Frank Longbottom woke up the next morning feeling a little confused about why he woke up in a four-poster bed with a red canopy and then he realized the previous night he had arrived at Hogwarts. He groggily walked out of bed, much as a zombie would, brushed his teeth, took a shower, and went down to the Great Hall where his girlfriend, Alice was sitting, eating scrambled eggs and bacon (her favorite).
"Hey, babe." Said Frank as he sat down.
"Oh… Hey." She replied as she kissed him on the cheek.
Frank took some cereal and a piece of toast and ate it gingerly, as he wasn't very hungry. "So what lessons do we have today?" Frank inquired.
"Umm…," said Alice pulling out her schedule "Double potions with the Slytherins. Ugh. Double charms with the Hufflepuffs and Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"Oh whoopee we get to sit in a smelly room full of stuff that we could use to kill all of the Slytherins in that room and we can't use any of it… on them, at least." Frank complained in a whiney voice.
"I know. But at least we have some of our friends." Alice reasoned as Farrah, Kat, Remus, James, Lily, Taylor, Lissa, and Ryann walked into the Great Hall.
"Oh my god guys I'm so tired today. I stayed up til three in the morning talking to Remus." Kat said.
"Oh…" said Frank, attention still on the schedule for today.
"Yep, she hates me." sulked Remus.
"Well maybe you shouldn't accuse me of cheating on you when I was just CLEARLY talking to that nice kid in Ravenclaw. And just because you're not in my diary when Tyler is should be none of your business. He told a really funny joke and I wanted to write it down." She said, obviously annoyed.
"So that gives you the right to treat me as second best to your friends and not kiss me all the time?" he asked with an attitude.
"And here we go again…Everyone strapped in?" said Farrah sarcastically, walking out, being followed by Lissa, Frank, Alice, Taylor and Ryann.
Screams of "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!" and "IT'S NOT MY FAULT I LOVE YOU!" could be heard from the first floor.
They, being the only ones in the Potions class today, went to the Dungeons and each sat at a cauldron (Lissa, then Alice, then Frank, then Farrah, then Taylor.)
"Everyone open up to page 142 in your Advanced Potions books." Said Professor Slughorn, loud enough for everyone to hear. "You may begin."
Everyone got their supplies and hurried over to their cauldrons. They were allowed to work with partners and so obviously the couples worked together. (Lissa had to work by herself, as her boyfriend was in Ravenclaw and he wasn't with them now)
"NO! THAT DOESN'T GO IN THERE YET!!!!!" yelled Farrah at Taylor.
"YES IT DOES! LOOK RIGHT HERE!" said Taylor back.
"YOU RETARDED MAN, LOOK IT SAYS THAT THE SHREDDED BOOMSLANG SKIN DOESN'T GO IN UNTIL YOU ADD THE SHRIVELFIG! THEN YOU STIR THREE TIMES AND LET IT SIMMER!" yelled Farrah in retort.
"Oh… yeah…" said Taylor timidly "Sorry.
"I win." Smiled Farrah, slowly stirring in the shrivelfig.
"Okay… let's add the boomslang skin now." Said Frank, cooperating, rather well with Alice.
They all finished their potions and they were waved on to leave. On their way out the door, they passed a very flustered-looking Kat.
"OH. MY. GOD. REMUS YOU COPIED MY NOTES WRONG! NOW IM GONNA FAIL THE O.W.L.S. BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THE KEY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MONKSHOOD AND WOLFSBANE!"
Farrah started mouthing the words, as she knew them so well from previous occasions, because she was Remus's punching bag.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE!" screamed Kat on the top of her lungs.
"… I know the difference, I could tutor you or something to make sure you have it…" Remus added beneath the yelling quite passively.
"OH SO NOW I'M STUPID!!! I CANNOT, I SIMPLY CANNOT STAND YOU, REMUS LUPIN! WE ARE OVER!" screamed Kat as she walked over to the cauldron across the room from Remus.
"You know we have to share cauldrons today." Said Taylor to Kat.
"I DON'T CARE EVEN IF I HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH A DEMENTOR! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! GET ME AWAY FROM HIM!" screamed Kat at the calm Ryann.
"How long do you think it's gonna last this time?" asked Frank to Farrah.
"Five galleons 5-7 days." Said Farrah, holding out the gold coins.
"I say 2-3." wagered Frank.
"You're on." Said Farrah, smiling as they all walked out.
They finally got to Charms where they saw Justine walking out, holding hands with another Slytherin. He was short for his age (about sixteen), had blonde, greasy hair, and a glazed-over look in his eyes.
"Oh, hey. Who's this?" asked Lissa casually.
"Oh… him? His name is J." she said slowly, as if she had to think about what she said.
"Oh. What does it stand for?" Frank asked.
"Just say out of my business." She responded with an attitude.
"Watch your mouth around me, you little whore." Farrah said, short-tempered.
"Well you just met me and you wanna know all about my life." Justine said protectively.
"Well you seem to tell your buddies in Slytherin everything." Said Alice.
"Well you seem to never close your mouth you filthy little mudblood, maybe if you're lucky I'll let your parents live when I get out of Hogwarts."
Farrah turned around after she had been walking in to the classroom, came up behind Justine, pulled her hair back, slapped her, and shoved her down a flight of stairs, after which she said "Watch your mouth or I'll close it for you!"
Justine ran back up the stairs and screamed "Expelliarmus" and pointed her wand at Farrah. Farrah flew backwards and landed on a pile of books.
Taylor walked up to Justine, looked like he was going in for a kiss, but instead of kissing her, she grabbed her shoulder and punched her as hard as he could in the stomach. She bent over and lay on the ground and he kicked her in the stomach, making her crawl away, transformed into a bloody mess.
Frank walked up to the crawling girl, pointed his wand at her, and bellowed, "Levicorpus!"
Justine floated into the air by the ankles, blood dripping on the ground.
"Pertificus totalus." He flicked his wand at her and made her stiff as a rock.
"Incarcerous!" he screamed as roped bound the girl so she couldn't move, even as the spell wore off.
Frank pointed his wand at the ground as white fog came out of the tip. He put the fog under Justine.
"What does that do?" asked Alice.
"It makes gravity reverse itself. When she gets down, she will find herself laying on the ceiling to her, but to us it will be the ground." Said Frank.
"Frank, Farrah, Taylor, I need to have a word with you before class." Said Professor Flitwick, walking out of his classroom.
"Nice job out there," the small man explained, "I did not like the girl very much. She made fun of me the entire class, but I couldn't punish her the way you did. I will have to give you fake detentions, as I imagine Dumbledore will hear of this, but you will have a small party, to which you can invite a friend."
"I always liked him." Said Frank, sitting down at a table with Alice, Taylor, Farrah, Lissa, Ryann, and Sirius, after he made his way to the room, presumably snogging girls along the way.
"Today we will be learning the confundus charm." Squeaked Professor Flitwick, "stand out on the floor and get a partner."
Frank and Alice went out along with the other couples (Sirius had to go be a partner with a Hufflepuff).
"Now point your wands at your opponent." Said the small teacher, "Okay, good. Now what I want you to do is flick your wand forward while saying 'confundus' okay?"
The students tried this. Frank had successfully confounded Alice who was not walking around the classroom in a daze. Lissa had blown Ryann ten feet across the room, and he landed in a thud. Farrah seemingly levitated Taylor six feet off the ground and was starting to spin him uncontrollably. Professor Flitwick, at this, scurried over and started performing a series of complex charms the stop the spinning and bring him safely down to earth.
"Maybe we should practice on the grass outside where it might be a bit softer of ehm… any more… accidents, shall I say? The Professor declared as he led the children out onto the lawn and they began again.
This time, Farrah got it right along with Frank but Lissa set Ryann's hair on fire, which was curiously burning a bright, vibrant blue.
The group looked over at Sirius to see how he was doing. When they looked, they saw his partner standing straight up, his ears starting to pertrude from his head. They twisted down and made sort of face- down funnels with the small side closed on his head.
"Oh... that looks just like fins on a…" said Alice interrupted by a sudden roaring as Sirius's partner was shot up into the air, with jets of flames coming out of each ear.
"Rocket." She finished.
Professor Flitwick conjured a ten foot tall mattress under the boy as he came into sight, falling.
Now it was the other partner's turn to practice. Alice had knocked Frank aback about a foot and made flowers start sprouting out of his ears. Taylor had made Farrah go into a daze, the desired effect, but she suddenly believed she was a monkey and started swinging from the tree branches and throwing stuff at people. Sirius's partner had made his tongue grow three times its size, which Flitwick shrunk immediately. Ryann had confounded Lissa who wandered off into the grounds. After a search party consisting of Alice, Ryann, Sirius, and Frank went around the grounds, they found her trying to get in the lake to swim with the giant squid that she had seen gliding on the surface.
"No, Lissa let's go back to class." Said Ryann slowly.
"D'accord. Est-ce je peux coucher avec moi ce soir?" Melissa spoke in fluent French.
"Melissa, we have been over this a million times. I know what it means and no, because your confounded. You were just trying to swim with a giant squid. There are mermaids that would jump at the chance to kill you so, no I will not sleep with you tonight." Said Ryann nicely.
After their lesson, they went to the common room for their empty period before lunch. They walked in and saw Kat and Remus.
"Remus, put away my shoes and do my homework or I'm not going to talk to you for a week." Said Kat bossily (Jk kat I luvv youuuu)
"Yes, okay. Whatever you say. I LOVE YOU KAT." Said Remus obsessively.
"So… I think we'll go back where we were.' Said Frank as he slowly backed out of the common room and walked with his friends down to the lawn.
They sat down and started to study. "Okay… Alice. What is the only way to get rid of a boggart?" Frank asked.
"Rediculus. They will assume the shape of anything you fear the most and when the spell is said, they will change into a humorous form of whatever you fear." Recited Alice.
"Okay. What should you ever trust a hinkypunk?" Frank asked as the others studied with their partners. (Ryann had met up with them when they had walked out on the yard)
"No, they will lead you in a wrong direction, and possibly kill you. They appear harmless, seeming as if they are made of wisps of smoke." She said in reply.
They continued to study until they got hungry and went in to have some food. They all sat at one table and ate lunch, occasionally bringing up something interesting to talk about.
Eventually, Taylor and Lissa had to leave to go to divination and Frank, Farrah, and Alice went to Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Professor Caldstone was teaching them complex defense sequences. Curses were shot at them from all different directions and they had to use the steps they had learned to repel various curses being shot at them.
At the end, being thoroughly drained, they retired back up to the common room where they found Lissa and Ryann having one of their wild sexcapades, so they left.
"Has anyone found a cure for eye-A.I.D.S yet?" asked Alice as they walked aimlessly through the castle.
"I think you might've spawned another idea for dragon's blood, there Alice." Said Farrah jokingly.
"I'm blind. That's it. I'm blind." Repeated Alice.
"How? There really wasn't much to see." Said Frank, obviously joking about Ryann.
They all laughed as they walked through the courtyard and out to go to the owlery to send letters to their families. Just before they got to the gently inclining hill up to where their owls lay rest, Justine, J., and a rather large boy that they didn't know came out from behind a boulder.
"We don't like what you did to Justine." Said J. in a rather sluggish voice.
"Well she deserved it. She called out friend a mudblood and then she cursed Farrah." Said Frank defensively.
"Whatever. We're gonna kick your asses. Stupefy!" said the boy they didn't know as he flicked his wand at Alice.
She went flying back five feet and landed with a thud.
"You mother fucker. Avis," said Frank pointing his wand up in the air, "Oppugno." He pointed it at the unknown boy.
Birds shot at the boy from every direction.
J. turned to his friend. "Incendio maxima." He chanted, setting the bird on fire and making them fall out of the air onto a pile at his feet. "Expelliarmus." He said, pointing at Frank.
Franks wand flew out of his hand and landed a good distance away.
At this Farrah took out her wand, pointed it at both of them. They started running at her.
"Impedimenta!" Farrah pointed at them.
They slowed to a mere shuffle.
"Tarantellegra!" they started to dance. "Dance bitches!"
Alice got up with a ferocious look on her face. She ran at Justine "Expelliarmus." The want flew out of Justine's hand. "Alerte Ascendare"
She flew up into the air.
"Stupefy." Alice said as she pointed her wand at the girl in the air with impeccable timing.
Justine flew ten times farther than she would have when she was on the ground and landed with a sickening crunch.
"Owowowowowowowowowowowowow my wrist! You mudblood. I'll make you pay for this." She screamed as she ran off to the infirmary.
They left the other two dancing very slowly and went up to the owlery as planned. When they got there they saw something that none of them would believe….