2. Pain
Renesmee's POV
I took my time walking back toward the house. Each step was like someone stabbing me. Step, step, step. Pain, pain, pain. It hurt me, to hurt Jacob like that. Of course I felt the need for Jacob. That part of me never seemed to be fully satisfied unless he was with me. But what if that was just imprinting. Just a trick. I didn't want magic. I wanted love. I wanted to be able to look at him and know that Iloved him because I wanted to, not because I had to. The only way I could think of doing that is dating someone else. Seeing what it felt like to really fall in love, and then compare that love to what Jacob and I shared.
But, thinking about loving someone other than Jacob physically hurt just to think about. It was like my air ways were closing, and my lungs were shutting down. I started sobbing. Uncontrollable sobs that start low in your stomach and rip all the way up your body and leave you weak and broken. I couldn't even walk anymore. Gravity seemed to be pressing down on me and I fell to my knees on the forest floor and cried.
Imprinting. I hated it. I didn't understand it. It confused me. I didn't want it to have a claim over me. To control who I loved. It shouldn't have that kind of power. I wouldn't let it have that kind of power. I, Renesmee Carlisle Cullen would make my own choices.
As soon as I had made these declarations, I heard someone approaching me. Their footsteps were light and quick, barely making a sound. I looked up to see my father looking at me with concerned eyes. "Renesmee?"
I stood up weakly. "I'll be fine."
He knew I didn't believe the words and neither did he. I went through the conversation again in my head and the memory of Jacob's face caused the tears to start flowing swiftly again. My dad pulled me into a tight hug and I buried my head against his shoulder.
"I hurt him so bad." I moaned into his shoulder.
"It's alright. He surely will understand what you mean." He said in a soothing voice.
"You didn't see his face. He'll never forgive me."
"Ness I know it hurts now but you have to deal with your emotions later. Your family is all back at the house waiting for you to surprise you."
"Some surprise." I muttered.
He laughed and then grabbed my face between his hands. "We all love you, Renesmee. We'll all support you in whatever decision you make. Even Jacob will. If he knows you're happy, then he would learn to live with your decisions. He just ultimately wants what is best for you."
I nodded my head fiercely and tried to shake all the emotions running through my confused head. "Let's go." I said wiping the tears from my eyes.