A/N: Sorry for the long overdue update. Got caught up in work.
Disclaimer: Does not own skins, if I do, Season 4 should be airing now.. :D
Chapter 04
Naomi have been walking mindlessly for about half an hour now going back to the scene that happened at Emily s place.
"Fuck! That s just great", Naomi thought to herself. She is thinking how much of a fucking idiot she must have looked to Emily this morning. What with all the blabbering and gibberish comments she had made instead of just saying that she is like well, what can she say anyway, like she was really happy to see her again? And then, what does that mean anyway? She haven't even sorted out on why she feels like this. Yes, she was indeed shock and yes at the same time she cant deny the warmth that flowed through her after seeing Emily again after all those months. And yes, she cant deny the fact that somehow she hoped that Emily still like her as before, or want her enough to pursue her again. But why in the hell she had that wishful thinking she hadn't sorted it out yet. I mean for fuck sakes, she was the one who adamantly slapped it to Emily's face before that she will NOT fall for her. But so much for the I am not Gay thing that she shouted. After Emily left, on that awful day, she tried to go back to her usual self before the stupid bet they did with her friends. Yes, it all started with a bet. Well, with her ex-friends, whatever the heck you call that because she just realized after rechecking that what they have in the group is not really friendship, they were all full of crap. They were just there for each other during fun times and bitching times but other than that you can never really rely on each of her so-called friends before.
On the other hand, the few short weeks that she spent with Emily was nothing compared to the months she has with her group. Yes, at the start it was really forced with her just wanting to show-off that she indeed can get anyone she wanted..
"AnyONE huh?" Jess said with an arch of her eyebrow... While tilting her head to puff out the smoke from the spliff she had.
"Yep, anyone", Naomi said smugly.
"Are you that confident enough for a bet on that?"..
Naomi not being the one who backdown, also arched her eyebrow and drag out the words.. "Sure..."
"Ok. The first one to enter the room to THAT class except if YOU already did shagged the person, will be the subject to the bet", Jess said pointing to the room across the hall where they are actually sitting.
Naomi, just simply said, "k"...
It was then that Emily turn round the corner and went straight for the room because she forgot something when she left the room earlier.
"Well well.. we have a winner".. Jess smirked.
"The fuck Jess, I am not gay ok..".. Naomi protested with a roll of her eyes.
"Well, the rules we have is ANYONE who first entered that room.. we did not actually say like only guys right".. Jess was laughing.. and looking at the other people at the table who also laughed with her.
Naomi did not like being laughed at.. So she scowls.. "Yah, ANYONE, but I DONT DO girls.., it is supposed to be implied to be GUYS...duh".. she said rolling her eyes and scanning her supposed to be friends at the table somehow hoping that they will agree with her.. but then they just continued laughing..
"Come on Naomi, why, you afraid now?", mocked one of the girls.
"I dont even know if she is into GIRLS. What will she think if I start to flirt with her. And for fuck sake, what will OTHER people think? For all I know she is a homophobe!".. Naomi protested hoping they will look at it her way.
But no, jess was adamant for her to go through with it. And so it all started. The stupid mess that she is currently into right now.
After Emily left back then, Naomi realizes how much she had let Emily inside her. Well, not literally, they haven't had sex, if that is what you think. But yes they have kissed, and yep kind of a lot, all the while convincing herself that it was just a kiss so she is still straight and that she was just so into the kiss just to really convince Emily and not let Emily think that it was just a game. But who was she kidding, right?
Thinking back, she knew that there were a lot of instances, that she started to want more. Taste her more, touch her more, but she won't because she was telling herself over and over again that she is not fucking gay. But all those thoughts flew out the window about 4months since Emily was officially out of her life. She missed her and she started to avoid her OLD friends. She thought that she just missed the excitement of having to kiss a girl, stupid right? That yep, maybe she indeed turned gay with Emily and that she likes girls now or something like that. So yep, she tried it with a girl again. Who the girl is, not that important anymore, although Naomi felt bad about the person being her experiment. They kissed and although she does not feel that strongly of prolonging the relationship she needs to know what is it that she really wants. So yep, she had sex with this girl that she met 4months or 5months so after emily left. It was the first time she did that with a girl. But after that, she broke up with her. Realizing that it was all a mistake and she was just confused and hence since she did NOT like the sex, she is not gay afterall. But wrong, right? Because everytime, she keeps hoping that Emily will come back. Everytime she saw her twin, Katie across the hall, her stomach do flip flops and she started to smile only to be replaced by a frown to see that it is not Emily but Katie. Not to mention that Katie hates her because she was the reason Emily transferred. Yep, Katie found out. News spread fast you know.
As Naomi raised her eyes she noticed that she has stopped walking and is now in front of the door of the one person that well she had gotten quite close to since late last year. She never expected for them to be even close because well she is a friend of Emily and at first Naomi thought that all Emily's friend will be pissed off by her. And though, it was awkward at first, they have actually gotten to be close much to her surprise. Maybe this is what she needs someone that may understand this stupid things that is happening to her right now. She hesitated while her fingers hover over the doorbell. She took a deep breath and blow it out slowly, thinking that yes she will understand. And then she pressed the button.
*********************************************
"Naomi.."
"Eff"
Effy raised her eyebrows out of curiousity on why all of a sudden Naomi is in her front door. She stepped aside to let Naomi know that she can come in.
Naomi stepped inside and followed Effy to her room.
"So.."
"Nothing.. just want to see how are things with you. Been quite sometime since we talk what with me being delayed in enrolling", Naomi replied all of a sudden doubting if her plan of talking about this things that she feels about Emily to Eff is right.
After no answer from Effy, Naomi looked up and see that Effy is looking at her intently and then when their eyes met, Effy suddenly smirked and started shaking her head smiling in that mysterious way that she did.
Naomi frowned.
"What?"
Then Effy made a small laugh causing Naomi's eyebrows to raise even more.
"What is it? What's so funny?". Naomi is getting impatient now as she started to rise from her seat deciding that maybe Effy is high on drugs right now and hence waste of her time to be spending it here.
"Look Eff, if you're busy right now and dont want me here, I can go you know. You dont have to-"
"I know why you're here"
Effy is looking at Naomi intently with a slight smile on her lips.
"What do you mean"
"I gather from the way you look and this sudden appearance on my doorstep that you finally knew about who is currently back in town right?"
Naomi's jaw dropped. How did Effy knew that this visit is all about Emily? God am I that obvious?
"I know you went out with Ian. I know that Ian is currently staying with JJ, being his cousin. And I happen to know that, well, I ate lunch with Katie, so basically she practically declared to the whole gang that Emily is back and she is staying at JJ's place." Effy paused looking at Naomi intently. She knows that Naomi has had a change of heart regarding Emily after Emily left college on the second year. She can see it from the way she casually ask for any updates that Katie may have regarding Emily's move. At first, Effy thought that it was just out of guilt. But then, looking at her intently you will see that its definitely more than that. She saw the change in Naomi when Emily and her were together. That is why she did not judge her when almost everybody else in the gang did, well mostly because of Katie's ability of convincing people, not that it was difficult to convince them knowing full well that Naomi had made fun of Emily in front of a lot of people in campus.
"I gather you have seen her already?"
Naomi sighed. "Yes.. Last night and we talked this morning." Naomi admitted frowning a little remembering their awkward talk.
"Then?"
"I dont know. I was shocked. I mean I did not know she is back and then all of a sudden she was there..It took me completely by surprise."
"What did she say to you?"
"Well, nothing really.. I mean last night, she said hi and then that's it. I tried talking to her this morning but..." Naomi paused and spread out her fingers that were placed on her lap and then she took a deep breath and sigh.
After a long pause Effy spoke, "But?.."
Naomi looked up. "I don't know I feel confused.."
Effy sighed. Truth is she is quite fed up with this self searching excuse that Naomi is into. She knows that Naomi likes Emily. Heck, she might even want to say that Naomi LOVES Emily, though Effy knows she might be wrong.
"You know what? I hate to break it to you Naomi, you like her, that much is obvious ok? Fuck sake, you have never forgotten to always include to mention her or ask about her everytime we had some serious conversation over the past year. What I dont understand is if I am right, and I know I am, that you indeed like Emily why the fuck in the first place did you hurt her the way you did?!"
Naomi looked up and was a little shocked from the outburst from Effy. She did not know that she has been that obvious for the past few years. Heck, she herself did not even notice that she has been doing what Effy has just pointed out in the past year. She really has no choice now but to answer those piercing blue eyes. She tilted her head and brought her hands up to her face burying her face in her hands in the process.
"Was they right? Was it for your own EGO boost? Huh?" mocked Effy. Effy knows that the blonde needed this. Naomi has to fucking accept what is in reality already fucking dangling in front of her eyes. Effy does not know why she even bothers to help, but all this shit is already hitting her nerves as much as she does not want to show it to Naomi. Effy looked at Naomi's form. Hunched over herself while sitting, face covered with her hands and waited for the answer she knows will finally put an end to all those confusion that Naomi has been in for the last few months.
Naomi moved and slowly lifted her gaze to Effy. Sadness evident in her eyes while she whispered, "I was... afraid Eff".. she started and Effy saw her eyes starts to glisten and a single tear falls down to her cheek. And Effy thought, finally!
"Afraid that my friends will embarass me. Afraid that people will laugh at me. Afraid at what people will think of me. But most specially I was.. I was afraid that, I have started to let a person be part of me. It's what scared me the most Eff.. After what happened to my parents, I vowed that I would never be hurt the way my mother have hurt when dad left us. I was scared because I knew that somehow.. somehow.. Emily has managed to start digging into those walls I have put up. I thought if I hurt her and really push her away that all those feelings will be gone. But I was.. I was wrong.. ".
Naomi's tears are now on full flow. She has not been open about what she really feel about anybody other than Emily before, but now here she is crying in front of Effy. And the ironic thing is, its about Emily.
Effy just looked at Naomi because honestly, she is not fucking good in any consoling part. It's not really one of her asset. So currently, she is cursing herself in pushing Naomi to open up all those that keeps bothering her. Though at the same time, as a friend, she is happy that finally Naomi admitted that she really have loved Emily and seems to her that Naomi still do. Effy just waited for Naomi to finish crying before she started to speak.
"You can still make things right"
Naomi wiped her tear stained face suddenly conscious that she has actually wept that hard and looked at Effy thankful that she did not see any pity on Effy's eyes.
"There is no point. She has already moved on. And I am still fucking stuck"
"Just like they say, be careful what you wish for..."
Effy went to the kitchen and picked up a tissue and toss it towards Naomi seeing that Naomi is struggling to put her face back to normal.
"Naomi, yes, Emily has changed. I can see it the first time we meet with her not later than a week after she came back. But one thing is for sure, she does not really know yet that you were sorry about what you did to her." Naomi looked up to Effy. "What are you trying to say?"
Effy shrugged.
"All I am saying is that its either you forget about her as well and moved on, or, you can tell her that you were sorry and then win her back.. It's not as if she is in a relationship right now, yeah? Besides it you ever decided to win her back, its about time you do the effort this time after all those things that Emily has to endure before just because of you."
"But.. But what if she really does not want me anymore?"
"Then at least you have tried and maybe finally you will not be fucking stuck anymore on Emily ok? You're stuck because you know you did something stupid to something that might have actually been beautiful.. "
Naomi sighed. Effy is right. Besides she really does owe Emily an apology no matter if Emily will still want her back or not. That much she deserved right?
Naomi smiled and stand up and before she knew it she walked over to Effy and gave her a short hug and then said thanks.
Naomi walked back to her house that night feeling more confident about what she wants now. She knew she never wanted anything more than this. And she wants to use all her strength to get what she really wants this time. She wants Emily back.