His breathing was shallow. She could feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest against her back as he slept soundly with one arm wrapped around her, as they lay, her back pressed against his chest and their legs entangled. How could he sleep? She'd promised herself that she wouldn't do this again...

It hadn't been like the last time. It had been just as powerful, just as intense, just as overwhelming but the frantic desperation hadn't reared its ugly head, she hadn't been slammed against any walls, doors, or counter tops and she hadn't landed on the ground with a slam; her injuries simply wouldn't permit it. No, it hadn't been like the last time but she almost wished it had been. Her mind was racing, thought after thought after thought assaulted her. The one thought that would not go away was the one she had no desire to accept at all, no desire to believe as it would drag her kicking and screaming into realms she didn't dare to dream about.

Having sex with Elliot Stabler had terrified her; touching him after eleven years of convincing herself that she had only platonic feelings for him had nearly killed her. She'd barely been able to look at him afterwards without blushing, without remembering exactly how he'd felt inside of her. A part of her yearning to forget, to save their partnership, but the more dominant part telling her to savour every single touch, moan and breath, never to forget as she was so sure it wouldn't happen again...

It had happened again. She'd thought about telling him to leave; she knew that she should have pushed him away and she'd tried, but his lips were against hers and the only thing she could vocalise were moans as he slid his hands along her body. She'd fought the pain that coursed through her body with every kiss, every grasp. He'd run his hands through her hair; and for a few moments, she'd simply let him kiss her, only just recovering from having had his lips on hers the first time, only to have them there again. His every touch set her senses into overdrive and she could barely catch her breath as his lips assaulted her neck.

She'd been prepared for sex, she'd been prepared for him to have sex and leave...as he'd pulled her shirt over her head she'd reminded herself that it was just sex, that it was just sex and that he'd be gone as soon as it was done. Even that didn't stop her. How could she ever stop him? How could she refuse his kiss? His touch? As much as he'd hurt her, as much as she'd cried, she couldn't help but make the same mistake again and silently prayed that it wouldn't be harder to watch him leave the second time.

She'd made love before, not often, but she had done it and she'd always known when it was going to happen; there was always a certain mood before hand, gestures, looks, she always knew. She hadn't known this time, she wasn't sure how it had started...perhaps when he slowly lead her towards the bedroom, the place they had avoided at all costs before. He'd kissed her passionately and slowly edged her towards the room she was sure they would never use together. She'd hesitated at the door, clinging onto the door frame for just a moment, scared that if they had sex in her bed she would never be able to sleep in it again, that constant memories of their intimate moments would stop even a single wink of sleep but as he gently urged her into the bedroom, his lips never leaving hers. She blocked the thoughts and simply felt.

The desperation that they had both shared a few weeks before had vanished and he'd slowly stripped her, taking the time that he hadn't before to look at her body, wincing as he saw the bruises from falling down the stairs. As he had done before, he kissed the bruises, one at a time. This time, his hands hadn't grasped or grabbed; they caressed and the roughness had turned into something...tender? She couldn't quite name it yet.

He'd gently lowered her onto the bed, careful not to hurt her, knowing exactly how fragile she was and after removing his clothes he climbed into bed with her, pulling her closer to his and kissing her like she had never been kissed before, slowly and gently moving until he was on top of her, his lips never leaving hers. She'd never felt more secure in her life. He was in her bed and in moments he would be in her, a place she'd desperately wanted him to belong forever...

A wave of panic washed over her as his roaming hands ceased and as his lips pulled away from hers, the pain in her chest as she thought that maybe he'd changed his mind, that he was going to leave, was unbearable...the panic had been short lived as he'd placed his hands up to gently cup her cheeks. "I thought I'd lost you..." he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "Don't..." he started, "Don't scare me like that again okay?" he asked, his thumb caressing her cheek.

As she'd nodded, unable to speak, he slowly slipped into her and Jesus it had felt so good, so good she could barely catch her breath. He'd waited, simply kissing her, allowing her to accommodate his size, cupping her breast and simply allowing himself to drown in the feeling of being inside of her. Her hands had travelled up and down his back as he slowly began to move inside of her. It was ecstasy, and as he reached for hands and entwined his fingers with hers, she wondered how anything would ever compare to this feeling, to making love to Elliot Stabler.

His lips had never left hers; their hands had remained entwined and slowly, almost torturously, they had made love, something she knew she would never be able to do with anyone else, and something to which no experience, past or future, would ever compare to

**

He was going to wake soon. He was going to wake up and leave, and it would break her heart all over again. She'd allowed herself to believe, for just a few minutes, that because the sex had been so different, so intimate this time, that he wouldn't leave but she knew she was fooling herself. He probably hadn't even realised they'd made love; he was just being gentle because of her injuries... She lay, listening to him breathing, wishing she'd turned him away as the pain of what was about to happen began to creep up on her.

She'd allowed herself to be held by him all night, so she would at least have the memories of being in his arms to console her when he rejected her. He was so beautiful when he slept, did he even know? She wanted to tell him, but she knew they would never speak of it, that he would simply fling insults at her in the heat of aggression and because of that she wished they had simply has sex, fucked it out, why did they have to...why did she let him make love to her? Jesus, it had felt so amazing, but now...now it was going to hurt twice as much. She knew him, knew exactly what his reaction would be and it was going to sting.

She froze as she felt him move against her, tightening his grip around her stomach, pulling her even closer to him. She didn't want it to be over already, but she knew he was waking and that in the next five minutes he would be up and out the door; and, as much as she was trying to prepare herself for it, she knew it was going to hurt like hell.

"Mmmm."

She closed her eyes, wondering if he would just leave if he thought she was asleep. She could feel his erection against her and wished that Elliot was anything but her married partner so that she could simply turn to him and instigate another sexual encounter, but he was her partner and he was married, and for that she hated herself. Perhaps his quick exit would be easier? She closed her eyes as tightly as she could as she felt him shift next to her, his grip on her slowly loosening.

"I know you're not asleep."

Shit.

"Liv..."

"You can go...I...I'm sorry I let this happen again." Maybe he'd spare her feelings if she gave him an easy out, maybe he'd remember this the next time he wanted to yell at her for no God Damn reason. She couldn't face him using this against her again, not after last night.

She closed her eyes as she felt the bed shift. She didn't open them again until she heard the door close and the tears began to form.

Please continue to review, I really appreciate the reviews! Xxxxxx The next chapter is ready to go and it's actually the last chapter xx