Calamity James
By Lily Orange
Ever since Lily took the Marauders and Isabel to see a musical at the cinema in the school holidays, they have become fixated on them; when Professor Dumbledore announces there is to be a school ball, James comes up with the suggestion that they perform a musical at it instead of having a band...
A/N: Wow, thanks for the amazing response to the first 3 chapters! Thank you toBramble Icedancer, Sam-EvansBlue, Tabithatibi (thank you so much for the multiple reviews!), Stephie Cat-Kat, sarlovesoccer, chariots99, vampire-luver101 and mica259 for reviewing; thank you to dearmanica, mica259, nikegirl0329, sarlovesoccer, Stephie Cat-Kat and Tabithatibi for adding my story to your favourites and thank you to mica259, Tabithatibi, Stephie Kat-Cat, Sam-EvansBlue and nikegirl0329 for adding my story to your alerts! I hope you like this chapter!
And I have my new multi-chaptered story up! I've posted the first two chapters, it's called Bad Romance and is a Sirius & OC & Regulus story - basically a love triangle! Please check it out, it's my new baby haha just like You Leave Me Breathless was, and there's a poll on my profile as to the outcome of it! PLEASE give it a try and give it a review, I'd love it if you did :)
Chapter Four
Doin' What Comes Naturally
* * *
James had his fellow Marauders, plus Lily and Isabel, assembled in the Room of Requirement for their first rehearsal so that they could perform their musical at the ball, which was in one week. Remus had begrudgingly agreed to come along – he still wasn't happy about the part he had been assigned by James – and was sat on a cushioned red velvet sofa, clutching his piece of paper which outlined the stage directions he needed to do. Though, as far as he could see, he was not doing what he was supposed to.
And what was he supposed to be doing?
Being James' horse, with Peter. He couldn't be Lily's horse, or Isabel's – who were both very light – but no, he had to be James' horse, six foot two, broad-shouldered, muscular, Quidditch-playing James who probably weighed as much as an elephant.
Give or take a few pounds.
"So, I think we should have our first read-through!" James said theatrically, flipping over the first page of his script and saying in a very strange voice, "'Oh, Wild Belinda, I do love you, you know'!"
"This isn't the right storyline, James," Isabel interrupted. James sighed impatiently and looked at her pointedly.
"Don't interrupt a read through, Isabel, it's very bad manners," he rebuked her.
"James, it's not the right story! Calamity Jane, or rather, James, is supposedly in love with Daniella Gilmartin!" Lily said. Of course, he didn't snap at Lily, the divine object of his affections.
"I know, but this is another twist. I rewrote the script... surprise!" he said gleefully.
"The other story was better," Isabel hissed, turning back to her script.
"Pardon?" he asked serenely.
"Nothing," she said innocently and Sirius started to laugh uncontrollably, much like the other morning when James had been singing in class. Now, however, he was absent of humour and taking his job as director of the musical they would be putting on for the ball's entertainment very seriously.
"That's what I thought, now, shall I continue?" he questioned his actors irritably. They all nodded meekly and he turned back to his script. "Ah, Lily, it's you now!"
"Fine – 'Calamity James, I loved you since the first moment I met you. You are my ideal man – you just scream masculinity–' James, I am not reading this!" Lily protested, blushing copiously.
"Just forget there's other people there – it's just me, you, our trusty horse" – he patted Remus' head affectionately, and Remus scowled – "and the Deadwood City."
"'You are my ideal man,'" Lily continued, "'you just scream masculinity, with your windswept messy yet sexy black hair, your sparkling hazel eyes that mirror what I desire in life, your Quidditch-honed muscles' – hang on, they didn't have Quidditch in Calamity Jane, or James, or whatever," Lily said apprehensively.
"Lily, please continue, you were doing so well!" James persisted.
"No! James, it's like you've written some soppy romance between us for the stage! I won't do it!" she refused. "How am I supposed to act it?"
"How am I supposed to act being a horse?" Remus added.
"I like being the horse," Peter said in defence and James grinned at him gratefully.
"See, an actor who is not demanding," James said, staring at each of them in turn.
"Well, I don't see how I could act as being in love with Sirius, as we are not in love with each other!" Isabel glowered at him. He was taking his musical-infatuation a little too far now – he had basically written a Hogwarts love story between him and Lily, but had placed it in Deadwood City and added a horse.
A horse he had cast two of his fellow Marauders as.
"You don't know how to act? Well, you just have to do what comes naturally..." James said, standing up and opening his mouth wide, "folks are dumb, where I come from, they ain't had any learnin'! Still they're happy as can be, doin' what comes naturally!"
"No, Prongs – CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Sirius hollered, grabbing James' shoulders and shaking him so vigorously Lily was slightly concerned his brains might turn into a milkshake.
"Folks like us never fuss, with schools and books and learning," James continue, loosening himself from Sirius' grip and stepping around the room rhythmically, kicking his legs out at random intervals with a big grin, "still we've gone from A to Z, doin' what comes naturally!"
"I'm getting rather sick of this," Lily said despairingly as James stepped towards the door of the Room, his script discarded on the floor.
"You don't have to know how to read or write when you're out with a feller in the pale moonlight, you don't have to look in a book to find out what he thinks of the moon or what is on his mind," he sang pleasantly, before jumping up in the air and yelling, in a rather gravelly tone, "THAT COMES NATURALLY!"
He merrily flung open the door and carried on crooning his song as his friends leaped out of their seats to try and prohibit him from going out into the corridor, but unfortunately – he just couldn't be contained.
"Cousin Ben got angry when they caught him stealing chickens – I'm within my rights as he, doin' what comes naturally!" he sang as he swung off the tapestry opposite the doors of the Room of Requirement, and Sirius failed to catch him as he skipped down the corridor, his voice getting more and more vociferous by the second.
"Sister Sal who's musical has never had a lesson, still she's learned to sing off-key, doin' what comes naturally!" he yelled, skidding to a stop at a junction in the corridor. This brought back strong déjà vu for the rest of his friends as other students came into view.
"We are so sorry – we thought he could be contained!" Sirius apologised to them, before practically launching himself at his best friend who suddenly changed direction and left Sirius to crash onto the floor. Isabel started chuckling at him, so he proceeded to try and chase her whilst James joyously continued.
"My Uncle out in Texas, can't even write his name! He signs his cheques with x's, but they cash 'em just the same! Grandpa Dick was always sick but never saw a doctor, he just died at ninety-three, doin' what comes naturally!"
"I thought he may just have stopped his by now," Remus said exasperatedly as they pursued him down a corridor, James nimbly dancing forward and sliding down the banister of the stairs, out of their reach, intending for a big finale to his song.
"DOIN' WHAT COMES NAAAAATURAAALLYYYYYY!" James howled, and students rushed through the corridors to see what the commotion on the stairs was. They were greeted with the sight of James Potter finishing yet another song and his friends sneaking up behind him, with what looked to be a suspiciously large fishing net, and swooped it down over his head.
"YES! CAUGHT HIM!" Sirius caterwauled in happiness and did his own little dance around the confused James, who wondered why his friends had encased him in a fishing net.
Hope you liked it and found it amusing! Thanks for reading - the song was from Annie Get Your Gun - please leave a review and check out Bad Romance!
:) x Lily Orange x (: