This is my first AU Fic of Skins. Actually this is the first time I am gonna write a story ever. So I dont know if I will be able to get my idea across... I just got engrossed in reading all Naomily stories here and watching them on Skins that I thought why not try to write my own version. So, yep, feel free to review if you want.. :D
Disclaimer: I dont own Skins.
She was laughing so hard that she has tears in her eyes... She was fucking laughing at me for successfully playing her part and was able to prove to all her friends that yes, that girl Emily is indeed gay and that whether its a boy or a girl she can get whoever it is she puts her charms on.
She made a fool of me and after the initial shock of it, i am seething. Who does she think she is for using me and hurting me like this? And I was so fucking blind to see that I was just being played around. It hurt. God how it hurt. My heart feels like its being not only broken into pieces but dispersed into hot lava all at the same time. I want to slap her face, I want to shout and tell everyone that no I am not gay, but I can't move. Because, everybody now knows and my knees are now weakening threatening to collapse any minute now and I dont want to give her further satisfaction of what she did to me. I dont want to cry in front of all those people but my face is not cooperating right now and when I felt the intial drop of tears, I turned and started to run. Run until all the laughter diminishes in my ear. Run until I saw the gates to the school. Run until I felt my knees start to wooble but still I pushed through, not wanting to stop and not caring where it leads me to. God, it hurt. And then I stumbled and fall face down. And that is when I started to cry all the more. Cried so hard like I haven't cried like that in my whole life. My shoulder's were shaking so hard and I was having difficulty breathing. After some god knows minutes long in that position, I rolled over not caring if somebody will see, because basically I dont fucking care anymore. I hurt all over thinking what I did to deserve this, this.., cruelty, heartless cruelty. She used, betrayed, made a fool out of me and worst of all this is that I had fallen. Fallen hard for her. I have always like her ever since I laid my eyes on her about 2years ago, but I was not willing to accept it yet back then that I can be this attracted to a girl.. a girl! for fucks sake.. I did not know I am gay until I have looked into those blue eyes of her and felt my heart do flip-flop.
And when finally, I thought she notices me, thought that she has changed because of me, thought that finally this gorgeous girl that I think will only talk to me in my dreams is finally talking to me and seems to like me and giving her time for me, I have to say that in those weeks, I have fallen for her all the more. I have opened my heart and tell her things that I usually just keep inside of me. She is the first one that had made me feel whole and so fucking happy with just one smile. But then now, as my crying starts to subside, she is also the first person, even more than all the hurt my sister KAtie has given me summed up, that has made me feel this shit.
As coherent thoughts comes to mind, it makes me think on how I can face all people at school now after all that. I decided I dont want to go to school there anymore and no matter what my parents will say I will have to transfer, it was just unbearable for me to still stay after that. And seeing her always will just kill me. Despite her hurting me like this, I know deep within, that I still love her as much as I want to hate her and curse her or strangle her.
I started to look around and see where my feet carried me. And I found out that I am in park. Good thing at least there where only small people there at this time of the day.
That was the last time I have seen of her. And despite those few times, I still miss her, I just have to remember to get it into my thick head that she was nothing but a bitch. And as the year ended, with me in my new school despite my parents not agreeing, I finally come to terms with who I am. And I also have grown to introduce who I really am to the new crowd that I was in. I have to say in a way I am glad on what happened because it made me come out and be comfortable with who i am. A year being in this new school and finally I am now confident that I am now able to have a few dates here and there and this is still besides those other invitations that I just choose to ignore. In short, a year and one summer later I am finally fine.
I then procedeed to Uni right after College and was able to find a pad with my best pal JJ. Unfortunately though since it is a big apartment we also got to share it with his older cousin. I dont mind really because I get to take the room for myself and he does not usually pry on other people's business and yes, he knows that I am gay. So yeah all well and good.
That is until I saw her again....
****************************************
"You going out?", JJ said as he notices me put the phone down and practically skip to my room to prepare. I assume he heard the conversation I just had.
"Yep. Remember, Lia? Ha! She called! Told you she likes me, it was just a matter of time", I said and then laughed at JJ's reaction. Well, we both know that Lia is like one of the hottest and not to mention straight girl in school. So it was quite a shock to JJ that my tricks is now reaping the results and that I might have indeed able to convert Lia from being straight to well bisexual at the least. I already have the perfect plan in my mind on where I will take her and with that I rushed to my room to shower.
****************************************
Minutes later, I am looking at my mirror with a satisfied smirk in my face. I look good. Now, I am saying that not in a boastful manner ok, it was just mere honesty, I mean I have to look good, my date is! And then with that thought I smiled one last time before I started picking up the things I would need to bring.
I heard JJ talking below and a slam in a nearby door. It must have been Ian, JJs cousin. But then JJ is still talking, so ohhh... Ian has a girl invited over? That is interesting, I wonder though if its the same girl or he has changed girlfriends again for the nth time that month. I swear, Ian can be such a guy slut. But then who I am to judge eh?
****************************************
I was bouncing at the stairs feeling good and excited at what I know will be the outcome of my date with Lia when suddenly I paused as I heard the person that JJ is talking to starts to laugh. I know that laugh!!! how could I forget it? And in that simple laugh, I swear I felt my heart stop beating.
"God, please dont let it be her", I asked out slowly and silently.
I continued down slowly and I actually jumped out when Ian almost knock me down in his hurry to get down.
"Ei sorry. Did I startle you?", Ian said with his eyes laughing. I must have looked ridiculous tiptoeing silently towards JJ and their 'visitor'.
I laugh to hide the embarassment and shrug my shoulders as I prepare myself to face the person that I have hoped I would never ever laid my eyes on again. And silently prayed that I heard it wrong.
But then, as we round the corner towards the living room, which by the way I have no choice but to pass if I have to go out of the house hence have no excuse in skipping meeting with this 'visitor', I realize that my prayers are not that good because there with an amuse smile on her face at something that JJ mentioned and still looking as gorgeous as ever and fuck me for noticing it but she is still indeed very gorgeous if not more, sits Naomi. The same girl that totally fucked my life not more than 2 years ago.
"Keep your cool and show that you are not affected in any way by her presence because she will just take it as an oppurtunity to add to her overgrown ego", I practically kept repeating it in mind and then with a last shrug of my shoulder, I asked JJ about my coat because fuck it, I tossed it earlier at the arm of JJs chair which is right beside where Naomi sits right now.
"Hey J, coat please. Yah know running late", I winked at him and laugh so to remove the tension still residing in my heart.
Naomi, who has not notice me earlier turned sideways a smile in her face, but then, it faltered and drop altogether when she saw me standing only a few feet away.
"Going out then?", it was Ian walking up beside me. "Who is it this time? I swear Emily at the rate you are going lately, I will have to think that I am having a competition here!" and then he burst out laughing as to which I reply.
"Fuck Off" but with a smile in my face.
"Oh by the way, this is Naomi, and rules Emily, I found her first so no snatching it up right in front of my nose eh?", still with a hint of laughter in his eyes as he was saying this. He was actually oblivious of the fact that Naomi is still there looking at me intently and still with shock on her face. I pretended not to notice and took the oppurtunity to reply to Ian to let Naomi know how she is nothing to me now.
"I wouldn't even try Ian", I laughed loud, "All your's. Yup thanks not interested", and then I laughed again. Feels good to laugh, removes all the tension and makes me return to my normal confident self.
But JJ must have seen the shock in Naomi's face but misinterpreted it to be something else. Thanks God for that, because after that awful day I did not relay to anybody that once I have been foolish to fall in love with a girl who just made me a complete fucking idiot.
"Oh sorry Naomi, you must be confused, Emily here is gay yah know. That is why Ian and her is something like competing over gorgeous girls in campus", he said with a smile. But then Ian looked at him and mouth the word "NO" which means he just dont want Naomi to think that he is well... a slut. To which I internally laugh, if Ian only knew how bigger slut his date is.
"But of course Ian can be serious when it comes to girls that deserve his serious attention yeh? I just dont know with Emily though she is practically one of the hottest chick in campus, both with guys and girls alike and with that you really cant expect her to settle with one right?", JJ mentioned with a smile pleased to finally get back at me as I constantly pissed him off with the way he is with girls. JJ has got a long way in improving himself. A year before he was actually this awkward guy that constantly get locked on whenever he talks about something. That is why I have actually warmed up to him fast and we got close. He managed to be out of it already, although there are still some rare occassions that he still get locked on but often times not. And I am proud that I was there with him as his best friend through his earlier struggles.
I reached out and punched him lightly in the shoulder and then with all my effort I gave him a cheeky grin and said, "ha.. but then I got a date tonight with a rather gorgeous girl so we will never know eh?" And then looking at Naomi who is still silent, I managed to say straight to her face and with a nonchalant ring to my voice I said, "So, Naomi, nice seeing you huh? Gotta go though, bye guys..," and then without waiting for her to answer I turn around left the room.
Having seen Naomi again just made me all the more looking forward to be with Lia already. But on my way, I cant help but think on why the hell she still have this effect on me? Fuck, it was like more than a year since it happened right? So why? But maybe I just haven't get over with the fact yet that she used me? Yup, thats it probably. I haven't got my revenge yet and its not as if she is already sorry for what she did. Yup, that is why my heart is racing. Not because I am still in love with her, which was duh, rather foolish of me to be that way, but because I am still completely and utterly angry at her.