Vanilla Salt
Jukebox: Do You Wanna Date My Avatar - The Guild
Chapter 11 -
A/N: -sighs- The things I do for my lovey reviewers! -snuggles you all-
Also, sorry to the reviewer I snapped back at. The "Oh, you're so very welcome!" Was sarcastic. But seriously, It's not my fault my story added to your already bad day. It's not as if I made the chapter depressing on purpose.. well.. maybe, but not directed at you! It's just the way it flows. Once again, sorry.
Warning: Chapter may be a little dark.
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Edward's P.o.V
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After I came home, which was at two o'clock in the morning, my mom had slammed into me, hugging me tightly. Apparently Jasper had told her what happened at school. Damn. But she kept whispering 'I'm so proud of you' over and over while running her hands up and down my back soothingly. After a couples minutes she had pulled back to ask me what was Bella's reaction. Guess Jasper didn't tell her that part. Double damn. I had told her about when it looked as if Bella wanted to say something but after the Volturi interrupted, she looked horrified then ran off with Alice. Esme thought it was all strange. She explained that when she and Bella went on the lunch date and when she thought of me, she had a look that meant nothing else but love.
'I thought she would have accepted you.. '
'Well you thought wrong.'
I had snapped back, accidentally of course. But she knew not to take it personally. I could see the pain reflecting in her eyes. She wished me a good night and went back up to bed. I stood there for the longest time, feeling like a moron before the grandfather clock chimed 'Three AM'. I decided to get to bed and hope the pain would vanquish by morning.
When I had woken up, it was almost seven. I tossed and turned so much, not only did I get a crap nights rest but I was also sore all over. As quickly as possible, I got out of bed and took a shower, coming out feeling clean but in a way still pretty dirty. Trying to ignore the feeling, I continued putting on my school uniform. I was close to walking out of my room when I realised that I had made my uniform up to perfection. Sighing, I undid the buttons of the blazer, pulled the white dress shirt from my pants and messed my hair up a bit more. It was going to take some time getting used to.
The ride to school must have been the worse. It was a long painful twenty minutes by limo and there was absolutely nothing to do in one. Except stare out the window, at the rushing business men and woman. I tried not to stray my thoughts to yesterday, the clear reaction had displayed. No, don't think.
When I had finally arrived at the school, I walked briskly past the gate, up the stone pathway and into the large doors. I glanced around. And again. I had to do a double take. I noticed most of the Perfects were.. not being to uniforms were untidy like mine and they were chatting happily away with the Rebels. Although, there were still few Perfects who were trying to be perfect. Well, it's a start. But soon this school will come together in harmony. As gay as that sounds.
In the couple moments I was in the school, my feet had carried me to the Rebels bathroom. And I waited. And waited. and waited even after the class bell rang. She didn't show up. Only a few Rebels who came in to fix their make-up, give me a look of sympathy before going out. What was I doing here anyways? With a pained sigh, I walked back out and into my first classroom. It was with the Rebels so hopefully I'll see some familiar faces there.
I opened the door and did a quick glance. Yesterday, everyone would have been on opposite sides of the room but now everyone was sitting beside each other, joking, laughing. Getting along as if nothing has happened in the last couple years. I glanced over by her seat. Empty. But Alice sat in front. Our eyes locked. First she locked mildly shocked, then worried, unsure, sad then she glanced down at her work, breaking eye contact. The one who broke me out of this trance was Jasper. He came up beside me, putting a hand onto my shoulder.
"Dude, no offence but you look like shit." I turned to him and scowled. "Hey, hey, hey! I'm only telling the truth. Your eyes are all red, you didn't shave and you have this 'dead' aura around you. It's kinda creepy." I snorted, trying to ignore his accusations. He then leaned in and whispered into my ear.
"Hey man, I know it's not easy getting over someone you love deeply, it'll probably take time. A lot of it. But if she doesn't want the same thing you do, you're going to have to let her go."
"But how.. how can she just do that to me? I knew she held the same feelings for me but she was too stubborn to show it."
"I don't know, man. Chicks are weird like that."
"Y'know what.. she didn't exactly reject me outright. She only ran away. Maybe she was being stubborn again about her feelings."
"Edward, stop giving yourself hope, it'll just kill you in the end. Look, I'll help you as much as I can. I'll ask Alice to help out but I think she's willing to side with Bella on this one." I sighed, slumping my shoulders. Then Jasper slapped me hard on the back, causing me to straighten up again.
"Edward, give her a month. Give her a month to come to you, don't go to her. If she doesn't come, promise me you'll give up on her. Because if she doesn't come, she's never going to and you'll be left hanging, hoping."
"Jasper.. "
"Promise." I sighed again and thought about it. He was right, as much as it pained me to think of it, I'd have to get over Bella sooner rather than later. But it hurt too much right now.
"I.. promise."
"Good, now let's get the day over with."
-
One week had passed. Seven whole days. The pain seemed to lessen a little but if I thought too much it would come back at full force. It turns out Jacob has moved back to where he lived before but he hadn't said a word to anyone except a notice left on the Notice Board by Jane and Alec. Many were shocked, including myself, thinking Jacob wasn't going to give up so easily but it seems like a 'true man', he left, knowing he had lost. But Jacob didn't know that he wasn't the only one who lost.
During the week, Alice gave us updates about Bella every day, thanks to the persuading of Jasper. But all Alice said was 'She's doing fine', 'She's okay' or 'She's alright'. We couldn't haggle anymore information out of her, even when Jasper went as low as pleading. But Alice swore to Bella she wouldn't say a thing. I almost made the mistake of asking if I could see her but Jasper's words ran through my head multiple times a day. I had to restrain myself daily so I wouldn't run off to Bella's house. It was all too tempting. She was so close yet so far, so far that I couldn't grasp her in my hands.
What else happened in the last seven days was that Jasper had taken me out to a bar or club every night, with the permission of Alice, to check out other chicks. He'd point to the upper class chicks in clubs, pointing out their best features and at bars where mostly the average Joe go to, he'd point out their best points. But everything he pointed out reminded me of her. So in the end I would end up drinking near my death while Jasper, who stayed sober for my sake, would take me home, make sure I puked in the toilet before helping me to my bed. I knew drinking my problems away won't work but it seems like the best choice so far.
Suicide has entered my mind many times but I wouldn't be stupid enough as to end my life and hurt those around me. But it was sounded pleasant at times. Sometimes I would go as far as attempting to write a suicide note but all I would write was her name. Dropping out of school occurred to me as well but it's pointless at this time since graduation is so close by. What would I have done if I dropped out? It would be pretty stupid, considering the excellent grades I have. But everything seemed too much for me to handle.
Two weeks has now passed.
I haven't been eating. My parents are began to worry. Carlisle especially. It looks as if he's hiding a secret but what could it possibly be? It probably didn't matter much. One night, mom had made one of my favorite meals of all time, chicken fettuccine with diced mushrooms and tomatoes. But that night it just didn't seem as delicious. I didn't touch my food. Rosalie had commented on my skin complexion and how I was starting to look a little bony. She urged me to try eating something, a bagel even but I ignored her pleas.
It looked like I was shutting myself down. Which wasp probably what I was doing. There was a black hole in my chest were my heart used to be and it's growing bigger with each passing down. But I knew soon it would soon come to an end. I would have to get back on my feet and rebuild everything once again. Cold steel walls. But it's a promise.
Three weeks has passed.
I'm forcing myself to go out more, even if it was just for ten minute walks, it was better then staying in my room all day. I forced myself to eat, little by little. I would start out with a small salad and work my way up again, regain nutrients I had lost. I had to force myself because I felt myself getting tired more easily. Trouble sleeping, breathing and I would even get bruised easier. It shamed me how I let myself get this was. Over a girl.
The dark thoughts began descending. If she hadn't entered my life, I wouldn't be in this situation. I could have dated other girls, did what I wanted without having to feel attached. Just one night stands and hook ups. The next day we wouldn't have acknowledged each other. All the other girls are so easily, throwing themselves at me, ready to spread their legs for me, demanding and begging for my attention. While this mere girl put up a fight. She was stubborn. All because of her my life is a wreck.
And as soon as the ugly thoughts came, they left.
But because she came into my life, she made me have a different outlook on things, helped me become a better person. She made my life great while she was in it, changing it for the better. And because she put up a fight was because she respected herself unlike the other girls, she had morals. Her smile would sometimes be so devious, other times goofy and mostly shy. I wanted it all. I wanted her. She was the light in my darkness.
And finally, the fourth week came.
Today is the last day. Tomorrow I would wake up as if she was never in my life, I would start anew. Greet my family happily like I did before her. Go on with life as if she never happened. I would be back on the dating list and the girls will flock to my beck and call. But I didn't want to go back to my old life. I wanted to make the best out of the new me tomorrow. The thought almost makes me laugh because it sounds as if I had already given up but if I don't laugh then I would surely break down. I know Jasper had heard me break down in my room a couple of times but he never brought it up, only sending me sympathetic looks from time to time. At least he wasn't being a smart ass.
Since this is the last day, I figure I'll go walk by Bella's house one last time. Not gonna knock at her door, not even gonna glance at the house. Just going to keep on walking like a normal person and I'll be fine. Within forty-five minutes on the bus, I was in her neighborhood. And I quickly spotted her house but looked away. I started to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward. My heart began beating wildly in my chest, making it hard to look calm. Within five minutes I had passed her house. I made it all the way down to the street and turned the corner. Almost collapsing on the side walk, a wide smile spread across my face. I can now get over her. I can finally move on with my life. This calls for a celebration.
I called up Jasper, as well as a few other close friends and asked if they wanted to go clubbing tonight. They all agreed, but Jasper seemed shocked at my happy-go-lucky tone but accepted my invite anyways. Maybe I'll see one of the regulars at he Phantasy Mist club tonight. The green eyed blond has been eyeing me for awhile and she is pretty attractive. Tonight was going to rock.
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Tonight was great. I danced with all kinds of women and never had a single drop of alcohol. Jasper seemed impressed but didn't question my motives. It was nearing ten o'clock before I decided to call it a night. The others complained it was too early but I did have to remind them that graduation is upon us all. They agreed with me, sadly of course. But before going home, I wanted to walk through a park near our home. The park was usually the best place to go star gazing and it calmed me down. I had gotten quiet a few phone numbers tonight and I would probably have to decide by tomorrow night who to pick. The busty blond or the cocky redhead. I was aiming for the redhead, she seemed like the feisty type. My thoughts were interrupted by a squeaking noise. Looking around, I noticed a small child haunched over on a swing, slowly going back and forth. But then they looked up and locked eyes with me.
I froze.
My breath caught in my throat and I felt my eyes go wide. This had to be a hallucination. Someone must had put some roofies in my coke! But the figure gasped and stood up too quickly, making her fall back down onto the screen. I jogged a couple feet ahead on instinct but stopped. She saw and her expression turned to hurt but shook it off.
Her eyes, those beautiful brown orbs stared over at me intensely, probing me. It was getting harder to breath. Instead of smile and running over to her, I glared off to the side.
"What are you doing here?" I hadn't made my voice sound so cold and I didn't miss the flinch she did either. Ouch.
"I.. uhm.. " She seemed at loss for words and looked down, blushing while pulling at the hem of her shirt. I checked her attire out of the night. She wore a large baggy white dress shirt, ending at her thighs and the sleeves ending above her elbows. For pants she had worn loose grey sweats. And it stead of having her hair up in the typical pony tail, she left is down and making her like.. an angel in the darkness. Clenching my teeth, I shook my head of such thoughts.
"Well?"
"I.. wanted to see how you were doing." Came her shy reply as she looked up up at me. I walked until I was standing directly in front of her.
"You wanted to see how I was doing?" She nodded. "I'm doing fine. Did you expect my life would stop once you were out of it?" She jerked back a little then shook her head. I mentally cursed myself a thousand times for being so mean. But it was for the best.
"Yep, I have been clubbing mostly these past few weeks. Tonight I finally went in for the kill and got a couple numbers."
"I'm.. happy for you, I really am."
"Yeah. There's this one hot chick, whoa, you should see her."
"If you like her you should go for it. Don't hold back."
"And why would I hold back?"
".. I don't know." Ugh, there was that broken look again! It's already tearing me apart.. please leave..
"Okay, you wanted to see how I was doing. Was that all? May I go now?"
"Uhm.. I wanted to talk a little more but I guess you did most of that." She tried to smile, she really tried but it looked so broken. Then she began crying.
And shockingly, I felt the armature cold stone walls shatter.
"Edward.. " She breathed out, tears streaming down her face.
Trying to hold back my own tears, I opened my arms wide and instantly but carefully, she crashed into me, wrapping her arms tightly around my middle. I knew I broke too soon but she looked like a fallen angel, crying out for help, reaching for something stable. I kept thinking she was just going to leave after this but I tried not to let my mind wander there and focused on her enchanted voice, whispering my name over and over again. I whispered hers right back, loving the way it rolled off my tongue. I tried to hug her close but I felt her resisting a little and knew this would come to an end sooner or later. I pulled myself back, staring down at her with a hurtful look I could not cover up. She still hadn't stopped crying either.
"Bella, what do you want? What more damage must you do before you are happy?" Came my harsh whisper. Please sand underneath my feet, swallow me whole.
"I have been trying to get a hold of you all night. Your parents told me you and Jasper went out and didn't know when you would be back. So I thought I would wait around until you showed up."
"Any reason why? Just wanted to see how I'm doing, that's all?" I felt the bitterness coming back and willed it to go away.
"That.. and.. " She went silent for a moment. And that moment turned into five. Finally not being able to stand it, I sighed heavily, ready to turn around until she grabbed my hand. My heart thudded weakly in my chest. Then slowly she brought my finger tips to her mouth and she kissed each one, sending a shiver down my spine. I wanted to pull back but the need to touch her, to feel her overpowered the feeling. I allowed her to do as she wished.
After the finger tips, she brushed her lips against my knuckles, gently giving them a kiss as well. She then trailed my fingers along her jawline, down her neck. Sneakily, I snaked my hand to the back of her neck, massaging the nerves there, causing her to moan out loud. Still pretty sensitive. she gave me a playful scolding look but took control of my hand again and started to lead it down the middle of her breasts. My first thought was that she wanted me to fondle her out here.. in the park but it passed by as we were reaching her stomach. There she took my fingers off, letting it ghost over the large shirt. Then she tilted my hand up a bit, bending my wrist back slowly and bringing my hand flat on her stomach.
The first thought that ran through my head was that she must has been so depressed this month that she's been eating junk like crazy and got pudgy so that's why she wouldn't want to see me but when she released me I pressed my hand against her stomach a little firmer. She gasped as bit at the pressure but didn't say anything. My mind went blank for a nano second before various of thoughts came rushing through. This pudgy felt more firm then squishy and it was rounded a little too perfectly.
"Bella.. " I looked up to her face and she was glowing, a positive smile on her face but I was all but happy.
I wanted to accuse her of getting knocked up after we broke up but I knew she wouldn't stoop that low and wouldn't it have taken about three months before she starts showing? She wasn't with anyone during those three months except..
". . . " I took my hand off her stomach hesitantly. Bella's smile was gone in a instant and she reached forward to grab a hold of my wrist but I didn't shake her off.
"Edward?" She asked, her voice small and unsure.
".. You're pregnant?"
"I am."
"Is it mine?" She then smacked me, lightly, on the side of the head.
"Of course he's yours! Or she. I'm not sure yet."
"Is this why you've been acting so weird? These past three months you've been off but I thought it was a phase.. but you were really pregnant?"
"I'm sorry Edward. It had come such a shock to me, I couldn't think straight and I was panicking. This is my body I'm talking about and it was going to change. It scared me. A month ago I decided to keep this a secret from you because while my dreams are put on hold, yours aren't. I convinced Alice to allow me to and she finally did after hours of reasoning. But I have been thinking these past weeks, a lot. I thought that this wasn't right to you own the child. You have the right to know because you're the father.
I knew there was a chance you would reject me but I also knew there were others willing to support me. So if you want to reject me, don't feel bad or anything. I probably deserve it after what I put you through. Alice has been telling me your progress.. I'm so sorry. I wish I could have done things better than this. I'm still struggling with it now but I believed you had to know. And now it's up to you what you want to do. You don't even have to decide now, you can take as long as you wa- "
"Mine."
"Huh?" I could feel her gaze on me but I wasn't looking at her. I was looking down at her stomach. Then suddenly I dropped to my knees. "Edward! Are you okay?!"
"Mine." I whispered once again and gently pulled her shirt up, revealing the small bump.
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Bella's P.o.V
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I watched, amazed as he gazed lovingly at my stomach. He placed his hands onto my stomach and caressed for awhile before planting his lips firmly onto the baby bump. Overwhelmed by the scene, I let loose another round of water works. He continued to rub at the sides smoothly before placing his cheek against my stomach. I began to regret that I hadn't told him sooner. His sigh startled me out of my thoughts and he stood up but his hands never left the bump. He stared deep down into my eyes, locking mine done so I had no chance to look away.
"I really wish you could have told me earlier."
"I know, I'm really regretting that I didn't. It's kinda killing me inside right now, seeing this." His lips pursed for awhile, glancing to my middle once in awhile.
"What now?"
"Well I didn't get your answer if you were going to reject me or not. But it seems like, I hope, that you're going to be around for the baby?"
"Of course" A slash of pain crossed his face at the thought of not being around for his own child.
"And.. what about me?" He then went silent again, staring at me with those emerald orbs.
"You would have to make it up to me. A lot."
"Anything, Edward! I'd do anything."
"Good." He leaned down and placed a light kiss to my forehead but didn't pull back. My mouth opened in a silent moan as I felt those forgotten lips on my skin.
"Would you like to talk about this tomorrow? It's getting pretty late and you have school tomorrow. I could come over after school, though, or you can come over. Either way works."
"What are you talking about?"
"Eh?"
"You live with me now." My mouth popped open and I was the one to pull back to stare at his face.
"What are you talking about?"
"This is you making it up to me."
"You want me to move in with you?"
"Yes. You would never be out of my sight except for when I'm in school but even then I would call you after each class. You also have to let me spoil you, no matter how expensive the gifts are." His hands finally removed themselves from my stomach and were placed on my shoulders, pushing me down until I sat on the swing set. I was a bit overwhelmed to even ask what he was doing.. and then I was completely breathless when he got down onto one knee.
"I've actually been carrying this around for two months. I planned on asking you after we graduate but that's a bit of a problem."
His eyes found their way to my baby bump and he grinned like he just want Lotto 46 ten times. He shifted a little as he took out a little box from his pocket opening it to himself, staring at it for a quick second before turning it around to show to me. My eyes stayed glued to the ring, unable to look away from its beauty. It was a plain white gold band with three small diamonds on it, separated by an inch or two. I loved the fact that he didn't buy a ring over crowded with diamonds or have anything else on it that stood out to attention. It was just something normal, far from what he usually buys.
"Isabella Marie Swan, this road we run on is a bumpy one and we may lose faith here and there but if we were to walk hand in hand, side by side, I'm sure the road itself will become smooth overtime. I will cherish you, give everything to you and everything to the baby, whatever you both need. I promise to be there not only as a husband but as well as a friend and a lover. Things might not be perfect now but I know, together, we can overcome anything. And so I ask, will you marry me."
His speech had me so choked up with emotion but I held back the tears and breathed out a 'yes' before her took my left hand and slipped the ring onto my ring finger. A perfect fit. I then threw my arms around his neck planting kisses on his neck. He held me back but this time tenderly, careful not to crush me.
He then took my hand and we walked silently to his house. Once we were inside we were greeted by his parents. Carlisle caught my attention first and he gave me a 'well?' look and I smiled shyly before nodding. He let out a sigh of relief before coming forward to hug us. Esme had kept gushing on how she missed me until I 'accidentally' brought my finger tips to my mouth, trying to look sad. Her eyes shot down to the ring before she let out a series of squeals and screams.
It wasn't until two hours later that they finally released us. Now we were currently laying in Edwards huge bed. He has lend me one of his black night shirts to be and it hung down to my thighs. We curled up against each other, touching what we can, what we had been missing for a whole month. I also knew that it was going to take more than moving in and a few gifts to make it up to Edward. But I would try my best, as the future Mrs. Cullen, I will do everything in my power to gain back his trust. He inhaled my scent deeply and exhaled.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you too, Edward."
"Say it again."
"I love you." I whispered over and over for a couple moments before thinking it was enough. For now. I would never get tired of saying that word.
"I guess while you're in school tomorrow, I'll talk over things with Alice and Charlie. She'll probably skip school and freak out because I didn't contact her yet." Well Edward wouldn't let me, exactly. I was ready to text Alice but he snatched the phone from me. He said he wanted me whole attention tonight. And I'll give it to him, if it's what he wants.
"You're not going alone. I'll go with you and help calm things down."
"I wonder how you'll calm the devil within my dad when I tell him I'm pregnant." He looked at me, shocked and slightly alarmed.
"You planned on telling him?"
"Well pretty soon I'm not going to be able to his this bump. I don't know how his reaction will be though.. happy that he'll get a grandchild? Furiously mad that you knocked me up? I can't wait." Edward then looked a little shaken up and I burst out into laughter. He smiled at me and held me closer, if possible.
"We'll work things out, Bella. I'll be with you through the good and bad. Its you and I against the world." I laughed lightly and traced my fingers on his chest, causing him to shiver pleasantly .
"Forever, Edward. Even when things get bad, I want you to know I'll love you through all of it."
"Forever." He whispered back, placing his lips onto mine softly. I eagerly kissed back before we pulled apart but not by much.
I slid my eyes closed, giving into the much needed rest my body has been calling out for the past month. It felt so right to lay in his arms, in his bed. His love was all I needed, it was better than expensive gifts. But I'll let him give me what he wants until I prove to him that he doesn't need to give me expensive gifts to have me by his side.
The moment was perfect and timeless. I want to forever hold you in my arms.
I love you.
THE END
A/N: -hands out tissue- Anyone else crying? I figure I should just write this chapter because it's the last one! It took me 6 hours but it was worth it. I am crying a little, sad to see it done. But hey, now there's room for new fictions to be done!
I would love to thank those who read my story to the end, who favorited it, put it on alert, put me on alert. A BIG thank you to the reviewers because they're what kept me going on with their funny yet sometimes twisted reviews. -snuggles you all-
I had fun writing this story, even if it did come with a lot of writers block! I hope you guys enjoyed it as well. I know my ending ceremony here should be a block full of text but I'm sure you peeps wanna go, move on to reading other stories so I'll keep it short.
I LOVE YOU ALL TO BACON BITS AND THANK YOU FOR READING VANILLA SALT
Bottledcoke