Chapter 3
That cape is probably full of disease! Why is she letting him defile her like that? How dare you place your hands on her! The sight of him touching her is revolting! He himself is far more poisonous than even that filthy cloak!
I don't know why she lets him get within three strides of her, let alone carry on with us. I have warned her several times that the man is dangerous. The constant overt lechery alone turns my stomach. Can she not see the predatory look in his eyes? It is obvious to me that ranger is toying with her. Stalking her. How long before he tires of the hunt, and takes his prey by force? He is far more beast than man, and a highly unpredictable animal at that. Why can't she see what he's doing?
The ranger and I have had a few heated discussions about our Captain. I know he is baiting me, looking for a reaction. My feelings for her are none of his concern. He uses my past and my own personal courses of action to prove how I am not deserving of her. It goads me to see the conclusions I have already come to spoken aloud by him. I will endure his snide remarks about me. What I cannot abide by is his dissertation of her. He is highly disrespectful, in both speech and action. He refuses to address her by the titles and honors she has been granted. The ranger is not worthy enough to speak her name, let alone discuss her motives. It takes all my strength and will to refrain from strangling the life out of him. It is for her I walk away.
I have tried to discuss the subject of the ranger with the captain on more than one occasion. She listens to my arguments, as she always does. I leave out some of the details not fit for her ears, but I know she understands my views. Yet, with all the evidence presented against the cad, she asks for my tolerance. She points out that he is the best tracker she's seen, next to her foster father. I am loath to admit that his skills have aided our quests on more than one occasion, but it does not change the fact that he is here for his own selfish reasons. His kind does not know loyalty, and do not understand the concept of greater good. Nothing from him will come without a cost. I anticipate it will be our Knight Captain paying the price before long. Some souls are just too far gone for redemption. I will be vigilant.
I think in her heart, the captain has noble intentions. It is her way. My Lady tries to see people for what they are, instead of the persona they portray. She has helped every one of our band accomplish great things. All of us had personal goals and needs, everyone very different. Our captain has been able to help and unite us. She was able to see the pieces we were, and how each could fit into the larger picture.
I had known very few followers of Oghma. The Binder of all that is Known generally drew frail, bespectacled old men, or bards as disciples. The ancient men remained in their libraries, spending their days pouring over books. They were little more than reservoirs of the knowledge others had gathered. The bards plied their trade in taverns, regaling all with overly dramatized, heroic deeds of the past. Their tales were far more fiction than useful history. My Lady fits somewhere between the two extremes. She is a colorful splotch in what seems to be a rather black and white following.
"To view a situation objectively, it needs to be seen from every angle. What is seen from one facet is rarely seen from the next." We affectionately call it "Crystal's Creed".
Shortly after we joined forces at Old Owl Well, I asked Crystal about her beliefs. We were sitting at the campfire, after dinner. If I recall correctly, it was our first chance to speak alone. It was a clear night, soft summer breeze blowing. The fire was almost down to embers. It was quiet, except for the sounds of night birds and a snoring dwarf. The tiefling had disappeared. She was likely off rummaging through my pack. I was sharpening my longsword. I hadn't used it in some time, and it had dulled significantly. The war hammer was effective against orcs, the blunt power what was needed to decimate their ranks. After leaving the Well, I switched to my sword. I didn't know what sort of enemies lay in store for us, and decided it safer to go with a blade. My Lady was poking at the fire with a stick, seemingly lost in thought. I asked of her, "Once you have seen your situation from every angle, how do you know which path to take?" My own life had experienced a few incorrect choices. The answer to such a question could prove useful for the future. I was expecting a complex mathematical formula, full of percentages, probabilities and fractions. She stared into fire for a few seconds before answering, gathering her thoughts. "Most times, action is not necessary. To learn about, or discover a thing is simply to get to know it, observe it. Action would change it, and the cycle would begin again." She continued to prod the embers, sending sparks into the sky. I pondered her logic, and decided I needed further clarification.
"My Lady, sometimes alteration to the situation is required. How do you know what facet to choose then?" She turned her head, and looked at me. She wore the soft, half-smile that I have grown to know as hers. Her eyes are where her smile resides, and they sparkled now in the firelight. "Sir, when action is required to alter a situation, simplicity is key. Use common sense. In dire straits, choose the option that is least likely to get you killed. In decisions not posing any bodily harm, choose the path that looks like it would be the most fun, within the realm of your good conscience. In either situation – choose something, put your whole heart into it, and hope for the best." It was hardly the profound answer I was expecting.
The captain and I have had many interesting discussions and debates over the past year we have traveled together. Our subjects are varied and diverse. She is quite well educated, and can be very eloquent when she chooses to be. Contrarily, she can also be gleefully childish with new toys, objects, or problems to ponder. I guess I could only describe her demeanor as being "somewhat chaotic." For the most part, her actions are good, responsible, and noble. She soothed a frightened child, and agreed to rescue her older sister from a bad crowd of "boys" in the crypts of Neverwinter. The mission turned rather dangerous. We encountered a host of evil abominations, as well as the malicious cult. What possessed these teenagers to dabble in black arts is beyond me. We redeemed those we could, and put an end to the rest of them and subsequently, the cult. We immediately took the books of evidence to Nasher at the castle. Our duty was done. The Nine and the Neverwinter guard would investigate further. On our way out, as we passed the academy, Crystal pried open a crate of captured imps. She knowingly and willingly set the creatures free to terrorize the prestigious Blacklake District. She observed the nobles running everywhere to escape the imps, then left town. I don't know what she was thinking! Amusing as it was, disliking their trainer does not seem to be a good enough excuse to warrant the action. It caused quite an uproar. I learned there that her good conscience could be somewhat stretchy at times.
A new mission is always an experience, for sure. She becomes a very different person. She sheds the "boss" skin easily, and once again we are back to just a band of comrades. Well. Most of us are. I am quite happy that she brings me on almost all the missions. I enjoy watching the adventurous side of her. She will spend the traveling hours learning the flora and fauna from Elanee, their benefits and uses for tinctures and the like. Quite often, we "encounter something on the way to our destination…" Assassins. Trolls. Pixies. Bugbears. I never know what she will find next. She takes it all in stride.
While at "home", as we have come to see it, her duties are first and foremost. Time is rather elusive for the Captain when we are stationed at the keep. She slides into her role as Knight Captain very easily – coordinating the reconstruction and renovations of the keep, making quick decisions about her grey-cloaks, keeping the bookwork and parchment up to date. I know Lieutenant Kana appreciates her quick decisions, and attention to detail. Those very things Kana appreciates make it difficult to have a real conversation here, though. Our morning sparring sessions seem to be the most time I get with her. I know she will put off other, probably more important meetings so she can meet me. I think she enjoys our time together as much as I do.
I will freely admit now that was at Old Owl Well to escape. I could lose myself in the onslaught. The orcs called me the "Katalmach" – one who loses himself in battle. It was easy to disregard my past, my oaths, and my faith. None there knew who I was. None cared. Perhaps I could find redemption in the fight, protect and free the innocent that inhabited there. If I fell in battle, so be it. I would have welcomed a martyr's death. It was far preferable to the life of a traitor I had to look forward to back in Neverwinter. I was planning to go after the orc leader myself. I needed to ensure the safety of my people first, by taking care of all the small orc scouting parties scattered throughout the mountains. Once they were gone, I would find a way to disengage myself from my troops and attempt the mission. It would likely be suicide. If I could take out part of the clan before I fell, Nasher's greycloaks could do the rest.
It was serendipity that she arrived on those mountains when she did. Her group sought a means to an end with this mission, simply a way to get into the quarantined Blacklake district. I was looking for an end to my means. At the time, I wondered if her presence could prove a hindrance. She had no magic. She wasn't large and strong. Her skill with her rapiers I would have described as adequate, at best. The crest of Oghma on her breast was not comforting. It was good to see she had faith, but doubted the Orcs would cease their activities for a lecture on philosophy or history. She traveled with Khelgar, Neeshka and the gnome Grobnar. They were an unlikely group for a foray into the dangerous mountains. It was no matter. They were as determined to see it though as I.
That single event, that mission, proved to be the turning point of my life. Only now, reflecting upon it, can I see the significance. I am certain Tyr had a hand in placing her on that mountain that day. My redemption for my past comes from service to her. The destiny Crystal has to fulfill is greater than any I could have imagined. Every action, every mission, every encounter made was all for the preservation of Faerun. There could be no greater good than that. I have been given the opportunity to redeem my mind and my soul, using the gifts Tyr gave me to help her. For a paladin, this is everything. It seems I have been granted salvation on a different level as well. As a man, I had resolved myself to keeping my heart indifferent and cold. I had no need for distractions, and the downfalls they could bring. Katriona had difficulties understanding how I could only see her as a lieutenant, a soldier. I needed to explain to her that our relationship, on my side, was fully professional. I had no wish or desire to pursue anything further than that. I was fixated on my mission, and my purposes at the Well.
It took some time for me to understand it, but my pledge to her changed everything. No longer do I wish for death. Quite the opposite, really. The benefits life can offer seem endless. Easily, I can see myself falling into a realm of being together, a family, a LIFE. I have attempted, on a few occasions to discuss these things with her. For all my education, training, and experience, a conversation on a personal level proves difficult. The words don't come easily, and I change the subject. We have trust, camaraderie – essentially, we are extremely good friends. Should I risk losing that, for the chance of something more? If she doesn't feel the same way, would my confession alienate her? Change things? I couldn't bear to lose her. Perhaps it is better to remain silent, and maintain what I have already.
Finally. The chat with Veedle, and then she will proceed into the keep for the night. Send the ranger back to his hole, please. Ah good. Give him back that filthy piece of cloth, and be gone from him. A glass of wine with the girls, wind down from the day, and then back to her chamber to retire for the nite.
A few more hours, and the new watch will be on. I'll wait, and watch here until then. I will make my own rounds on the way back to my room. Yes, it takes me past her chamber. I will likely see the light on, under the door, and will hear the scratch of the quill behind it. I will hesitate there for a moment, confirming all is well before I continue ahead down the corridor to my own chambers. I will take comfort in the fact that she is safe and warm. That small comfort is all I really need.