut in wiping the tears away.

"He killed Damien so he wouldn't tell me what he was doing to James, I…" he was trying to get it out, but he couldn't. He wanted to get out of the room, but he knew she wasn't going to let him leave, and he promised he wouldn't run and right now that was all he wanted to do. Instead he rolled on his side pulling her closer.

"You don't have to get it all out tonight; we have time, Morgan," she said.

He didn't reply he couldn't even if he wanted to because it hurt too much right now; it felt like his soul was ripped out of his body. He didn't even feel right having her so close it was like he was never supposed to be happy; never find the one person that could make this better. He just held to Penelope letting the tears come, he'd held back all day, he couldn't' do it any more.

Pen slid down so she was lying instead of sitting and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, you're not alone, I'm here and I'm never going to leave you, he took something he never should have," she said making soothing circles on his back as she cried herself. She couldn't imagine what it would have been like, and she never wanted to know, but he needed her and if that meant listening to what happened she'd do it, but right now all she wanted to do was lay with him and cry.

Garcia woke up at seven that morning at seven, it was two hours before they had to meet the team for breakfast, but she wanted to get up earlier. She looked beside her finding the bed empty. It scared her for a minute until she heard the the door open.

"Hey, I thought you'd left me alone," she said trying to smile, but she didn't feel like it.

"I just wanted to get some coffee before mom got up," Morgan said handing her a cup.

"Thanks," Pen said taking the cup from him, "besides breakfast what are we doing today?" she asked.

"Nothing, I just wanna lay low, thought maybe we could just come back here watch movies or something." He was avoiding talking about what happened the day before and earlier that morning.

"Only if we can talk at some point," Garcia said knowing he wasn't going to bring it back up.

"Can't we just forget that for today, I just want to have fun with my best friend today," he replied hoping she'd just drop it if he asked.

"No, I'm not letting you push this back down and lock it away, it's either you talk to me or…"

"Don't remind me," Morgan said knowing that if he didn't talk to her, he'd get stuck to talking to the Bureau's therapist. She was going to force him into doing one or the other.

"Every time you try and close up I'm going to remind you, because I know you, Derek Morgan, it's either me or Hotch forces you to talk to her and the last time you had to talk to her you wouldn't go there for two days till I forced you before Hotch suspended you, so you're dealing with me, that way I know you're not holding back or at risk of being…"

"First, I was fine, second the entire team was forced into that, yet I didn't see Hotch going to talk to her so why should I?" he asked, "However, you win for now, baby girl, I'll talk, just not right now, I can't and go face them this morning."

"Why do you make this so difficult?" she asked before getting up, "I only want you to heal, I hate seeing you torn up like this, I wanted to kick Hotch's ass for tearing you down in there," she said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You were there?" he asked.

"I wanted to see you, and I couldn't go in there so I was watching you from the other side of the two way mirror, I wanted to hug you so much, then Hotch said I could go in there, but he'd pissed you off, and all I wanted to do was make you feel better, make the pain go away," she said.

"You do make the pain go away, baby girl, it's one the reasons I love you so much," he said hugging her back before he laughed, "I think seeing you kick Hotch's ass would have been funny."

She smiled before kissing him, "I'm glad I could make you laugh, I really missed that."

"Pen I was in there for a day, it seems longer I know, trust me being stuck in there not being able to be near you sucked, I just didn't want them trying to getting it out of you," he replied.

"I'm sorry I told them what I did, I tried to hide it, but they knew I was hiding something, being in a room with profilers and knowing what I did wasn't fun, I didn't want you to be mad at me, I wanted to protect you for once," Pen said.

"I'm supposed to protect you, and I couldn't do that, for that I'm sorry."

"Why should you protect me, I wasn't the one being accused of those things, I was the one that knew what could get you out of there, but I was too scared to tell them, even though I knew it would help you," she said.

"I don't think there are any more secrets now, least not between us and them," Morgan said, "Now how about we take a shower and sneak out of here before my mom starts asking questions that I'm not ready to answer, if I ever can," he said.

"She probably knows you don't want to talk about it, and if she asks just be nice and just let her know you're not ready to talk about it, but you'll be fine," she said.

"How do you know that?" He asked.

"I'm the Goddess of the all knowing and I know that you will be fine with time, it's always going to be there, but it'll get easier with time, and talking helps, you have friends that care about you, and we're your family too," Garcia said with smile.

"I just feel like I'm being judged for that like that's the only thing they're going to see right now," he said pulling away.

"Hotch, Gideon and myself are the only three that know besides the detectives, that bastard and you, the team doesn't know, and you're not being judged, Derek, we love you and I can tell you for certain that I'm never going to judge you for your past, you were thirteen years old and he took advantage of the fact you were lost and still hurting from losing your dad," She said making him look at her, "Right now James is going through the same thing, he's going to need you to talk to, and to do that you have to be able to heal that part of your soul that was taken from you," she could see the tears in his eyes again, she wanted to be able to erase that from his past like she could erase a person from the computer as if they were dead, even though they weren't.

"Thought we said we'd talk later?" he asked trying to lighten the mood this time.

"Yeah well you're being hardhead right now," Garcia said, "I love you for that, but this time you gotta let the wall come down, but right now we should shower and go before we end up back in bed not going anywhere today," she said before picking up her bag and leading the way to the bathroom.

"I think that is a good idea, besides having you in the shower might help some," he teased trying to forget for now that he still hadn't dealt with the big problem, the one that was going to take a lot to get out, but he needed to talk about it, he'd been hold on too long and she was right, it was either her or Dr. Daniels and he really didn't want to be stuck talking to her again.

TBC

AN2: Let me know if you think the whole team should know about what happened or just keep it between Morgan, Garcia, Hotch and Gideon. Thanks again for the reviews.