An: To the people with the pitchforks: I AM SORRY! really this time i mean it. And to the people with the death threats, i've only been around for roughly thirteen/ fourteen years, give me a break. So i had family come over, and to be blunt, fanfic wasn't on my mind, so here you are. New chapter. To the dude in the green shirt, no i do not own twilight, and thank you for putting your pitchfork down.

authors note over, now go read.

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So i was still on watch. It wasn't like i was jumping off a cliff. And to those of you rolling your eyes and saying sarcastic remarks, shut up, that was one time. And Jacob was there so it doesn't matter, nor does it count. If you would like to keep score, be my guest, i doubt you'll get anything that Edward hasn't already counted.

Speak of the devil. Here he comes in all his perfect, sexy, stupid, shiny, volvo owning, ass thats better than chocolate glory. What? It's an accurate description isn't it? He sat down next to me. "hello darling, any near death experiences today?" What the hell kind of question was that!?

The man was trying to jinx me, i swear it. He was setting me up to trip, to fall flat on my ass. I'm Bella Swan. My stupid stunningly sexy fiance wasn't going to stop me from finishing my no tripping/ near death experiences streak today. I was going to beat the volvo man at his own game.

How awkward is that? I think when i met Edward was the first time i've ever been jealous of a guy. How messed up is that? You tell me when you get a super sexy vampire as YOUR fiance. Don't you want one now? It's kind of like being a little girl again, and getting a new Ken doll.

I remember when i was little, that Barbie used to be my idol. I was so jealous of Lauren Mallory when she got the new Ken doll before i did. I'd spent the whole summer convincing Charlie to get me one. When Lauren had gotten it first, I'd bitten her, and stolen her pink tiara. Oh but that's not the point, the kicker is...we were twelve.

I don't think it was normally okay for twelve year old girls to like Barbie dolls. The greatest part was, Edward wasn't plastic. Wait a minute... Edward. Why the hell was i thinking about dolls when my sexy vampire was right there? I really need a longer attention span.

My attention span today is like... Skidush. (AN: I just remembered that from kung fu panda, i haven't even seen the movie but, i just couldn't resist.) Bella Swan focus! Your sexy fiance is sitting right here with his shirt half way undone, waiting for your attention.

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AN: So i know this chapter is short crap and totally random. But like Bella said. My mind is just... like... skidush... like... gone today. I mean fourth of July is over, yet my neighbors just won't shut up and put away the fire works so i haven't slept per say. But i love you guys so what can i say? How long has it been since my last update?

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AN: So my lovely reviewers my brain is feeling much better. I got eleven hours of much deserved sleep so now you get a longer chapter! :D tell me what you think. I keep wondering why i get like a bunch of reviews for this story and only oh i don't know... ZERO on my other ones. If you guys really love me you would check out and review my other stories because you know they're out there. Go take a look. If i don't get reviews, you don't get chapters. so you know the drill.

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So what am i not supposed to do again? I swear Edward is teasing me right now. He is siting across from me with his blue, pure cotton shirt half way undone and waiting for my attention as I'm sure i said before. If you owned an Edward Cullen what would you do? Anyway why am i asking? I'm one hundred percent sure i want to jump him so we'll ask questions later.

"Alice!" I called. "right here Bells." "Can you tell your completely sexy brother that i will not talk to him until he buttons up his shirt and stops teasing me. His brow arched for about five minutes before it thinned out and he chuckled. He took the shirt off and threw it across the room. What was with this man!?

How was i not going to react when he did this to me. If i didn't know better i would have jumped him by now. I knew better right? right!? Maybe not. I don't know myself anymore. I think my mind has gone x- rated. And i don't mean just x-rated. I mean all out Emmett x-rated.

"Dang bells, got you some real eye candy huh?" Emmett leered. Apparently i'd been thinking with my brain while my eyes roamed my fiancé's body. Goddamn boundaries!? I wonder what Edward would think if he got a look at my x-rated mind right now. I was about to ask Alice when she looked at me and simply said " I think you should wait a year before you start doubting his abilities Bells."

"Remember i'm a psychic, I see everything." I couldn't help not asking my next question. I had to ask. "But Ali, wouldn't that be like watching family porn?" She chuckled. "In a way i suppose so" She answered. Emmett was laughing. I'm not sure he understood but he was laughing anyway.

Alice in having all her fun had forgotten to block her mind. Edward was having a fight with his pants right now at all the images popping up through his sister's mind. I guess i was getting a sense of humor today. " So Edward you having a hard time over there?" I screamed before i burst into a fit of giggles.

Edward stopped his struggle quickly to gawk at me. I don't think he thought i had it in me. Emmett didn't think so either apparently. "Where have you been Bella!?" He questioned. "Edward! how about you?" " A pretty tight spot named Rosalie" He answered with a smug smile.

I had an epiphany right then. "Where have we all been!? I demanded. I mean it's like all our minds have gone x-rated over night!?" " I think you and Edward should b applying that to your selves. You're going to be the one with the kid." " That's different!" Edward defended. " Yeah and besides, with his aim, you'd think you'd expect more!" I defended before i realized what i'd said.

Emmett boomed out a huge round of laughter. "Is this what i'd be missing out on!? I'm so glad i don't have to go to college!" Emmett screamed with laughter following. I think I was a nice tomato red after that. Just like i usually do, i got upset, and began to cry. Edward grabbed me up bridal style and moved us upstairs.

"Why do i always do everything wrong!?" I cried angrily. "Baby, you did nothing wrong!" He tried to calm me. " I just embarrassed us both, you probably hate me now!" I continued to cry. " Bella, I could never hate you!" He tried again. "First the cutting, now this! I just want to go home!" I shouted. Edward kissed my forehead and rubbed my back. I began to feel tired after a couple of minutes, and just like i knew i would, i fell asleep in my angel's arms.

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When i woke up, i was in my room at Charlie's house. Oh no! What if i upset Edward. I'm not good enough for him. He could never love me! He's probably never coming back. I grabbed open my drawer, my promises thrown away. I threw everything to the side, my eyes searching for my old friend. I smiled as through the corner of my eye, i spotted the glint of the medal blade. I chuckled darkly as i sliced through my left wrist. A scarlet trail of blood flooded down my arm. It was like a thin blanket of red silk.

I felt no pain, only relief, as the i drew distinct designs over my skin. I continued to chuckle darkly as the relief drew through me. Every slice was heaven to me. In the back of my mind i screamed about my promises to my family, the Cullens. Part of me screamed for Edward while the rest of me protested. What does he care? Such a beautiful creature could never love you. "You're right i thought, he doesn't love me. I don't need him, i have you, my only friend... my blade.

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Should i have given a tissue alert? ... Oh well too late now.

So what do you think? Was it too short, too long, or do you not care because you didn't read or review? You know how much i love you guys. I'll love you even more if you review. ;D