I am so sorry!!! I don't know if I can say that enough. I know I kept saying an update would be coming soon, but it's been like a week. Sorry!

All my teachers decided to give me essays all at once. They conspire together I am telling to you. And to top it all off I was suffering a little bit of writer's block. I could not figure out how to write this chapter, but I gave it a try and I think it's... I don't know. You will need to tell me.

You guys are amazing at doing that! Thank you so much for the reviews! Sorry again for not updating when I said I would.

Okay so this is a long one.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. I own Mel, Joe, and Rachel.

Please R&R and most importantly enjoy!

Chapter 19

I flipped through the pages and found Edward had written little notes along the sides of the them. It would be very comical to read his point of view about different situations in the book. I smiled.

I closed the book and put it on my bed side table. I flipped off the lights and crawled under my covers for sleep.

My mind was much to tired to do any logical thinking. I was very grateful.

I was overcome with sleep, being pulled into dreams of Edward and me.

**********

"How much further," I panted. I tried to keep my voice from sounding whiny. I just wasn't sure how long I could walk for.

Edward and I had been walking for what felt like an hour. We were hiking in the forest.

Edward would not tell me where we were going all week.

I just knew that he was suppose to pick me up at ten o'clock Saturday morning. He told me to wear something that would be comfortable.

I chose another camp shirt. This one was a light brown color. I wore a white camisole underneath of it. I paired it with jeans and tennis shoes. My necklace from Joe was securely around my neck. I have worn it everyday since I had gotten it.

Sure enough Edward was there at ten. I had laughed when I saw he was dressed in a brown cotton shirt and jeans. We had matched. He had smiled when I had told him.

After driving for fifteen minutes in Edward's Volvo, we parked along the side of the road. When I had asked what we were doing he told me he wanted to show me something, but that we had to walk first to get there.

I am not sure if I would have come if I knew we would be hiking. Maybe that is why he did not tell me where we were going.

Edward seems to know me better than I know myself sometimes. Okay he does almost all of the time.

It has been about three weeks since my birthday. Since that first kiss.

The day back at school following that weekend was rather normal. Edward and I continued to hold hands and to sit together. The electricity was there. Just like it had been from the first day, if not stronger.

The temptation to have contact with his skin in the middle of classes we shared was almost unbearable. To have him sit not even a foot away from me in Calculus and resist the urge to reach for him, was nearly impossible.

It scared me. The feeling of not being whole. When he was not around, it felt as if he had taken a part of me with him.

I had only known him for a little over a month, though it felt like I have known him my whole life.

Was it too soon to be so attached? Should I become attached?

When the bell would ring, all of these thoughts would get washed away when Edward would come to my side. He would take my hand with such urgency, but yet was always gentle. It was almost as if he had the same need for contact.

Impossible though.

Even after the first kiss, Edward and I never found ourselves being so showy with our relationship. (what ever relationship that may have been) I was grateful for this though.

Do not get me wrong. There was nothing better than the feel of Edward's lips moving with my own, but I was not one for the letting the world see me show public displays of affection. I felt those things should be more private.

With Edward's gift to read me so well, he would have an understanding to keep these things to a minimum. He would always sneak in those quick kisses that got my blood rushing though.

When ever we would have to depart, Edward would take both of my hands in one of his. The other hand would push the hair out of my face. I always let it fall and used it as a shield. This frustrated him, for reasons I was not sure of. He would then lean down to rest a kiss on my cheeks or forehead. I would sigh and close my eyes in content.

I smiled. The memory was bringing back several pleasant feelings.

While I was day dreaming, I did not realize that we had stopped.

I looked to find Edward staring at me. A grin playing on his own lips as he watched me.

"What," I asked. The smile was slipping from my mouth. "Do I look that horrible?"

I still could not understand why someone so 'god' like, would ever have an interest in me. This always left feelings of self-consciousness.

"You look beautiful. You always do."

Edward took a couple of steps in my direction. He was now standing an arm's length away from me.

"Yeah right," I snorted, "I am sure my hair looks like a bird's nest. I also have been sweating quite a bit."

"Silly Bella," Edward said shaking his head, "When will you see yourself clearly?"

I rolled my eyes, "Are we almost there? I think someone needs to sit down and try to think clearly. I do not mean myself."

"Just a little bit further."

I sighed as he led the way forward. Edward was very patient by setting a slow pace for us. I am sure that he would have reached where ever it was we were going, a while ago if he did not have me.

He made sure to hold back branches so they were out of the way for me as I walked by them. He also helped me over any boulders or fallen trees in the way. We were not exactly following a set trail. There were a number of sticks and such littering our own path that we were creating.

"Okay," Edward spun around to face me.

This took me by surprise and threw me off balance. Before I could fall, Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me forward into his chest. I felt myself inhale the smell that no cologne could ever replicate.

"Thanks," I muttered into his shirt. I did not want to look up and have him see the red that had colored my face.

"Bella what am I going to do with you," he teased. He pulled my face up to meet his gaze.

I felt my heart stop at our proximity.

He held my gaze for a couple of seconds, before brushing his lips against my forehead. Then he turned me around to face what I could not see behind him.

In front of me was a small-open meadow. It was a rounded shape. The sun shone through perfectly overhead. This filled the meadow with a haze of sunshine.

It was sprinkled with several violet, yellow, and white- colored wildflowers.

I stepped forward, away from Edward, to get a better look. The grass soft underneath my feet.

"It's amazing," I breathed in awestruck.

"Yes you certainly are," I heard him hum quietly to himself. I was not sure if I was suppose to hear.

I turned around to see Edward watching me. He was giving me the same look that I had been giving the meadow.

I smiled and walked over to him. He met me half way and pulled me down into a sitting position next to him.

"Edward this place is beautiful. How did you find it?"

He smiled at my enthusiasm, "I found it when Jasper, Emmett, and I had been camping just south of here."

Edward leaned back in the grass and put his hands behind his head. He then closed his eyes before he continued.

"One morning Emmett and Jasper decided they wanted to spend the day fishing. I have never been a big fan of fishing and stayed back at the camp site," Edward spoke, looking completely relaxed.

I followed his example and lay down next to him. I stared up at the sky.

"Well I had been sitting around trying to find someway to pass the time. I forgot to pack a book," he smiled and glanced at me. I blushed and looked back up at the little bit of clouds present on this sunny day.

"I ended up going for a walk because I could not sit still any longer. Long story short I stumbled upon this meadow. I found myself visiting it whenever I needed to clear my head or just to relax."

"It's a very peaceful place," I agreed.

"Yeah," he breathed.

After a moment of silence, Edward picked up on his questions.

"What do you want to do after you graduate college?"

"Become a writer," I answered automatically. Then felt a little embarrassed. We had always discussed future goals, but I never admitted to wanting to be a writer. I just told him I wanted to major in English.

I knew he wanted to be a doctor. Writing does not exactly match up to wanting to save lives.

"I think you would be great at it," he commented. "Writing is a good way to express yourself and reach others around you. I wish I had that talent."

I closed my eyes and felt the sun shower my face.

The day I had also returned to school, Angela had given me a stack of letters to Jane. I was suppose to answer them. Some were pretty simple and some were rather difficult to answer since I was going through the same thing.

Edward was silent next to me for a moment. It did not worry me. I loved these comfortable moments of silence.

"I have never shown this place to anyone else," he stated quietly next to me.

"Really," I questioned, a little surprise.

It was a such a beautiful place. It had to be hard to not share this place with someone.

I pulled myself up onto my elbow to face him. He had his eyes closed again.

"Really," he assured me. "No one, not even a member of my family, has been here."

"Why not?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I have never wanted to share it with anyone else before. You are the first person I have really felt the need to bring here. It has always been a place that I found special."

"Why share it with me then," I tried to control the emotion in my voice.

Edward sat up on his elbows and turned to me. His eyes were soft as they stared into mine.

"Bella you are very special. I wish you could see that," he spoke with such intensity.

I could feel my breathing pick up and that need for contact again.

Instead of thinking about it I acted on it.

I leaned over to Edward and kissed him with much urgency. He seemed a bit surprised at first, but quickly got over it and returned the kiss with the same enthusiasm. Our lips communicated so much more passion in this kiss, than any other one we shared.

When we remembered to breathe, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against my own. My head was spinning.

"I will try to see it," I murmured still attempting to regain control over my breathing.

Edward guided me back down to lay on the ground.

I was laying closer to him than before, but still not close enough. Edward, being the gentleman that he was, did not want me to be uncomfortable by laying too near. I scooted closer to give him assurance.

Edward must have taken the hint, because he pulled me up so I could rest my head in the crook of his neck and allowed me to curl up to his chest. His arms were wrapped around my waist.

"That's all I ask," he whispered into my ear.

We lay out on the grass as the sun shined down on us. The wind was picking up a little bit, but it felt nice. I smiled at the feel of it on my face.

It was amazing how relaxed I felt.

I felt no fear or nerves. It was just Edward and me.

Never had I let anyone so close to me.

Never has anyone ever cared to become so close.

I felt a sort of relief when I was with Edward. It was as if a weight was lifted off of me. I had this person who I could talk to who actually cared about what I had to say. It is nice to be taken care of for once.

Right now I could only hear the sound of the nearby stream and our breathing.

I could feel myself becoming sleepier by the second. It probably had to do with me not getting to sleep until almost four in the morning and waking up at eight thirty.

"What are you thinking," Edward's voice a pleasant interruption of my thoughts.

"Hmm.. Just about how relaxed I feel right now," I mumbled lazily.

I felt the light shake of his body as he laughed.

"I am sorry for getting you up so early Bella," he apologized.

"S'okay."

I felt him playing with my hair, "Bella I was not planning on taking you home just yet, if it was what you wanted, since it is still early, but would you like to go home now and get some rest?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want me to take you home," he asked.

I shook my head and unconsciously grabbed onto his shirt, "No. I do not want you to leave me."

"I won't leave you my Bella," he soothed.

"Good," I sighed.

Edward started to hum a tune in my ear. I did not recognize it, but I liked it.

"Edward," I spoke sleepily.

"Yes Bella?"

"Thank you ," I whispered.

He knew I was referring to him taking me to the meadow and much more.

"Anytime Bella."

Edward then picked up that mesmerizing song once again.

I could feel my eyelids closing.

The best sleep I have ever had was in his arms.

**************

The dream came later though.

The room was dark, but I was not scared. Edward was at my side. I do not know where we were or how we got there. I just knew that everything would be okay when Edward's hand was in mine.


That was until something started pulling him away. It was as if a some kind of force was taking him away from me. I do not know what it was, but Edward was there next to me one minute and the next I felt his hand slip out of my grasp.

"Bella," that angel voice called in my dream.

"Edward, where are you going?"

"Bella I'm right here."

"Edward"

"Bella?"

"I love you Edward, come back," the panic strong in my voice.

The silence that followed was enough to drive me insane.

"Edward," I whined.

Then I started to shake.

"Bella?"

The angel's voice was back.

"Bella it's time to get up."

Up?

I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I could see that I was in the meadow still. It was beginning to get dark out. More I importantly I knew that I was not alone.

The face that was hovering over me held concern.

"Are you okay," he whispered cautiously.

I nodded.

I sat up slowly and noticed that I had a strong grip on the front of his shirt. I let go, and buried my face in it instead.

"Sorry about that," I muttered.

"That's okay," he said. I felt him rubbing circles into my back. I could have fallen right back to sleep.

"How long did I sleep for?"

"You were out for a couple of hours."

"I am sorry I fell asleep on you for that long. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked so peaceful. I did not want to disturb you," he admitted.

We lay like that a few minutes longer.

"I should probably get you back," he spoke, but did not move.

I sighed, "I guess."

"Are you fully awake?"

"Sort of."

"Are you ready to leave?"

"Nope," I shook my head.

Edward chuckled, "Silly Bella."

He pulled me to my feet. Putting his arm around my shoulders.

"We can come back when ever you want."

"Good," I felt myself yawning.

The whole trip back to the car, we walked at a much slower pace. If that was even possible. Edward had kept his arm wrapped around me, supporting most of my weight. I did not want him to have to do this, but the contact felt so nice, I could not find it in me to complain.

When we finally arrived back at his Volvo, Edward opened my door and helped me inside. I put my seat belt on, as he smoothly glided around the car to the driver's side.

"So what did you do to pass the two hours when I was asleep," I asked once we were speeding down the road to my house. "I am sure that must have been boring for you."

"Not really. You are very interesting while you sleep," he responded.

"Interesting?" Oh god. Alice did tell me I talked in my sleep."How," I questioned.

"Well you move around a lot," he explained, "and you seem to have very vivid dreams. You were talking."

Edward glanced over when he said the last part to check my reaction. He was able to see the horror that struck my face.

"No," I whispered, sucking in my breath. I stared straight ahead and noticed we were turning onto my street.

"Are you upset," he asked as we came to a stop.

I breathed out and looked over at him. We were now sitting in front of my house.

"It depends. What did you hear?"

"You are excited about Mel and Rachel coming for Christmas," he stated. "And you spoke something about Joe and a monkey," he laughed lightly. Edward was attempting to ease my mood.

I took a deep breath before I demanded, "Anything else?"

I remembered the last dream I had before I woke up.

"You said the name 'Edward' a lot. I do not mean to jump to conclusions, but I assumed you were speaking of me."

I rolled my eyes at this.

"How many times did I say it," I asked, trying to sound uninterested.

"I was not keeping count, but it was a few more than a couple of times.."

"Oh God," I allowed my hair to fall in my face. I turned to rest my head against the window.

Edwards fingers tucked my hair back behind my ear and he pulled me to him. We were as close as two people can be while sitting in separate seats of a car.

"Please do not be embarrassed by it," he whispered into my hair. "You star in my dreams every night."

I felt myself calming down under his touch. Though, I could not help but wonder if he heard me tell the dream Edward that I loved him.

Was it just the dream Edward I loved? I shook away the irrational thoughts.

Edward kissed my forehead before he released me. I noticed that the police cruiser and my truck were in the driveway, but the family car was not there.

My parents and Joe had made the trip down to La Push, the reservation. They had been invited by Billy Black and his family to come spend the day there. They were going to take advantage of the weather, by spending the day fishing and hiking. Then they were having a big bonfire tonight.

I was asked to come along later if I wanted, but I really did not want to.

"Do you want to come in? I can make us something to eat."

He nodded his head, "I would like that since you won't let me take you out anywhere to eat. But I get to help cook dinner."

I was not a big fan of Edward spending money on me.

"Okay. Deal," I agreed.

Edward turned the car off and pocketed the keys. He then opened his door and stepped out. Then came to my door and opened it for me. He helped me out and walked me to the porch. His arm securely around my waist.

I opened the door and let us both in. I led the way into the kitchen and washed my hands. Edward did the same.

"Well lets see what we have to eat." I opened the cabinet and pulled out a box of pasta and jar of spaghetti sauce. I held the two items up to him, as if to ask him if that's what he wanted.

He nodded his head and came over to take them from me. I went over to the cabinet next to the sink and pulled out two pots. Edward took one of them and filled it with water, while I busied myself with the other one.

While waiting for the water to boil I realized that Edward has only seen the bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and living room of our house.

"Would you like a tour of the rest of the house," I asked him.

"Sure," he smiled at me.

I showed him the rest of the downstairs Charlie's study and the laundry room. I started to feel a little awkward when I led him upstairs.

The first room we stopped at was Joe's room. Inside was a mess. He had his baseball equipment everywhere and video game wires that were hooked up to his small television set, all tangled up on the floor.

The next room was a guest room that Mel and Rachel would be sharing when they came to visit. It had a queen sized bed and a desk inside of it. He spent sometime in there looking at the art on the walls. My mom had fallen in love with certain pieces at the last art gallery she attended. Like a lot of things she lost interest in them and they ended up in the guest room.

I realized that the water was probably boiling by now, so we headed back downstairs to finish dinner. Once the sauce was heated and the pasta was cooked, I served them in two bowls. I placed them on the kitchen table.

We ate in silence. I finished my food faster than what was probably considered lady-like. I did not realize how hungry I was. When I looked at Edward, he had finished rather quickly too. We did skip lunch, so I guess it was understandable.

After we finished eating, I insisted that I could do the dishes myself. Edward would not have that though. He put himself in charge of washing and rinsing them and me in charge of drying and putting them away, since I knew where everything went.

When we finished with this we headed into the living room. We tried to find something on T.V. but there was nothing on. I was not ready for him to go home yet so I suggested we watch a movie. He agreed.

"All of the DVDs are in Joe's room, so I am going to need to go upstairs to get one. Do you want to come and I can finish the tour?"

He was already on his feet and pointed for me to lead the way.

We made a stop in Joe's room and Edward picked out some action movie once I told him the choice was his. The next room we stopped at was Renee and Charlie's. I just opened the door enough so he could peek around at the door.

The last room at the end of the hall was my own. I looked at him with caution.

"This is my room," I spoke quietly.

Edward stood back and waited patiently for me to open the door. I let out a breath, I did not know I was holding in, and turned the knob.

I pushed the door open revealing my plain room. With it's blue walls and purple comforter set on my twin sized bed. Also the rows of CDs and books, that had nothing on his collection.

"This is it," I said biting my lip.

Edward walked over to my CDs and books. Then walked over to my desk where next to my laptop, sat my writing portfolio.

"May I," he asked gesturing toward it.

"Uh- go ahead."

He picked it up and headed over toward my bed and sat down. I took the seat at my desk. I tried to busy myself with the thread of string hanging on my shirt. I did not want to watch his reaction as he read them.

After five minutes I could not take it anymore. I got up and sat down next to him on the bed. I pulled one of my knees up to rest my chin on as I read over his shoulder. He was reading one where I had to compare myself to an inanimate object. I had chosen a book. Go figure, I know. It also happened to be a piece of writing that had revealed a lot about me.

Once he finished it he closed it up and looked at me.

"It's nothing special," I shrugged my shoulders, feigning a lack of interest.

"Bella that was one of the best pieces of writing that I have read," he said.

I blushed and looked away

"You are a little biased."

"Bella didn't you say that you were going to try and see how special you really are?"

I sighed and looked back at him. I was met with those caring green eyes, a lot closer than I remembered.

Edward brushed his lips softly against my own. I responded by reaching my hand into his hair and deepened the kiss. I dropped my leg to the ground and found myself leaning into him.

Somehow we ended up falling back onto my bed. With myself on top of him.

Thinking coherently was nearly impossible at this point. The only thing I could register was the feeling of Edward's body pressed against every inch of my own. No space.

His hands had found their way around my waist and both of mine were tangled in his hair. Neither of us willing to break the kiss.

When my lips did leave his between kisses, I felt myself breathing his name.

If it was not for my foot accidentally kicking my forgotten portfolio, I do not know when we would have stopped.

The sound of the book hitting the ground seemed to snap us out of it. Edward pulled us back into a sitting position. I was in his lap.

I did not know what to say. I hopped off of his lap and picked up my writings and placed them back on the desk. I did not turn around right away. I was trying to regain my composure.

"Bella," he breathed heavily. "I am sorry. That was very out of line."

I knew I had to turn and face him. He had to know that he was not at fault for this.

"It's fine Edward. If I had not pulled you closer and forced you into it," I spoke while turning to look at him, but not meeting his eyes.

Edward did the one thing I was not expecting. He laughed.

"Bella you did not force me into doing anything I did not want to do."

He stood up and walked over to me, stopping a few feet in front of me. I still had not fully met his gaze.

"Would you like me to leave Bella," he asked softly, all humor gone from his voice.

Leave?! That was the last thing I wanted him to do. I did not trust myself to be alone, to think about how wrong it was to become so close to him. I did not want those doubts to haunt me again.

"No," I almost yelled. I walked quickly over to him and rested my head on his chest. "I mean no," I spoke more calmly.

Edward's arms found their way to my waist once again. He kissed my hair softly, "Okay. I won't go anywhere."

"Here," I said pulling out of his embrace and handed him the DVD. "Why don't you go set this up while I change."

"Will do," he said, giving me one last kiss on the cheek, before leaving my room.

I closed the door and quickly changed into a pair of sweats and a blue fitted t-shirt. I could not help but think about what had almost happened. Could something have happened? I shook the thought away. Of course not. Edward was too much of a gentleman to have let it go much farther.

I got up and made my way to the door. When I arrived downstairs, Edward was sitting on the couch. The movie was paused at the beginning as he waited for me.

Not wanting to push the limits, I took a seat next to him. I did not lean into him as much, but sat close enough for our knees to touch.

Edward then pressed play.

There was a reason why I was never that into watching movies. Before the first thing was done being blown up in the movie, I felt my eyelids grow heavy for the second time today. My head automatically drooped to the side and found Edward's shoulder.

Within seconds of inhaling his scent and feeling his warmth, I was out of it.

Aw.. Very fluffy..

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Love,

Jane