Well hello...it's been a while. This is something I've been working on for a while, it's completed and has three more chapters ready to go, so if you want to read them you know what to do!!

Warning: This does contain adultery, if that's not your cup of tea I'd advise reading anyway...lol!

As always PLEASE let me know what you think, every review counts, and means a quicker update! lol!

Olivia stood in the shower, using every ounce of strength that she had to hold her upright as the water beat upon her skin. She could barely stand, her aching legs begging her to sit down as she scrubbed at her skin for what must have been the hundredth time, it just wouldn't go away. She could still feel the blood between her fingers, hear the sobs of the children that had surrounded her as they watched their friend lose their fight for life, she couldn't save them. She could feel Elliot's hands on hers as he dragged her away from the horrific scene, she could hear his short shallow breaths and she could see the large cut across the side of his head.

He'd been hit so hard, she'd thought for a few terrifying moments that he wasn't going to get up, that he would never get back up and it nearly killed her. Her heart had raced, her hands had shaken...she was still shaking now, she'd nearly lost him right in front of her eyes. She rubbed her shoulder, using her spare hand to lean on the wall of the shower as her body grew even more weary. She too had battle scars from the day, bruised ribs and harsh purple bruise across her jaw...she'd nearly lost him.

They had been chasing the killer of three children for weeks, and today she thought they had gotten a lucky break, they found a name and she was determined to find the son of a bitch. She hadn't known how it would end, she hadn't known what he would do...if she had? She never would have gone in there, she never would have pushed him so hard. He was a school teacher, a school teacher? She couldn't believe it. They had interviewed him for 7 hours straight, Cragen had suggested that they gave him more breaks but she and Elliot were convinced that this wasn't the way to go, he needed to be pushed, to be forced, to be stressed that way he would confess and so Cragen let them push.

Jeffries had cried and sworn on his mother's grave that he would never harm a child but there was something about him, something that didn't add up, Elliot had felt it too. They both continued to question him until his lawyer showed and took him home...no evidence, that's why they'd had to work so hard in the interrogation. Of course Jeffries had been suspended, ordered not to return to the school and sent home while Elliot and Olivia searched for anything more concrete on the guy who had so callously killed three little girls.

She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering if there was anything she could have done to prevent what had happened? Her ribs ached as the water beat against them, perhaps ignoring Cragen's ordered to get checked out was a bad idea? She'd just wanted to get home...there was so much blood...

**

There had been so much blood.

Elliot could barely think straight. Every time he closed his eyes rivers of red would invade his mind, children's sobs would take over the sounds of the city. It was four hours after they'd let Jeffries go, three hours after he'd climbed into bed with his wife that the call came.

"If you don't get here now I'm going to kill them all!"

He and Olivia had ran through the school corridors not waiting for back up, scared that there was no time, knowing then that they had pushed him too far. They'd found Jefferies and his class of twenty sat in absolute silence, he taught a class on Saturday's the parents hadn't been told not to bring their children and he'd taken them all in to the classroom whilst hiding a pistol in his top drawer.

He'd looked around at the group of five year olds wondering if they knew what was happening? They were all so quiet. The gun in Jeffries hand did nothing to ease Elliot's mind as he slowly opened the door and stepped into the classroom, closely followed by his partner.

"So nice of you to join us, put your guns down."

They had hesitated, they should never have hesitated. Jeffries grabbed the nearest child, a beautiful little boy and put the gun to his head, there was no way Elliot or Olivia could get a clear shot.

"You have 3 seconds or I swear to God!"

"Okay!" Olivia had set her weapon down first, knowing that the man wouldn't think twice about killing the little boy, Elliot followed.

Nearly twenty minutes later, handcuffed, slightly battered an bruised Elliot and Olivia sat amongst the children who by now had crowded around them, clinging to them, some sobbing, some simply staring blankly ahead.

"Everything is going to be okay, mommy and daddy will be here to pick you up soon and you can go home," Olivia promised the frightened children and she truly believed that once Jeffries realised what he was doing he would give up.

They both froze as a small boy stood up, neither one could reach him.

"Toilet?" he asked softly, smiling at Jeffries.

She'd screamed as the shot went off and the little boy dropped to the floor, he'd grabbed her hand as they sat back to back to each other and the other children began to scream.

"Calm down, everybody quiet down, he's okay....he's going to be okay," even he didn't believe that, he knew the child was dead, his blood spilling onto the blue carpet, his eyes wide open with shock.

The only sound left was the children's crying, all of them struggling to get closer and closer to Elliot and Olivia. He didn't let go of her hand once. "It's okay, we're all going to be okay."

He could feel her shaking behind him knowing that she saw every last second of the little boy's life. He hated feeling so powerless, unable to take the bastard out and really protect the children, he knew she felt the same way.

It took two hours for Jeffries to make his next move, pulling Elliot up out of the crowd of children pressing the gun against his head. "Tell me!" he asked Olivia. "Him, or one of these kids?"

Her heart had stopped and he could see her struggling to catch her breath, before she could even think about answering another shot rang out and another tiny body hit the floor. Elliot watched as tears filled her eyes, she couldn't speak, she couldn't say a word. Another shot.

"Me! Me you son of a bitch me!" he'd screamed as the children huddled closer to Olivia, screaming, crying, desperate to go home.

He'd never seen her like this and when Jeffries threw him to the side and reached out for Olivia all hell broke loose. He pistol whipped her and pressed the gun against her head. "Her or the kids El? Who are you gonna save?"

Two more children died before he could even think about answering.

As the fifth child dropped to the floor and the gun was pressed against Olivia's head he knew what he had to do. "I'm sorry," he whispered looking her dead in the eye. She nodded slightly and closed her eyes struggling not to shake, not to cry, knowing that he had no other choice. "Her." His heart broke in that very second and as he looked around the room and saw the bodies of the tiny children he knew she would never forgive him for saying anything else.

His heart stopped as he pulled the trigger...there was no sound. All three of them looked up in shock, the tears in Olivia's eyes spilling over onto her cheeks. Jeffries frowned and pulled the gun away from Olivia, the next few seconds were a blur. Jeffries dropped to the floor, eyes wide, blood seeping from his neck, the marksman had found his shot.

Olivia immediately dropped to her knee's struggling to find a pulse from any of the five children, her breathing was laboured, tears streaming down her face as their blood covered her hands. The other children simply clambered towards her as she sat sobbing in the middle of the room, unable to fathom the thought of five lives being lost so easily.

**

She heard the knock and knew it was him. He was coming to see how she was, to apologise for almost sacrificing her to save the children and she just didn't think she could take it.

"Please...please let me in."

Just a few minutes later the door opened and he entered. He looked utterly defeated.

"You should go home and sleep-" she stopped as his finger traced the outline of the bruise on her jaw. "Go home Elliot-"

"I'm sorry." He hung his head, his pocketed hands fumbling as he struggled to look her in the eye.

"You have nothing to be sorry for...I would have done the same. I...I need to sleep Elliot-"

"I keep...seeing them," he admitted, seeing the children's terrified faces every time he closed his eyes. "He would have killed them all, he would have killed you and then...and then the rest of them."

"We don't know that." She couldn't do this now, she couldn't depict every could've been, she was exhausted, physically and emotionally. She could see the pain etched into his face, his beautiful face and she wanted to help, she did, but she just couldn't. She'd been there too, she was hurting too, she couldn't pick him up and put him back together again, not before she picked herself up.

"I can't go home-"

"You have to, please..." she closed her eyes. They had always had an amazing partnership, yes they fought, yes there were times when she'd wanted to walk away but they were intense, they were impossible at times but they were the best when they won, they won together but when they lost...it usually hit one of them harder than the other and the other would be left to pick up the broken scattered pieces. This time, this time had been like Gitano, but it hurt so much more knowing that they had to do the right thing this time, and he had, he'd done the right thing, he'd spared fifteen lives for the sake of one, hers.

She knew it was the right thing, he knew it was the right thing, so why was he in her apartment silently begging for forgiveness? "Elliot it's okay," she promised, unable to offer anything more than those three words.

"It's not okay...I can't....I can't do this anymore..." he shook his head, his blue eyes conveying nothing but sorrow.

"Please...we can talk about this tomorrow," she could see he was suffering but she just couldn't make it go away. She stepped forwards slightly, placing a hand over his heart. "You did everything you could, you saved more children from being killed by choosing me-"

"I could never...if I lost you..." his hand was now above hers, he could feel his own heart as it beat at twice it's normal rhythm.

"I know." She did know, of course she knew. He didn't have to say another word, she could feel the guilt coursing through him, the guilt he didn't need to feel. "You did the right thing," she repeated softly, looking up and forcing him to look into her eyes.

She didn't know who started it, she couldn't remember, she simply felt the pain in her ribs as he harshly pushed her against the wall, his lips on hers, his hands roaming her body as he pressed his erection against her. She ignored the pain and frantically ran her hands through his hair, along his neck, his back, anything she could grab onto as he assaulted her neck with his mouth. She knew it was wrong but she was too weak to fight it, too exhausted to keep fighting it and so tired of doing the right thing. She moaned as he cupped her breast, thrusting against her as she bit into his neck.

He couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. He was so god damned tired and he couldn't keep fighting, he didn't want to keep fighting. He growled as she wrapped one leg around him and thrust against him, reaching under his shirt, wanting, no, needing it to be off of him. She pulled it over his head, unsure of where it had landed, it didn't matter. She winced in pain and her pinned her against the wall, unable to take it she pressed her hands against his chest and pushed back silently.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, dropping to his knees. He pulled up her shirt and placed a soft kiss on the large bruise covering her ribs, he'd spend forever kissing her if he thought he could make the pain go away. He grasped the sides of her sweat pants as he kissed every inch of her stomach, unable to stop as she ran her fingers through his short hair.

He had a wife at home, a family, but he couldn't tear himself away from the woman he'd nearly lost, the desperation and need was too much for anytime to take and he'd fought it for far too long, he was too exhausted to keep fighting. He felt her hands pulling him up and in seconds his lips were on hers again as she fumbled with his belt, her shaking hands preventing her from getting anywhere fast.

"It's okay." She felt his hands covering hers as his lips consumed her once again, before she'd even realised he'd removed his belt and thrown on across the floor. She moaned into his mouth as he picked her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the sofa and gently lay her down, climbing on top of her, his eyes taking in every inch of her. He pulled her shirt over her head and quickly brought his lips to her chest and suddenly everything was spinning.

She'd dreamt of this moment, it had never been in these circumstances but now as it was happening she felt as though her heart was going to go into failure. It was finally happening. She moaned out loud as he took her nipple into his mouth, his tongue flicking back and forth as she writhed underneath him.

"Now," she whispered as she pulled at his trousers, desperate to get them off of him. Within seconds they were both completely naked, she wondered if he could hear her heartbeat? She froze as his finger encircled her centre, she needed this, she needed him, they'd so nearly lost each other today, she couldn't die without owning him like this, without having him own her.

She bit her lip to swallow the whimper that escaped as his finger entered her, her arousal more than obvious. He captured her lips with his own as she clung tightly to his shoulders as he moved within her. "Now," she repeated, encircling his throbbing cock with her hand pulling him closer, knowing that if he was going to stop it now was the time, if he was going to back out, have a change of heart this would be the exact moment and she prayed to God that he didn't. She needed him.

"Liv-" he growled, the feel of her touch almost too much to take. He pressed his forehead against hers as he struggled to catch his breath, did she really want this? He'd needed her so much he hadn't thought about her, about what it would do to her? He wanted to stop, to check she was okay but he was scared he would beak if he did so he simply kissed the top of her head and entered her slowly, this was what it felt like, ecstasy.

He was shaking, she was shaking too, both of their hearts were beating so fast. He was inside of her, for the first time in eleven years he was inside of her, he never wanted it to end. He felt her hands slide along his back as they both simply lay, he gave her time accommodate him, time to feel every inch of her. "Jesus." He pressed his forehead against hers as she bit her lip, he was actually inside of her.

He brought his lips to hers as he very slowly pulled out, she suddenly felt empty. She bit down on his shoulder as he pushed into her again, her fingers digging into his back as he pushed her to the very limit. She could barely catch her breath as she met his next slow thrust with her own, she was going to pass out, this was too much...so good but too much to take. There were so many thing's she'd wanted to say, to tell him but now she couldn't think of anything apart from how good it felt to finally have him inside her, on top of her...

They found a slow, torturous rhythm and his lips found a home on her neck as she struggled not to mark him, meeting each thrust, struggling not to cry out, the only sound heard was their gasps for breath and Elliot's growls as he repeatedly thrust inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, desperate to get him further inside of her as their speed increased and with every thrust she felt the electricity in the pit of her stomach begin to spark.

"God..." she moaned into his ear as she felt herself begin to lose it. She bit her lip as his thrusts became more frantic, each one met with a grunt or a moan as they both clung to each other, lips against lips, hips against hips, Jesus they needed this. She wouldn't call his name, there was no way that she could...

"Elliot..." she barely whimpered as he threaded his fingers with hers, biting down on her bottom lip as he thrust inside of her again and again. She cried out as her orgasm surged through her, at that moment she felt his release inside of her and after a few more thrusts he collapsed onto of her, sweating and shaking.

**

He'd stayed that way for exactly five minutes, she'd wanted to cry when he pulled out of her and sat up, could they not have had a little more time? He'd mumbled some form of apology as he scanned the room for his clothes, she'd pulled the blanket from the top of the sofa and covered herself feeling more vulnerable than ever before. Suddenly the doubts about his wife and family and the fact that he was her partner crept into her mind, she'd slept with her partner....her married partner, what the hell had she been thinking?

It had been a moment of complete weakness, of craziness. She wanted to talk to him to ask him if he was okay, if he hated her, if he was going to request a new partner but she couldn't speak.

He'd quietly entered the bathroom to get dressed having not said a word in the process, leaving her outside on the verge of tears as she contemplated what had just happened. Now, as the bathroom door opened she tried her best to look unaffected but Jesus there was no doubt about exactly how affected she was. "I'm sorry-" she started, freezing as he held his hand up.

"It was...it shouldn't have happened but it has...we need to forget about this."

She nodded as he spoke when all she really wanted to do was ask why he hadn't thought of that before he'd fucked her? Of course it was a fucking mistake, but he couldn't just take it back. She sat with the blanket pressed against her chest, watching as he searched for his belt and shoes and wished that she was able to say anything to him...anything. She thought that this had been something they had both wanted, both needed but it was nothing but a mistake.

She couldn't stand the thought of losing him, as he stood with his back to her she stood up slowly and walked towards him. He would hate her when the reality really sank in. How could they let this happen?

"Please don't leave like this," she sounded a lot quieter than she had intended to. "I...I didn't mean for this-"

"I know...it's not your fault..." he shook his head and closed his eyes, he'd cheated on his wife. He felt her soft hand against his back, she was still trying to comfort him. He turned to her and took her hand in his, pressing his lips against it. "I'm sorry."

"I know..." she would not cry, she would not. He pulled her hand against his cheek and closed his eyes as she cupped it, her touch had healing powers, he forgot about the angst inside his brain and just wanted to be inside of her again. "We..." she swallowed the lump in her throat, "Stay." She knew it was a lot to ask but if he walked out the door after having sex with her she didn't think they would ever recover.

"I want to..." he could barley breathe, what the hell was he doing? He pressed his lips into the palm of her hand. Slowly he reached for the blanket covering her body and pulled it away, dropping it to the ground to reveal her naked form. She was so beautiful. He pulled her into his arms, lifting her onto the kitchen counter as her hands cupped the sides of his face and her lips kissed his cheek, they had nearly lost each other today, now as she kissed his lips and eagerly waited for him to enter her for the second time she wondered how she was ever going to let him go...

Please review and let me know what you think, the next chapter is ready to go!! X