Chapter 21: Sokka's Field trip

Jin and Zuko pretended that things were fine. They pretended that there wasn't any tension in the air. They still spoke to one another. They sat next to each other during meals. She even went to sleep next to him every night. She laughed with the group and he drilled Aang with renewed intensity.

But things were different. He was more aloof than usual. There was a coldness to his eyes and a clipped tone to his voice. It was as if he had re-erected the walls around his heart that she had worked so hard to crumble. She tread carefully around him, not wanting to spark his wrath. The forced formality between them was bizarre.

She guessed that she couldn't really blame him. Everything had been going so well. He was helping the Avatar to bring down his father and end the war. He had seen living dragons and held a piece of the first fire in his hands. He was going to be Fire Lord and usher in a new era of peace with Jin at his side. He had been practically giddy thinking about his new, sunny future. They weren't just going to survive this; they were going to come out on top.

And she had ruined it all. She burst his bubble and made him realize that maybe things weren't going to work out exactly as he had hoped.

She felt terrible about it. She didn't like to see him pained, and she hated that she was the cause of that pain. But that didn't change her answer. It just wasn't going to work out.

She took up sparing with Sokka and Toph instead of Zuko because part of her was worried that they would get too caught up in it and someone would get hurt.

She knew things had gone horribly wrong when she realized that she was referring to him as 'Zuko' in her head.

"Something's up with Sokka" he said. She looked up to see that he wasn't looking at her, but off towards where Sokka was staring at the night's selection of fruits and berries as if they had offended him.

"He might just be hungry," she joked.

"No. Something's off… Do you know what it is?" He looked at her for the first time and she covered her flinch by averting her eyes towards the brooding warrior.

"I have a guess."

"I think he's going to try to take Appa to go on some stupid quest or something."

"Well, it's your job to protect Appa." She smiled. He didn't.

"I'm going to find out what he's up to." She nodded. "I might be gone for a few days." Yeah, she saw that one coming.

She met his gaze and tried to convey everything she was feeling with one look. She tried to read his mind as if what he was thinking would be written in his gaze.

His eyes were flat and gave away nothing. She sighed.

"Be safe."

"I will." He heaved himself to his feet and let out a deep breath before walking away.

"Lee?" He paused and she found herself hugging him, trying to get a piece of him back, trying to tell him that she was sorry. He kissed her forehead and disappeared.

She lay out on the rim of the large fountain in a splash of sunlight, reading a scroll that she had taken from the library.

"Sup, Rebel Rebel?" Toph plopped down on the ground next to the fountain, while Katara took a seat near Jin's head.

"Not a lot. How are you?"

"Bored. Snoozles and Sparky ditched me. What am I supposed to do now?"

"Train Aang?"

"Pft."

"Want me to read to you?"

"Eww."

"You could challenge Haru to an earth bending fight."

"Already done it."

Jin gave up her attempt to provide useful suggestions. "We could get pedicures and braid each other's hair."

"You two have fun with that."

Jin smirked and went back to her reading. She didn't even find her place again before Katara began "So…" then trailed off. Jin looked up to see her upside-down profile.

Toph sighed irritated and got to the point. "We want to know what you and Sparky are fighting about."

"We're not fighting."

"Then why'd he run off to get away from you?" Katara asked.

"He did not."

The water bender looked unconvinced.

"He just went off to have man time with Sokka."

"But they hate each other."

"No they don't."

"Will you just tell us what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. We're just having a disagreement."

Katara smirked. "Over what? Who's prettier? Or who loves who more?"

Jin dropped her scroll onto her stomach and propped herself up on an elbow to shoot Katara an annoyed look. "We are not that bad."

"Oh please," Toph scoffed, "You two are so lovey dovey that you're going to give Sugar Queen cavities."

"It makes it kind of obvious when something's wrong."

"Can't you just drop it and leave me alone?"

Toph smirked. "I think you mean leaf me alone."

"No, I don't. And I'll remind you that I'm the only one around here who knows that joke in its entirety."

"Give the girl a gold star!"

"Toph," Katara sighed, "can't you be a little more understanding?"

"No."

Katara shook her head and turned to look down at Jin. "We want to help you. We really do. You can tell us anything. We're very good listeners."

"Well, Sugar Queen is. I'm just curious."

"Shut up, Toph!"

Jin fiddled with the edge of her scroll. "It's nothing really. It's just… sometimes he gets these ideas and he doesn't think them through. He doesn't think about the consequences. You know? Like when we were in Ba Sing Se he would run into situations with his swords swinging and he wouldn't think about what would happen if he was recognized or how he was going to get out. I would have to plan his missions extra carefully and arrange for special precautions so that he wouldn't do something really stupid. He just doesn't like it when I point out that his plans have flaws. He doesn't like being corrected and he doesn't like it when he's wrong and I'm right."

"Childish."

"Jerk."

"No, it's not like that… He's actually really sweet. He has a really lovely idea where we can be together. It's just that… it's going to cause all sorts of problems. I told him that and I hurt his feelings. Now he thinks that I just don't want to be with him."

"Idiot. Want me to talk to him?"

"Want me to knock him around some?"

"Thank you, but no. He'll get over it."

"And you're just going to wait for him to get over it?"

Jin shrugged and lifted her scroll again. "Yeah."

Katara huffed irritatedly. Why did Jin put up with Zuko? Why was she taking it in silence instead of yelling at him? Why didn't she want to bitch about it more? Katara hated it when people didn't tell her everything. It's not that she was a busy body. Really, it wasn't. It's just, how was she supposed to help and console them if they didn't talk to her? It was so frustrating.

She sighed, then a grin slowly spread across her face. "I know something that will cheer you up."

Jin looked up and raised an eyebrow.

The next thing Jin knew, she was standing at the top of a long winding hallway with a steep incline. Teo grinned up at her. "It winds through two pagodas and if you turn left at the last branch you'll go under a waterfall."

She peered down the hall, but it soon disappeared into a darkened turn. "So… how does it work?"

Teo grinned again then pulled Katara into his lap with a squeal and a giggle. He popped off his break and they went careening down the hall. They quickly disappeared and their thrilled cries died away.

"Alright. We're next." Toph stomped her foot and a panel of stone separated from the flooring. She hopped on board and The Duke ran a few feet, pushing them to gain speed before he hoped on himself. "Wooo!" The way they ground against the wall as they took the turn didn't do anything to ease her uncertainty.

Haru gave her a timid smile. "I guess it's our turn."

"Guess so."

He formed a fine looking luge and gestured politely for her to take a seat in the front. Haru was a sweet boy. He was attracted to her and embarrassed about it. She was used to having guys fancy her, and thought it was nice that he just stammered a lot instead of trying to come on to her all the time. She felt herself blush as he hoped into the sled and leaned his chest against her back and draped his arms over hers to steer.

She forgot about him as they flew down the hallway. The wind whipped through her hair and she found herself laughing and leaning forward to gain speed. They circled around the top levels of the pagoda in increasingly large spirals. Light strobed into the hallway at intervals through high windows and ruined walls, adding to her dizziness. They abruptly shot out onto a straight away that led to the next tower. For several seconds, they were suspended over the chasm, with nothing but clouds and the flimsy bridge below them. Before she could register her fear, they were back inside, zigzagging through a dark, low ceilinged tunnel. They began to spiral again, picking forks in the hallway as they came to them. Left, right, right, left. The incline finally began to even out and the hallway opened into the main courtyard of the pagoda, where a large mosaic of trees in a fierce wind took up the majority of the curved wall. They slid to a stop a few feet from Toph and The Duke.

"What do you think? Great huh?"

Jin couldn't get rid of her grin. "Yeah."

They spent the rest of the day street luging. She rode once with Toph, but it was absolutely terrifying and she decided not to do it ever again. Riding with Teo was more fun that riding with Haru (who wanted to ride with her as often as possible), and riding with Haru was way more fun than riding with The Duke (who enjoyed running into things). However, the most fun was the last run when she went solo.

Aang and Momo found them around lunch and he and Toph together brought sledding to a level of ridiculousness that she could have never anticipated. Their maniacal laughter reverberated around the whole temple, as did the explosions of walls to make room for new routes.

Weren't they supposed to be preserving the Air Temple, instead of knocking down walls and scraping stone sleds across the antique tile floors? She asked Haru about it and he just shrugged. "Aang's having fun and it's his house." Haru seemed just to go with the flow without having any of his own opinions. She wondered if he was just hesitant to speak his mind for fear of offending anyone. Maybe if she got to know him better, he would open up more.

But then again, that opening up might involve hitting on her, and she didn't really want that.

She had just finished her solo slide, which went shockingly well, and came to rest in the open courtyard. Toph and Aang's sleigh finished right behind her, and was only stopped by crashing into her own sled. The impact sent them sprawling onto the ground in a laughing heap. Toph didn't feel any need to remove herself from atop Jin and Aang decided that this was as good a time as any to tickle them both. The Duke jumped on top of the pile, driving the air from her lungs and causing her laughter to pause for a moment.

Then she saw it. Through eyes blurry with tears of laughter and the stinging wind in her face, she first viewed the great airship. She had thought that her war balloon was impressive, but it was nothing in comparison to the monstrosity before her. The sight silenced her better than the Duke's pile drive.

Toph stiffened above her, sensing the sudden dread in her companions. "What is it?" The rest of the group sat still as statues watching the ship come steadily closer.

"The Fire Nation" Katara spat.

Her voice seemed to startle Jin into motion. "Hide" she hissed and dragged Toph with her behind a pillar. Teo, Haru, and The Duke managed to race back inside the temple to peer out from behind sturdy walls. Aang and Katara were pressed against the nearest column. Katara held a single finger to her lips to indicate that they should be silent. As if that wasn't obvious.

She pulled a strand of water out of her flask and held it ready, still concealed behind the column. Aang clenched and unclenched his hand on his staff. Toph adjusted her position, still searching for the Fire Nation ship that she could not see. Jin wished she had her swords on her, but they were back in her room. She formed a fist with one hand and tightened her hold on Toph's shoulder with the other.

The airship drew closer, until with a hiss of steam it came to a stop, floating barely ten feet away from where she hid. A moment later, gears began to clack and bang and the side of the ship began to open slowly to reveal dark figures, still obscured by steam from the ship.

Katara hazarded a glance around the column, blinked twice, and dropped her defensive stance.

"Sokka?"

"Hey guys!"

Jin's heart was racing far too fast. She felt she might drop from relief. Toph scoffed and walked toward the ramp.

"What are you doing in this thing?" Katara chided, already in scolding mode.

Jin caught sight of Lee just behind Sokka, and grinned. "And what happened to my war balloon?"

"I traded it in for a better model," he said as he stepped forward. The group turned their attention away from them, not wanting to see some mushy welcome.

"It was mine."

"You couldn't fly it very well."

"Lies." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"You thought we were the Fire Nation coming to kill you."

"Aren't you?" she cooed.

His kernel of a smile grew fractionally, and then slipped away completely as if he had just remembered their disagreement. His hand stopped drawing unconscious circles on her lower back. "It's been a long trip. I'm going to go lie down."

Behind him, Sokka was saying something stupid and Katara was squealing at the return of her father.

"Alright."

He gave her a chaste kiss, and slipped away quickly, unnoticed by anyone during the happy reunion.

Sokka interrupted her troubled thoughts as she watched Lee retreat. "Oh Suki, you haven't met Jin!" His arm wrapped tightly around her neck and pulled her into a half hug/ half choke. "This is Jin. Jin, this is Suki." Jin looked over to see that Sokka's other arm was wrapped around an unknown girl's neck. The girl smiled and nodded as much as she could in the awkward hug, a blush rising in her cheeks.

Sokka dragged them off and sat them both on the rim of the fountain. He stood in front of them and told the exciting story of his adventure with Zuko, complete with sound effects, hand gestures, impersonations, and demonstrations. Suki watched with mild amusement and perhaps a hint of pride.

Toph came and sat on Jin's other side, and made a big show of being irritated. She was ticked that she hadn't been invited along on their adventure, and that Sokka had brought home an old girlfriend, and that they hadn't brought back any food. Sokka didn't notice her attitude at all.

"So we took Zuko's war balloon-"

"My war balloon."

"-Your war balloon and went to the highest security Fire Nation prison there is. It's in a volcano in the middle of a boiling lake. Can you imagine? The water is boiling! Like ssssssss. It's ridiculous……. And there was Suki! So I went in her cell and was like 'hey baby, remember me?'……… Then Zuko got himself thrown in the cooler."

"The what?" Jin interrupted.

"The cooler. They throw fire benders in there when they break the rules."

"What does it do?"

"It's cold."

"Was he ok?"

"Yeah, he was fine. He fire bent to keep himself warm." Sokka was perturbed that he kept being interrupted. Wasn't she on the edge of her seat with excitement? How could she interrupt like that?

"Then what's the point of the cooler if they can just keep themselves warm in there?"

That stopped him. "Uh… huh… I'm not sure actually… Maybe it's just uncomfortable?" He looked to Suki for confirmation, but she just shrugged. He decided that this confusion was just a minor detail and he shouldn't let it destroy his thrilling tale. "Anyway! ……. So then Suki took the warden hostage. She was like Bam! Pow! Hi ya! ……… And we were on the gondola, getting away when all of a sudden Azula shows up."

"Lee's sister?"

"Yeah. And her friends. And she can fly. She's like whoooosh and fire comes out of her feet and she shoots into the air. And that pink girl, she just ran right up the cable. It was crazy! So we're fighting them, and me and Zuko are like whooom, slash slash, whoom. And Suki's all bam bam bam. We were totally winning. But then they started to cut the cable and we were going to fall in the lake. The boiling lake! So Azula and the pink girl, they escaped and they were going to leave us to die in the lake. But then their third friend, that gloomy girl, she starts fighting with all the guards down on the ground, and the gondola starts moving again."

"She helped you escape?"

"Yeah! Azula was so mad. We could hear her yelling. It was awesome."

Jin zoned out a bit as he went on to describe the royal airship in detail, and then started the story again as Teo, Haru, and The Duke sat down to listen. Jin took the opportunity to slip away and find Lee.

She knew he was awake because he was lying on his side with his back to her. He never slept on his side – only on his back and occasionally sitting up in a chair.

She was proven right when he spoke. "I guess you heard what happened."

"I heard the Sokka version," she said, slipping into bed behind him. "I bet you will want to make a few revisions."

He snorted.

"… I heard you saw your sister."

He took a deep breath, and then rolled over to face her. His eyes were dark in the fading light. "She was going to let us die."

Jin lay still, encouraging him to continue.

He sighed. "She's my sister. But she's also a monster. I just … it's hard."

She placed a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."

He was quiet for a time, lost in thought and staring up at the ceiling.

"One of her friends helped you. That's nice, right?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Nice."

The sarcasm wasn't lost on her and she pushed herself up on an elbow to better search his face. He tried not to look at her for a time, but he eventually gave in. As soon as their eyes locked, she could see the pain and confusion and then everything started spilling out.

"What was she thinking? I haven't seen her in three years. Then she comes into my cell and starts yelling at me for leaving her. Leaving her! I was banished it wasn't exactly a choice!" He sat up in agitation. "And we were just kids. I didn't even realize that she felt that way. And then, then she starts fighting off those guards, helping us escape. What on earth was she thinking? Azula's going to kill her.

"And Azula, oh Agni, Azula! I could hear her screaming. She wasn't just angry, she was in pain. Her best friend betrayed her. After mom left her and I left her and now Mai and Ty Lee. She doesn't have anyone left. Just dad. He's the only one she has to guide her and he's a monster. He's just using her and someday he'll hurt her too.

"All she could do was make people fear her and now she can't even do that. All that's left is for dad to betray her and it'll all be over for her. She'll be alone and scared and dangerous. She'll just turn even more evil if she doesn't have anyone to trust, anyone to care about. The way she was screaming…" He shook his head.

"She's crazy. Azula's crazy and I don't know if I should even care. I shouldn't be worried about the enemy."

He rested his arms across his knees and stared unseeing at the far wall. Jin watched him for a moment, then ran a soothing hand along his back and scooted towards him. She reached out to cup his cheek in her hand and turn his face towards her. "She's your sister. You can't help but care."

He stared at her a moment, as though trying to see if she was lying, trying to convince himself that it was true. He leaned forward and kissed her.

It couldn't be labeled as make-up sex. Although things eased between them afterwards, Jin believed that it was really just time that brought acceptance. No, it was more like trying to seek comfort in the closeness of another person. It was like he was trying to lose himself and forget everything that had happened. It was like he was trying to grab onto any little happiness he could.

They took to sleeping in a group around the fountain. Katara wanted to be near her father, to know he was near and breathing and safe. Sokka wanted to be near Suki without getting a lecture from his dad.

Jin didn't really mind. Lee kept her warm with his bending and Toph kept her warm by rolling next to her then on top of her in the night. Chit Sang snored, but it reminded her of a time long ago when she would wake up frightened in the night and fall back asleep to the sound of her brother's loud, steady breaths.

It was just before daybreak, and she could feel Lee begin to stir beside her and the birds chirping in the quiet dawn. She snuggled closer to her companions, attempting to sleep for a few more minutes.

But her plans were interrupted abruptly by the sound of an explosion above and the quaking of the temple.

She sat up to see three Fire Nation airships rising out of the fog, like malevolent serpents. Explosions burst around them and rubble began to fall. Her view of the ships was obstructed as Aang swung his staff and closed the shutters around the fountain. She didn't feel any safer now that she couldn't see the enemy, and she was doubtful that the shutters could withstand too many direct blasts.

With one movement, Toph formed a tunnel in the cliff face, allowing them a path to escape, and Jin chased after the group.

"What are you doing?"

"Go ahead, I'll hold them off. I think this is a family visit."

Lee. She spun to see him dash out of the broken temple.

"Lee!" She screamed, and tried to run after him, but Sokka was holding her back.

"No, let him go. We have to get out of here. He'll be alright."

She struggled against his hold. "Lee!" An explosion hit right where he had been running and Jin screamed, Sokka still holding her back.

As the smoke cleared she saw him again. Still alive. Standing tall. Shouting to a woman on an airship, who struck him with a burst of blue flame and blew him backwards off his feet.

Things were happening around her, but she had developed tunnel vision. All she could see was Lee, up again now and running full force towards the edge of the temple. She watched in horror as he took a flying leap, sending several shots at his attacker, then falling into the abyss.

She couldn't breathe. No one else had seen it as they were sorting out their own escape. Sokka was still holding her back, his fingers clenching painfully into her arms, his smell of sleep-sweat and morning breath mixing with the chalky rubble smell and the sweet, wet morning air. She was vaguely aware that someone was taking her airship, but she didn't care. It wasn't really hers. It was Lee's and Lee had fallen.

Sokka was pulling her into Aapa's saddle and the next thing she knew, they were airborne. She had never ridden on Aapa before, but she was too distracted by the fireballs and the sickening turns and climbs to enjoy her first flight. She clutched the side of the saddle with one hand and Sokka's arm with the other. She pressed her eyes closed until Suki grabbed her shoulder and pointed.

Another airship was rising out of the mist, and on top of it stood Lee. He had never before looked so awe-inspiring.

She muffled a gasp. Why was she suddenly so worried about him? He'd been in dangerous places before. Hell, she'd sent him to dangerous places before.

But they had just made up. She had just got him back. At least she thought she had. She got him back and then he went and jumped off a cliff.

Just like how yesterday he'd been so worried about his sister, and now he was fighting with her on top of an airship, sending blow after blow at her, not pulling any punches.

It was confusing and frightening how quickly he could change his mind about things. He could forget everything and just fight. He wouldn't think about the consequences. He wouldn't think about all the confusion in his life. He would just fight.

It made him unpredictable. It made her feel like she didn't know him that well after all.

He was blown off the ship again and she pulled herself together as they dove to catch him. His hand grabbed hers and she and Katara pulled him into the saddle, where she immediately clutched the back of his shirt in an iron grip to keep him from leaping off anything else.

He didn't seem to notice her as he looked back over the edge of the saddle. Azula was still falling, her body spinning and flailing like a rag doll.

"She's not going to make it" he whispered, and she could see the same fear in his eyes that she had seen the previous day.

As they watched in silence, she ripped out her headpiece and propelled herself towards the cliff face with a blast of fire. She slid to a stop, her bronze Fire Nation insignia lodged in the rock, her hair wild, her grin feral.

"Of course she did" he growled, turning away.

There were always two sides to Lee. Part of him detested Azula and part of him loved his sister. Part of him was still angry at Jin for hurting him, while another part loved her and understood. She associated one part with Lee and one part with Zuko. It seemed that he could never feel both emotions simultaneously. He had to pick one and forget about the other, switching back and forth between these two extremes. If he didn't then the wealth of emotions would crush him.

Still unwilling to release her grip on him, she leaned against him slightly.

Neither Lee nor Zuko would ever be at peace.